FIC: The Woes of Myth and Language (1/2)

[Patrick Kelly <bandits@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: The Woes of Myth and Language (1 of 2)
Author: Pat Kelly
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Part 5 of what I've now deemed simply, "The Season 5 Series".
Disclaimer: Joss and Mutant Enemy only. I do not own..
No money is being made. Thanks to Alex for the title. :-)

THE WOES OF MYTH AND LANGUAGE
(1/2)

She had had her first classes earlier that day. It was still August, still summer, and she
was going back to school. Okay, so maybe there was only five days left in the month, but
still&there was something wrong about that. When she was high school she started in
September. Everyone loved that extra week off. But she would soon get back into the
everyday routine of college. It wasn't like she had a choice.

Along with Willow and Xander, she had chosen a mythological studies course, which they
would all have tomorrow. They didn't know anything about who the professor was. Only that
he or she was new, and apparently very knowledgeable on the subject. Willow had, of
course, taken drama, and Buffy got much amusement out of reminding her that she'd have to
put on a play eventually. Something she planned to do often.

Willow's only response was that she hoped it wasn't "Death of a Salesman".

Whereas she and Willow were still undecided on their majors, Xander had chosen English, on
the advice of a professor from his summer session. Willow was thinking about possibly
being a Science, or Elementary Ed major. Buffy figured the obvious choice for her was
Criminal Justice, but did she really want to deal with the dregs of society? She already
had to face creatures that were supposed to be evil, she didn't know if she could handle
humans who made a choice to be evil.

But speaking of evil creatures, she saw three vampires up ahead of her in the park. They
were hovering around a bench. Pulling out a stake, she ran up to them.

"Hey!" She yelled. They looked up at her, growling in annoyance. "Isn't it a little late
for you to -"

That's when she saw what they were doing. There was a homeless man lying on the bench,
still covered by a newspaper. She could see the wounds on his neck, but couldn't tell if
he was dead or not. When she yelled, told him to run, and he didn't move, she figured that
wasn't a good sign. Pissed at herself for letting it happen, she turned her anger into
fuel to dust the man's killers.

Not even bothering with a witty comment, she allowed them to advance toward her. Two
covered her sides, the third, got in front. The one she was facing started the attack. It
threw a punch, and she shot her hand out, catching the fist. Raising her leg, she kicked
the vampire in the chest, and sent him flying. His friends charged her then, and she
dropped to avoid being crushed.

They knew they weren't going to hit her, so they stopped short, just before they collided
with one another. Buffy slid out from underneath their legs, and jumped up, surprising the
two vampires. She bashed their heads together, and they fell to the grass. One was smart
enough to grab her leg on its way down and pull, which caused her to lose her balance, and
fall onto her back.

The one she had taken down first was angry, and had come rushing back to join the others.
It jumped on top her, not knowing that she had her stake up against her chest, pointed in
the air. When he landed, he landed on the wooden point, ending his unlife. She was more
than ready to take down the other two, but as she got to her feet, she saw them running
off. She thought about chasing them, but she wouldn't have caught up.

Instead, she walked over to the bench and said a silent apology to the deceased man. His
wide-open, frightened eyes sent chills through her body. She had to look away.

"Bastards." She muttered under her breath. The sad part was, nobody would miss him.

"I'd have to agree." She turned sharply, to come face to face with Krischten. "They have
poor taste."

"You're why they ran, aren't you?" The master vampire just stayed focused on the dead man.
"I would've killed them."

"I have no doubt."

"First you beat me, then you help me. Make up your mind."

"Help you?"

He wasn't one for explanations, or thrilling conversation, Angel had been right about
that. Buffy figured now was a good a time as any to ask him a question that had been
plaguing her.

"You're supposed to be dead, you know." He stared at her now. She realized that she had
yet to see his vampiric face. She guessed when you lived that long as a vampire, control
came easily. "Why aren't you?"

The next thing she saw was his hand waving in front of her face. A second later, she was
standing completely by herself, next to an empty bench. She could have sworn there was&oh
well. It was probably nothing. Just her overactive imagination. Shaking her head, she
decided to end patrol for the night, and head back to the dorms.

***

Books and papers surrounded Giles, as he sat at his desk. He had a single lamp on, giving
him just enough light so that he would be able to see himself writing. He was so engrossed
in his task, that he didn't know Spike had entered his home until he coughed from the
second-hand smoke the vampire was producing. He glared at him, and went back to his work.

"Looking busy, Rups." Spike commented.

