RESPOST: FIC: Unanswerable Questions

Title: Unanswerable Questions
Rating: PG-13
Author: Pat Kelly
Summary: "TSFS - Sunnydale (College)". The latest installment in the series. Welcome to Season 4, and I hope you all enjoy. :-)
Spoilers: "The Freshman", "Living Conditions", and "The Harsh Light of Day".
Disclaimer: All hailJoss and his army of Mutant Enemies. I don't own BTVS. I make no money.

UNANSWERABLE QUESTIONS

It was going on two months and three weeks now. The brunette was patrolling campus, but she wasn't enjoying slaying like she used to. She robotically moved on from one vampire to the next. When she didn't think there were going to be any more for the night, she returned to her and Willow's dorm room, and went to sleep. It was quite a life. She wasn't even sure how she was doing in her classes. The redhead seemed excited every time she saw her tests though, soshe must have been doing okay.

They had returned to Sunnydale, and Faith had searched high and low for the blonde. She beat up demons, Willy...but she didn't get any answers. Alot of them were scared, and she didn't think it was just because of her. She knew Buffy was in town somewhere, she knew it, but after the first couple of weeks, she started running out of options. So, she decided to do what she told Buffy she was going to do.

Faith took the GED test, passed with high marks, and Willow got her intothe college for the Fall Semester. They both chose Buffy's courses and enrolledher too, so when she came back, college would be waiting for her. Then college actually started, and Faith was able to bury herself in the workload and the routine, occupying herself during the day and looking for her girlfriend at night.

During her initiation week, she had to deal with an undead group of fratboys and their chick leader, Sunday. They were dispatched fairly easily, but thegirl vampire reminded her of Buffy, as she had blonde hair and all. The same confidence too. It didn't take much to get her thinking about Buffy. Faith had been depressed and non-responsive for a bit after that, but she slowly started opening up to Willow and getting closer to Giles. She hung out at his placea lot, and was developing a thing for tea.

Xander's return had been hard, because he had come back after dropping Cordelia off in LA, and he was feeling pretty down. Then they had to tell him Buffy was gone, and he took that like he got punched in the gut. He had started patrolling with Faith, and even though most of the time it happened in complete silence, they were supporting one another by just being there.

Her first roommate was her second hurdle as Sunnydale's single slayer. The girl had turned out to be a demon from the nether regions that had run awayfrom home, and her father was not very happy. That whole situation had led to Willow moving into her dorm room, because the hacker had not been pleased with her previous living conditions. It was cool because she pretty much ignored her first roommate, and Willow understood what she was going through.

She knew she was probably out of her mind, but she could have sworn thatshe had been seeing guys in black running around in the shadows. She didn't tell anybody however, because the next crisis had blown into town, and she had just finished dealing with it the night before. Spike and some blonde (who was too ditzy to remind her of Buffy) came by searching for a ring that meant invincibility for vampires. The gang brought her up to speed on the British vampire, and she had learned that Buffy hated his guts.

Naturally, Buffy's hatred had become hers, and she caused the Billy Idol wannabe to run out of town. She even gave Oz the ring to give to Angel, just to piss Spike off. She hadn't heard from the Big Guy yet, so that meant he was dealing with his child. With a sigh, she decided it was time to call an endto tonight's hunt. Heading towards Stevenson Hall, she heard growls coming from outside the front of the building.

There were three vampires circling something, like they were vultures. Faith was out of stakes, so she just ran in their direction screaming. The demons, knowing that making the slayer angry when she was usually so emotionally numb, was a bad thing to do. They ran into the night, and Faith saw that there was a person lying on the ground. Whoever it was, they were still breathing. Thatwas good.

"Hey, can you move?"

She walked up closer and got a better look. The Bostonian thought she was going to pass out. There was a groan, and the girl's head turned.

"Buffy?"

"Fai...Fait...h?" The blonde slayer said wearily.

For the first time in months, the brunette smiled. She took her long-missing girlfriend into her arms, and began to cry.

***

"Does he still have a girlfriend?" Buffy asked the other slayer softly, as she was laid down on the couch in Giles' house.

Faith had to chuckle. Of all the things she could have come out with...

"Yeah, but she hasn't been around for awhile."

'Kinda like you. What happened?' The brunette thought to herself,but she knew questions would come later. Buffy was back now. She sat on the endof the sofa, and the blonde immediately put her head on her girlfriend's lap.

