FIC: Rivalry Replaced

Title: Rivalry Replaced

Author: Pat Kelly

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Buffy and Dawn, between "Forever" and "Intervention"

Spoilers: "Forever," "Intervention"

Disclaimer: All hail Joss and his army of Mutant Enemies. I don't own BTVS. I make no money.

RIVALRY REPLACED

"What're you doing?" Dawn asked from the doorway, in flannel pants and a T-shirt.

Buffy was sitting up against the headboard of her bed. She had extra-large gray cotton pants on, and a white tank top. She was actually trying to catch up on her classes for once. She was reading a chapter in her history text. A week had gone by since she and her sister had collapsed onto the floor of the foyer, crying in one another's arms. Since the funeral and their acceptance. A lot had changed between them, the main change being that theywere the closest they had ever been.

"College stuff." Buffy said, glancing up from her book.

Dawn walked in and jumped on the bed, snatching Mr. Gordoas she did so.

"Do you even go anymore?"

"That's what Willow tells me, but I'm not so sure." The slayer noticed that her stuffed childhood companion had been taken, but didn't tryto reclaim it. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

Dawn didn't answer. She backed herself up next to her sister, sat Mr. Gordo on her lap, and looked at the book. Buffy put her arm around the brunette's shoulders, and stroked her brown hair. The younger girl saw a photo of a piece of Greek pottery, and recognized the design on it.

"That's Hercules, right? And he's fighting that Lion thing." Dawn observed.

Buffy checked the caption, and became surprised. Impressed too. "How'd you know that?"

"My social studies class in seventh grade. Mr. Maxwell was like, in love with Ancient Greece. It was scary. He made us wear togas for an entire day once." She looked down at Mr. Gordo, and began picking at the fur. "Mommade it for me. And then she kept taking pictures. She like, forgot it was just a sheet or something."

Buffy closed the book, and set it on the night table by her bed. Tara would give her the notes, anyway. She held Dawn tighter, and as her sister rested her head on her shoulder, she kissed the top of her head. She didn'ttell her to go back to her room, because the truth was, she needed her there, asmuch as Dawn wanted to be there. She didn't want to be alone. It was just them now, and all they had were those memories. Thinking about their mother, they got quiet.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick...

"Dawn?" The slayer asked when she couldn't stand it any longer.

"Yeah?"

"How bad of an adult am I?"

It was hard on both of them. Another dynamic had been added to their relationship, and it wasn't easy to handle. But Dawn didn't expect flawlessness.

"Your lunch preparation skills need work, but other than that...you're doing pretty okay."

The sisters smiled at one another, and then the phone rang.

Buffy got it. "Hello?" She mouthed, 'Willow' to her sister.

Dawn rolled her eyes. She appreciated that they cared andwere checking up on them, but it was getting to be a bit much.

"Hey, Will...yeah, we're fine...dinner? Dinner was..." Dawn made gagging sounds, and she got a pillow in the face. "I didn't burn the house down. That's a step in the right direction, right?...no, we're definitely ordering out tomorrow night. Have to give the oven at least a day to clean itself...you don't have to come over in the morning...Giles is picking us up...yes, really...sorry? Why are you sorry?...okay, no problem." She shook her head in confusion. "Tara just came back? I guess you have to go then..." She winked, and her sister giggled. "Uh huh, sure. Bye."

She clicked off the phone, sighing.

"Willow's kinda weird sometimes." Dawn pointed out. "But not regular weird."

"Nope. Willow's got her own special type of weird." Buffy smiled.

"She doesn't understand what it feels like."

That's what got her mad the most. They told her 'it wouldget better,' or 'it just takes time.' What did they know?

The older sibling frowned. "There's only one way she could. Do you really want her to understand that much?"

Dawn knew her sister had a point. "No. Guess not." She said softly, with a twinge of regret, and then yawned.

Buffy wordlessly switched off her lamp, and they both slid down into a laying position. Dawn pulled up the covers.

"Goodnight, Dawn."

"Goodnight."

***

"What do you know about this?" Dawn smirked.

It was the following afternoon, and she was doing her homework in the Magic Box. Anya was offering her assistance from behind the cash register. Buffy was out trying get information from anyone and anything she could on Glory, Xander was working, Willow and Tara were doing whatever witch or relationship things that they did, and Giles was walking around the store, attending to his customers.

She was just doing this because it was something to do. It was hard to find meaning in anything when your mother just died and you don't know what you are or what a God from Hell wants to do to you. And Glory would find out eventually; Dawn wasn't stupid, she wouldn't come out of whatever was going to happen unscathed. But she hoped she *would* come out of it.

