JUMPING THE GUN
The blonde and the redhead had gone to directly to the Summers' residence
after leaving the dorm, bringing all their belongings with them. Willow
had a passing thought of returning home and staying bunked there for the
summer, but then she thought…what the heck for? She had sent her parents
lots of letters during the course of the year, but they never responded.
Now they probably weren't even home.
Joyce had quickly offered her free room and board for the three months
the two girls were education-free as soon as she heard of the dilemma.
Buffy had been more than a little ecstatic. They had been roommates all
year, though absent a lot. Nevertheless, neither Buffy nor Willow was ready
to give that up. Just the fact that one of them was always close by was
comforting.
Even when Buffy was with Riley, and Willow was with Tara, there was
still that best-friend connection that went deeper then any of their romantic
others. They fought a lot over the year. Especially two weeks before graduating.
The "fight to end all fights" that they never planned to do again. But
they wouldn't have fought if they didn't care about each other. They could
have just walked away. But there was no way in hell that they were going
to do that.
A four-year friendship that survived a Harvest, two attempts by hell
to take over the earth, an attempted ascension, and a military screw up,
was going to suddenly dissolve over a choice of lovers? And how said lovers
might have kept them separated from the group? No, of course not. So they
had begun to patch things up, and talk things out. They were both in the
wrong, had let things drift. Well there was to be no more of that.
Ever again.
So focused were they on regaining closeness that something very bizarre
occurred. They had had dreams. And after what had happened with their last
dreaming experience, they were more than a little concerned about having
such vivid sleep travels again. But they did, and had survived once more.
What they didn't realize as they were having the dreams, was that they
were all about one thing. Despite the differences, it was about their relationship
to one another.
What it was and what it could be.
As soon as they had woken up, everything clicked into place, and they
both had a suspicious feeling that it was all planned that way. There was
talking to be done obviously, which they both readily agreed to. Now in
Buffy's bedroom, the day passed and in their pajamas, they sat in a comfortable
silence, allowing themselves time to think before any talking began. Because
they knew when they started, things were going to change. In the back of
their minds, they knew exactly what that change was.
"Will?"
The hacker/wicca turned her head to look at her friend who sat on the
other side of the bed. Buffy had forgone patrolling tonight for this, and
the time for it had finally arrived. There was no turning back now.
"Yeah, Buffy?"
The seconds seemed to drag on, as Buffy fiddled with Mr. Gordo, and
then stared
Willow directly in the eyes.
"Marry me."
Willow's eyes bugged out, and time stopped completely. Whatever happened
to small changes?
***
"Oh no. I've broken you. " Buffy smiled, amused.
"No, no. Not broken. Maybe malfunctioning a little." Willow said, still
a little shocked. "I just thought we'd start with something more simple.
Like, 'How was your dream, Willow?' And then I'd answer, 'Oh it was pretty
weird but I found it kind of illuminating and' -"
Buffy giggled at first and then went for full blown hysterical laughter.
She fell back onto her pillows, muffling her laughter with her stuffed
pig. Willow looked at her like she couldn't understand what could possibly
be funny. It was a very serious thing. Very, very serious. Buffy saw Willow's
face, and tried to look sorry for her outburst as quickly as possible.
"Did I jump the gun a little?" Willow nodded. She pointed her finger
at the mattress.
"Lay with me."
"Sure…I can do that. It's a simple movement of the body into a vertical
position. Simple is good." Buffy wrapped her arm around Willow's waist
and pulled her down. "What's this for?"
The slayer found her nose filled with the scent of Willow's hair. "Just
wanted to see what this felt like."
"Oh. Like experimenting."
"Mm hmm."
"Well if it helps, data-wise, I don't think this is so bad."
"I'm thinking that too." She waited another second before continuing.
"That marriage thing just came out. I guess…I don't know…everything hit
me at once. Didn't mean to say it like that."
"In the future, marrying, you know, could be really…nice. Just not
so soon."
"See what comes out of my mouth when I have a lot of time to think?
Crazy things. Nutty even."
"Not nutty, just…"
"Insane. Don't try to clean it up, Will." She smirked. "But you wouldn't
be totally freaked by that possibility?"
Willow sat back up, and Buffy followed. "No, I know how you feel. My dream got me thinking about everything, you know? And on top of the distancing thing we've been doing, it makes sense."
"It does?"
"What is the closest two people could possibly get? Married. So you went for maximum closeness possibility." Buffy leaned back, propping herself up on her elbow, and stared at Willow. "What?"
