Fic: "Forgive if not Forget", Part Two

["jbstories _" <jbstories@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

"Forgive if not Forget"

===================================================================
Disclaimer: All the characters, Buffy, Willow, Giles, Xander, Faith etc.
belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc., and Warner Bros. I'm just
borrowing their brilliant creations. I intend no copyright infringement from
my use of their characters, and will receive no monetary or any other
compensation for their use, in any form, of the story that succeeds.
Synopsis: What would have happened if Faith had never escaped on that train
out of Sunnydale? Read on…
Rating: PG-13
Genera: Buffy/Faith
*Note* This story is told largely in flashbacks
====================================================================
Part Two
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Buffy shook her head. She never would have thought at the time that getting
Faith to trust her-at least a little bit-would be the easiest part of her
virtually non-existent plan. It was painfully true that she had absolutely
no idea what she was doing and that she was playing everything completely by
ear. No waiting, no stopping, no thinking.

She shifted her position on the bed and moved up to curl herself around her
pillow. The walk to the dorm room after their talk in the woods had been a
silent one. The only time they spoke to each other was to convey the most
menial of things. To ask which direction, or in Faith's case if Buffy was
cold-the brunette had on a jacket where as her companion didn't-or something
equally as trivial. Yet, Buffy considered as she crushed her pillow against
her side, it had been a comfortable silence and had cemented the tentative
relationship they had started on the cliff.

Snapping herself out of her thoughts Buffy glanced and the clock and turned
towards the door. Willow still wasn't back. Buffy wasn't worried, she was
ninety-nine percent sure that her friend was with Tara, still she frowned
and wondered what the hell they were always doing out so late together.
Actually, she had an idea of what they might be doing-and it didn't all
involve spell casting-and it just made her frown deeper. She was keeping
her eye on Tara, the last thing she wanted was another heart broken Willow.

Sighing she turned away from the door. There was nothing that she could do
about it anyway, other than look out for other worldly activity. It was
Willow's life, and Tara genuinely seemed to care for her. Facing the wall,
Buffy closed her eyes and let her mind wonder back in time once again. She
was only at the beginning of her search for the answers to her current
predicament, and she knew there was lots more to sift through.

{Buffy was aware of the decrease in Faith's pace of speed as they approached
Stevenson-Hall. Granted they were being careful to keep Faith out of view,
but Buffy knew that wasn't what the cause of it. There was an increasingly
palpable air of unease surrounding the girl and Buffy was positive it wasn't
the thought of the police seeing her that was unnerving the darker Slayer
but the thought of a petite redhead. It would have made Buffy laugh out
loud if Buffy had never been on the receiving end of one of Willow's
piercing looks and even more battering lectures. Granted Faith was in a
worse position in Willow's eyes than Buffy ever had been-and ever hoped to
be in-but they had managed to work things out, and Buffy was
confident-though not as confident as she was presenting-that they would in
this case as well.

Without thinking about it Buffy reached behind her and grasped Faith's hand
tugging the girl forward. Faith had to kind of jog for a couple of paces to
remain upright, but other than that she remained unscathed. They continued
to walk like that, hands joined, for a few moments until finally unable to
resist Faith started down at their hands and drew her brows together. Buffy
noticed the movement and saw the look. She quirked a questioning eyebrow in
response, but Faith didn't she her. Uncertain what the prolonged inspection
meant Buffy started to release Faith's hand but the other Slayer stopped
her.

"Why'd you do that?" the brunette asked looking at Buffy through her lashes.

"Take your hand?" Buffy questioned. "You were lagging."

"No," Faith responded. "Why'd you keep holding it?"

Buffy searched for some sort of insincerity in Faith's eyes as a response to
the brunette's question, but all that she found there was truth. Faith was
genuinely curious. So Buffy thought for a moment, then ended up shrugging
her shoulders helplessly.

"I just did," Buffy said thinking that she hadn't even been aware that she
was still holding Faith's hand until the Slayer started staring. "You act
like it's the first time someone's ever held your hand," Buffy commented
shaking her head somewhat self-consciously.

"It is," Faith responded.

Buffy looked at her when she said this. The shorter Slayer was literally
shocked into silence. It was such a tiny act, to most people a small and
insignificant act. Common place, a casual sign of affection. But to never
have had that, it was almost beyond Buffy's comprehension. To be denied
something so small for your entire life, it was inexcusable to her.

When Buffy finally came back to her senses she noted that they had stopped
walking, and while she was looking at Faith, Faith was facing forward
staring out in front of her. Buffy looked down at Faith's hand, which was
now lying limply by her side, and after only a moment's hesitation she
reached over and picked it up.

