FIC: Facing Reality

FACING REALITY

It had been a month since Myst Island, when one of the guards said she had a call.

*"I told her that she has to come here if she wants to chat with ya, but she won't let up. She's on the Warden's line. I'll take you to his office. Just don't let this get around. Don't want the girls thinking -"

"I'll keep my mouth shut." When she got there, an angry Warden handed her the phone. "B?"

"They wouldn't let me..." Buffy said. She could hear it in her voice. Something was wrong.

"I'm here now. What happened?"

"She's dead, Faith."

"Who? Who's dead?"

"My...my mom. She's dead."*

After she had dropped the phone and then snapped back into reality, Faith had pleaded with the Warden for her parole hearing to be moved up, and it was. He saw her eyes, and something told him denying her that, would be a bad idea. That was yesterday.

Now she was sitting in front of the board. She was nervously awaiting their decision. The spokesperson looked up from his papers. She knew he had a title, but she wasn't familiar with most of the legal mumbo-jumbo.

"Faith Wilkins, serving three to five years for assault. Given your generally well-behaved manner during the past eleven months, your willingness to follow the rules, and your progress during sessions with the prison counselor, we see no reason not to parole you. In fact, it's a month early. Normally someone with your sentence has to serve a full year in prison before they're eligible, but a few outside calls and guard testimonials on your behalf has helped to sway our decision."

Faith smiled.

"These are the terms of your parole. You must see a psychiatrist twice a week for a year. The proper information will be given to your parole officer, and she'll give you the details. You must meet with her once a week for an hour, and she will make sure you're -"

"Playing by the book?"

"Yes, and she can also help you find employment and a place to live. Though the latter's already been taken care of."

She wanted to ask what he meant, but figured he'd get around to it.

"Failure to meet with her or failure to make an appointment without prior notice or good cause, will put you right back where you don'twant to be. As I said, you must see the psychiatrist for a minimum of twelve months. If you want to continue going after that period of time, the state will payfor it for the remainder of your parole, but you don't have to.

"You are not permitted to leave the state of California while on parole, again not without good cause. If you feel you must, or if you decide to move, your parole officer must be informed so the proper steps can be taken.

"And obviously, it would not be a good idea to break any laws whatsoever. As it stands, we're recommending parole for two years, which would satisfy the minimum sentence. Do everything right, and the time will go by before you know it. Arrangements have been made for you to live in Sunnydale, at the home of Rupert Giles. That makes him, though you are a legal adult, indirectly responsible for you. Remember that."

"I will."

"He will be here within the hour, and when you leave, any personal effects will be returned to you. Your parole officer's name is Emily Ashton. She will meet you at Mr. Giles' residence starting one week from today, at two o'clock."

The man took a breath.

"Too many times we believe in punishing the guilty in this country, and then just leaving the convicted locked away. Granted, sometimes that's the best course of action, but there are some of us who believe morein rehabilitation. Prison has very limited capabilities in that respect, and you'll have to do the rest. Integrating yourself back into the world won't be easy, but every so often, we see someone with the potential, the drive, to succeed. We see that with you, and I hope you'll take advantage of this chance, because if you end up back here, we'd be very reluctant to give you another one.

"You're free to go, and we sincerely hope to never have to see you under these circumstances again. Best of luck."

"Thanks." Then Faith whispered those words to herself. "Free to go..."

'I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this...'

She had to get to Buffy.

***

Faith got in the passenger seat of the red convertible, and didn't say a word when she saw at was Xander at the wheel instead of Giles.His face was blank, and he didn't acknowledge her when she got in. She wasn't really up for talking either. Joyce was dead. Buffy's mother was dead. The woman had gone to bat for her, and even felt sympathy for her after she had threatened her at a knifepoint. She wasn't going to follow through, but now she'd never have a chance to make amends with her.

What a way to start off her return to the outside world. She shut her eyes, and leaned her head back against the seat.

After they were on the road for awhile, Xander spoke to her.

"Giles didn't feel up to making the trip. He thought he needed to stay with Buffy and Dawn." The slayer sat up and nodded in understanding. "I...Buffy told us what happened with you guys; that you worked a lot out, you're giving up your naughty ways and joining the team again. I hope it's for real, but there's history that really makes me not wanna trust you, and feel a whole truckload of negativity about this."

She had expected this, but she still felt uncomfortable. "You've got every reason."

"But the thing is, I can't feel at all right now. Nothing. I'm operating on minimum power here. Joyce wasn't supposed to die. She just...went. We live on the Hellmouth; we're unprepared for natural causes, you know? And she went through all that crap with the brain tumor. She beat the odds. Shouldn't that have at least gotten her another twenty years? The Whatevers That Be made a pretty damn big mistake. Makes you wonder whose side they're on."

"Yeah." Faith agreed, getting across her anger with that one word. "It does."

"She was the mom Willow and I wished we had. You don't know what it's like back home. The whole gang is shut off. And Dawn...she's the worst. It's not fair." He was silent for several minutes. "When the light comes on, I don't know the kind of reception you'll get from them. Or from me. I do know I trust Buffy, so we'll all try hard to be civil."

"I appreciate that. Really." It was more than she thoughtshe was going to get. She cleared her throat. "How's she doing?"

"Hard to tell when you're in smack dab in the middle of the breakdown, but we've got each other. And she's been asking for you. Don't hurt her again, Faith."

"I -"

"You'll regret it if you do."