All she knew was how much her sister needed her. For the first time in three years, invented or not, Buffy had let her see her unguarded. She'd only heard the crying after Angel had gone evil and after her breakup with him, but had never seen it. She'd been kept in the dark with everything that concerned Angel, actually. He had really turned Buffy inside out emotionally. Dawn liked him, but she hadn't ever forgiven him for that.

Yet, this was different. This was the slayer, the invincible slayer who always said she could control and handle anything, breaking down because life was hard. After a few years of being the slayer, Dawn had wondered if her sister was still human.

It was good to see that she was.

Dawn could respect that. It wasn't a sign of weakness; she could see just how much Buffy cared. Suddenly, all her reasons for fighting with her, or for getting mad at her when she was kept from seeing things, seemed incredibly childish and dumb. There was no time for that anymore. The reason she was treated like a kid was because she acted like one. It was time to grow up, to be there for her sister. They could both be clueless together.

And when it came down to it, Buffy would be there for her. Even if, technically, she had existed for less than a year, she was loved. Buffy didn't want to lose her, and she didn't want to get lost.

"I know plenty. I work with money." The ex-demon insisted.

"Oh, you can count? That's amazing." Dawn was being blatantly sarcastic. "They even have the little numbers in the corners of the bills to make it easier for you."

"Hey!"

"Did they even teach during the Ice Age?"

"I was born long after that. There were big, furry elephant creatures back then and -" Anya stopped. "Giles! She's being insulting! And distracting me from my job! Can I yell at her? I'm an authority figure; shehas to listen to me. That's how it works, right?"

"Oh no. I'm gonna be sent to my room." Dawn said under her breath. Anya bugged her.

Just then, Buffy came through the door, looking dejected.It was obvious that she got nothing.

"Take her away!" Anya said. "Quickly!"

Buffy looked at Anya, Giles, then her sister. "I'm gonna train. Wanna keep me company?"

"Sure." Dawn agreed.

They walked back to the training room.

"What did you do?" The elder Summers whispered.

Dawn grinned, shrugging. "She's real sensitive about Algebra. Who knew?"

***

The brunette waited until her sister finished her stretching routine before getting up the nerve to ask her what she wanted to ask her. Buffy had just begun to attach the punching bag to the chain that hung from the ceiling.

"Can you um...teach me a couple...uh...moves?" She questioned hesitantly. Buffy regarded her silently, as she wasn't expecting that. "I know. I shouldn't have even brought it up. Cause I'm not the slayer and it's seriously dangerous. I've heard it. Forget I said anything." She looked at her feet.

"Dawn, I..." Buffy trailed off, thinking about it. "What do you want to learn?"

The younger girl heard that and beamed. "Really?"

"You should know how to defend yourself. But you can't goaround beating up boys, okay?"

She huffed. "I can do that already."

Buffy was strangely proud of her. They were sisters, no doubt about it.

"I bet." The slayer grinned. "Just, if you ever find yourself in a bad situation, you gotta promise me you'll know when to walk away."

"Like if I see a bunch of vampires or a lunatic with a gun? Duh. I'm not stupid. Of course I'll run."

'If that's an option.' She saidto herself silently.

"Good. Glad that's settled." Buffy considered what they could do. "Come on. I know what I can show you. It'll buy you time if you ever get into trouble. Which you won't."

"What's it do?"

It took her a minute to come up with an answer. "It's safer if I demonstrate on the dummy. Can you use your imagination?" Her sister looked perplexed. "Xander made me do it to him once, and we didn't think he'd ever breathe again."

Dawn smiled. "Cool." They walked over to the dummy. "Do you ever get afraid when you have to fight?"

"I try not to think about it...but yeah. I do." She paused. "All right, ready?" Dawn nodded. "Watch."

***

Xander, Willow, and Tara entered the training room a few hours later, as darkness was just settling over the town. The sight they saw struck them as extremely funny. Buffy was lying on her stomach, on the mat, and Dawn was sitting on top of her. More specifically, Dawn's left knee was pressinginto her sister's lower back, while she was using both hands to pin her sister's right arm behind her, straining the shoulder.

"Am I doing it right?" The brunette questioned.

"Uh...mm hmm. Much pain. Let up please now me." Buffy realized she sounded incoherent, but that wasn't her fault. Dawn was by no means weak, and was definitely a quick study.

"Oops. Sorry." She started to get up.

"Training and boozing, Buff?" Xander shook his head. "Shameful. You should know by now that that combo doesn't mix." Xander smirked. "Just picture the headline if this ever gets out. 'Sauced Up Slayer Floored by Younger Sibling.' Whatever credibility you had, well, it'd be like Hugh Grant." Thetwo witches gave him odd looks. "Minus the scandalous, naughty parts of the story, obviously." Still with the looks. "It was a long day."