"I am. And would you please put that out?" He heard Spike walk into his kitchen, and then
stamp his foot. He grimaced. He should have been more specific and told him to use an
ashtray. "I don't have any blood."

"I'm hurt. You really think I come here just to eat? For your information, I went to the
butcher." Giles heard his microwave door opening, and looked up at Spike. "Mine was
broken, all right?"

"Fine. Just&try not to make a mess."

Focusing on his papers again, Giles shook his head. No, that wasn't it. He had to get it
right. This was important. He crossed out what he had just written, and started over.
After a few seconds, he put the pen down, and started to massage his forehead.

When the microwave dinged, Spike took out his dinner, pulled up a chair, and sat by Giles.
He watched the ex-watcher give him a look of disgust as he began to feed. That only made
it more enjoyable. Finishing it all at once, he shifted his face back to its human form,
and wiped his hand across his blood stained lips. He smiled at Giles.

"That hit the spot. Better than any ol' tea."

"Somehow I think our opinions would differ. Don't ever do that in front of me again."

Spike glanced down at what Giles had been working on. "Somebody's testy. What's got you
all riled up? Research for some big, nasty evil?"

"Could be. It all depends on how I look at it, I suppose."

Confusion played across Spike's face, as he was left somewhat speechless by the strange
answer he had received.

"Anyway," Spike said finally, "I heard humors about a new 'big gun' in town. Every demon
in this whole bloody place is spooked."

"Including you?"

"Me? Buy into tales from Etrevak demons and newborns? Piffle." The de-fanged vampire said,
trying to appear tough. "But&it might help the blokes if I could go back and tell them,
you know, for sure, that there's nothing to worry about. Just to ease their nerves and
all."

Giles skimmed the book in front of him, searching. "I have no idea what you're talking
about. And frankly, even if I did know something, I wouldn't be forthcoming with any
information."

"Why the hell not?"

"Well, there's always the possibility that you'd take the knowledge I'd provide you with,
join forces with the evil being, and help it develop a plan to kill us all, to avoid being
killed yourself. Of course, I do I have a tendency to be overly cautious and to let my
imagination run away with me from time to time. I mean, it's not like you've done anything
remotely like that in the past."

Finding what he was looking for, Giles went back to writing.

"Laying it on a bit thick aren't you?" When Spike realized he wasn't going to get
anywhere, he stood up, outraged. "Fine. I try to be personable, somewhat friendly&but one
little stab in the back and they never trust you again."

"This may come as a surprise, but we never have."

"Sod off." Spike flung the door open. "Hope you don't die horribly anytime soon. Oh, wait.
Yes I do."

"Good night, Spike. Oh, and be careful on your way home. You never know what could be
lurking about."

***

The following day, Buffy met up with Xander and Willow after her Calculus class. That was
a big mistake. What had possessed her to sign up for that? Numbers and letters weren't her
thing. It was a wonder she could speak the English language. Ceasing her pondering for the
moment, she realized that the gang was now back together in school, and headed towards
their shared mythological studies class. She smiled.

"How'd drama class go?" She asked Willow.

"Good. We're working on finding our 'motivation' for scenes. It's tough. Reaching inside
and thinking of memories to draw from and stuff&causes brain pain."

"Aww, you shouldn't have to feel brain pain. Should she, Xander?"

"Nope. Nobody needs that. Or brain freeze." He said, backing Buffy up.

"And don't worry, Will," Buffy put her arm around her, "you seem plenty motivated to me."

"Damn right she is." Xander agreed.

Willow giggled. "Thanks guys."

"What do you say we get some grub after this? I've got a nice, long, two hour break coming
up and -" He stopped speaking as they began to walk past the lounge and he noticed the
'Lesbian Alliance' banner hanging there. "That looks like a fine, upstanding club. Plan on
joining?"

Willow coughed, looked around, and then slapped Xander's arm. "No. Why would we do that?"

"You want me to give you the obvious answer?"

"We're not lesbians, Xander." Buffy told him, matter-of-factly.

"We're not." Willow reinforced with a nod.

"I hate to break this to you, but technically -" Xander started to explain slowly, but was
then interrupted.

"I don't like girls. I like Willow. I'm&I'm a Willbian."

"I see." He said, looking at his friends like they were crazy. "And let me guess. Willow's
a Buffbian?"

The girls burst into laughter. Now everyone was looking at them strangely.

"And darn proud of it!" Willow said, her head held high.

When they reached the door to the classroom, they had settled down somewhat. Until they
saw who the professor was, that is.