***

Opening the door to Giles' house, Xander walked immediately over to his girlfriend. He gave her a kiss and wrapped his arms around her as hesat down. That left Faith standing just outside the doorway, and she was very hesitant to come through and cross the threshold. She was afraid if she did their mere glares would send a cage crashing down around her, they'd tie her up, lock her in the basement, starve her until she was so thin anyone who saw her would think she was anorexic, and then drop her in a ditch somewhere. She was paranoid and expecting the worst, despite what Xander said.

Then there was the fact that she'd be living here for, most likely, a long amount of time. With Giles, and she didn't want to make him regret taking her in. Once she got inside, it would become home. The bubble where she was supposed to feel safe; cared for, and where bad things couldn't get to her, and she couldn't do bad things to anyone else. But no home she'd ever been in had fit that definition. She was thinking too much, and yet, wasn't that what she was supposed to do? No thinking was what got her into troublein the first place.

She'd have to know when to just do something, and when tothink before acting. Right now she was scared to step on a crack in the sidewalk, fearing that would put her back in jail. It would just take time to deal. Time. She had plenty of that. She couldn't do anything out here, though.

'Just go through the damn door.' Faith said silently.

Tara came from the kitchen and spoke to her. "You can come in. You look l-like you're about to h-hyperventilate."

The witch didn't seem to want to see her dead. That was a help.

"I already am." Faith forced out, putting one foot in, and then slowly bringing the other one through. "Wasn't so bad."

"What wasn't?"

Tara shut the door gently, as the slayer shook her head.

"Giles or Buffy here?"

"Um...Giles went to...he went out. Dawn said she was hungry a-a little while ago. And Buffy -"

She looked up the stairs to see her partner coming down them, looking more drained then she had ever seen her. Willow was behind her, butshe didn't want to see her face just yet. Loathing wasn't something she was fond of. So she locked eyes with the other slayer, and Buffy came and stood in frontof her. They looked at one another a moment, and Buffy gripped her in a bear hug. Faith had to adjust, because she had to practically hold the exhausted blonde up.

"I'm glad you're here." Buffy whispered. Not intentionally, her voice just wasn't up to anything louder.

"So am I." Faith replied with the same level. "How's the kid?"

"She wanted some alone time. She isn't talking much anymore."

"Wanna sit down?"

"Yes please."

"Come on. And you can take the cork out of the bottle for awhile, can't ya? Gotta let some of it out, B."

As long as she had Buffy to focus on, her struggles ceased to plague her, and she wasn't even going to start working on her problems until Buffy was put back together again.

***

"She's not dead! She's not!" Dawn screamed, getting up from the table forcefully, and running out the door.

With a frown, Buffy chased after her sister. "Dawn!"

The witches, the watcher, and Faith stood there awkwardly, looking at the young brunette's half eaten chicken nuggets and the French fries that were scattered all over the floor. Dawn had wanted to go home because she didn't want Joyce to be worried, and Xander had tried to gently explain to her the truth. Her time alone had only apparently helped her build up really thick walls of denial. She had thrown her fries at him, and he had retreated to the kitchen, where he was currently sitting on the floor, hands around his knees.

Faith, Tara and Willow bent down to pick up the food. The redhead still hadn't spoken to the slayer.

"I'm sure she holds no anger towards you, Xander." Giles said, facing the kitchen and speaking to the younger man.

"I know. I just...I think I'll just stay quiet from now on." Xander replied.

Anya had gone upstairs to use the bathroom, and was just coming down. "I heard yelling."

"Dawn got somewhat upset with..." The once librarian trailed off.

"Xander?" She started heading to him.

"Just let me sit here, okay?" Her boyfriend asked.

Tara saw the hurt _expression_ on the ex-demon's face, but stayed quiet. Things were going to be rough for awhile, things weren't going to make sense, and they had to simply let it happen.

Faith stood up; set all the fries she had snagged onto a napkin, and turned to Giles wiping her hands. "This probably isn't the best time...but I just gotta say thanks for everything you're doin' for me. You don't have to, but you are...and not many people would take the chance. Anything you want me to do, to return the favor or whatever, I'm there."

"You already are." Giles smiled at her. "If you stay on this path, and work to better yourself, then I'll consider us even. Every day people try to atone for mistakes they've made, so don't think you're alone in your struggle." His eyes darkened for a moment, and then lightened once again. "It will pay off, I promise you."

"That's what I'm hopin'." She quirked a suspicious eyebrow. "So I don't have to do anything else? Zip? Totally free room and board?"

"There might be some light house work."

She had to give him a small smile. She knew there was something.

"Anything but laundry, and I'm your girl."

She caught Willow's gaze, intense and penetrating, and not in the good way. Giles saw it too, and his eyes told the wicca that it was neither the time nor the place. Tara placed calming hands on her girlfriend's shoulders.

"She's not dead, you know why?" They could all hear Dawn outside now. "Cause you're the slayer! You wouldn't let her die, you'd keep her safe!"

All their faces paled, and Faith and Willow stared at one another, wondering who was going to go out first.

"This wasn't something I could've -" Buffy's voice was breaking.

"You can do anything!"

"You don't know how much I wish I..."

Tara walked out to the courtyard first, and Dawn wrapped her arms around the witch's waist.

"I wanna go home." She said softly.