Willow rushed into the house then, out of breath, as Giles got off the phone.

"I was in the computer lab...if I was in the dorm I would've...Buffy!" The redhead sat beside her friend.

Buffy got upright with the help of Faith, and accepted Willow's firm hug.

"You cut your hair." She noticed, and smiled sadly. "Did I miss another big summer?" Faith had told her how much time had gone by.

"Oh, Buffy." Her eyes were getting misty. "No, no you didn't. Haircut was pretty much the biggest thrill."

"It's nice."

Faith and Willow looked at one another. The blonde didn't just seem tired. She looked weak, exhausted, and as Giles put it when Faith had brought her in, extremely malnourished. She wasn't saying much, and it sounded like it tooka lot of energy just to get the words out. Curling up, she leaned against Faith, and the brunette wrapped her arms around her.

Then she reached out for her friend's hand, and Willow readily gave it to her to hold.

"I phoned Xander and your mother, Buffy." Giles said, coming over and kneeling down.

"Xander?"

"Yes, he's back." She thought for a moment, and then nodded. "He's coming with food. Your mother will be here shortly. Have you eaten?"

"I'm not...sure. It doesn't feel like it."

She wasn't sure?

"Well, you won't be hungry much longer, B." Faith said. "And I promise not to eat any. You can pig out." She added with a smile, trying to hide the concern from her eyes.

A short while later, Buffy was up at the table eating pizza. She ate two whole boxes, but not with ravenous speed, as they had expected. She ate very slowly, almost like it was hard for her. Slices would wobble in her hands, and sometimes she would drop them on her plate without meaning to, and offer an ashamed apology.

Once she was finished, and Joyce composed herself, Giles thought he should at least attempt to ask what had transpired two months ago.

"Feeling better?" He started off asking gently.

"A little."

"Good, good." He spoke carefully. "If you don't feel up to it, you don'thave to answer, but...can you tell us what happened? Where you've been?"

"I don't remember." Her eyes went wide with fear. "Oh God. I don't remember. I'm sorry, Giles...I can't..." She buried her face into his chest, and even though she had been perfectly fine, she started crying.

"It's all right, Buffy. It's all right."

***

They all decided that until they could situate Buffy into the dorm, she would stay at her house. Faith was going to be there with her, and was only goingto go back to the dorm when Buffy was ready to do the same. Willow said she would stay on campus to watch the stuff, making sure nobody snooped around. The last thing they needed was someone to discover the slaying and magickal supplies under their beds.

Faith and Joyce were helping the blonde get into bed.

"Mr. Giles said you should rest and that your strength will build up again, but if you need anything during the night, just holler. Okay, sweetie?" Joyce said in that affectionate, motherly tone.

"Thanks, mom." She left the girls alone then, thanking God for bringing her daughter back. Faith turned off the lamp, and went to leave herself. Buffy needed sleep, and she didn't want to disrupt that. "Where are you going?"

"I was gonna crash on the couch."

"No...no. I need you here. I don't wanna be alone."

Faith released the breath she was unaware she had been holding, and got under the covers. She didn't want to leave. They were in each other's arms immediately, and the brunette felt the tension slowly leave her girlfriend's body. Buffy was breathing into her neck.

"I missed you, B."

"I missed you, too."

"I did everything I could, but I couldn't find you. It hurt so much."

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again." Buffy admitted, getting upset again.

Faith smiled. "But we're here now, right? And I don't care if you get sick of me or not, but I'm never leavin' your side."

"Good, cause...I...don't want you to let me go."

Faith raked her fingers through the blonde hair until Buffy fell asleep. There was no way she was going to close her eyes tonight, and it was a good thing she didn't, because after about a half an hour, the nightmares began.The older slayer started shaking first, and then she called out.

"Why are you...why...I'm sorry...stop...I have to get...my friends...and...please...it hurts...No! No!"

"Buffy, wake up." Faith said soothingly.

"Faith..."

"Come on. It's okay. Come out of it. You can do it. I'm right here." Buffy's eyes blinked open, and she was gasping for air. "Breathe."

Joyce burst into the room.

"What's wrong?"

"Nightmare." Faith answered, sitting Buffy against the headboard, and rubbing her back. "Water?"

Buffy nodded, and her mother went to get some.

"Help me."

***

The next morning at Giles', Faith was furious.

