new fic, need beta

[C A Moore <cab_moore@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Hi this is the first time I've posted.
The fic, still in progress is the first fiction I
*ever* wrote (started back in october), I haven't had
time to rewrite the first bit, so I'm afraid the style
starts a little rough, but I like to think that it has
got smoother. So far up to about 11,000 words, seem to
have stalled (too many ideas actually), hoping
feedback will help me decide how to focus it. I hope
to post the fic in parts, but I feel a little
uncertain about posting un-beta'ed, hence this appeal.
I also feel a little self concious among all these
well known established authors, so I guess I will use
that survey that went
around on friday and saturday to introduce myself :-)

PARENTS NAMES : Adrian and Elisabeth
BIRTHPLACE: Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? "Teaching Secondary
School Mathematics" (honest) Basically Im never
reading fiction
because once I pick up the book I read the lot.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Papers, drinks, and the
mouse is usually able to carve out a little corner.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? I havent played any
in years. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? New Scientist
FAVORITE SMELLS? After rain
FAVORITE SOUND? Silence
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? It was due *this* week?
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP
IN THE MORNING? Where am I?, or my bladder depending
on last nights activities
ROLLER COASTER--SCARY OR EXCITING? Beats me
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Depends
how long it takes to find the phone
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST: Until I did a 180 skid one
afternoon, but I getting back in the habit
FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: I cant run fast
enough to catch fast food
STORMS--COOL OR SCARY: Cool, except when youre
camping in tents
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR: 1979 Mazda 323
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO
WOULDIT BE? Jesus (to find out what really happened),
or Fermat to see if he really proved that theorem
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Dont drink
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Aquarius
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? yes
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT
BE? God, or failing that, a politician.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Whats in the
glass?
FAVORITE MOVIES: I can never remember what theyre
called. Chicken Run (watched with younger siblings)
was pretty good
ARE YOU A LEFTY OR A RIGHTY: lefty
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE CORRECT KEYS?
mostly
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Air, carpet, dust
COFFEE OR ICE CREAM? Ice cream, caffeine does funny
things...
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER: 1013
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Watching sport is too
strenuous, I watch Tennis and netball occasionally


The first part of the story is given below, could
anybody who has time to beta (not too many please, I
will post the whole lot eventually) contact me to tell
me how you want it sent, I see three options:

1 I can just sent you an attachment
2 I can leave it in the BuffyWantsWillow files area
3 I can make it available online via a friend's web
site

Some indication of perferred file format would help as
well (I can do html, text, .RTF, .DOC)

Finally here is the teaser:


TITLE: History Visiting [working title] (1/?)
AUTHOR: C A Moore (cab_moore@xxxxxxxxx)
PAIRINGS: Eventually B/W, mild B/R, W/T, B/f in
transit
RATING: PG, I suppose, nothing very explicit
DISCLAIMER: Buffy Universe is the property of
Joss/Mutant Enemy/WB. Helen, Jo, Chris & Jane are mine
SUMMARY: A visitor comes to Sunnydale and ruffles a
few feathers. Fits "in the cracks" between "Doomed"
and "A New Man".
SPOILERS: In this part I dont remember spoiling past
Doomed
AUTHORS NOTES Beta version. Its B/W but dont hold
your breath it will take a while (blasted story keeps
expanding). Mary Sue alert (I dont need to tell you
who)


In the alley the air shimmered for a moment as if, for
a moment reality struggled against the inevitable,
reluctant to accept the change. The air cleared and
there was now a tall, slim man standing in the
previously empty space. The "man" looked about him
getting his bearings; this place was familiar, but at
the same time felt so different. As he moved to the
mouth of the alley a group of young people, men and
women moved past the alley, talking and laughing as
they made their way into some sort of club. A small
smile crossed his lips as he left to alley to follow
them.

****

Buffy walked towards the Bronze, her brow creased in
thought. Patrol had been uneventful, with just a few
newly risen vamps, easily staked. Before patrol Willow
had warned her that there might be something new in
town. She had said that earlier, when she had been
performing a simple spell she had sensed something,
something that had frightened her. She was unable to
exactly describe it; she said it "felt" like an
interdimensional portal being opened and closed; like
a demon summoning, but this had been different, more
powerful yet more controlled. It had really scared
her, and Giles, too, seemed concerned when they told
him, and he had advised her to be very careful on
patrol.

As she entered the Bronze, Willow ambushed her,
"Anything?"

"A few newbie vamps, nothing unusual"

"Riley?"

"I haven't seen him yet, but I'll ask if the
Initiative has seen anything when I see him tonight"

"I won't wait up" Willow smiled.

"Mmm", Buffy paused, "Walk you home?"

"Thanks"
As they left the Bronze there was the sound of a
scuffle and some distinctly vampiric growling from an
alley. Rushing to the alley mouth they saw a man
easily pinning a struggling woman against a wall;
looking at them Buffys "Slayer Sense" was screaming
vampire. Signalling willow to stay put Buffy stalked
up behind the man staking him in the back and thew him
down in to a pile of litter. Turning to help the
victim she was shocked to see that she was a vampire;
before she could react the demon leaped on to her,
stopping her from using the stake; they grappled for a
moment but Buffy clearly had the advantage.

