FF: Two Worlds (Chapter 34: Slayer's Diary)

["Cilia" <cilia@xxxxx>]

Greetings,
Well, guess this is the first time I really try to write Buffy and I
would like to once again thank Brndn for making this readable and I once
again have made the error of changing the formating of chapter 33 and
changing all the ... into . go to stop doing that!
Cilia

-Two Worlds-
Cilia

Chapter 34: Slayers Diary

Mid-Summer of the year 4031 in the Mage calendar.

Hello&
Its been awhile since I wrote something in you, hasnt it?
Well, Ive been& busy& yeah, thats it, busy. Ive gone from Slayer to
General then back again, I've lost friends and& loved ones, but I've gained
some as well. Youll never guess where Im writings this&
Give up? Okay, Im sitting on the Wall. No, not the one from Pink Floyd, its
a mountain range that separates the dwarven and elven lands from the human
settlements. Dwarves and elves and dragons, oh my! Heh, boy, Ill never make
fun of those guys that play Dungeons and Dragons again.
Anyway, were heading down to the Traders Coast, or the Pirates Coast, as
some call it. It seems that the humans here come from a far away land, a
months sail at least, that lies beyond the Great Sea. The humans that live
here are settlers from the various kingdoms that dominate the Eastern
Kingdoms, or the Continent of Tharos, named after its first ruler. But
enough of the history lesson.

With me are some of my friends, both old and new. Spike came back, after he
d been drawn here to fight the Warlock. He left his throne and his pregnant
fiancée to make sure we were okay and to& help me look for& Willow. O my
Willow... I guess I should mention thats shes& gone missing& missing in
action, I guess, but she is not dead, she cant be.

Cordy came along, too. Shes, ah, different now, changed from the girl
(girl? listen to me, were the same age) I once knew, but her heart is still
pure. (Gawds, Im starting to sound like Tessa). But she feels that she owes
Willow and me something. I tease her, sometimes, about the fact that shes
the most entitled member of our group. Lets see, last count was: Ranger,
Knight of Necris, Royal Consort to the Princess, and Guardian of Order. She
just smiles and retorts that thats only two more then I have. I think
something is bothering her, though, about being a Knight of Necris.

Then we have Gymli, a dwarf, and my mothers former drinking partner. Ill
save that one for another time& anyway, he came along& because Willow saved
his life during the Battle of Necris. I think bringing him along was a smart
move. His adopted daughter, Ziel, caught up with us in the mountains, shes
a half-elf priestess to the God of War, the same deity mom answered to. She
s here to chronicle our journey, which, she says, promises to be a heroic
one. Ziel is only half human, so I think shes along to try and discover
something about her heritage and past, who she is, that sort of stuff.
Although they are my mothers friends, through battle, they have become mine
as well.

The sixth man in our gay (just me and Cordy) and merry (everybody else)
group is a young thief named Grimm; my second in command during the later
half of the Battle of Necris& He replaced another good-
No, I wont wallow in the past, thats what Willow would say! So, Grimm here
is a thief and my friend Tessas boy-toy& wait, too harsh, although she is
at least two or three hundred years older than he is. Okay, he is her secret
lover, I guess, but I can tell they have a connection that both would like
to explore. Which brings us to his reasons& he wants to make a name for
himself so that he can court& damn, there I go again& date Tessa without the
Royals huffing and puffing about it. Tessa would have wanted him to stay
behind though, I know this, but I also know there is more to her thief than
meets the eye. Or maybe he just wanted to get away from battles and wars, I
dont know. Either way, Ive promised her that I will drag him back to her
and Im sure that he will prove himself, even though he doesnt need to, not
to his friends, anyway.

Back to my problems though, shall we, because I know I should be feeling
something inside over Willows death, as its now called, but& its like& my
heart doesnt believe that shes dead. Shes just lost& somewhere. Now, I
know from both Cordy and Spike that just before& defeating the Warlock& she
became like the old Willow, the one I found that summer on the streets of
San Francisco. She was wild and full of energy, then she became my lover and
locked away some of her powers, then even more after I got pregnant and& we
wed and& ok, got to stop that&
I remember that her power, and that wild side, sometimes broke through
during our& lovemaking, but I always knew that it was under her control. My
fear isnt whether we can find her, its that when I do find my beloved, she
will no longer be the soft, caring woman that threw herself, without fear,
into the jaws of death to save us. I fear Ill find the wild wiccan she was&
or perhaps shell just be a husk, an empty shell. There are stories of mages
caught in the backlash of their own battles whove had their minds&
shattered, but Amy stated firmly that Willow was too strong for that to
happen and that shell be the same old Willow when we& find her. Oh, how I
hope so.