Giles followed her out, and went over to Buffy, who was turned away so they couldn't see her tears. Faith and Willow stood side by side inthe doorway, and frowned. Neither of them was doing the comforting, and even though Faith didn't win and she didn't lose, that didn't make Willow any happier.

***

A week later, after Joyce had been buried and the will had been read, Buffy was sitting in Willow and Tara's dorm room, not quite sure how she was going to cope with the new situation. Joyce had written the will several years ago, but she had refined it before she went into the hospital for the tests that revealed her tumor. It said that if anything were to happen to her, Buffy was to become Dawn's legal guardian, and the gallery to be run by Carol, an employee of hers that Joyce felt knew how to handle everything.

Part of the profits from the gallery were already going into a bank account that Joyce had set up as soon as they had moved to Sunnydale, and would continue to do so every week, and only Buffy would have access to it.She wanted to make sure her daughters were supported, but the slayer knew she'dhave to get a job on top of that. The life insurance money went to paying for her children's college education, and could only be used for other necessities in an emergency.

If something were to happen to Buffy or the house, Giles agreed that he would take Dawn in. Joyce hadn't mentioned her ex-husband once, andthat was good, because Buffy didn't ever want to have to rely on him. She couldn't remember if he had been at the funeral or not; it all seemed very surreal to her. She had aunts and uncles she had never seen before telling her that ifshe needed anything to call them, but they didn't mean it.

She was going to have to spend wisely now, watch everything. Being thrust into adulthood meant bills, making sure Dawn was dressed and ready for school, the house was the clean, the grass cut, taxes...her head was pounding. It was good that Dawn was in school now, her sister needed to be around friends and a setting less gloomy. When they watched the coffin being lowered, it finally hit the brunette, and she cried the rest of the day.

Faith was going to be meeting with her parole officer anyminute now, something she had wanted to do by herself the first time. Buffy could've gone home, but she would've felt alone in the big empty house, and she couldn't bring herself to sit on the couch. So she was hanging out with her two wiccan friends, petting Miss Kitty Fantastico and trying to listen to what they were saying.

The only thing she knew when it came to Willow, at the moment, was that she wasn't speaking to or acknowledging the other slayer. Buffy could understand that, but being around the two of them made her uncomfortable and the extra tension wasn't helping at all. Faith was here to stay, and that was that.

"I think I need to go for a walk." Buffy announced.

"Do you want us to come with?" Willow asked.

She shook her head, putting the cat on the floor. "Nah. Don't worry about it."

"Cause we don't mind. It was a silly debate anyway." Tara added.

"It was not!" Willow insisted. "Tara thinks Snuffleupaguswas just Big Bird's imaginary friend, but I know he's real! What about that episode where Maria saw him and apologized?"

"She didn't really see him; she was just being nice so she didn't hurt Big Bird's feelings, honey."

Willow pouted, and Buffy smiled.

"I don't know about that, but Faith and I are pretty sureErnie and Bert are gay." The slayer said.

Tara thought, then nodded. "That makes sense. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"Right." Buffy winked, going out the door. "I'll see you guys later."

Willow, who had been silent since the mention of Faith's name, followed her friend out into the hallway.

"Buffy?" The redhead asked.

She turned around. "Yeah, Will?"

"You and Faith...um...I'm probably super way off, but youguys seem real close ever since...and, you know...how close are you?"

"Would you judge me if I answered that?"

"Well...what's the answer?"

Buffy sighed. "I know she hurt you, and I can't change your mind or make you see what I do, so this is the only time I'm going to talk about this. She's trying, Will, and that means a lot to me. She means a lot to me. Only you and Faith can work things out, and I can't force you, but I'm begging you to find a way to."

***

"Try to relax." Giles said to the brunette slayer.

Faith was wearing a hole in the living room carpet because Ashton was going to be there soon.

"All about impressions, Giles. This has gotta go smooth, or I'll be under suspicion from here on out." She looked toward the door, and then at him, remembering their conversation. "She actually saw the...?"

"Ever since she found out about her higher existence, Dawn has begun following her own path. We never intended for her to see her mother like that, and I'm afraid it may have done her more harm than good."

Joyce's eyes had been open, and that had to have been confusing and traumatizing for Dawn. Instead of realizing that her mother was truly gone, it had caused her to push the truth further away.

"Least she gets it now, right? She could still be hangingonto the denial; then you'd have a major problem. She's a strong kid, just like her big sis, and she knows she's not alone."

"That's very true." He smiled. Yes, he could see the change in her. There was a knock on the door, and Faith started tapping her foot nervously. Giles let the woman in, nodded to her in greeting, and then turned to his houseguest. "I'll be at the shop should you need anything, Faith. You'll do fine."

Emily Ashton was twenty-six, had her light brown hair tied back, and wore small, oval-shaped glasses. Her clothes were professional yet casual at the same time, and she seemed sharp but not too brainy. Any chick that wore sneakers for something like this had to be on the level in Faith's book. Her eyes appeared to be light and not accusing, which was surprising considering her line of work.

"Hi, I'm Emily Ashton. Your parole officer." The woman introduced herself, extending her hand. "But you probably already figured that out."

Politeness too?

"Faith." They shook hands.

"That, *I* already figured out." Emily grinned. "Mind if I sit?"

"Ain't my house." Faith shrugged. "But go ahead. Floor's good enough for me."

"Thank you." Emily took a seat. "Now, Faith, do you have any questions?"

"Isn't this supposed to go the other way around?"

"Why should I ask you questions I already have the answers to?"

