Fic: "Forgive if not Forget", Final

["jbstories _" <jbstories@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

I'd like to appologise to everyone for the delay in the posting of this
final part of "Forgive if not forget". It couldn't be avoided, but I am
sorry for the delay.

I'll be posting the entire story in another post in case anyone has
forgetten what's happen (and I know that's entirely possible:)

Now...

"Forgive if not Forget"
===================================
Disclaimer: All the characters, Buffy, Willow, Giles, Xander, Faith etc.
belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc., and Warner Bros. I'm just
borrowing their brilliant creations. I intend no copyright infringement from
my use of their characters, and will receive no monetary or any other
compensation for their use, in any form, of the story that succeeds.
Synopsis: What would have happened if Faith had never escaped on that train
out of Sunnydale? Read on…
Rating: PG-13
Genera: Buffy/Faith
*Note* This story is told largely in flashbacks
==================================================

Part 6
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"I can't help it," Buffy said finally, turning around to face Willow again,
"I can't help loving her."

"Then I think your decision's been made", Willow said, standing up and
walking over to where Buffy had stopped pacing. "I hope you're right about
her", she continued softly once she was in front of Buffy.

"You and me both, sister", the Slayer responded dryly.

Willow hugged her.

"Can we go to sleep now?" the hacker asked.

"I don't think so," Buffy said, reaching out her hand and stopping Willow's
retreat, "it's your turn now. Spill."

Willow tensed, visibly. The term "deer caught in headlights" immediately
popped into Buffy's head.

"Time to take your own medicine", Buffy went on cheerily as Willow fidgeted
in front of her.

"Hey," Willow said, "what's with the peppy? I was completely devoid of
pep."

"I apologize," Buffy responded, "but you've still got to dish. How's
thing's with you and Tara?"

"Good", Willow responded, not able to contain the smile that worked it's way
across her face as she thought of Tara. "Like...ya know...good", she
continued.

"How good?" Buffy asked.

"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed.

"Don't Buffy me," Buffy responded, "you know what I want to know."

"Well we haven't...yet", Willow responded, blushing feverishly. She was
never so glad that the room was dark.

"Yet?" Buffy asked, "So that means you're going to?" Buffy asked.

"Not necessarily", Willow responded, not really wanting to discuss it.

"If I said to you 'I haven't seen American Beauty, yet' you'd think that I
was planning on seeing it, right?" Buffy asked. "Right?"

"No", Willow responded dropping her head down.

"Yes," Buffy replied smiling, "Willow", she said drawing the word out
wickedly.

Willow backed up and fell back on her bed. She deserved this. After all
she did push Buffy when Buffy didn't want to be pushed, and by doing so she
had opened herself up to the same treatment.

"Can she kiss?" Buffy asked moving back over to her own bed.

"Can Faith?" Willow asked.

"Touché," Buffy responded, "and yes, she can. So, let's have it."

"Yeah", Willow said finally, her voice dropping a bit as she answered.

"That good, huh?" Buffy asked.

Willow didn't respond.

"Whoa", Buffy commented.

"Yep."

"Tara?"

"Yep."

"Ice-cream?" Buffy asked hopping up. It was going to be a long night.

"I think so", Willow said, following Buffy's lead.

As they exited the room, Willow observed Buffy shaking her head.

"What?" she questioned.

"How did we both end up with possible girlfriends?" Buffy asked genuinely
perplexed.

"I've found that it's best not to question why", Willow responded.

Buffy nodded and together they headed out in search of ice cream.

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Buffy let out a drawn out sigh and agitatedly ran her right hand through her
hair. She had to do this, she knew that, it was the only
fair/just/honorable/right thing to do until she had decided what she was
going to do about the things going on. She knew that Riley would probably
be crushed, not to mention probably think that she had gone completely
insane, but she owed him this. Even if nothing came out of her feelings for
Faith, he deserved to know. It was just going to be a serious unfun telling
him, that was all.

"Hey", Riley said slipping into the booth across from her.

Buffy looked up and offered him a little smile.

"Hey", she responded her gaze flittering across to the waitress coming their
way. "You want something?"

"No", Riley said shaking his head and watching her closely. "Well yeah," he
added a moment later, "I wanna now what's up."