"I'm not drunk; she's just...efficient." Buffy got to herfeet, rubbing her shoulder. She had to give credit where credit was due, but blushed out of embarrassment nonetheless. "And hi."

"What? Cause I'm the 'younger sibling,' I'm helpless? Is that what you're saying?" Dawn demanded, staring Xander down and putting her arms across her chest in a very 'Buffy-like' manner. "Do you want me to hurt you again?"

"She hurt you?" Buffy and Willow questioned at the same time, turning their heads so they could see him, as they were immediately intrigued.

"This was when?" The redhead wondered.

"Never. It was never. She's...that's crazy talk...cause...we had an agreement." He reminded Dawn.

"Tell!" The slayer pleaded, disappointed.

"I just...forgot." Was the brunette's response. She couldbe honorable.

Most of the time.

"See? She forgot." Xander reiterated happily. "Now let's all move on with our lives."

"I'm not done with her yet." Buffy grinned at her sister.

Dawn's eyes bugged out, and she backed up little by little. "Buffy, no." She laughed nervously. "Come on, please? No...no, you can't. Iso don't deserve it, and it's way unfair. I mean, I know I'd be, like...a much better slayer than you, that's a given, but you can't blame me for -" Buffy lunged at her. "No! Buffy! No!" She was grabbed, brought down to the mat, and tickled unmercifully. Between the fits of laughter, Dawn managed to get outa few words repeatedly. "Stop! Help! You guys!"

Willow just smiled. They were getting along really well. It was adorable, plain and simple. She was enjoying the scene so much, that she decided to make it slightly more interesting. In the next second, the two Summers' were floating up off the ground. Buffy stopped her assault, and both she and Dawn screeched, holding onto one another. Willow couldn't help thinking about that scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when Grandpa and Charlie were floating in the Fizzy Lifting Drink machine.

However, burping wasn't going to get the girls down.

"Down! Must go down! We like obeying the laws of gravity,don't we, Dawn? They're very grounding." Buffy said.

Her sister nodded rapidly. "We went to a carnival when I was seven and I got trapped on the Ferris Wheel for two hours cause it decided to stop working. I was in the top seat." Dawn informed the group. "I *really* don't like heights."

"She doesn't." Buffy remembered.

Dawn wanted to go on by herself, insisting that she was old enough. It was the first time she had ever gone on a ride alone, and there ended up being fire-trucks, policemen...the works. Buffy had wanted to climb up somehow and get her, but their mother wouldn't let her; she'd only been twelve at the time. Dawn wouldn't stop crying. It took her two years to even set foot in a theme park. She had convinced herself that Mickey was a devil mouse that ruled over the hell that was Disney Land; it had been very traumatizing.

"Somebody's gonna be responsible for her therapy bills."

"Maybe you should bring them down." Tara whispered.

Willow nodded. She just thought they'd find it fun, that's all. The landing had to be nice and slow, though. Total concentration.

Dawn, not hearing Tara, figured they hadn't moved for onereason and one reason only.

"Okay, okay! The other day when I was over at Xander and Anya's, he was watching TV and I snuck up behind him and pinched the back of his neck. He jumped, screamed like a girl, then for like an hour he kept feeling his neck and saying he was gonna get a welt."

She *could* be honorable, but now wasn't the time.

Xander gaped, and Willow began laughing so hard that she lost her focus. Buffy and Dawn fell to the mat with a thud, and promptly glared at the wiccas after checking themselves for injuries. Tara held her hands up and shook her head furiously. Willow looked as guilty as sin.

"I...didn't do it?" She offered meekly.

The sisters got evil glints in their eyes, and advanced on the redhead. Once she was their victim, Tara dove in to save her girlfriend from the torment. As pleasing as Xander found four females rolling around on the floor to be, he quietly backed out of the room, thankful that they seemed to have forgotten about Dawn revealing his one, isolated, unmanly reaction.

Besides, he knew he'd be next, so he took off while he still could.

***

Buffy's feet were dangling, as she sat on a headstone, waiting for the latest victim of some young vampire whom she wasn't able to find in time, to rise out of the ground. Her attitude was becoming darker and darker. It seemed to be happening a lot lately. The slaying, on top of the loss of her boyfriend and mother, was sucking the life out of her. She slayed because she could. It was quick, easy, and...empty.

She didn't want to be depressed or be unhappy and dismal,but she was being realistic. That's what her life was. It hadn't fully hit her,what she was in for with Glory. A god. Even if she won, there were going to be costly consequences. But how was victory possible? She could fake a positive outlook, but when it all came crashing down, the blow would be harder. She hated it. There was nothing they could do except wait.