"Somebody stuck somethin' in her, and they did it more than once."

"Was she sexually -?' Giles couldn't mask his shock.

"Cold and metal, like they were searching for something. That's the way she described it. So I don't think so." Faith made a fist and squeezed. "But does it matter? Still rape to me." She snapped at him.

"No, of course it doesn't, but at least there won't be further consequences, then."

"Damn Giles, I'm sorry." She apologized softly. "But you didn't hear her. She said she was on a cold table, she was naked, something about blood...and something about being electrocuted and forced to fight...bits and pieces. I'm not gonna tell her mom."

"Perhaps she should see a gynecologist."

"She's healed. No point in it." He turned a couple shades of red. "We didn't do anything. I just checked. Nothin' hurt, and before you ask, I know what to look for."

He cleared his throat. "Did she say anything else?"

"It all came out real fast. Five minutes went by, and she didn't remember a thing about it."

"She forgot what she had just told you?" The brunette nodded. "I...I could try hypnosis. It may sound -"

"You can't put her through that."

"Is it that, or are you just afraid it would be too hard to listen to?" Faith's face gave him the answer. "It'd be hard for me as well, but she wants answers as much as we do. And right now, it's our only avenue."

"She wants to try class tomorrow. I'll talk to her. She's waitin' in thecar. We got movies." She moved toward the door. "You know, I kinda had it stuck in my head that she would come back, or we would find her, and everything would go back to the way it was."

"It could, partially. Not completely, however, because the emotional damage done to Buffy can never completely heal. And you've also suffered damage ina way."

"What I went through, it's not the same."

"No, but you did shut down for two months, and you're just beginning to surface again. I know because I've watched you. Once we figure out who did these, horrible, things to her, it'll help you both. You're too strong-willed not to be able to pull through this. Especially together."

"You said 'who'. You think it was people?"

"Did I?"

"I just love these higher powers." Faith said sarcastically. "They expect me to protect people, but then they make me want to rip their guts out."

***

"I feel sick again." Buffy paled, trying to get off her bed.

She Xander, Willow, and Faith were all in her room, watching the rented movies, and all her friends jumped up.

"I got you, Buffy." Willow said softly, helping her friend. It was the redhead's turn. "Let's get you to the bathroom."

Willow put her arm around her friend's shoulders, and they walked quickly to the bathroom. The blonde kneeled and emptied her stomach. She looked at the toilet paper, and the hacker handed her some after she was finished. Buffy wiped her mouth, seeing Willow's concerned _expression_.

"What?"

"Um...I know it probably...isn't, uh, an option...but you've gotten sicka lot. Maybe -"

"I'm not pregnant. When Faith told me what I said, I made her stop and buy one of those tests. It turned into a blue, minus sign thing. I'm throwing up for another reason."

"Well, those tests aren't..."

"Will." Her friend frowned. "You want me to be pregnant?"

Willow shook her head rapidly. "No, no, no. Big no. But at least we could start to figure out what happened to you if you were...but I never would want that to happen to you...but it'd be good to know. You know?"

"I get what you mean." Buffy smiled slightly. "All I can remember now, is that it was really bad."

"It's not gonna happen again. We won't let it. Faith won't let it."

"God. Faith...I can't believe I'm doing this to her."

"Doing what?"

"She's been so there for me, all of you, but look at me. I'm not *me*. And I hate it. I'm weak, people have to help me places, I'm having nightmares andI just cry for no reason...how can she put up with that? How can you? I wouldn't be able to stand being around me."

"Hey. She loves you, that's why. We all do, and we don't mind. We're just glad you're back. You'll get better." She paused. "Do you remember how Angel turned evil, and you lost him and kinda...broke?"

"Yeah."

"Faith was worse. I'd have to invent words to tell you how hard it was on her. Now you're back, and that's all she wanted for months. She doesn't care what shape you're in. That's what love is. Do I care that Oz is a werewolf?"

"Nope."

"There you go, then." Willow went to help Buffy up, but the blonde wavedher off and used the sink. "Up for more movie viewing?"

"I think so."

***

"What do you think it is?" Faith asked Xander, getting restless waiting for their return.

"Aliens." He got a look. "I'm serious. White room, table," He coughed, "probing, taking of blood..."

"That's the dumbest -"

Xander sighed. "Yeah, I heard the same thing from Cordelia on the phone."