Heh, then theres the thing about my name. Almost nobody calls me Buffy
anymore, Gymli calls me Bethy, Grimm calls me Beth or General, then theres
Ziel and Spike, who call me either Elisabeth or Slayer, but Ziel seems to
say it with more respect, though. Cordelia still calls me Buffy, of course.
I dont know why I find this funny& maybe Im grown up now and Buffy, the
girl, has become Elisabeth, the woman. Damn, I feel old right about now.

Guess fighting in a real war can have that effect on you. I mean, Ive
killed before, but never another& being of flesh, and more importantly,
blood, whose only crime was- No, wait& I cant think like that. I left my
guilt with the bodies in Necris, dammit!
We stopped the hoards of darkness. But for the first time, the bad guys
blood was there and it was red, like mine. They didnt explode into dust.
Cordy said not to dwell on it, that it was right, and in tone with the
natural order, but maybe shes trying to calm her own conscience more then
mine.
I think she was granted knighthood for her actions by the drow not because
shes Stjaras consort, but because Tessa saw in her a kindred spirit to
the drow. Tessa may be good as far as drow go, just as Spike was good as far
as vampires went. Still, she is a drow and they value stealth, cunning,
ruthlessness and, above all, pure numbers. Nothing demoralizes an opposing
army and thrills the people back home as much as a good kill ratio. Without
a doubt, Cordy saved many lives by stalling the& Warlock, but the image of
her covered in blood and wearing that torn cloak sticks in my mind. I think
were kind of even now, her and me, since weve both killed many things now.
Yet, I know that Ranger Cordelia Moondancer will never kill again in blind
rage, because, I think, along with all those she killed on the fields of
Necris& along with them, Cordelia Chase died forever.

Like you see, Im more concerned about my friends right now than I am about
myself. Ive lost Willow and my mother, the two most important people in my
life. My friends are all I have left until we find Willow and my mother
returns from& wherever she is& You see mom is neither dead nor alive. Shes
what Ziel calls in-between, neither in heaven nor on earth. I guess shes
like sleeping beauty, but& to me shes dead, its simpler that way since I
cant help but blame her, in part, for Willows death. Because& well, if I
hadnt been fighting her& maybe, I could have stopped Willow from collapsing
the dome, or maybe&
No, no need to dwell on maybes and ifs. But then again, we Summers women are
pretty hard to kill.
I think Xander took it the worst of all. It makes sense though, because he
knew my mother better then I did at the point of her& death, and I think he
might have fallen for her at one time or another. Ziel told us shed left
him in his chair by the altar and that King Einar has ordered that he shall
not be disturbed until the avatar, thats my mom, rises or passes on. I so
hope that my friend pulls through this, but then again, there are only so
many times one can turn away from the abyss and piece his life together
again. I wonder if the third time may just be too much for my friend.

Ziel also tells me that Tark has returned to Vitors kingdom to rest his
troops for the upcoming battle. Many of his soldiers, but namely his now
infamous personal guard that followed him on his rampage through Necris
after Xares death, have sworn their allegiance to him and his house. He
took my soldiers with him, those few who remained, so thats one less thing
for me to worry about, I guess. Perhaps he will relocate his House to the
Forest, nothing would solidify the Alliance better& listen to me, I sound
like a politician. Guess Ive become one, of sorts, after all those
meetings& I shiver at the thought. Still, maybe an elf child by the name of
Litni had the biggest part in his return. Who knows?

I had the dream again last night. The one about going east and crossing the
Great Sea& But now I remember something else about it as well. Its as if,
as I get closer to the sea, I remember more, but I cant seem to find the
pattern. Then again, prophecy dreams have never been all that clear. The new
sentence goes like this:
The mother of a legend shall become a legend&
Then it fades from memory. Oh, and there were also these& green eyes. They
were completely green but flecked with red. Is this a vision of my Willow,
or some fiend& I mean, a new bad guy I must face?

Spikes calling for us to move on now. Were going to descend from the Wall
into the valleys and fields that come before the Traders Coast, through the
Eastern Pass, past the Sentries of the Cliffs into the City-state of Altran.
> > From there, we hope to charter a ship and sail to Tharon, or if nobody is
willing, well hire ourselves as& well bodyguards or something, on a voyage
across the Sea. Pirates, you know. Now I really have to go, promise I will
write more once we find Willow& maybe sooner.
- Elisabeth