It was like a time bomb, and when it exploded, she'd haveto salvage what was still there after the smoke cleared. Would her sister still be there? Would her sister still be her sister?

She knew Dawn hadn't really been her sister for the past fifteen years; she knew all those memories had been manufactured. Though that didn't change the fact that Dawn was here now, and that the same blood flowed through their veins. And those memories weren't just images to her; they were sensations and feelings, surround-sound and vivid. She loved her, and it hadn't occurred to her how much until she knew she might lose her. Her mom and then Dawn? It wasn't fair.

Yes, there were two sets of memories. With Dawn and without. But the ones without Dawn were fading. They were emptier, somehow. Like her slaying. Work and personal lives both empty? That wasn't a nice thought.

Looking back on them, where she was an only child, she was surprised at how truly alone she was. It wasn't pleasant. When she found out she was a slayer, she couldn't tell anyone. When she got kicked out, no one understood her or why, and her parents weren't at all supportive. When her parents split, she had no one to lean on. But with Dawn, she had someone she could tell things to; she had support. Even if Dawn didn't understand, she was there.

Dawn always kept her secrets; it was a sister thing. Friendship was special, but the bond between sisters was something incredible. The only thing she never openly shared with Dawn was the whole, "I had sex with Angel and now he's evil" thing. She found out the basics, but Buffy couldn't say anything more than that. It had been too close to her heart; a part of her that had never gone through something as crazy and emotionally crippling as that before. She kept it to herself and that hurt Dawn, but Buffy wasn't able to see that atthe time.

When she ran away, Dawn took it hard, and when she came back, they were never the same. Dawn had changed, and so had she. The hurt had grown. They grew apart, which lead to increased bickering, fighting, and accusations. Some would have said it was because Dawn was entering adolescence, and thatwhat was happening, happened to all sibling relationships when the younger reached that age. After all, they were separated by five years. It happened even more if the siblings were of the same gender. It was a long phase. It was normal, and to be expected.

But it wasn't. Not for them. They were different.

Had Joyce never gotten sick, they might never have started to repair the damage that time had decided not to heal. They would have drifted further and further, until they were so far away from each other, that by the time they realized just how much they'd missed out on, it would be too late. But Joyce had gotten sick, and that brought them closer. She might have started paying more attention to Dawn when she found out the girl was "the Key," but she hadn't stopped nagging or being the sister Dawn despised.

Their mother was dead, and though they weren't exactly like they had been, they were damn close to it. Tragedy was a bizarre thing. She liked being around her sister, and her sister liked being around her. There was something comforting about it. They liked hanging out, and Buffy even liked sharing her slayer knowledge and skills with her. Buffy couldn't imagine life without Dawn. She couldn't go back, especially now. Dawn was the only one who could currently make her smile a real smile, and for that second, think of nothing else. Dawn let her have fun.

That group tickling earlier? It began because she was goofing off with her sister, and it turned out to be the most fun she'd had in a very, very long time.

She couldn't let Glory win. Dawn was her driving force, and even if she had to die so Dawn didn't, she would. Dawn deserved to live, to havea life. A nice, long one. She was fourteen years old; no way did she deserve any of this. And every time Buffy's brain kept telling her "key, key, key," sheshut it up. She didn't see a key. She saw the one person left that she could really call family, and that she was proud to call family, in every sense of the word. Maybe she was just setting herself up for that big blow she wanted to avoid. Maybe Dawn would be taken away, win or lose, but she refused to think that way.

They were linked, and she'd keep that link strong at all costs. She needed Dawn.

Buffy had to focus, as Tara, who had volunteered to accompany her on patrol, was trying to speak to her. Xander and Willow were afraid to come; Willow out of guilt, Xander out of fear that he'd be mocked endlessly. They were all watching her, making sure one them was there in case she broke. As much as she loved her sister, she couldn't forget how much she loved her friends. Whom she took for granted too often. The impact of slaying was rearing its ugly head again. It never failed.

It was hard to even say those words out loud.

"Buffy, he's um...a-almost out." Tara said, backing up. The witch didn't like the way the newborn was smiling at her.

The vampire hadn't known that the slayer was behind him, and when he got around to facing her, he was already beginning to crumble. Buffy was upset with herself anyway. One of these times, she was going to pay for living in her head.

"Are you okay? Did he -?" She asked, hopping off and looking for wounds.

Willow would turn her into something for sure. And Tara was just one of those people you didn't want to see get hurt. Ever.

"O-oh. No." The witch shook her head. "I'm all right." She smiled.

"Slaying works better if I'm *not* off in the Twilight Zone. Sorry."