"Good point." She liked her. "Name sounds British."

"My mom was, my dad was American. I lived in Europe untilI was three, then I moved to Sacramento."

The slayer raised her eyebrows. "Normally this open with people?"

"No. But the way I see it, if I'm honest with you, you'llbe honest with me."

"Deal." Faith smiled. "So how honest we talkin'?"

"Depends what subjects come up, but for example, if vampires popped up in our conversations, you'd feel comfortable enough to tell me you kill them."

Faith coughed. "Uh...sure...if that came up I'd..." She wasn't expecting that. "Who are you?"

"I'm not going to bore you with the legal stuff, which I'm sure you know. I think I should explain the bigger picture here."

"Council?"

"Hmm?" Emily's eyes widened in realization. "Oh. The Watcher's Council. I don't know much about them, but I do know they don't always havethe same agenda we do. So...no."

"A Power? Cause if you are, that was a wicked low thing you things did, taking Mrs. S."

"They don't decide when someone lives or dies, they just put the paths there, and it's up to the person to live their own life and accept the outcomes of their choices. Most of the time. There are special cases." She stared at the brunette. "I can guarantee you that Joyce is feeling nothing but contentment now, but I'm getting off topic. I'm as human as you are, I justget let in on some of the behind the scenes things the majority of people don't."

Faith contemplated. "Like a priest?"

Emily laughed softly. "Not exactly, but if that helps you understand it, that's fine with me. But I was born where I told you, and I do work for the state's corrections department. I have to make money, and I have to eat. Just have another job a little more cosmic, that's all."

"Watching the screw ups?"

"Guiding those led off the path." She snickered. "That sounded religious, didn't it? I'm not exactly a nun, either. I had my share of fun in college. Chastity isn't a requirement to fight for this side, good thing too."

She definitely liked her. "Guess that means I do have a real shot."

"I'd say so. Anyway, that's the only way I can put it. And I want to make one thing clear. No higher beings pulled any strings for you. You earned your parole. You need to know that. I'm just here as a helping hand to make sure you make the most out of your second chance."

"How's this gonna work?"

"When it comes to your job, if the police get in the way,I'll keep them busy. But if you steal weapons purely because the urge hits you, or do anything else that crosses the line, remember, I still work for the law."

"So my policy...throw it out the window?"

"Turn it into Want. Buy. Have, and there won't be any conflict."

Emily said she knew the answers.

"Got it." Faith smiled.

"The stakes are higher than just your freedom. Oh, alwaysfeel free to point out my bad puns. I'll never improve if you just let me slide." The woman smiled. "You have a destiny, and they want you to get it right this time. I'll do all I can, but it's up to you."

"I get that too."

"Good. That's enough for today, huh? Feel free to start absorbing everything."

"Yeah." She waited a second before continuing. "Uh...whatabout a job? One that pays."

"Is there one you'd like to do?"

"Haven't thought about it much."

"Well, just let me know when you do." Emily stood. "Next week is your first appointment with the shrink. I'll call and give you the time you should be there, the address...it's right here in Sunnydale. Mr. Giles has my number if you need me for anything before that."

"Did he already -?"

"What do you think?" Emily grinned again, and walked to the door. "You've got a nice group here. They'll come around."

Faith walked behind her, and opened the door. "See ya next week, Em?"

"Absolutely. Look forward to talking with you some more. You confident?" The slayer's face was unsure. "Don't worry, we'll work on it."

***

Willow and Tara were walking to the Magic Box. It was an unofficial rule that they'd all meet there in the afternoon. Dawn came there after school, Buffy (and now Faith) trained, and they'd to do research if research could be done. They just passed Xander a few blocks back. He was on break from constructing a Banana Republic in the mall. He'd been working a lot of overtime lately. Everyone dealt in his or her own way.

The girlfriends had gone from discussing Faith, to discussing Xander, to talking about Joyce, and were now back on Faith again. Tara was frustrated, but she tried not to let it show. The returned slayer had dominated their discussions, and she wanted to move on, though she knew Willow had tocome to terms with this.

"You see the good in everybody. That's your gift." Tara was saying to her.

"Faith doesn't have any." Willow said by way of explanation.

"You saw the good in me."

"Tara, you never had any bad in you. It was all 'Mean Dad's' head games. You're all goodness."

"Everybody has darkness too, Willow. Sometimes it's a lot, and sometimes it's a little. You only have a little, but its come out a lot in the past week. It makes me w-worry and, uh, kind of un-uncomfortable." The blonde witch cringed at the redhead's incredulous look. "Most of it is jealousy, right?"

"Jealousy? Why would I have any reason to be jealous?"

"I don't know." Tara spoke quietly, stopping and looking around shyly.

Willow saw this, and disliked herself. She took her girlfriend's hands into her own.

"I am a tiny bit jealous I guess, but not like that. I love you, and you only." Tara looked up at her, blushing. "But...she slept with Xander, which really hurt at the time, and she started taking away my 'Buffy Friend Time' before she went dealing with the Mayor. There, also hurt. And I'd be pretty dumb if I forgot the parts where she would've killed me, almost killed Xander...seeing her again...I get pain aftershocks, and they don't agree with my stomach. It's all twisty." She rubbed it. "Yep, much disagreement in the tummy."

"I'll see if I can fix it later." Tara promised.

The redhead blushed. "Or is it pain echoes? Aftershocks or echoes?" The other witch simply waited. "Sorry, continue. My brain can't make up its mind."