"Right", Buffy said, once again running her hand through her hair.

"I'm not going to like this am I?" Riley asked, leaning back so that his
back was resting against the back of the booth. He had to resist the urge
to cross his arms defensively.

"Oh, all variables compiled and considered, I'd say not", Buffy responded,
leaning back as well. She had formerly been hunched over the table nursing
a cup of coffee.

"This doesn't have anything to do with the apocalypse or demons does it?"
Riley asked almost regrettably. "Cause you seem to deal with those two
things a lot."

"Unfortunately," Buffy said, giving him a short glance, before returning her
eyes onto the table, "not this time."

They were silent for a moment, looking around the café at everything but
each other.

"Well, let's have it", Riley said finally. His voice was more distant,
Buffy could almost see him constructing the wall to help him deal with the
bomb they both knew she was going to hurl at him.

"I..." Buffy started to say but she halted, the words catching in her
throat. "I think that we should spend some time apart", she continued a few
moments later in a rush.

"Okay", Riley said, not bothering to suppress the urge to cross his arms
this time. "Why? I mean I know things have been kind of... monotonous
lately, but I hardly think avoiding each other is the way to fix things."

"I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but...it's not you, it's me.
There are things going on with me right now that are confusing as hell
and...and I just need some time alone to work things out", Buffy responded.

"What things?" Riley asked. "Maybe I can help. I know that your life is
all complicated and 'Shaft' like, so maybe I can be your woman."

Buffy quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, man. Shaft had a woman and I'd be the man to your woman", Riley
added.

"It's not really something that can be helped with by talking," Buffy
responded, "it's kind of an obsessive, depressive fire, raging inside of
me."

Riley was silent and Buffy decided to just wait and hear what he had to say.

"It's someone else", he stated a moment later.

"I don't want to..."

"You've got feelings for someone else."

"It's not that simple, there's all this history...and...and I don't even
want to. It's 'go away you!' but it won't, it comes back with teammates."

"History", Riley muttered to himself. That meant it was someone Buffy had
known for a while, probably someone he knew through her. "Xander?" he
asked, making a face.

"Oh God no!" Buffy responded scrunching up her features.

"That mystery man who 'done you wrong'?"

"Not this time," Buffy responded, not quite able to contain the sardonic
little smirk the topic of Angel brought to her lips.

"Then who?" Riley asked, leaning forward. "Who?"

"Does it matter?" Buffy asked, leaning as far back as she could, to get away
from him, from what his answers were forcing her into.

"Yeah," Riley responded, "it does. If I'm going to get dumped I'd at least
like to know who I'm being dumped for. Maybe I'm masochistic, I don't
know...but I want to know."

"I didn't say anything about dumpsters, just that I needed some time", Buffy
told him.

"It's all the same to my ears", Riley responded. "I love you Buffy, I've
said it before and I'll say it again, but I won't be put on hold so that you
can explore your feelings for some other guy. I couldn't do that to
myself."

Buffy dropped her head down.

"Are you going to tell me or do we keep playing twenty-questions?"

"Faith."

"What?"

"Faith."

"What about her?" Riley asked irritably, figuring she would have something
to do with it.

"That's the answer to your question", Buffy answered, looking up to meet his
eyes as she dropped the second bomb.

Riley's eyes went as wide as saucers.

"Her?!" he asked incredulously. "Psychotic, 'I'm gonna kill your mother and
all your other loved ones' Faith?"

"Not how I'd choose to describe her, but that's the one", Buffy said, her
eyes jumping from him to the things around her and back.

"Well that's fantastic," Riley declared crossly, standing up, "if I go and
knock around some of your friends and pull a knife on a few strangers, would
you consider taking me back?"

"That's not fair", Buffy said softly, standing up as well and reaching out a
hand to stop him.

"Yeah, tell me about it", Riley said. "I've gotta go", he continued, pulling
away from her grasp. "You'll understand if I don't call."

With that he began to walk away.

Buffy flung herself back into the booth once he was out of the café.
Throwing her arm over her eyes she leaned her head back and sighed.