"It's okay. Really." She cleared her throat. "I understand, you know." Tara stopped, thinking. "Well, my brother and I w-were never that close. I thought we were, but h-he was just -"

Buffy had to interrupt her. "Can we go back to that part about 'understanding'? Cause I kinda...don't."

"How much Dawn...m-means to you." Tara clarified shyly. "You're worried."

"It's not cause she's the -"

"I know." Tara paused. "She really looks up to you."

"She could be gone." The slayer sighed. "Tell me this'll all work out. Tell me she'll still be here in a few months."

"I can't." She said regretfully. "But I do think that whatever is watching over us, eventually makes things better. My whole life after mymom died, it...it wasn't very good. Even after I moved away. But then Willow came into my life, and now I understand, that going through all that not so nice stuff? It was to get me to her. It took awhile, but I waited, and I'm finally happy." Buffy smiled. "I don't know what the plan is for Dawn, but they seehow important she is to you, I know that."

They walked quietly, while Buffy mulled over the fact that she couldn't get away from waiting. Then she thought about Dawn at Giles' with Xander and -

"Do you think Willow's -?"

"Spazzing?" Tara grinned a little. "She thinks she scarred Dawn for life."

"I guess I should tell her it's fine. Before she starts going full tilt."

"She's probably getting flustered cause she's overcompensating. She gets so stressed out. Pretty soon she'll be in babble-mode. It took me ten minutes to calm her down once. I tried everything."

"How come I get the impression you don't want me to tell her it's fine?" Buffy grinned as well.

"N-no. Y-you should. Ab-absolutely." Tara blushed. "She'sjust c-cute when she can't -"

"Function?"

"Her face, even when it's an angry babble about something...it's like when a cartoon teddy bear tries to look mean."

"Like the grumpy Care Bear."

Tara nodded. "And he was still snuggly."

"He was, wasn't -?" Buffy made an 'O' with her lips. "Nowwhen you say you tried everything, do you mean -?"

"E-everything."

Buffy's eyes widened. "That's...when Willow wants to babble, she babbles, huh?"

"It's really interesting."

***

"I can bake! Do you want me to bake you something? Cookies? I make good chocolate chip ones. Well, I think they're good...but oh, you might not, so I can make a cake instead. It only went flat on me one time. I won't mess it up, I promise. What kind of icing do you like? I'll go buy some right now. I'll even learn how to put those pretty flowers on top. Do you like roses or buttercups?" Willow babbled to Dawn.

The brunette was considering milking this, but as she looked at Giles who was playing Uno with her at the table, she decided against it.

"You don't have to bake me anything. It wasn't that big adeal, honest. Just um, calm down?"

"But I..." The redhead frowned. "I kinda...I don’t control..." She whimpered.

"Willow, would you like some tea?" Giles questioned.

"Yes!" She threw her finger in the air. "Tea! Tea is great. It relaxes the nerves."

"I should check on dinner as well." He said, getting up. "Why don't you come and sit down? You could take over my hand." He nodded at his cards.

Willow looked at Dawn for permission.

"I want you to play." Dawn said, making a 'come' gesture with her hand.

The witch took the seat Giles vacated, and picked up the cards.

"I have two left! I almost have Uno! I never win!" She said excitedly. "Giles did most of the work, but then he gave these to me and -"

"I...know." The girl said slowly. "I was there." She turned in Xander and Anya's direction. They were sitting on the couch watching television. "Xander?"

He visibly jumped, but bit his lip so he didn't make any noise whatsoever. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry." This was starting to creep her out. "Geez, what is it with you guys today? I just wanted you to change the channel."

"You could've mimed it." He said shakily.

"With you facing away from me?"

"Yes."

She rolled her eyes. "Do you realize how lame that was?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. Thanks."

"That's a strange word. Lame. What did it mean originally?" Anya pondered that.

"I couldn't tell ya." Xander answered his girlfriend.

How she got off on these tangents was beyond him.

"And why would you? I mean, like all words in this language, it's probably changed meanings *at least* a thousand times over the centuries. The whole concept of language is very faulty. The number of inconsistenciesis truly astounding."

"Why don't you look it up?"

"What?"

"The word. Lame. Look it up in the dictionary."

Anya laughed. "Please tell me I was supposed to find humor in that. Dictionaries are simply entire collections of...would you like me to point out what's wrong with them? Most likely, there'd be diagrams involved. I know how much you like pictures."

"I'll have to get a rain-check on that, An."

Buffy and Tara walked in just as Giles came from the kitchen with a cup of tea for Willow. She accepted it gratefully, sipped, and began feeling soothed immediately. She smiled broadly at her girlfriend.

"Did you two have fun? How was patrol?" The redhead asked.

"Fun?" Tara asked. "I guess we had as much fun as we could." She looked to Buffy for confirmation. "Seeing as we were in, um, a graveyard."