"I know Faith's got demons. The metaphorical kind. She's fighting them though, trying to beat her darkness. More than anyone should have, but she's breaking through it. Can you honestly tell me you don't see that?"

"No..." Willow shook her head with an embarrassed smile. "But I can lyingly tell you I don't."

Tara smiled. "I know you don't understand her, but Buffy seems to, a-and I don't think Buffy would ever -"

"See, that's where I feel threatened. I'm protective of my people, and I don't like when other people pull them out of the circle."

"You shouldn't. You'll always be Buffy's friend. She loves you."

The hacker's eyes widened. "Are you seeing something I'm not? Please tell me that's not as complicated as you made it sound."

"As a friend." Tara grinned her unique grin.

"Oh. Whew." She wiped her forehead in relief. "Can't handle anymore complications. No thank you."

"Besides, I think she's trying to get inside the circle, not, you know, ruin it."

"And I should let her pass just cause she wants in?"

Tara shook her head. "Maybe if you can't understand Buffyand Faith's bond, for now you could, um...respect it?"

Willow chewed her lip for a moment or two. "Oh...ugh. Done. I've ceased being judgmental, and am now in trying mode. This is me trying." She squinted. "K?" Her girlfriend nodded with a giggle. "Inner struggles are tough."

"Imagine what Faith's going through."

"Are you trying to tell me it's a bazillion times worse than mine?"

"You should really sit down and talk to her. Don't do it cause Buffy wants you to, do it cause you do. When you're ready to accept her apology. She needs to say it to heal, and the more people she has helping her, the better chance she has."

"Faith going evil again...very bad." Willow sighed. "Just...I'm not. Ready. But while I'm getting there, I'll be the nice, social margarine-fly and stop avoiding her like a virus with a plague on top. Good?"

"Good." Tara was confused, however. "Margarine-fly?"

"Butter is too fattening."

"Oh. Well, I don't think butterflies actually...cause...do they?"

Willow smiled at her girlfriend, kissed her, and continued walking. Tara caught up a second later; realizing that there were some quirks Willow had that she'd never figure out. But she loved her all the same.

***

"One thousand two-hundred and seventeen." Faith said to Dawn.

"Prove it." The young girl challenged. "I think you made that up. I don't think there are that many."

"One of the slayer powers makes you a human calculator, didn't ya know that?"

"Yeah, right. I've seen Buffy's report cards from high school. She probably still thinks two plus two equals eighteen."

"Ouch." The slayer said, grinning to the ceiling. "Prove me wrong then, kiddo."

They were lying on the mat in the training room of the Magic Box, on their backs, counting the tiny holes in the ceiling. Faith had comein after the meeting to work out, and done so until Dawn had shown up after getting out of school. She had helped the girl with her Pre-Algebra homework, but they both quickly got bored with it. Now they were doing this, which was nearly just as boring, except it required no thought whatsoever. They weren't actually trying to count.

"Already had enough math for today."

"So you're admitting defeat?"

"Don't tell my sister."

"Tell her what?"

Dawn turned her head, saw Faith wink, and smiled. "She liked you, you know. My mom. Even after..."

"Yeah?" That brought a sad, regretful smile to Faith's face.

"How come you...?"

Faith hesitated. "I was messed up. I don't know why the things that happened, happened, but sometimes you have to make decisions real fast, and when you do, they end up being the wrong ones."

"Did my mom make the wrong decision somewhere? Is that why -?"

"Dawn -" She tried interrupting.

"Cause there has to be a reason her brain got that tumor.Things like that don't just show up out of thin air one day. And that's what started everything. Did it even really go away?" Her voice was cracking. "All my teachers were being all understanding and stuff today, but they don't know how I feel."

"Sometimes...there isn't a reason. It sucks big time, but -"

"That's stupid! Not to mention so unfair! She didn't deserve it!" Dawn spat. "Why would something take her away and want to wreck my life? What did I do wrong?"

"You're a bystander in this. Not your fault. I know it feels like the world's out to screw ya, I've been there, but it's not."

"Maybe it's out to get Buffy then. I have to pay cause she's who she is; wouldn't be anything new. I'm already the great mystical Key, isn'tthat enough?" Tears were burning down her cheeks.

She pulled Dawn up, and when they were both sitting, she pulled her into a light embrace. "Hey, it's not her fault, either. She's hurting just the same as you."

"She is?" The small brunette stopped, and chose her words carefully. "I mean...I know she is."

"Probably appreciate having you by her side." Dawn didn'tspeak. "And you don't look like a key to me. If I stick your finger in the lock onyour front door, it won't open, will it?"

Dawn laughed. "No."

"Didn't think so. Know why? Cause you're the same kid I've known since she was twelve. Betcha still can't do pushups."

"I can so. But not right now. Or ever."

"You'll get through this. Things are pretty crappy, but we just have to wait it out. Plus, if I have any say in it, you ain't turning into any key."

"You won't be able to stop it when it happens." Her voicewas serious.

"Why not?"

"Cause some things are just gonna happen. Whether we wantit to or not."

They were silent for awhile, filled with shock, grief, and heavy thoughts.

"Think I hear Red and Tara."

"Shouldn't Buffy be here too?"

"Want me to go get her?" The girls stood slowly as Dawn nodded. "Gonna be okay?"

"Thanks for hanging out with me."

"Anytime."