"Come on," she said starting to walk again. "Until we get this thing done
it's not safe for you out here."

When they finally arrived at the door to the room Buffy shared with Willow
they ended up standing outside for a moment staring at the number 214 as if
it was the ninth gate.

"Just wait out here for a second," Buffy said quietly.

After seeing Faith nod, she opened the door and slipped inside.

"Buffy!" Willow said shooting out of her chair and heading in her friends
direction. "Where've you been?"

"Faith," Buffy responded.

"Yeah," Willow said more somberly. "We saw you take off after her," she
went on. "Is she gone?"

There was a hopeful quality to Willow's voice that made Buffy shift her
weight uncomfortably. "Not exactly," Buffy responded avoiding Willow's
eyes. "You might want to sit down for this," she went on.

Willow looked at Buffy dubiously when she said this, but she sat down
nonetheless.

"This is going to be a serious unfun isn't it?" the hacker asked knowingly.

"Most likely," Buffy responded sitting down herself. "You're never going to
believe this…"

She then launched into her story of what had taken place over the last few
hours. Willow sat listening to her in an almost catatonic state for the
duration of the tale. The only real evidence that she was still alive being
the slight rise and fall of her chest and the blinking of her eyes.

"Will?" Buffy asked a few seconds after she had finished. "Say
something…please," Buffy implored.

"I…you…with…what…outside…WHAT!?" was what Willow eventually got out.

Buffy looked at her considering her answer when the door to the room shot
open and Faith walked in.

"What happened to the waiting outside part of the plan?" Buffy asked looking
the dark haired girl.

"I thought that was my cue," Faith responded meeting her eyes. "There's
always a cue."

"Best to stick with what you know," Willow muttered under her breath. Buffy
heard the comment but just barely.

Getting off of her bed Buffy crossed the room to where Faith was standing.
She hesitated for a moment, then reached out and placed her hand on Faith's
shoulder. Then she quietly said, "Just give us another minute okay?" Faith
looked past Buffy to Willow who was looking at her with icy eyes that were
clearly intended to lance her. It worked. Faith merely turned her
attention back to Buffy and nodded.

Once Faith was out the door Willow focused her attention on Buffy.

"Wha…" she started to say sputtering indignantly. "Have you been possessed
by a retarded ghost or something!?" she asked finally.

Buffy sighed and shook her head.

"Buffy," Willow said in a more reasonable tone. "This is Faith we're
talking about here. Having a charitable nature is an admirable quality
but…this…this isn't the same as taking in some wet orphan puppy. She's a
killer."

"I know what she's done Will," Buffy responded. "But I also know that she
can't be defined by the sum of her actions."

"Yes, I think she can," Willow responded. "In fact I'm fairly certain
that's how society works."

"We occupy a different society Will. Rules in our world have to be changed,
bent," Buffy replied.

"So it's okay that she's a murdering sociopath?" Willow asked incredulously.

"No, of course not," Buffy responded quickly. "But, you've gotta
understand, I was inside of her Willow. More than that I was her, and it
was a lonely, frightening place to be. And I know she's done some terrible
things but there's a person in there. One who's worth trying save. I know
because for a moment when we switched back there was a moment where we were
connected. I was Buffy and Faith at the same time and I felt her pain and
desire to change. She just needs help."

"You tried to help her before," Willow pointed out.

"No, I didn't. Not really," Buffy responded shaking her head. "Do you
remember when we went to see Star Wars: The Phantom Menace?" Buffy asked
suddenly.

"Yes," Willow replied slowly. Sometimes conversing with Buffy was as
disjointing as being on a rollacoaster.

"Remember when Yoda said 'fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate
leads to suffering'?" Buffy asked. Willow nodded. "That's Faith Will,
that's all of us. Her fear led to anger, which led to hate, which led to
suffering. And our fear of her and her anger just increased an already
dismal situation and led to more suffering."

"How do you know she won't just...snap again?" Willow asked.

"She will," Buffy responded. "If we don't act now. I can't give you a one
hundred percent guarantee, but I know that she's willing to see this through
and that she WANTS to change."

"What do you need me to do?" Willow asked. Her tone indicated that she
wasn't exactly thrilled about this.

Buffy briefly outlined her plan, and Willow confirmed that she it was
possible.

"Thank you," Buffy said walking over and hugging her friend.

"I'm doing this for you, not for her," Willow responded, but her tone wasn't
nearly as harsh as her words.