"Oh yeah. We maxed out our 'graveyard fun' potential." The slayer agreed. "But patrol was more or less uneventful."

"Isn't that the best kind?" Xander asked, joining in on the conversation.

"If the reason for my surplus of stakes didn't involve Glory, it would be." The mood dropped into the somber side of the scale, and she walked over to her sister and Willow, Tara behind her. "Uno? Deal me in." She pulled up a chair.

The blonde witch stood behind her girlfriend, and Willow looked up so she could accept a kiss, as her shoulders were being massaged.

"Feeling better?" Tara asked.

"I'm winding down. Dawn explained how I...there was overreacting." Willow answered, smiling sheepishly. "And this is helping." She continued, referring to the massage. Her girlfriend smiled. "Wanna play too?"

Tara shook her head. "I always thought the point of the game was kinda sad. Getting one card alone, all by itself. I think one is the loneliest number."

Willow grabbed one of Tara's hands and rubbed the back ofit with her thumb, comfortingly. Buffy had to agree with her on that. And Giles, who had gone back into the kitchen, was suddenly interested in what they were saying.

"You're a Doors fan, Tara?" He asked.

"Huh?"

"Apparently not." He paused. "Ah, dinner is nearly ready."

"About time. I'm malnourished in here." Xander said.

"Giles, you shouldn't have." Buffy said. He did so much. Though it beat the original plan of ordering out.

"Why not? It's nice to have dinner guests." The Englishman said.

"Fine. But I'm cooking tomorrow night. At my house."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Dawn asked her sister.

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "Do you want a repeat of earlier?"

"Nope." Dawn said quickly. She took her sister's cards away from her, and gave her back one. "Wow, look. You have Uno. You're the greatest player I've ever seen."

"Yay me." Buffy grinned.

"Oh, I forgot to ask you." Tara said to Buffy. "Are you ready for the exam tomorrow?"

"Exam? What exam? There's an exam?"

"For Greek Art?"

So that's why she was reading the textbook last night. She had forgotten why as soon as she looked at the pages. She couldn't get notes; it was too late.

"Dawn, cover your ears."

The brunette did as she was told.

***

"Stay close to me." Buffy advised her sister.

"If we were any closer, we'd be like, Siamese twins. But we wouldn't, ya know, actually be identical in any way. Or Siamese." Dawn pointed out. "Okay, I'm mature enough to admit that that didn't make sense."

"Those people are called conjoined twins now."

"Oh. Right."

She was going insane; there was no other possible explanation. It was the following night, and she was back in the cemetery. With Dawn. She wanted to protect her, but she had brought her to a place where vampires were waiting to grab any unsuspecting meal. Somehow Dawn had talked her into it, reminding her what she had said about vampires being pretty scarce. And Dawn had helped her to cram for the test when they had gotten home from Giles', and she thought it went well. That card had been used too, and without hesitation.

Her sister knew more about a college course than she did?There was something wrong with that.

Regardless of who had more knowledge than who, here they were, with Dawn carrying her own stake. When they were done, they'd return her home, and she'd cook dinner for them and Giles. She'd been thinking about possibly telling him how she'd been feeling. About how more and more emotionally cutoff she was becoming. On one hand she wanted to, in the hopes of finding out what was going on; on the other, she thought it was her business, and she'd copewith it herself. It was an issue on which she was clearly indecisive.

But she shouldn't be. She should want to go to Giles right away, without question. And that was the problem. Watching Dawn, Buffy noticed how calm she was.

"This doesn't scare you, does it?"

"Well, we haven't seen any vampires yet." Buffy smirked. "But it's weird how the things that used to freak me out, like, don't anymore. I'm some big, important Key. Worrying about other stuff...it's kinda pointless. Especially with mom...that was what scared me the most." She said sadly.

"I get it." That had been her biggest fear too, and unfortunately, it had to become reality. "Believe me, I get it."

They might not have been identical on the outside, but they were certainly alike.

"In case you're wondering, I don't feel any different. Knowing that I'm the Key and all. I still feel like me. Pretty dumb, since I'm probably not gonna be here -"

Buffy knelt in front of her sister, and took her by the shoulders. "No, it's not. That's how I see you. As my sister. Cause you are, and that won't change if I can help it."

"Why?"

"Why? Because..."

Damn it. Now really wasn't the time for an emotional wallto spring up. Then...uh oh. Her internal alarms were going crazy

"Buffy, behind you!" The vampire's arms went around the slayer's neck, and it pulled her up and off her feet while squeezing as hard as it could. Buffy was gagging, and now Dawn was afraid. "Let her go!"