"Giles?!" Three voices spoke in questioning disbelief.

***

Anya emerged out of the dimensional portal and found herself in a clearing in the middle
of Breakers Woods. Three months she had journeyed. Well, a couple hundred years if you
went by the other dimensions calendars. And did anything come out of her travels? Did she
have her powers back? No.

She went through Ta'Hoffren's trials, traversed landscapes unimaginable to any human
being, defeated the creepiest demons she had ever seen out of anger and hate (two emotions
that were key for vengeance demons), and had survived with all her body parts intact. But
it had all been for nothing. And Ta'Hoffren had been nice enough to explain why.

The bastard.

It was because she felt love for a male. A member of the race she used to torture.
Just because she loved one, she couldn't be vengeful? Man was that a rip off. Oh well. It
was best to shrug it off and except her situation. She didn't need to be a demon, right?
She had Xander. She would just go to the basement, they would have sex, and everything
would be fine.

Everything would be fine.

***

They listened to "Professor Giles", still stunned. They sat in silence as he introduced
himself and the course to his students. Which included them. They were Giles' students.
There was something unsettling about that. This was a man they had faced numerous beasts
of hell with, and now they'd have to hand him assignments. Oh god. He'd grade them too.
Trying not to dwell, they tuned into what he was saying.

"Hello, everyone. My name is Rupert Giles, and welcome to World Mythological Studies. This
is a fairly new course, and the university has a very broad outline for this class. I've
been told that I'm free to teach whatever I deem appropriate.

"I'll have a more specific syllabus for you all the next time we meet, but I hope to cover
myths and legends from the Greeks, Romans, and Celts. Please bare with me, this is the
first time I've taught, but hope this will be enjoyable for you. What do you say we delve
right into our first myth?"

As Giles headed to the chalkboard, Xander turned to the girls and whispered.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but it might actually be fun."

They nodded in agreement.

Giles was writing as he spoke. "You will need to purchase books, and I've been told
they'll be available at the campus store tomorrow."

"Yep." Xander confirmed for the rest of the class. "Thirty big ones."

The students seemed to groan as one.

"I'd hide. People don't like guys who take their money." Buffy advised.

"You'll protect me, right?"

"You're taking my cash too. Well, my mom's, but&"

Xander paled and looked to the chalkboard. Giles had written, 'THESEUS AND THE MINOTAUR'
on it.

"Does anyone know anything about this story?" Giles asked.

"Hey, isn't that a half-man, half-bull thing?" A girl asked.

"Yeah, and it was made because some chick had sex with a bull." A guy chipped in.

The girl gave him a look of disgust.

"You're both right." Giles said. "However I was thinking more along the lines of Thesesus,
who was the son of the god Poseidon, going into the Labyrinth where the beast was trapped.
He killed it after finding his way through the maze-like corridors."

"Why would he want to do that?" Willow asked.

"Yeah. Teach us, Professor." Buffy teased.

"I was just getting to that, Miss Summers." Giles said, hiding a grin. "All right. A
gentleman named Minos became king of Crete and took a beautiful maiden named Pasiphae, as
his wife&"

After class was over, everyone had cleared out except for Buffy, Willow, and Xander. Giles
came up to them.

"How was it?" He asked, worried.

"You did good, Giles." Buffy reassured him. "You're the best teacher I've ever had. So
much better than Walsh."

"I think I might actually remember this stuff tomorrow." Xander said.

"Well, mission accomplished then." Giles said with a smile.

"Was the Minotaur really able to create illusions to trick the people trapped inside the
maze? I've never heard that before." Willow asked.

"It was some form of powerful hypnotic suggestion, yes."

"Neat." Willow looked at her friends. "We ready to eat?"

"Uh huh." Xander said.

"See you later, Giles." Buffy said. "Don't work too hard."

"I'd say the same to you, but then you'd probably listen to me for once."

"He's a barrel of laughs, isn't he?" Buffy asked her friends as they exited the classroom.

***

Xander returned home after his day of learning, to get the last of his things and take
them to his new dorm room. His roommate was okay. Didn't spend much time in the dorm
anyway. When he was, he went right to sleep. Xander could only guess why the guy was so
tired all the time. But it was a pretty good guess. It started with and 'S', ended with an
'X', and there was a vowel in the middle.

That got him thinking about Anya, obviously. He missed her. He wondered how she was, if
she was hurt, if she had succeeded in what she had set out to do&as he made his way down
to the basement, he sincerely hoped she hadn't, and that she'd come back soon. Imagine his
surprise then, when he saw her sitting on his bed, with her arms crossed over her chest,
looking very upset.