"I just realized how much I missed this, you, everything." She contemplated quietly.
"But that is kind of crazy. Changing everything because of a dream? We must be off our rockers. And that's hard to do considering we're not wrinkly enough to have rockers." Willow started to feel her face. "I don't have wrinkles, right?" She asked, suddenly worried.
Buffy smiled. "You scare me when you do that."
"What?"
"Channel Cordelia." The hacker looked horrified. "They weren't normal dreams, Will. I really don't think Tara was a figment of my imagination."
"Me either. I mean…not that she usually is a figment of my imagination." Willow tried to say as casually as possible.
Buffy didn't take the opportunity to tease her friend. Her mind was elsewhere. "She was in your dream too?"
Willow let it sink in. "K…uh…this is just weird." She said slowly.
"Agreed." Buffy said with a firm nod. "Ice cream?"
"Yeah…yeah. Ice cream."
***
Buffy came out of the kitchen holding two cartons and two spoons. Willow
watched her every move until she sat down on the couch. Then Willow looked
at the cartons and noticed the absence of something very important.
"Bowls?" She asked Buffy.
"Don't worry about it. Mom's doing inventory at the gallery all night.
I won't tell if you don't." Buffy responded with a mischievous glint in
her eye.
Willow looked at her with a stern, almost disappointed _expression_. Buffy looked down, and then wordlessly headed towards the kitchen to get bowls. Back on the couch, Willow grinned. It was nice to know that she still had that effect on the blonde. Buffy had a feeling she had been played, and turned around, catching her friend.
Buffy shook her head, smiling and pointing a finger at the redheaded trickster. "You, missy," she walked closer to the couch, "are more evil then the Mayor, Adam, and the Initiative combined. Guilt-trip queen is what you are."
Willow never faltered. "Well, if I'm evil, there's only one thing you can do."
The glint was back in Buffy's eye. She jumped on the couch, and began to unmercifully tickle her. Willow quickly turned red, and was laughing until it hurt. When she felt Buffy stop, she caught her breath and spoke.
"I was thinking you would pour some holywater on me and I would pretend to writhe in uncontrollable pain. Tickling is so…unfair."
"Since when is revenge fair?"
"Since when do you use logic?"
"I'd be careful, Will. I don't think you can handle anymore." Buffy poised her fingers, and Willow just grabbed the carton of fudge-nut, brownie ice cream and began to eat. "Uh oh. I said a bad thing, didn't I?"
Willow dodged, licking the spoon. "It's nothing."
Buffy laid her hand on top of Willow's free one. "That's what got us in trouble before. You can tell me. I'm thick. It's the only way I'll learn."
Willow sighed. "It's just…it seems like you always tell me what you
think I can or can't handle. I've been doing some big things with magick,
and it…hurts me that you don't see that."
Buffy felt like smacking herself on the head. "I do see it. I did see
it. I couldn't have beaten Adam if you hadn't done that spell. You kept
me alive. And I know I haven't been there in the showing appreciation department,
but I do, believe me. Things'll be different from now on, I promise.
"Want me to be honest with you? You doing magick does scare me. Not
cause I think you can't do it, but cause I know you can. I just care about
you so much, and I don't want to ever see you hurt. All I want to do is
protect you. You're my rock, you know that right?"
Willow smiled, teary-eyed. "I was beginning to wonder."
"Don't. It's just my mental blockage. But I'm working on it. My biggest
fear has always been seeing your name on a headstone."
"And what do you think my biggest fear is?"
"Frogs?"
"Ha, ha. " Willow said sarcastically.
"Hug." They did, and it felt really good. "I'll be there for you with the magick. And if I start acting like an overprotective nut, I want you to tell me, okay?"
"Will do." Willow smiled.
Buffy sat the second carton on her lap, put her arm around Willow's shoulders, and turned on the TV.
***
"Hmm…" Buffy said softly after about fifteen minutes of surfing. She finally stopped on something familiar. "Look, Apocalypse Now."
Willow started reaching for the remote. "Turn it off! Turn it off!"
She said frantically.
She retrieved it, and turned on ABC's TGIF lineup. Sabrina was just
starting. Buffy stared at her friend with the 'why and how could you possibly
like this' look. After about a minute of silent musing, she decided to
vocalize her concern over Willow's choice of viewing.
"Aren't you a tad old to be watching this? And I'd think, being a witch,
you'd be offended by the inaccuracies."
"Okay, so maybe the talking cat is a bit of a stretch," she remembered
the mean Miss Kitty from her dream and shuddered, "but it's still wholesome
G-rated fun."