Dawn was going blank; she couldn't go blank. There had tobe something she could with what her sister taught her, and there wasn't much time. Just as she was about to do...*something*, her sister was able to speak her name. Before she knew what was going on, Dawn was tripped, and she fell to the ground. Turning onto her back, she saw that it was another vampire. It was taking hold of her right foot, trying to drag her away from Buffy. That's when she remembered that the stake had slipped out of her hand.

'Idiot! Could you be any dumber?' She mentally chastised herself.

Using her only available option, she stuck her fingers inthe dirt, got some in her hand, and tossed it into the vampire's face. It snarled and released her, as it needed to clear its vision. She scrambled to her feet, and because it was distracted, she was able to drive her foot into its groin. It went down, and she checked on her sister. Buffy had managed to break her vampire's hold and flip it to the ground. She thought its head was at a weird angle, but couldn't tell for sure.

Buffy was hunched over, coughing and trying to get her breathing under control.

Dawn ran over to her, her body trembling. "What...what dowe do?"

When Buffy finally straightened, what she saw caused her to panic. The vampire that Dawn had stunned had gotten up and was charging after her. Dawn's safety foremost in her mind, she gently pushed her out of the way, and came in with a quick right to the vampire's face, then a left. It attempted to retaliate, but she hooked her arm underneath its arm, and got behind him. With her free hand, she took his and snapped it backwards. It growled, but she didn't release him.

Her sister was practically groping the grass, searching for the stake she had dropped. She found it, and held it so tightly her knuckles were white. She got in front of the vampire Buffy had in her clutches, and raised the weapon.

"If you're gonna do it," Buffy said, struggling, "now would be the time."

"Uh, I'm not sure where the heart is."

"Just start stabbing. You'll hit it." Dawn stepped closer, and the vampire kicked his leg up. She screamed, jumping back. "Please hurry." Buffy kneed her captor in back.

The brunette closed her eyes and plunged forward. "Did I get it?" She questioned after a second.

"Yeah, you got it." Dawn opened her eyes back up, and smiled. "Stake."

The sharp piece of wood was handed to her, and she whirled around and stuck it in the vampire that had been choking her before. As she flipped him over, she had managed to snap his neck; Dawn knew something was weird. He had just now gotten it straight. Too bad for him that it didn't matter, because he was turning to dust.

"Now do you see why I don't make a habit of bringing you with me?" Buffy asked, taking a deep breath.

"I won't ask again." Dawn promised. "You hafta admit thatI kicked butt, though."

"You were smart, and you were there for me, which I appreciate."

She put her arm around her sister's shoulders, and they started to make their exit.

"Come on, say I kicked butt."

"You kicked something, but it wasn't a butt." Buffy grinned. "Good enough?"

Dawn flushed, then grumbled to herself. "I didn't get to do that one thing you showed me."

"It wouldn't have helped. Vampires don't breathe, remember? And I'm not gonna find you a demon that does, so you can just forget that idea right now."

"Don't worry. Too tired." Dawn studied her sister. "Are you okay?"

"Me? That was nothing." She dismissed it. "I'm more concerned about you. I *will* check for injuries when we get home, despite any and all protests. Consider that fair warning."

Dawn wasn't exactly caring about that at the moment.

"You could've choked to death."

"But I didn't." Buffy said in a tone that told Dawn she didn't want to talk about this.

And the younger girl shut up about it, even though she was worried.

***

At home, the sisters found Giles in their kitchen, makingthem dinner. When he wasn't supposed to. Buffy knew she should've never given him a key, but she had no choice other than to accept defeat. She had a sneaking suspicion that Dawn had gotten to him somehow, and warned him about her lack of culinary skills. An accusatory glare, and the reaction, was confirmation enough.

While he was preparing the food, she and Dawn had given him a glossed over account of their dual slaying, and after that, Buffy had checked her sister for wounds just like she said she would. She had pondered putting iodine on some part of Dawn's skin as payback, but had an attack of conscience. The dinner had been fairly quiet, the two girls thinking about their problems, and the watcher wondering what they were thinking about.

It was difficult to get information out of Summers' women, he'd discovered.

Dinner was over now, and they were all in the kitchen. Buffy was washing the dishes, Giles was drying a plate, and Dawn was grabbing more dishes off the island to bring them over to her sister.

"Giles, you don't have to help, you cooked. For two nights in a row." Buffy said, feeling guilty that he had been doing most of the work.

"Oh come on. I like to cook. Helping you two out makes mefeel useful." The watcher said.

He turned and put the plate on the island, and Dawn came over handing the dishes she was carrying to Buffy.

"Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday?" Dawn asked him."If you're feeling dispensable."

"Hmm. How tempting." He said sarcastically.