"Anya! You're back!"

"Where were you? I waited all day and you never showed. You were supposed to wait for me.
You were supposed to be here. We were going to have 'come back' sex."

"It's been three months, you know." He pointed out.

"So?"

"I don't live here anymore. I'm in college with Buffy and Willow. I moved into a dorm. I
even got a steady job."

"What?" She asked, jumping off the bed. "You&you&didn't you stop to think how I would
feel?"

"I thought you'd be happy for me. I have direction and all that good stuff." Xander said,
getting the feeling Anya didn't like his news.

"Well I'm not! What am I supposed to do all day now? Have orgasms by myself? That's
enjoyable for awhile but -"

"Hey. I still love you. We're still together. And we can still have sex."

"But it's not the same. Don't you see that? We can only do it like twice a day!"

"Can you at least pretend to support me?" He started to get a little angry now.

Anya was quiet for awhile. Things weren't like she expected them to be. Xander wasn't the
same. But what choice did she have? Love was a real pain in the ass sometimes.

"Fine." She gave in. "But I still don't like this."

"Thank you." Xander said, and then kissed her. "So&"

"If you're wondering if I got my powers back, the answer is no." He sighed in relief.
"I'm depressed. I don't like depression. We haven't been together, and I come back, and we
can't -"

"Well, I don't really have anything to do at the moment&"

As soon as Anya heard that, she jumped him, and he fell onto the bed.

***

Around the same time that Xander and Anya were getting "reacquainted", Buffy and Willow
were sitting on the floor of their dorm room. The slayer had just returned from patrol,
aching. She had a feeling, like she had had the night before, that she had missed
something. That more happened during patrol than she remembered. Which might explain why
she was more achy and stiff than usual from a routine slaying. It was really beginning to
bug her.

She wasn't sure what to do about her memory, but Willow definitely had the cure for
achyness. Besides being a super hacker and an adept wicca, she was apparently great at
massages. She knew this because Willow was currently giving her shoulders and neck the
best massage they had ever had. Her fingers may have only been working on one part of
Buffy's body, but the blonde felt every part of her relaxing.

As Willow worked on a really stubborn knot, Buffy hissed.

"Oh! Did I hurt you?" Willow said, backing away.

Buffy shook her head. "You kidding? Where did you learn&?" Willow simply smiled, and
started again. "Ohh, who cares? Just keep working your magic, Will."

"Hey! That's right!" The redhead said excitedly, stopping and reaching under the bed.

"We seem to have a communications problem."

Willow grabbed the book she found, and started flipping through it.

"Sorry. You just&you said the 'M' word and I remembered&" She looked up. "Wanna help?"

"Sure." Buffy said with a smile, looking at the book. "What's the spell?"

Buffy was going to do magick with her? She suddenly got giddy.

"Uh&it's a Revealing Spell." Willow said, finding the spell.

"Cool. So what's it do?"

Willow's brow furrowed. "I'm not sure. I mean, I have an idea, but it's all hieroglyphics.
I'm a little rusty in Egyptian."

"That's the one with all the pictures, right?"

"Yeah." Willow said with a chuckle. She pointed at the different symbols. "See?"

Buffy leaned in closer. Talk about a mind blower. It was all Greek to her. She continued
to stare at it, and her eyes focused. Then something weird happened. She wasn't looking at
the hieroglyphics any more; she was looking at letters. Words. It was English. She could
understand it. Willow must have noticed her shock and how glued she was to the book.

"Buffy? What is it?"

"I can read it." Buffy explained softly.

Did she just hear right?

"What do you mean?"

"I mean&I know what it says."

"Uh&how?"

"I don't know. One second I just saw little pictures, and the next&"

"So&what's it say?"

Buffy picked up the book. "It says&that this is a guiding spell in the unlikely event
anyone happened to get trapped in the tombs&"

"Besides the dead Pharaoh that's supposed to be in them?"

"I think&it helps people through the tomb&and gets them out somehow&"

Willow was amazed. She was awed&but she didn't know what to say. "I guess it won't help us
in any way then, huh?"

"Guess not." Buffy said, closing the book. "What's happening to me, Will?"


--
"I wanna set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute." (Homer J. Simpson)

"You think you know? What's to come? What you are? You haven't even begun."
(Tara to Buffy, BTVS)


"Since when is there a cowboy in 'Death of a Salesman' anyway?" (Willow, BTVS)