"This is a Hellmouth. Things come from Hell. Not space." She felt guiltynow. "Good thought, though."

"Thanks. Little late, but thanks." He smirked. "What do you think?"

"Vampires. They were around her, and they're cold. So they could have..." Xander blushed, and Faith was making herself angry. "Last time I checked they liked blood, and she might've tried to fight 'em off..."

"But she said it felt like she was electrocuted."

Faith shrugged. "Dreams don't always make sense. Now I have things I cango hit, anyway. Even if they didn't do anything to her, I'm bettin' they know something."

"Count me in." Buffy said, entering the room.

"B..."

"Don't argue with me, Faith. Nothing's going to change if I hang around here, or just go to class. If I want to improve, I've gotta be active girl."

"Buffy, jumping right back into slaying," Xander said, "is probably not the smartest thing."

"You could train first." Willow told her. "You said yourself that movingwas an issue."

"Look, I'm not gonna be a hobbit -"

"Think you're lookin' for hermit." Faith supplied.

"- A hermit. Believe me, I know whatever happened to me was traumatic. Some people go to counseling and talk, but I'm not gonna be one of them. If I don't get off my ass and try to get in the routine again, and find whatever messed with me now, I never will. Do you guys understand?"

They all nodded.

"Good. Can we call Giles so he can help me train before we go out? Then I'll know what my limits are."

"You heard her. We better do what she says." Faith smiled.

***

At night, Buffy was moving slowly through the cemetery, Faith watching her like a hawk. She started to stumble, and the brunette was supporting her ina flash.

"Okay, maybe I should have put more thought into this." She tried to make a joke of it. "But this holding thing is nice."

"Sit. Headstone."

Faith helped her over to it.

"You don't like holding me?" Buffy pouted.

"What?"

"You're acting like I'll shatter if you do."

"I just did."

"But you don't linger. It's Point A to Point B or friendly hugs."

"I don't wanna make you uncomfortable, B." Faith sighed. "I remember being naked and havin' things in me that I didn't want. I didn't like to be touched for a long time after that. Damn it." She kicked the stone. "I wish I knew how to handle this."

"Oh." Buffy was quiet. "Well...I trusted you before I was taken on a trip, and I trust you now. And I still love you. You're the last person in the world who'd ever make me uncomfortable."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"You think it doesn't?"

"Kinda got that impression."

"It does, but that doesn't change..." She trailed off. She needed to saythis right. "The thought of somebody who's not you seeing me like that and..." She shook. "When I have more nightmares and remember it again, it'll probably result in more tears, but those were bad touches, things I didn't like. You do good touches, and I don't want you to stop. I want you to kiss me. Make love to me.

"But you haven't, and it makes me think you don't want to cause...it suddenly occurs to me that we're in a graveyard."

There was a silence before Faith responded.

"I wanna do those things. You have no idea how much."

"Then go ahead. Don't be afraid, cause I'm not. Not of you. I know you had a hard time..."

"You shouldn't worry about me."

"Already am. One of us has got to be the stable one, and it's most likely gonna be you. I don't wanna see you all robot-like anymore. I'm here, rightin front of you. So take me." Buffy grinned. "It'll help and make me happy, just as much as it will for you."

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"Am I?"

Faith lifted her off the headstone, kissed her for several minutes, and Buffy reciprocated eagerly. When she pulled away, the blonde had tears running down her face. The younger slayer was about to back off, and then Buffy brushed some hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek.

"These are good, happy tears."

"I love you. "

"I haven't heard that in awhile. Sounds really good." Buffy drifted, herface becoming a mask. "Slayee coming."

"Promise to stay here?"

Buffy considered the question for a moment. "Yes." The vampire rushed tothem instead, thinking they were simply food. "Still want me to stay put?"

"It's Shemp." Faith said. He was one of the vampires that had been standing over Buffy when she found her. "Where's Moe and Curly?"

"Isn't it usually Moe, Larry, and Curly?" Buffy wondered.

"I have this thing with Larry. Don't wanna get into it right now." The brunette looked at the retreating vampire. "Goin' somewhere?"

Faith rushed him, and delivered a sharp kick to his stomach. The force sent him flying, and he got impaled on a tree branch. Inches away from his heart. Buffy followed her girlfriend as she went to talk to the demon.

"That was close." The blonde observed.

"What are you going to do to me?" His animalistic eyes were full of fear.