"Dawn, if there're any plates in your room, let's have them, before they get furry and we have to name them." The slayer smirked slightly.

"Hey. I was like five, then?" Dawn reminded her, semi-offended. They still had their moments.

She went upstairs, and Giles went back to the sink, but not before watching Dawn walk off.

"How's she doing?" He asked Buffy. She just looked at him. "And you?"

What was the best way to answer that?

"I'm okay. Some minutes are harder than others."

He leaned against the sink. "I'm so sorry. All I can say is, it-it will get better."

"It has to." She walked to the island, and Giles handed her towel he'd been using so she could dry her hands. "We're holding up, though. It's not all bad. We've been keeping each other entertained lately."

"Yes, I've noticed."

She gave him a tiny smile. "And...you know. Getting into a routine."

"Good. Routine's good." He nodded. "In fact I was thinking, that we might, return to our training schedule."

It was several seconds of silence before she responded. It looked as if she her only option was to tell him everything. That was a relief, but it also made her nervous.

"I don't know. I was, um...thinking about, maybe taking a...break or something."

Which was why she made one last attempt to avoid it by putting the towel on the island, and heading to the living room. Giles was undoubtedly surprised. He removed his glasses and followed her.

"Just...ease off for awhile. Not get into full slay mode."

"You were doing so well." He told her.

They sat on the couch.

"And-and you were great, helping me with everything." She paused. "I'm just...starting to feel...uneasy about stuff."

"Stuff?"

'Just get it out.' Buffy told herself.

"Training, slaying, all of it. It's just-I mean...I can beat up the demons until the cows come home. And then I can beat up the cows...but I'm not sure I like, what it's doing to me."

"But you've mastered so much. I mean, your strength and resilience alone -"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Strength, resilience...those're all words for hardness." Her eyes showed how unhappy she was about that. "I'm starting to feel like, being the slayer is turning *me*, into stone."

Giles smiled reassuringly, getting ready to banish that notion from her head.

"Turning you into stone? Buffy..."

She got up and walked to the side of the coffee table.

"Think about it." She faced him. "I-I was never there forRiley; not like I was for Angel. I was terrible to Dawn until..." Until her deceased mother was coming to the door, and she broke down.

"At a time like this -"

"No." She shook her head.

"You're bound to feel emotionally numb."

"Before that. Riley left because *I* was shut down. And now my mom is gone. And I loved her more than anything," Her voice cracked, "and...I don't know if she knew."

Giles stood up and went over to her. "Oh she knew." He put his hand on her shoulder. "Always."

"I don't know. To slay, to kill, it-it means being hard on the inside. Maybe being the perfect slayer means being too hard to love at all.I-I already feel like I can hardly say the words."

There it was. The root of it all.

"Buffy..."

"Giles. I love you. Love, love, love, love, love, love..." She repeated the word, not believing it was her saying it. "Giles, it feels strange."

Perplexed, he put his glasses back on. "I shouldn't wonder..." He sat on the coffee table. "How serious are you about this?"

"Ten." She went back to the couch. "Serious to the amountof ten."

He turned. "There is something, in the Watchers Diaries...a quest."

"A quest? Like finding a grail or something?"

"Not a grail...maybe, answers?" He paused. "We'll take a day, perhaps two."

"I'm not leaving Dawn. Not with Glory looking for her."

Dawn came into the living room carrying a cup that had been in her room. "Sure you can." She sat on the couch next to Buffy. "What's the deal?"

"Some slayers before Buffy found it helpful in regaining their focus. In learning more about their role. There's a sacred place in the desert, it's-it's not far." Giles answered.

"But I *can't* go." Buffy said. "I'm not leaving you, Dawn."

"If you have to go learn...I mean, if it'll help you out,I think you should do it. I can 'hang with the gang.' I'll be okay." Dawn said.

She wanted her sister better, because she could see that she wasn't.

Buffy thought about it, looking at Giles who was smiling,then at her sister. She put her hand on her hair. "I love you, Dawn. You know that, right?"

She could say it, and she meant it

"Yeah. I love you too."

No, that wasn't good enough.

"I love you. *Really* love you."

"Gettin' weird." Dawn said, smiling nervously.

"Sorry. But it's important that I tell you. Weird love's better than no love."

Dawn smiled and they hugged. She was nowhere near back towhat she was, but she had a starting point, and her family's support. And she hoped that included her mother. That would always count for something. It countedfor a lot. She had to remember just how lucky she was, how none of the slayers before her had what she had. As much as she was glad that she had people who cared for her, part of her thought that maybe it would be easier on everyone if she didn't.

The desert was calling. Perhaps she'd get peace of mind, but she figured the way her life was going, this excursion would just make things worse.