Suddenly the demon's hand reached inside her clothing
and reappeared with a knife. Buffy braced herself for
the blow but it never came, as someone hit the
vampire's elbow, causing is to miss. Buffy easily
moved back and staked the surprised vampire, who
exploded into dust, then looked up at her ally, a
red-haired woman of about her own age. The woman
offered her a hand up, she accepted.

As they moved into the better lighting at the mouth of
the alley, the woman spoke
"What was that?"

"Vampire" Buffy replied shortly. The woman's fast
reaction to the knife was worrying her, as was the
fact that she hadn't noticed the woman when she first
entered the alley, although she supposed that she
could have missed her in the shadows, as her attention
had been focused on the obvious 'victim'.

"They were very fast and strong," the woman said, and
continued with a smile "what about you?"

Willow joined the pair at the alley mouth "Are you
alright Buffy?" In the shadows of the alley it had
been difficult to make out exactly what was happening.
She had been as surprised as Buffy when the victim had
turned on Buffy, and on seeing the other figure
approach the fighting pair had been about to yell a
warning when the fight came to its abrupt conclusion.

"Fine" Buffy replied looking at the stranger in the
streetlight. She was tallish, perhaps five six; but
perfectly proportioned, so that without a reference
you wouldnt notice. Her hair was a paler shade than
Willows, and she was wearing a clingy green dress
that left little of her shape to the imagination. On
an impulse she reached out to the girl's neck to check
her pulse, 'stupid the get caught twice in one night'.
She had a pulse, and her neck was soft and warm. Her
thoughts drifted again to the dress, and it's
contents, it was a very nice shape, she thought, as
her hand caressed the smiling woman's neck. A voice
intruded on her thoughts

"Buffy?" Riley asked, approaching the group.

Buffy drew her hand back as if stung; gathering her
confused thoughts, 'damn post slaying....'. She
turned to Riley with a smile
"Riley? I thought we were meeting at your place", she
remembered the new girl, "Riley this is..." suddenly
realising that she didn't know her name.

"Jo", the girl supplied.

Riley seemed distracted
"Buffy, about tonight, I -" he paused as the presence
of the extra person penetrated his consciousness.

"Yes?"

He drew Buffy away from the others and continued
"Something has come up, I've been rostered on to
tonight's shift, theyve put me on double shifts, and
when Im not patrolling Ill be babysitting, um,
briefing some new brass form Washington, for the whole
weekend. Theyve even got me sleeping on base. I wont
be able to see you until next week."

"Oh"

*****

When Buffy and Riley left them Willow turned to Jo
"Are you from around here?"

"No, I just arrived; your friend, Buffy, what is she?"

Willow ignored the question.
"What do you do?", then realising that it came out a
bit blunt she continued, "I mean, um, what brings you
to Sunnydale?"

The other woman smiled,
"Sorry, I'm a bit pushy. I'm a scientist, I guess. As
a hobby I study paranormal phenomena, and my research
seemed to indicate that Sunnydale was the place to go;
the laryngitis epidemic was too much to ignore. I must
admit I didn't expect to observing so, err,
intimately"

There was a short silence, Jo looked over at Buffy and
Riley talking
"Soldiers and their secrets", she commented to Willow
with a smile.

Willow started,
"How?"

"His job a secret too huh" Jo said, looking even more
amused, "I'm trained to observe, remember. Anyway,
I've seen a lot of soldiers; after a while you can
just tell".

Buffy rejoined the group as Riley left to report
"Riley has to, " looking at Jo, "mark some papers".
She stopped, noticing that Jo and Willow were smiling
at her explanation "What?"

"She worked it out Buffy, she knows Riley is military.
She says you can tell by looking at him." Willow
explained.

Buffy smiled too, seeing the joke
"Ah".

"So what were you two talking about when you weren't
checking out my boyfriend?"

Jo looked on, amused, as Willow filled Buffy in
"& Maybe we should take her to see Giles?" she
finished.

"Isn't he performing tonight?" Buffy asked smiling
again.

"Tomorrow morning, then" Willow continued
emphatically, sharing the joke.

"What is he, a stripper, or something?" Jo asked

"Worse" Buffy replied.

"Folk music" Willow finished.

"Tomorrow it is, then" Jo agreed.

The three girls continued to talk, and Jo subtly
started them walking in the direction that Willow and
Buffy had been heading before the fight. Soon the trio
was headed for the dorm room, Buffy and Willow having
unconsciously taken the lead, still talking to the
woman about their experiences. Not once, despite
talking all night, telling the stranger all about
their lives on the Hellmouth, and their roles as
slayer and witch, did the two girls realise the
strangeness of their easy intimacy with someone they
had met only hours earlier.

Trust is intuitive, body language is the language of
intuition, and Jo was a fluent speaker; it had been
easy to allay their suspicions, using the strength of
their feeling for each other to ensure their
acceptance by mimicking them, to get them to talk
about their lives. She had not expected an opportunity
like this so soon after her arrival. Tired, the girls
fell asleep, awash with feelings of friendship and
security. It was 4AM, plenty of time to sunrise; Jo
quietly rose from her sitting position on the floor,
and looked at the sleeping girls, smiling to herself.
She had a job to do, and now was the time to do it.

***************

That's all for now folks, what do you think?

CBMoore



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