=========================================================

"B?" Faith questioned coming to a stop in front of Buffy. "You alive under
there?" the brunette asked poking at the arm that was covering half of
Buffy's face.

"Go away", Buffy mumbled not moving the arm.

Faith was silent for a moment as she entered the booth across from Buffy.

"I saw Beefstic-...Riley," she corrected seeing Buffy tense slightly,
"storming out. Bad date?"

"Oh, I think that is an understatement of biblical proportions", Buffy
responded taking her arm off of her face and looking over at Faith. "That
was the aftermath of a blowout break-up."

"Break-up?" Faith questioned.

"Uh huh", Buffy confirmed still staring at her dark companion.

Faith leaned back in the booth. Buffy and Riley were history. Sayon ara,
adiós, bon voyage. Buffy was a free woman...free to be pursued. For the
first time since they had met, Buffy was available. Buffy liked her, was
attracted to her. And she was in love with Buffy. Did she have a chance?
Would it seem inappropriate to get up and dance?

Faith's emotions were all over the place.

"Say something", Buffy said a moment later when Faith didn't respond.

"Why?" the brunette asked.

"That's a popular question", Buffy muttered under her breath. "I just
needed some space", she continued, just loud enough for Faith to hear.

Faith merely nodded her head in understanding.

"You okay?" she inquired awkwardly a moment later. "With things?" she added
in a similarly uncomfortable tone.

Buffy smiled; the first genuine smile that had appeared on her face all day.

"Yeah," she responded, "I will be."

Faith seemed relieved to hear this, for her posture immediately relaxed and
a lazy kind of half smile spread across her face.

"Good", was all that she said however.

"That would be my interpretation too", Buffy responded. "You know," she
went on a moment later, "it's not that I'm not glad to see you but...what
are you doing here?"

Faith smirked.

"Giles is out of Earl Grey, and as the only free loader in the house that
can go out in the day time, I've been designated 'errand girl'. This place
has got the best tea...at least according to my cultured palate."

"Cultured palate?" Buffy asked smiling. "We've gotta get you out of that
house."

"Hey, I'm open to suggestions", Faith replied. "Though I have to warn you,
I'm still broken up about that gig at the animal rights centre not working
out. Seriously, I don't know what it could have been." Meanwhile, as she
was saying that, she was fingering the material of her leather jacket.

"Shut up", Buffy responded laughing.

"That's my girl", Faith replied with a self-satisfied smile.

As Faith went on, to detail the latest reason Giles should be made an
official member of the 'Snooty Stuffed Shirt Society', Buffy found herself
considering what they could really do to get Faith out of Giles' house and
out on her own. She knew that they could get her some court appointed
housing but first she needed a job, and --Buffy considered-- she knew
someone that was looking to hire. Her mom. This invariably sent Buffy's
mind reeling back to the morning on which her mom and Faith had met for the
first time since Faith's return from the dark side.

{Joyce Summers entered her house to the sounds of a washing machine going
and loud banging in the kitchen. This meant one of two things: either Buffy
was home, or she was being robbed by an extremely polite thief. She placed
her bet on Buffy.

"Hey mom", Buffy said, not turning as Joyce entered the kitchen.

"Buffy", she greeted somewhat suspiciously.

"I heard that", the young blonde responded turning around to face her
mother. "How'd the art getting thing go?"

"The 'art getting thing' went excellently", Joyce responded. "Not that I'm
not thrilled to see you..."

"But what am I doing here?" Buffy finished for her.

"Besides messing up my kitchen."

"Right, what am I doing here besides messing up your kitchen", Buffy
repeated. "We needed a place to clean up last night after patrol."

"We?" Joyce asked out loud even as her brain answered the question. "Where
is she?"

"Fixing the dryer", Buffy responded, carefully watching her mothers
reactions.

"Really?" Joyce asked in a surprised tone.

"Apparently she's very good with her hands", Buffy answered, trying not to
let her mind wander and think about the other ways that statement could be
interpreted.

Joyce was quiet as she observed her daughter. Buffy was nervously shifting
her weight form foot to foot, and she was looking at everything in the
immediate area except for her mother. There was an obvious tension in her
body. Joyce wasn't sure what the cause was, in fact she wasn't entirely
certain that there was an exact cause. However, the pose that she saw Buffy
in at that moment reminded her of something, it was a nagging bit of memory
at the back of her brain that she just couldn't seem to access.