***

"I needed to talk to her." Buffy said as Faith walked up to where she was sitting against her mother's headstone. "Should I consecrate the ground? So no evil things can try to disturb her?"

"If you think it'll help her rest." The brunette answered, kneeling down.

"It'll help make me feel like I'm doing something. For her. I know I'm taking care of everything, but I'd do that even if it wasn't in her will." She smirked. "That's me, the responsibility whore."

"Do what you feel you gotta do, B, but don't overload yourself."

Buffy closed her eyes with a sigh. "Oh yeah. How'd it go?"

"Pretty damn well. I'll tell you later." She pointed to the engraved stone. "Don't wanna waste her time."

"Nonsense. I'm sure she'd love to hear about it." The older slayer smiled. "She was rooting for you long before I was, you know."

"I heard." The younger one smiled back.

"She saw it. Saw you through all of it." Buffy cleared her throat. "She always told me I was too stubborn, but I...I never listened."

"Your mom was definitely perceptive when it came to life stuff."

"She was, wasn't she? I have no idea how she managed, butshe got through the divorce, got back on her feet...completely started over. Gave Dawn and I lives."

"Motivated, too. She cared a lot about the both of ya; model mom to me."

Buffy nodded. "Even after everything I put her through, she still hung on. I wasn't the easiest daughter to raise. Sneaking in and out of the house, daily calls from the principal, name in too many police reports...I...don't want to disappoint her any more than I already have."

Faith sat next to her. "Disappoint her? You have to know how proud of you she is. Every parent dreams of raising a kid like you, B."

"You're just saying that cause you love me." Buffy smiled weakly, then looked at her mother's name. "You heard it first, mom. Faith and I...are..."

"We're an item, Mrs. S. Soon to be labeled and out of the closet." Faith winked.

Buffy laughed. "She supports us."

"That's a load off."

"So...what made you come track me down?"

"Dawn." Buffy's eyes widened in fear. "She's fine. Just wanted to see her sis."

"Better go then." She kissed her hand, then laid it atop the stone for a moment. "I'll be by again soon, mom. Love you." Faith stood up first, then helped her partner. Buffy started walking. "Coming?"

"I'll catch up in a sec." She watched Buffy go ahead, andturned toward the grave after a second or two. "Don't have much to say. Promise I'll think of something better eventually and do this right, but I gotta thank you for putting her here. You did a great job." She coughed. "I'll let you be."

As Faith started to follow her fellow slayer's path, and not seeing her, she got a bad feeling. Coming upon a mausoleum, she walked around to the back of it, and saw Buffy on the ground, sobbing. She hugged her quickly, and Buffy's arms went around her neck.

"I miss her so much."

Faith just held her. What else could she do?

***

Buffy and Dawn were on the living room floor of their house, watching television. Xander had a spot in the chair, and was making comments about how idiotic the episode of Survivor 2 had been last night. When the slayer asked him why he watched it if it was so idiotic, he answered with a remarkthat wasn't as suave as he had hoped. Dawn laughed though, so he didn't mind the shaming.

Faith watched them for awhile, and knew the other slayer's jokingly sarcastic attitude was just for show. Walking into the kitchen with a sigh, she smirked at the sight before her. Anya and Tara had made dinner for the whole group because the ex-demon had a subscription to Martha Steward's magazine (the woman came off as a bitch-like know-it-all type, and she respected that) and had been anxious to try out a recipe, but was unprepared for the cleaning afterwards.

"These are just going to get used again tomorrow night, why not simply -" Anya started to say.

"Germs. They make you sick." Tara said.

"Anya was around when they still ate off stone." Willow grinned, drying.

"And I was perfectly fine." Anya defended.

"Cause you were a demon." Faith told her. "Big diff between causing disease and getting knocked out by it."

"Sometimes I think I could do without this weak, easily punctured, discolored flesh. It's not beneficial to me in any way." She paused. "Except the part where there's orgasms. I like the orgasms." They looked ather. "If that was inappropriate, being that it's still very soon after...I apologize."

There was a pause.

"Nope." Tara smiled slowly.

"You're just strange." Willow said.

"Oh, yes, Xander's told me that many times." Anya smiled and continued washing.

"Uh, Red?" Faith asked hesitantly.

Willow looked alarmed. "Who? Me?" She pointed to herself.

"I'm gonna handle patrol solo. I don't think she should be out there tonight."

"She really broke down earlier, huh?" The blonde witch asked.

Faith nodded. "Could you keep B here?"

"Keep Buffy...Buffy doesn't keep. I'm not saying she's food that spoils, I mean she, nobody can keep Buffy anywhere she doesn't want to be kept." Willow babbled. "How much sense did that make?"

"Um...eighty-five percent of it this time." Tara smirked.

"Oh good."

The brunette slayer smiled. "She listens to you; you can make her. I've seen it. And if you gotta tell her what I'm doing, tell her I'm only swingin' by a couple. An hour tops." She stopped to take a breath. "She's walking the edge, and if she falls again, she needs to be here so you can pull on the rope."

"I don't think she's walking on a cliff." Anya poked her head out so she could see the living room. "She seems to be sitting on a rug."

They grinned, but Willow still looked unsure.

"Let me put it like this. Who would you want risking their neck more right now? Me or her?" The redhead averted her eyes. "That's what I thought."

Faith went out the back door, and Willow looked at her girlfriend.

"At least I talked to her, right?"

***

Fist hit skull.