"Just gonna play Q and A." Faith told him. "What do you know?"

"I didn't have anything to do with her."

"What. Do. You. Know?"

"They let us go cause we promised to kill her. We didn't...so we're in trouble."

"You're in trouble now. Who are 'they'?" The vampire was silent. "Wrong -"

Buffy stepped in front of Faith, and looked him in the eyes.

"They did the same things to you that they did to me." She realized. On some level, though she didn't know why, she felt sympathy for him.

"I'm more scared of them than you. We're just...experiments. We mean nothing."

Unexpectedly at that moment, he burst into ash, leaving the two slayers stunned.

***

"You miss one more day and you're out of my class." Walsh informed Faithas she and Buffy sat down next to Willow.

"And that would be such a big loss." Faith muttered, flipping her a hidden finger.

Willow was waiting for the psychology professor to question Buffy's sudden arrival in her class, the ogre that she was, but she said nothing. The redhead smiled at her boyfriend who was beside her then, and "The Bitch Monster of Death" began lecturing. The blonde almost felt like she and Walsh had met before, but quickly shook it off. She had serious catching up to do.

Buffy did notice the odd looks the TA was giving her, though. His name was Riley something. After the long hour and fifteen minutes was up, they trudged out of the large room with all the other students, ready for a nap.

"What's up with her?" The older slayer asked.

"I'm gonna go with a really big stick that's lodged up -"

"Faith!" Willow shushed her.

Walsh watched them go, and her assistant spoke in a low whisper.

"It looked like she recognized you."

"Now is neither the time nor the place for this discussion, Riley."

He nodded lamely. "Yes, professor."

***

"She's human." Riley told the professor in her office, later, locking the door.

"Our tests dispute that." Walsh was sitting at her desk, looking over some notes.

"So what if her immune system is somewhat more efficient and her cell -?"

"Questioning the experiments is pointless, as they have already been performed. And please try to remember your rank in the chain of command, Agent Finn."

"Sorry, ma'am." He cleared his throat. "Permission to speak freely."

"Granted."

"She's no threat to us."

"That has yet to be determined."

"She eliminates hostiles. Okay, maybe in an unconventional manner, but -"

"Exactly why she needed to be studied. We are here to investigate and contain all supernatural creatures. She is human for the most part, I'll concede you that, but vampires are somewhat human as well."

"It's not the same thing. We degraded her. She has a pulse, and we treated her like a lab rat."

"Your moral and ethical concerns are noted, but war is a dirty business,and we have to keep it a silent one."

"For how long? If she is remembering, then that's a problem."

"I'm well aware of that. Generally, she has reacted as we anticipated. Her catatonic state, her brief emotional releases...both of which are slowly passing. The nightmares and the sickness were unexpected side effects.

"We obviously gave her too high a dose, but we had to make sure that the medication would have an effect, as her biology is still a mystery. She should be fine in a few days. To control the nightmares, we simply increase the implant's power."

"Is that really a good idea?"

"If that girl, Faith, is what I believe she is, we have no choice. We can't have her interfering; and we need the data. Trust me, we're doing Miss Summers a favor. Some memories she's better off not having."

***

Buffy sat in a chair in the middle of Giles' living room the day after her first class, as he moved a watch back and forth in front of her face for the third time.

"I don't understand..." The once watcher trailed off, removing his glasses.

The rest of the gang was watching.

"Some people just aren't hypnotizable, Giles. No big." Her friends stared at her. "What? I slept peacefully last night, with some help," She and Faith shared a grin, "and I had zero bad dreams. Vomiting is less frequent too. Yuck. I feel pretty good. Stronger."

"That's great." Willow agreed slowly.

"Yeah, I think so. I still wanna figure out what happened to me, and I know we will, but so what if I don't remember? Somehow I think it's better if I don't. Life's a callin' and I want to get back to it. Dancing at the Bronze?"

After a few moments, she began getting responses.

"You bet." Xander clapped his hands together, smiling.

"Will?"

"Sure." The redhead nodded.

"Faith?"

The brunette couldn't say no to that smile.

"Let's light up the floor, B."

Buffy grabbed her hand and began dragging her girlfriend out the door.

"Oh, and Giles?" He smiled at her. "We'll train before class tomorrow, okay?"

"See you in the morning. Have a good time."

He watched the kids leave, and just didn't get it. He was sure it would work. Buffy had always been susceptible to hypnotism.