Then it hit her, they had been in a position similar to this before. Buffy
had been eight and they had still been living in Los Angles then, they had
still been a family then. Buffy had been hiding something and though Joyce
hadn't known what it was, she had known that there was something. After a
few minutes of probing she had gotten Buffy to tell her what it was. Buffy
had found a bird with a broken wing and had been hiding it in her room
feeding it Cheerios and bacon bits. After she had spilled the beans she had
adopted a pose just like the one she was wearing then.

Joyce now recognized the stance; it was moral indignation veiled by
resignation. Buffy would stand docile until the morality of her action was
called question, once that happened she would launch into a pious,
philanthropic speech, aimed at converting her accuser over to her side and
making them feel bad for making her feel bad. They had already had this
argument about Faith before too many times over the phone to count and Joyce
didn't want to have it again. Buffy would not retreat from Faith's side,
this much was clear to her. That meant that she had to at least feign
objectivity on the subject.

"Is she going to come out here or are you going to have her pitch a tent in
there?" she asked finally. Buffy looked up at her mother with a look of
surprise and suspicion. If Joyce didn't think that the situation was no
laughing matter she would have laughed at the squinty eyed, open mouthed
look her daughter was giving her. Keeping one eye trained on her mother
Buffy turned her head to the side and called out.

"Faith!" she yelled. There was a clattering sound in the laundry room, then
silence. Buffy ran a nervous hand through her hair as they waited and eyed
her mother, who was standing almost serenely on the other side of the room.
The look disturbed her.

A few seconds later a head appeared in the doorway. The scene looked like
something out a bad spy movie. Had Buffy not been so sure that this
situation was-as her mother was so fond of saying-no laughing matter, she
wouldn't have been able to contain her laughter at the look Faith was giving
them.

"She does still have a body, doesn't she?" Joyce asked, looking over at
Buffy. Buffy's eyes narrowed, she was now very suspicious, very very
suspicious, because her mother kept making witty remarks and looked serene.
She wasn't supposed to be any of those things, she was supposed to be uneasy
and agitated.

Faith for her part just stayed where and as she was, and left the talking up
to Buffy. She was sure that was how the blonde would have wanted it anyway.

"Heh", Buffy said breaking the silence after her mother's questions. "Heh",
she said again a nervous grin spreading across her face before she dissolved
into a fit of neurotic laughter. Once she managed to regain control of
herself she bit her bottom lip and looked at her mother and Faith. They
were both eyeing her wearily.

"It'd be much easier if you came all the way into the room", Joyce said,
turning her attention to Faith, who for her part looked as if she might just
object but stepped forward nonetheless. "Yes, that's much better", Joyce
commented, waving the brunette further into the room. Faith came to a stop
beside Buffy and then proceeded to stare at her feet as if she had suddenly
discovered that they were made out of solid gold.

Joyce was very amused by the sight. The two girls standing in front of her
were arguably the two most formidable people on the planet, yet they were
standing huddled together in front of her, cowering like a couple of weak
puppies.

"So," she started, deciding against telling them not to slouch, "Buffy tells
me that you've decided to take a stroll on the road of redemption and
righteousness." Her tone was casual, even friendly but there was a hardness
hidden somewhere underneath it all --maybe in her eyes, maybe in the set of
her jaw or the tightness of her smile-- that they were all aware of.

"For the most part that's right", Faith started after taking a deep breath.
She had to be careful, she doubted she was going to get another chance.
"But I plan on taking more than a stroll, I was thinking more along the
lines of taking up a permanent residence. As for righteousness I don't want
it and lots of people would be better off without it. Besides, I'm still a
along way off from gaining that as a virtue or a vice."

Joyce regarded her silently for a moment, quite impressed by the girl's
answer, though she wasn't quite prepared to admit it. She sighed.

"You know what my problem with all of this is Faith? I like you; I always
have really. You've got what we used to call 'charisma' in my day. I want
to believe you, but everything I know --which isn't to say everything that I
feel-- tells me that I shouldn't, because the path to redemption is often
turned to but rarely followed. After all, if it were easy, everyone would
do it. Alcoholics, gamblers...abusers, whatever their vice is, they tend to
go back, and I don't think I could survive it, literally, if you did."
Buffy opened her mouth to protest but Joyce quieted her. "I know what
you're going to say, and you're right. It's not really my business, I'm in
no position to judge, and it would be a terrible world indeed if we all just
forsake people because of the fear of possible wrongs. That being said,"
Joyce continued moving over towards them, "I have reservations about this
entire situation. However, there's nothing that I can do about it, that
much I am sure of, so I'll do what I have to, which is to accept the
situation and hope that it in time I'll understand it and that I'll be
proven wrong", she turned to Faith. "In the meantime, I have a vested
interest in keeping you from the darkside. After all, my daughter seems to
be so completely devoted to your cause, so, if you ever need anything my
door is open...figuratively of course", she concluded with a little smile.

"Mom", Buffy started to say, but her eyes met with her mothers and she knew
that the message was already received.

Joyce smiled and turned to look at Faith who still looked somewhat
apprehensive, but had gained back some of her color. "I expect my dryer to
be in working order before you leave", she said lightly.

"Yes ma'am", Faith responded with a salute.

"I've got some pieces to bring in from the jeep. Be good." And with that
Joyce Summers was gone.

Buffy moved over to where Faith was standing and placed her hand on the
small of Faith's back. They stood like that in silence for a moment or two
until Faith turned so that they were facing each other.

"See," Buffy said softly, "as easy a fighting a Turnac."

Faith smirked.

"We once fought one of those for over half an hour", the brunette replied.

"Alright," Buffy responded slowly, "not easy, but at least over."

Faith stood still, no part of her body moving, not even her eyes, which were
focused on Buffy's. She was very relieved, and she felt lightheaded at the
moment, free and giddy. Mrs. Summers had always held a special place in her
heart, the woman had been really good to her, had welcomed her with open
arms. She was, Faith considered, the mother that she had always wanted, the
shoulder that she could have but never did cry on, and many other things
that Faith knew but didn't want to acknowledge before. Besides Buffy
herself, it was Joyce's forgiveness that Faith had secretly craved. The
conversation they had just had wasn't the sweeping reconciliation
accompanied by violins and bright lights that Faith had dreamed about but
never really expected to happen, but it was a start and she wanted to dance.

"I want to kiss you", Faith said suddenly.

Buffy looked up into Faith eyes and knew that she wanted Faith to kiss her.
And that she couldn't let it happen. She recognized that for all the
progress they felt they had just made, they had only jumped one of many
hurdles to come. She placed her left hand of the left side of Faith's face.

"Then give us a kiss", Buffy said, almost a whisper, not releasing Faith
from her gaze. Faith regarded Buffy for a moment not moving a muscle. She
understood the words Buffy did not speak. She leaned forward and pressed
her lips to Buffy's forehead.

"I'd better get back to work", Faith said once she pulled back.

"Faith", Buffy started to say, feeling bad for knowing what she wanted but
not being able to accept it yet, therefore hurting Faith in the course which
was the last thing she wanted to do. "It's..."

"Five by five", Faith said, interrupting. With that she headed back into
the laundry room and Buffy leaned against the island and let out a breath
she didn't know she had been holding. It had been quite a day and it wasn't
even noon.}

Faith stood in the hallway of the second floor of Stevenson Hall, staring at
the door of room 214. Her brows were scrunched together in either
concentration or consternation and she was flicking the nail of her index
finger with the nail of her thumb nervously. She jutted out her bottom lip
in a pout as she considered her options. She could, of course, always just
walk inside. But, if she had really just wanted to walk inside she would
have done that already, so she really didn't consider that an option at all
anymore. Her other choice was to begin pacing to and fro. She was
particularly fond of this option because she hated the other option so very,
very much, and also because this plan was flexible. If she got bored she
could always begin to pace fro and to.

As she embarked upon her frivolous campaign, the door opened and Willow
walked out of the room.

"Faith?" she questioned, surprised to find the brunette standing outside.

"Red", the Slayer responded, flashing her a smile before resuming her
pacing.