"You're not the slayer." The vampire said, dazed and craning his neck to look up at Faith.

"Haven't heard of me? Where have you been? Buried underground?" She smirked. "Oh. You probably were. K then, introductions. Faith. The Slayer. One of two. We run this place. I'd tell ya to spread the word, but you won't be around much longer."

He rolled out of the way of her stomping foot, but she picked him up and hurled him into a fresh grave.

"I'm not goin' down in there, so here's what you'll do. I'm tossing this stake, that's in my hand down to you, and you're gonna put the sharp end through your chest." He growled. "If you don't like that idea, I got some matches. I can just toss 'em in there and watch you burn to death instead. How would you like to go?"

He caught her stake and stared at it a few seconds, then looked up at Faith, who was holding a pack of matches and smiling. He closed his eyes, and jammed the weapon through.

"Puss -"

"Now that's a new, radical way to slay." Xander said. Faith turned around and saw him holding a lot of ice cream cones. "Get the vampires to do the slaying for you. How come I didn't think of that? Sure would save mea heap of energy."

"Checking up on me?"

"Not in the strictest sense, no. I was named 'Ice Cream Pickup' guy in a totally lopsided and crooked vote, and I was hoping I'd find you so you could help carry."

She took one in each hand, and grinned. "Guess you couldn't've helped."

"I don't know about that. Something tells me they actually make these cones out of wood, and even though it looks like I'm helpless to assist, you'd be surprised what I can do in a crisis situation."

"Would I?" They walked quietly toward the cemetery exit. "So...one to ten. It's been a week, how much am I loathed?"

"Decimal place preference?" Faith shook her head. "Four and a half. Give or take a few tenths."

"That low?"

"I used up most of my loathing reserves on the universe and its total unfairness. Well, that and Alex Trebek. He wouldn't be so smart if he didn't have those cards in front of him. He wants a question, he'll get a question."

Faith shook her head again, this time out of amusement. "The universe tries to set things right sooner or later. I've found that out." She paused. "Anyway, wanna tell me what I've been doing so I can do it more andget the scale lower?"

"That not killing people thing you're doing? Keep that up. Vampire killing, though? I like that a bunch." Xander smiled. "Seriously though, you're doing good, Faith. Being there for Buffy, Dawn, helping us...you know, before...before it was like you had this wall up, and nobody could tell what you were feeling, or if the person we saw was really you. But now, you're just laying it all out. And now that I can actually see *you*, it's getting harder and harder to loathe."

"Thanks, Xander." She tried to hide her blush. "Look, I need -"

"Don't apologize. Some people need to hear the words, butto me, that's all they are. Anyhow, actions speak louder, right? I know you're sorry, and much appreciation for that."

She smiled. "One to go."

He nodded. "Next to Buffy, Willow got cut the deepest. She's gonna take time. But -"

"I've got time." She stopped abruptly, and turned her head.

"What is it?" He turned as well.

Standing by Joyce's grave, was Angel. He was holding a single red rose, which he rested on the grass.

"We better get back." Faith said softly.

***

Giles felt the scotch burn his throat, as he let in his visitor. Buffy had asked him to say the eulogy at Joyce's funeral, and feeling honored, he had. But that wasn't enough to get rid of the pain he felt in his chest.He had grieved alone for the past week, always putting on a strong face for the children. Getting a nice haze helped for a bit, but as with all attempts to escape, it wore off and left him feeling worse than before.

Whereas most people would be uncomfortable around one another the rest of their lives, he and Joyce had become closer after that hectic night with the band candy. Not romantically, but they had practically been strangers before the incident; then an understanding, a friendship of sorts developed between them. Mostly out of concern for Buffy's welfare, but there were nights that neither of them could sleep and they'd just talk on the phone for hours. About everything and nothing all at once.

When Joyce went in the hospital, and he wasn't working atthe store, he'd be there, looking after her. A part of him felt like he had failed her, failed Buffy. He had been watching Dawn and Joyce recently while she went patrolling or went out with the group, and there must have been some indication that something was wrong. Had he missed it by not paying attention? What ifall this anguish could have been prevented?

"It doesn't matter now." He muttered to himself, setting the glass down on the coffee table, and sitting himself on the couch.

There was only one thing that mattered anymore.

"That won't help."

"Don't you think I'm aware of that? Bloody awful, I know,but I haven't much else to do at the moment." He brought his hand up to his forehead and massaged it. "Did you see her?"

"Yes." Angel said, sitting in the chair by the table. "Both of them."

"She's the strongest person I've ever known, and only nowdo I understand where she got it from." Giles paused, sighing. "But she's not invincible, Angel, and I fear...I fear that even with all of us here, she's extremely close to her breaking point. If that happens, I'm not certain I'dknow what to do, and we'd all be thrust into a very bad position."

"It's a possibility, but when I...she's better than I thought she would be."

He cleared his throat. "Anyone would have to be a fool not to realize how linked the two of you are, even after the time you've spent apart. You're two distinct people, obviously, but there have been times when your personalities have seemed identical. Buffy is very good at not coping openly with her problems, and as of late, it's becoming common practice. Whether it's because you rubbed off on her -"

"You talked to Cordelia and Wesley." The vampire's eyes got regretful.

"When they arrived for the funeral I got a summary of thepast several months, yes."

"I had them all there to help me get through my problems,and I decided to distance myself and turn my back on them. I did some questionable things, put lives at risk, and bottomed out. Was that the gist of it?"

