FF: Conversations 15

["Selenay" <selenay@xxxxxxxxxx>]

Alex,

Now I'm scared *g* Thanks for the encouragment though. It must have worked
because lookie what I done ;)

Selenay

Title: Conversations 15/?
Author: Selenay
E-mail: selenay@xxxxxxxxxx
Summary: Sometimes one conversation can be the most significant event in a
person's life...
Distribution: This has no home yet, but please ask before posting it
elsewhere
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Joss Whedon and those lovely folks
at Mutant Enemy, Fox, WB etc. Unfortunately I'm making no money from this.
The plot, what there is of it, is all mine.
Feedback: Praise, adulation, bribes (chocolate works best ;) etc can be sent
to the addy above or the list. I'm easy. Not easy in the easy sense, easy in
the...oh, I give up *g*


Willow paused in the doorway and watched Buffy for a few minutes. The blonde
Slayer did not acknowledge her presence, instead continuing to watch the
rain stream down the window. She looked ill; her face was drawn and pale,
and there were black circles beneath her eyes. She sat on the window ledge
with her legs drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around herself,
curled up as though nothing could warm her. Willow cleared her throat and
Buffy jumped.

As she walked across the room Willow could feel Buffy's eyes following her,
and the Slayer shifted slightly as she sat down on the other end of the
window ledge. For a moment Willow studied her intently while the blonde girl
turned her face back to the window.

"Hi," she said eventually.

"Hi," Buffy whispered.

"Your mom called me."

"Mom?"

"Yeah. She's worried about you. You're not eating, you're not sleeping,
you've cried a lot - that worries parents. She was hoping you'd talk to me
and I could, maybe, help."

"Oh."

"Thing is, I don't think I can."

"You can't?" Buffy's face fell.

Willow shook her head. "No. You have to help yourself. You have to stop
feeling guilty for having feelings and emotions. You have to stop beating
yourself up about something you can't control. And most of all - you have to
start believing in yourself."

"I'm not sure I can."

"You can. I'll be there to help you."

Buffy finally looked straight at her. "You don't have to."

"I want to."

"What about Tara?"

"She's smarter than us," Willow grinned. "She told me to go to you."

"She did?"

"Uh-huh. You know why? She thinks that I'll love you more than I could ever
love her and you'll love me more than she could. And I think she's right."

Buffy dropped her eyes to her demin-clad knees. "I don't."

"What do you mean?"

"Will, look at my track record." Buffy raised her head and Willow could see
the pain in her eyes. "I'll only end up hurting you and losing the best
friend I could ever have. I stuff up so easily and I don't want to do that
to you as well. I don't ever want to lose you."

"Buffy, you could never lose me. And I know you'd never deliberately hurt
me."

"But look at all the times I've undeliberately hurt you."

Willow took a moment to work out the invented word and then said, "Everyone
accidentally hurts people. You can't help it - it's what comes with being
human. I'm partially to blame for the times you've hurt me - I allowed
things to bottle up and fester and that's when it all begins to really hurt.
I can promise, though, to always tell you if you've hurt me and why."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you."

"Despite what I've done?"

"Despite everything. I love you and I happen to think that we could be
really happy together if you'd let us."

"And if we aren't?"

"Not gonna happen. We're best friends, right?" Buffy nodded. "Well that
gives us a head start already. We've been through a lot together and we're
still best friends so that means we already have a strong relationship. This
will just be adding a new element to that relationship."

"It will changed everything though."

"Maybe it should be changed. Not all change is bad, you know."

"You're really certain about this, aren't you?"

"I've never been so certain of anything in my life. I love you, you love me,
and I want to be with you. If you're too afraid of that then you'll be
denying both of us something that could be wonderful through of fear, not
nobility."

"I want to believe you."

"Try it."

"It's just so hard."

"I'm here - I'll always be here with you."

Buffy reached out a hand, hesitantly, and Willow grasped it tightly. "If you
trust me, you'll believe me when I say I could never leave you so you're
stuck with me."

Taking a deep breath, Buffy looked up and met Willow's eyes. "I trust you.
And I love you. I . . . I want to be with you."

Willow's smile was so bright it was almost blinding. "I hoped you did."

Buffy uncurled a little so that she could shift herself closer to the
redheaded witch. "You mean you weren't sure?"

"Oh, I'm sure of how I feel, and how you feel, I just wasn't sure that I
could talk you out of the guilt that I figured you were probably beating
yourself up with."

The Slayer flushed guiltily. "You know me that well, huh?"

"Well, yeah."

"It feels good that you know me that well."

"Just promise me one thing?"

"Anything."

"You might want to hear what it is first," Willow said, smiling. "Promise
that no matter what happens, you'll always talk to me. You won't let things
fester and you won't make sudden decisions without talking to me first."

"You really do know me too well."

"So, you promise?"

Buffy nodded. "I promise. I'll talk things through with you and anytime I
get scared or worried about our relationship, I'll go to you. But only if
you promise the same."

"It's a deal."

There was silence for a moment and Buffy tugged on Willow's hand. "Don't
deal usually get sealed with a kiss?"

"It's more common to shake - oh! Oh, yeah. In that case . . ."

"We wouldn't want to break tradition," Buffy murmured, pulling the redheaded
girl closer.

"Couldn't have that," Willow agreed, willingly edging closer.

"It might cause all sorts of problems," whispered Buffy, leaning towards her
love.

"It would probably jinx us or something." Now Willow was so close she could
feel Buffy's breath warming her cheek.

"In that case . . ."

They closed the distance and their lips met in a kiss as sweet as either of
them had ever imagined.

THE END (Maybe...)