While Willow booted up her computer Buffy went out into the hallway and got
Faith who seemed to be trying to peek into someone's room through the
keyhole. This earned her a frown and a disenchanted shake of the head, to
which she grinned lopsidedly and shrugged her shoulders. After that they
proceeded into the room once again, and once inside gathered around the
computer.

"I'm going to need your name," Willow said without looking over at the dark
Slayer. "Your full name," she added correctly anticipating Faith's
sarcastic response.

Faith was silent and Buffy looked over at her.

"You have to tell her. If she's going to change the records she has to
know," Buffy said.

Faith sighed deeply and closed her eyes. Once they found this out she was
never going to live it down.

"Evans," Faith said quietly.

"What'd you say?" Willow asked.

"Evans," Faith practically growled. "My name is Faith Evans, okay? That's
right Yuk it up," Faith went on glaring at Buffy who was having a hard time
not laughing.

"I'm sorry," Buffy said tears coming out of her eyes with the effort it took
not to laugh.

"Just ask when my next album is coming out, it'll make you feel better,"
Faith responded practically pouting.

"What…" Willow said struggling herself. "What would you like your name
changed to?"

Buffy tried she really did try, but she couldn't help it. "Hill?" she
offered helpfully.

"That's not cool B," Faith responded glaring at her. "What are you going to
do later, go kick some puppies?"

"I'm sorry," Buffy said having gained control of herself again. "Really."

"Whatever," Faith muttered. "Prescott," she said a moment later.

"Is that a new saying?" Willow asked. "Cause I still have no idea what five
by five means."

"It's a name," Faith said turning to face Willow who then promptly turned
away. "You asked for a name."

"I'm going to need a first name too," Willow responded. "We'll keep Faith
as your middle name," Willow responded tapping.

"I don't know…how about Moon Zappa?" she responded popping towards Willow.

"Be nice," Buffy warned. Willow didn't deserve to have to deal with Faith's
name issues.

"Right," Faith responded backing up with a scowl. "What the fuck…how about
Cynthia," she said finally.

Willow nodded and began to type.

"This is going to take a while," the hacker said a moment later. "You," she
directed at Buffy, "might want to consider calling Giles and letting him
know you're alive."

Buffy turned and gazed at Willow with an amused smile on her face. The
situation wasn't funny, Willow was clearly not pleased, but she was cute
when she was snippy.

"Will do," Buffy responded.

"And Riley's been looking for you," Willow added.

The moment Willow finished pronouncing his name Buffy froze. Riley. God,
she had forgotten about him completely after she had taken off after Faith.
He was probably wondering what the hell was going, not to mention where she
had been. Riley...she had completely forgotten.

"I've gotta…" she said suddenly, but the rest of her sentence was
interrupted.

"You can't leave me here with her!" two sets of voices exclaimed
simultaneously.

Buffy stared at them. She had to go see Riley, but they were right.
Leaving them there together with the way things were probably wasn't the
smartest idea. While she was thinking about this predicament Buffy observed
Faith looking out the window moodily. It was getting dark out.

"Forget it," Faith said tugging her jacket down. "I'll go do the duty," she
continued jerking her head towards the window and therefore the outdoors.

"Faith," Buffy started to say, but Faith waved her off.

"Nah, it's five by five," she said before heading for the door. But then,
just before she reached the door she jerked to a stop, as if she had been
attached to a rope that had run out of room, and she turned around.

"Buffy," she started to say, but she paused after blowing a disgusted breath
out. "Fuck," she went on a minute later. "Look…I'm sorry."

"For what exactly?" Buffy asked curiously.

Faith smiled depreciatively.

"You'll see," and with that she turned back towards the door.

"Wait," Buffy said. "Where will I find you?"

"The usual sites," Faith said then she breezed out the door.

"What was that all about?" Willow asked once she was gone.

Buffy frowned. "I don't know, but I think I'm going to find out."}

Buffy turned around restlessly as she finished going through this serious of
memories. If only she had know that there was some serious foreshadowing
going on there. If only she had thought about why she had been so
completely captivated by Faith back then instead of waiting until now. She
knew if she had she could have saved them all a lot of trouble, but she also
knew that back then there was no reason for her to think about it. At least
not in detail.

{Buffy walked out of the house Riley shared with the rest of the Initiative
in a haze. He had slept with Faith. Faith had slept with Riley. They had
slept together. He said that he had thought it was her, he had said that
Faith had acted like her, and truthfully she understood that. Faith had
been around her long enough to at least be able to simulate her behavior for
short periods of time, and then there was the pesky fact that Faith did
occupy Buffy's body at the time. What Riley had done, was forgivable if
nothing else. He couldn't have known. But still it stung like a bitch it,
really did.