"More or less." The Englishman nodded.

"Did they tell you about the epiphany?"

"They did, and I'm pleased you were able to make it to your next path, but I don't want Buffy to...have to go through that. Or the kids. She's steadily on her way, and if she shatters, she may not survive long enough to have such a revelation." Angel didn't speak, but he understood. "She's my main priority right now. I have no worries about the slaying, as Faith is here, and more grounded than I've ever seen her."

"Faith's ready to face the challenges ahead of her, and it'll be tough, but she's committed." Angel leaned forward. "If you asked her, she'dsnap Buffy out of it before it was too late."

"If by 'snap her out of it' you mean what I think you mean, I feel I have to remind you that's what started her decline two years ago."

"For Buffy, and for me, talking doesn't get through very often, no matter how hard people try. But when you get your ass kicked, especiallyby someone who cares, you'd be surprised how clear the message gets." He stated it in a matter of fact way. "Sometimes that's the only option."

Giles recalled an emotional night where he had tried to kill the vampire he was currently talking to. That wound had healed, a scar that would never fade in its place, but he knew exactly what Angel was talking about.

("Why did you come here? This wasn't your fight!" He yelled. All there was, was the rage.

Buffy punched him in the face, and he fell to the ground as she cried.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" She hugged him, and his tears came. "You can't leave me. I can't do this alone."

Then there was release.)

"Speaking from experience?"

"Mostly two and half centuries worth of watching it happen to other people. But it happened to me once or twice. After I had my soul and the Powers sent me a guide, he got angry with me a lot. Cordelia, Wesley...they wanted to, but held back. I'd hate to think what I would've done if they hadn't."

"Then you didn't attain your clarity by -?" Angel gave him a look. "Forgotten. Happily."

"One choice makes things easy. They'd both know why she was doing it, and it's not like they couldn't take it. Buffy would either let it happen or defend herself. I'd bet on the latter. Even though I haven't been around, I still know her."

"Well hopefully it won't come to that. Faith might do it,but I can't imagine she'd want to. Frankly, I don't want to have to ask."

"You've noticed."

With the epiphany came the realization that the longing, the aching, wasn't as bad as he had once convinced himself it was.

"They both fought that need to have the other around, which was how they ended up where they did. Now they've embraced it, and whatever binds them together. They'd do anything to keep each other focused and alive, no matter how extreme the measures. That's rare. And almost frightening."

"That's love." Angel smiled.

The watcher smiled back at him. "Scotch? For a toast. To Joyce."

"I'll drink to that."

***

Buffy pulled up the covers around her sister, and kissed her forehead. On her way out of the room, the now eldest Summers in the house, switched off the light.

"Buffy?" Dawn called from her bed.

"Yeah?"

"I love you, you know."

She smiled. "I love you too. Good night, Dawn."

"Night."

Breathing deeply, she walked down the stairs and into theliving room, where the gang was still sitting.

"Is she in bed?" Willow asked, looking over.

"Uh huh." She paused. "You guys have been really, really great. Cooking dinner tonight, and everything you've done the past few days. Going above and beyond, but...thank you."

They smiled.

"You liked the food?" Anya asked suddenly.

"Very delicious."

The ex-demon smiled again.

"Don't ever forget that we're here, Buff." Xander told her.

She shook her head. "I won't."

But she couldn't promise that.

"We've decided t-that it's time for us to go." Tara spokefor the group. "So you can sleep."

"Do I remember how to do that?"

Each of her friends took turns hugging her, before they went out the door. Even Anya.

"Try lying down first. I find that works well." She advised.

"Sleep well, Buffy." Willow said.

"You too." Buffy smiled. "Careful getting home."

"Xander's driving. No worries."

Faith was the last one to make her way out. "I'll see you -"

"Stay." The older slayer said.

"No, B, they're right. You gotta -"

"I will. Just stay for a little." The brunette shut the door, and followed her partner back into the living room, where she stared at the couch. "I can sit on this, right?"

"We don't have to."

"No." She shook her head. "I have to overcome this. I have to overcome something."

"Then sit. Don't think, just sit."

"Just sit?" Faith nodded, and Buffy closed her eyes and slowly lowered herself down.

Faith sat next to her, ready for anything. When she opened them, she reminded herself that was only a couch. Her mother would want the couchto be used, even if she...

"Breathe."

"Breathing...now." Buffy said, trying hard to stay in control.

"You cool?"

"I'm not freaking. That's a step." They sat for awhile before she spoke again. "I didn't expect Angel. I hope he knows how much that meant to me."

"He does." Faith put her arm around Buffy, and she leaned back.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"How far would you go?"

"For what?"

"For me."

Faith thought. "It scares me how far I'd go, B."

"Does it make you...wanna leave?"

"Not anymore."

Buffy smiled. "It's scary to me too, but then, if we didn't feel scared..."

"Then we wouldn't be worth it." Faith smiled at her as well. "New page for both of us."

"Do you know how it's gonna end?"

"That's cheating, B. Gotta read the book cover to cover, or you can't appreciate it. Sides, I look at our lives like those 'Choose Your Own Adventure' books. We decide how it ends."

"Do we really?"

"Everybody's got a destiny, but it's up to them to get toit. So yeah, we have choices."

"Have I mentioned how glad I am that you're here?"

Buffy turned, and their lips met for the only the second time. They instantly remembered how good it was.

"Get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere."