Fic - Conversations part 2

"Hi."

"Hey."

Riley moved back from the door and beckoned Buffy in. She looked around the nearly bare room as she entered, noting the packing casesin the corners and the half-open suitcase on the bare bed. It seemed she was always walking in on people packing today. The frat-house that had housed the Initiative was closing now the military had withdrawn from Sunnydale and all the former soldiers, the ones that survived Adam’s war anyway, were moving out to other bases. The Gang had made a foray earlier and found the underground base stripped bare and abandoned, the scorch marks from the battle the only proof that anything had ever happened there. Riley appeared to be one of the lastto move out of the house. Seeing him so ready to move out sent a pang of guilt, quickly suppressed, through Buffy along with a wash of sadness.

"So . . . you’re packed?" Buffy asked with false cheerfulness. "’Cos, packing is good. Everyone’s doing it right now."

"Almost," Riley answered. "I seem to have a lot more here than I moved in with."

"It happens to everyone. I was sure I only had three cases when I arrived, but now my three cases barely fit all my Slaying stuff. I don’t know where I’ll put it when I get home."

"I didn’t start with much so I have no idea where it all came from."

"Right. Soldiers travel light," Buffy said, forcing a smile.

"Something like that."

They stood looking at each other awkwardly for a while, neither knowing what they wanted to say or how to say it if they could.

Eventually Buffy asked, "Where will you go?"

Riley avoided her eyes. "To my parents farm in Iowa. I need some time to think things through – decide where my life is going. So much has changed in a short time . . . I’m not sure who I am anymore."

"When will you be back?" Buffy asked, her voice crackingon the last word as a stab of pain shot through her heart.

"Maybe in a few weeks . . . I don’t know. Right now, Sunnydale isn’t a place I can think in. If I stayed here I’d get caught up in your next catastrophe, and then the next, and I’d never have time to think about it."

"Thinking isn’t all it’s cracked up to be," the blonde Slayer protested.

Riley moved closer to her and rested his hands on her shoulders. "Buffy, I’m not like you. I can’t just have my whole life change over night on me and be able to deal with it. You . . . you’re the Slayer and you’re used to this stuff. I’m not sure who the bad guys are anymore and what I’m fighting for."

"You’re fighting for the same stuff I’m fighting for! You’re fighting to stop the darkness taking over."

"It’s easy for you. I didn’t know that any of this existed until I was assigned here, and then I was taught to believe that the monsters . . . the demons you fight . . . are just animals. That we should reconditionthem all or exterminate them. That there was nothing out there beyond what we could see and our guns would solve everything. Then I found out that I was wrong. There are degrees of evil . . . hell, there are non-evil demons! And there’s magic . . . what you did to defeat Adam . . . all of this is way out of my league. I’m just a soldier."

"Not anymore," Buffy reminded him.

"Without that, I don’t know who I am and what I shouldbe doing. I need to spend some time away from all of this to work things through."

"You have to go all the way to Iowa?"

"It’s my home. I can think there."

"Oh." Buffy looked up to him. "I’ll miss you."

"And I’ll miss you."

He briefly kissed her and then firmly put her out of arm’s reach. "I’ll call you when I get there."

"That’s it?"

There were tears running down Buffy’s face but she wasn’t sure whether it was sadness at Riley leaving, or guilt because she felt a faint sense of relief at his leaving.

"Hey don’t cry," Riley begged and moved over to her again. He softly brushed away the tears with his fingers and kissed her mouth. "I’ll be back before you know it."

Buffy nodded shakily.

"Do you promise to stop the world trying end before I get back?" Riley asked, trying to make her smile again.

"I’ll try."

"Good." Riley enfolded her in a bear hug and held her tightly for a moment before releasing her. "Take care. I love you."

"Love you too," Buffy said quietly and moved to the door. "You will call, won’t you?"

"Absolutely."

Strangely, she walked down the corridor and out of the frat-house Buffy felt a small well of happiness build up inside her. She should have been heartbroken that he was going, missing him already, but instead all she felt was a vague at her lack of heartbreak and this bubbling excitement inside. It was as though a weight had lifted from her shoulders and she wasfree – free to do what she wanted and free to pursue whatever dreams she had. She just had to work out what those dreams were.