"What are you doing?" Willow asked, watching her curiously.

"Pacing", was the answer she got from Faith who didn't seem to intend to
break her stride.

"Why?"

"Why not?" Faith replied before shrugging. "It seemed like a good idea at
the time."

Willow nodded to signal her complete understanding and approval of the
situation to Faith. Anyone looking at the two of them at that moment would
have seen one person vigorously agreeing with another person. The catch was
that Willow really didn't have the faintest idea what Faith was talking
about therefore she couldn't understand, and if she couldn't understand she
couldn't approve.

"Big date tonight?" Faith asked, eyeballing Willow for the first time since
she had came into the hallway.

Willow knew where this was going and she wasn't going to allow it to go
there. Even though she and Faith had settled their differences she still
found conversations with the other Slayer to be an utterly exasperating
experience. It had however, taught her two things: 1) how to deal with
smartasses in a polite and expedient manner, and 2) that when talking to
Faith all roads led to the discussion of either food or sex. Frankly,
Willow wasn't in the mood at that time to discuss either of those things so
she decided that a change of subject was in order.

"Buffy's inside", the redhead offered. She had discovered that mentioning
Buffy was a good way to distract Faith.

"Oh I already knew that", Faith replied, seemingly content to let her former
query go.

"Then why are you..." Willow stopped speaking, suddenly dropping into
silence. Before she completed her question she had to ask herself if she
really cared. Then once she had asked herself that, she had to ask herself
if she really cared enough to listen to Faith's answer, which was sure to be
as irritating as their previous conversation. Once she had asked herself
these questions, the course of action she had to employ became painfully
obvious. "I'm going now", she stated.

Faith looked at her as she walked by. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do,"
she responded winking lecherously.

Once Willow was out of sight Faith sucked in a mammoth breath of air. She
was going in.

"I thought I had heard you out there", Buffy said as Faith walked into the
room. "I see you managed to scare Willow off with the accuracy of a
grandmaster once again."

Faith didn't reply verbally or at all really, she just stood there
uncomfortably, looking at Buffy and blinking a lot. She wasn't at all used
to feeling this way. Buffy always seemed to bring out new emotions in her,
but she didn't like this one, it was making her palms sweat. Before Buffy
could inquire as to what the hell was wrong with her and before she herself
lost her nerve, Faith reached into her right-hand breast pocket and removed
a single yellow rose which she then promptly shoved in Buffy's direction.

"I got this...and it's for you", she said quickly as she internally
chastised herself for such a lame explanation and gesture. She however
couldn't think of anything better to say at that moment, so she let the
statement stand.

Buffy, who was initially shocked, quickly recovered and took the rose from
Faith's hand.

"It's beautiful", Buffy said, bringing it up to her nose.

"Yeah", Faith agreed. "That's why I bought it. It's for you...because
you're beautiful too. But not beautiful like a flower, you're beautiful
like a person. Which is different."

Buffy gaped at Faith who was too busy trying to kick her own ass to notice.
'Of all the dumbass, motherfucking, idiotic, fucked up, moronic, asshole
thing to say', Faith thought to herself, 'you had to go and say that!'

"Faith..." Buffy said finally.

"What?" the younger Slayer asked peevishly, not quite finished trying to
kick herself. She felt that this was a real black eye for her.

Buffy reached up placing her hand under Faith's chin tilting her head up so
that Faith was looking at her. Then without pause, without comment, and
without hesitation she brought their lips together.

"You kissed me", Faith breathed out as they pulled apart.

"And you kissed me", Buffy responded.

"Of course I did", Faith replied, as if the mere suggestion that she
wouldn't have kissed Buffy back was as distasteful to her as broccoli.

Buffy smiled.

"Come on," she said taking Faith's hand, "there are vampires waiting."

"Can't they wait a bit longer?" Faith whined.

Buffy placed her hand on the side of Faith's face and looked up at her
contemplatively for a moment before breaking out into a breathtaking smile.

"I suppose so," leaning forward so that her face was only centimeters away
from Faith's. "After all even vampire slayers need a night off." And with
that she brought their lips together once more.

======================================================================

The End

Hope you enjoyed it, and as always thanks for reading.

Janine

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