"I just think the bad blonde actress makes you think of Tara." Willow
blushed, caught. "How come you didn't tell me about her sooner? I would've
supported you."
"I knew that, I think. It's not that I didn't trust you to be there,
or that I didn't want to include her with my friends, but my life is dangerous.
I just wanted to protect her for as long as I could, I guess."
"I can understand that." Buffy said knowingly. "And just in case I
wasn't clear, I'm not freaked. Caught off guard, yeah. Plus, I'm beginning
to have alternative feelings myself. Starting to see things."
"What kind of things?" Willow said nervously, taking a big spoonful
of ice cream.
"I'm starting to realize that I should have fallen in love with you
a long time ago. It took Tara and a little bit of jealousy to show me how
blind I am."
"You were jealous?"
"Duh. You were with Tara whenever I was actually in the room. I just
thought I was upset that you weren't there, but really, it's because she
got you first. I know that now."
"I didn't really know about my feelings for her until Oz came back.
She was just a friend. And what about when I was in the dorm and you weren't?"
"We're both in the guilty. I was with him a lot. Maybe too much. Riley,
I mean, I brought him to hang, though. I wanted you guys to like him. To
be happy for me." Willow's forehead was creased. She wanted to speak, but
was holding back. "Go ahead, Will."
Willow set her carton on the coffee table, took a deep breath, and
focused on what she wanted to say. "I was happy for you. I did set you
guys up, so I probably shouldn't even complain, but you weren't the only
one who was jealous. You wanted me to like him so badly, and then it was
like 'all Riley all the time'.
"I started hanging out with Tara a lot because it seemed like you were
too wrapped up for me. And there wasn't anything I could say to you."
"Sure there was. This year was one change after another, and I got
lost somewhere along the way. If you said something, anything, I would've
listened."
"Woulda, coulda, shoulda." Willow muttered.
"Exactly. But it's too late to change the past."
"True." Willow agreed. "Never again?"
"Never." Buffy said forcefully, and meant it.
Willow smiled, and outstretched her pinky finger. "Pinky swear."
"You can't be -" The resolve face was out in force, and the blonde quickly
stuck out her finger. They intertwined, and Buffy immediately thought of
the next step.
"Where's this leave us now?"
***
"This ice cream is going to melt." Willow observed. "Maybe we should
put it in the freezer."
They walked into the kitchen, and Buffy took the cartons and put them
in the freezer. She just hoped her mom wouldn't eat any. She hopped up
on the counter after finishing the task.
"What do you want to do, Will?" She asked finally. "This is big, I
know. A lot. But I think you know how I feel. I guess being a slayer; I've
learned to trust in my dreams. And my instincts."
"That's important…instincts." She took Buffy's hand and was helped
up next to her on the counter. "But there's factors…"
"Forget 'em for now. No Riley, no Tara. Just you and me."
Willow knew she had to choose her words carefully. "I've always loved
you, Buffy, you know that. As a friend, a best-friend…"
"But not like…in a relationship way." Buffy said softly.
"I don't recall saying that. Did I say that?"
"Well…no…"
"I didn't think so. Now can I finish?"
"Sorry, Willow." Buffy had a lopsided grin on her face.
"Now as I was going to say, I wouldn't have thought of you in a relationship
way if I hadn't met Tara. She showed me that it was, okay, to love another
girl that way." It suddenly dawned on her. "Maybe that's why she's…here
or something. In our dreams and all."
"Whoa. What are you saying? That you think Tara's some 'knowing all'
good guy here to bring us together?"
"Who knows? Maybe she was just watching the world one-day and decided
she'd help us out. I can always feel how powerful she is when I'm around
her.
She's…different. Could be why I was drawn to her when I first saw her.
"Or…I could be completely wrong."
"No. I think you're right. But you still haven't answered my question."
Just as Buffy said that, the phone began to ring. "Ahh! Hang on."
She went to go answer it and Willow went back in the living room.
***
It was about ten minutes later when Buffy walked into the room, and
Willow looked up. Buffy looked like she had news.
"Everything okay?"
"Huh?" Buffy shook her head and parked herself on the floor. "Yeah,
that was Riley."
Willow maneuvered her way onto the floor as well. "And?"
"He said that he doesn't think he'll be coming back after break. Said
he might find a local college or work on his family's farm. They're not
doing too good."
"I'm sure it had nothing to do with him not liking you." Willow
assured her.