And Faith. Well, at least Buffy knew what she was apologizing for now. She
knew that Faith regretted what she had done. But she also knew that only
two days before Faith had plotted the whole thing out, and apparently
executed it without a hitch. But that was before right? That was before
they started to work things out, before the cards had been laid on the
table. It was a prior bad act, and one that had been apologized for. But
damn if it didn't hurt.

As Buffy turned towards the cemetery she realized that she had one of two
options and really only those two options. She could 1) take it personally,
hold it against Faith and destroy the progress they had made over the past
day. Or 2) she could forgive, if not forget, what had been done, and
continue with the path they had embarked upon.

As Buffy spotted the lone figure in the distance, standing proud against the
night her decision was made. She would forgive. Maybe Willow was right,
maybe she was crazy, but something inside of her wouldn't let her let Faith
walk away this time. There was a connection between the two of them, and
Buffy would work to keep it whole.

"There's a freight train heading out of Dodge at dawn," Faith said as Buffy
came to a stop behind her. "I figured I'd go out with it," she went on.
"That is if you think the town's big enough for the both of us for one more
night," she finished. Her posture was excellent; she was standing at her
full height that made her a couple of inches taller than Buffy, but her
voice wavered near the end.

"Why would you go and do an asshole thing like that?" Buffy asked leaning
against a tombstone casually.

"You did go to see the Beefstick, right?" Faith asked chancing a glance in
Buffy's direction.

"Riley," Buffy corrected softly. "And yes I went to see him."

Faith was quiet for a moment.

"And you two have like…an open line of communication?" she asked finally.

"I know," Buffy said deciding to just get it out there. "That still doesn't
explain why you're leaving."

"What?" Faith asked twirling around to face Buffy full on. "Are you on
crack? No, don't give me that look. Seriously B, are you?"

"No, I'm not on crack," Buffy responded frowning at her.

"I boink your boyfriend and you want to know why I think it would be a good
idea to get the hell outta town?" Faith asked incredulously. "Am I the
only Slayer in history with any sense of self preservation?" she mumbled
under her breath.

"So that's it. Despite everything that's happened today you're just going
to up and leave?" Buffy asked with a little edge to her voice.

"You can't seriously want to have anything to do with me now," Faith said,
but the words sounded hollow even to her. Frankly after going around trying
to stab and strangle her friends, sleeping with the boy toy almost seemed
like a misdemeanor. Plus, the fact that they were having this conversation
was proof that Buffy did indeed want to have something to do with her, as
bewildering as it was.

"I can and I do," Buffy responded.

Faith shook her head in wonderment.

"No wonder everyone loves you," she said finally. "You're a fucking saint.
How the hell am I suppose to compete with that?"

"You're not," Buffy responded. "This isn't a competition Faith," she said
not being able to repress the bit of anger that crept into her voice. "It's
a partnership."

"Well, how the hell can I resist that," Faith responded. "I hate freight
trains anyway. Too bumpy," she concluded.

They stood there for what had to have been minutes in silence, just staring
in front of them.

"Come on," Buffy said motioning for Faith to follow her.

"Where?" Faith asked following Buffy nonetheless.

"It's late," was all Buffy said in response.

"I've gotta find someplace to stay then," Faith responded dropping back, her
mind already thinking of places she could crash without bumping into some of
the men in blue.

"You have a place," Buffy responded. "That's where we're going," she said
looking back at Faith.

"Where?" Faith asked curiously.

"With me," Buffy said beginning to walk again. She knew that Faith would
follow her.

"You can't be serious," Faith said.

"You've gotta stop saying that," Buffy responded. "I'm always serious," she
paused. "Except for when I'm not. This is one of those times I am serious
though."

"What about Red? Does she know about this comfy arrangement?" Faith asked
even though she kind of liked the sound of it.

"Ask me that again in about twenty-minutes," Buffy responded smiling.

Faith returned the smile and said. "Now who's being bad B?"}

================================================================

That's the end of this part...

Later,
Janine

-------------
I may look like I'm doing
nothing, but at the cellular
level I'm really quite busy.
-------------
Anything worth fighting for
is worth fighting dirty for.
-------------
"If you have love in your life
it can make up for a great many
things you lack. If you don't
have it, no matter what else there
is, it's not enough." - Ann Landers
-------------
"The secret of becoming a star, is
knowing how to behave like one" from
"Velvet Goldmine"
--------------
If someone ever catches you talking to
yourself, the best thing to do is point
at a chair and say, "He started it!"
That way they won't think you're
crazy.
------------
"Never wrestle with a pig. You
both get all dirty, and the pigs
like it!"
-----------

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