"No, but I bet it had everything to do with the Hellmouth. After everything
he went through, I can't blame him for wanting to stay someplace safe.
I mean, what could possibly be bad in Iowa?"
"Corn demons?" Willow offered.
Buffy smirked. "Oh my god! Mutant kernels!"
"No matter how much butter you put on the popcorn -"
Willow stopped, and they stared at each other, soon erupting into a
fit of giggles. After they calmed down and collected themselves, they found
that they were lying on their backs, side by side.
"He doesn't need me. She was right." Buffy said.
"Hmm?"
"Tara, in my dream, said that Riley didn't need me. He'll be okay.
Happy. He'll think of me for awhile and then move on. Get a life, a good
job, might even get money for his service…while I'm here. Doing what I
always do. Hey, but there's a bright side. There was no disastrous breakup
or death. That's a change."
"You're not upset? Or mad?"
"Why should I be mad? He did ask me to come out there. I said no. So
we said goodbye. No hard feelings."
"Wait…he asked you to move out to Iowa?"
"Yep. But I can't leave. Hellmouth and all. And he knew I was going
to say no, anyway."
"What if this was just a normal town and he asked you to go? Would
you?"
"If you were still here, Xander, Giles…no way. Friendship is too important."
Willow sighed in relief.
"Uh…Buffy?"
"Yesssss?" She drew out the word playfully.
"I've got another experiment."
Buffy turned her head. "Do you? Please share."
"I don't know if it's jumping the gun or not…but we'll need to do this
if we want to be absolutely positive."
"About what?"
"Going…beyond friendship." Buffy simply smiled, and waited for Willow
to continue. "Now, I think this'll work best in a sitting position."
Buffy quickly complied. "I think I know what to do next."
She gently cupped the side of Willow's face with her hand, and without
hesitation, started to lean in.
***
When their lips met, it was like fitting two puzzle pieces together.
Light, feathery kisses started the experiment. Around the corners of their
mouths, sweet, with no rush. And then it picked up. Willow was the first
to open her mouth, and Buffy accepted the invitation immediately. She was
kissing Willow. Willow was kissing her. That's about the only thought she
had. Well that, and, "why didn't I do this before?"
Willow was having similar thoughts, as she put her hands around the
blonde. After a few moments, they broke apart, eyes closed, not moving
an inch.
"I think the conclusions are in." Buffy said.
"Have to say that I'm pleased with the initial results." Willow grinned
happily.
"Initial?"
"For shame, Buffy! A good scientist always does multiple trials to
try to be as accurate as possible."
"How silly of me. Does this mean you're with me on this?"
"I'd say…uh…yeah. Do you think we're jumping the gun?"
"No, I'd say we're following the bullet pretty well."
"That's good." Willow said, leaning in.
"Very good." Buffy confirmed, following suit. Then there was a loud
banging at the door. "We don't want any." She began the kissing once more.
"You gotta let me in, Slayer! I'm in trouble!" Spike yelled from the
other side of the door.
"You shouldn't pick fights then." Willow said in between kisses.
"Red's in there too?"
"And we're kinda busy." Buffy said.
"They're vampires! You kill them remember?"
"It's my night off. Good luck though."
"You're not staking? You're just gonna let dangerous blood-sucking
fiends run loose?"
As the conversation has been going on, the kissing hadn't stopped.
"They don't seem to be bothering anybody but you, Spike." Willow said, nearing annoyance.
"Yeah, well…if I die, it'll be on your consciences."
"And I'm sure we'll be torn up inside." Buffy said with a hint of sarcasm. "I might just stake something tonight after all, now that I think about it."
"Don't tell me you're still upset about that 'setting you up to get slaughtered' bit. And you can forget me helping you ever again, you know."
They both turned their heads towards the door. "Go away, Spike!" They
yelled at him.
"Bloody hell!"
When they heard quickly retreating footsteps, they faced each other
once more.
"Where were we?" Buffy asked. "Oh. I remember now."
"Wait. I just want you to know…I love you. And I need you."
"Me too. Love, friendship…whatever you want, it's yours." Buffy thought.
"Isn't it funny how things work out?"
Willow's answer was a kiss.
***
Tara watched the Summers' House from across the street, smiling. Her
work was done. For now, anyway.
--
"I wanna set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute."
(Homer J. Simpson)
"You think you know? What's to come? What you are? You haven't even
begun."
(Tara to Buffy, BTVS)
"Since when is there a cowboy in 'Death of a Salesman' anyway?" (Willow,
BTVS)