FF: Conversations Continued 5a

["Selenay" <selenay@xxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Conversations Continued 5: What Is Family?
Author: Selenay
E-mail: selenay@xxxxxxxxxx
Summary: With the threat of Glory, Buffy has some hard decisions to make...
Rating: PG-13 (Buffy/Willow)
Spoilers: This is set during 'Family' so there are spoilers for everything
up to and including that episode.
Distribution: My site, http://www.selenayhaven.com and 'A Slayer A Hacker.
Anyone else please ask first.
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy and her friends. It all belongs to Joss
Whedon, Mutant Enemy et al. I'm only playing, and sadly make nothing from
this.
Feedback: Gratefully received


Willow closed the door behind Giles and leaned against it, closing her eyes.
In the space of one evening everything had changed and she had no idea what
to do. If she was honest with herself, she knew what Buffy was going to
decide. There was no other way. But the selfish part of her that hated being
separated from her blonde Slayer hated the idea. She hated Glory for doing
this, and for an irrational moment she hated Dawn for what was happening.

Her sense of fair play, though, forced her to admit that Dawn had nothing to
do with the situation. It was only because of Glory that she had even been
sent.

Despite everything that Buffy had told her, it was impossible not to
remember Dawn and everything she had done. Unbidden, memories of Dawn
sneaking along on patrols, screaming at Buffy when she ran away and having a
huge crush on Xander since fourth grade pushed into her mind. She could
remember it all so clearly, but none of it had ever happened.

< Buffy must be so confused, > she thought, guiltily aware that she was
standing there rather than trying to comfort her girlfriend.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed away from the door and rejoined Buffy in
the lounge. The blonde Slayer was sitting on the sofa with a lost expression
on her face, and Willow immediately sat down next to her and took her hands.

"Buff, I'm sorry," she whispered.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Buffy said dully. "Dawn's not my sister;
there's nothing you could do about that."

"I know. But I wish there was some way I could help."

"There is."

Willow looked at her curiously. "There is? How?"

"Hold me?"

Buffy turned and Willow saw the pain and fear deep in her blue eyes. It was
enough of break her heart and without another word she pulled the blonde
girl into her arms and held her as she quietly sobbed. The quiet sobs were
the most terrifying thing she had ever felt before. Buffy was always so
strong but right now it was as though Glory had ripped out her heart as well
as beating her. The only time Willow could remember her being this
overwhelmed was the day Angel announced he was leaving, and even that had
not been quite as bad as this.

Willow held her, rubbing her back and whispering soothing nonsense words. It
was all she could do and she felt helpless in the face of this.

After a while Buffy began to calm and still, eventually just lying in Willow
's arms with her head on the redhead's shoulder.

"Hey, it'll be all right," Willow whispered, not even aware of what she was
saying.

Buffy lifted her head to reveal red, tear-filled eyes. "No, it's not all
right. It will never be all right. I lost my sister tonight."

"Buff, you haven't lost her," Willow said desperately. "She's still here.
Ok, so she isn't who you thought she was. But she's still here, she's still
Dawn, and you still love her, right?"

Slowly, Buffy nodded.

"Your memories of her are her past and she's flesh and blood, breathing, now
and unless you're planning to throw her out of the door she isn't going
anywhere. Is she?"

Again, Buffy nodded.

"So you see, you haven't completely lost her."

"But everything I remember, everything I feel, is a lie," Buffy said sadly.
"What was real and what wasn't?"

"Does it really matter?" Willow asked seriously. "Would knowing that change
how you feel about her?"

For a long moment the blonde Slayer was absolutely still as she thought. "I
guess not," she said eventually. "Deep inside, she feels like my sister. I
don't think that could change."

Willow gently stroked Buffy's cheek with her thumb and placed a kiss on her
forehead. "I know it couldn't change. No matter what she was, the monks gave
her your blood so she's your sister."

Buffy put her head back on Willow's shoulder and snuggled down. "You always
make everything seem so right."

"It's my job," the witch said with a small smile. "I think it's in the
girlfriend manual."

"Huh. You'll have to get me a copy of that sometime," Buffy said, and Willow
thought she was beginning to sound sleepy.

"I'll put it on your Christmas list," she whispered.

The Slayer sighed and nodded, and Willow could hear her breathing slowing.
After the night that she had endured, the combination of emotion and
physical beatings, it was not surprising that she was sleepy. Willow shifted
slightly and Buffy obligingly shifted with her. She slowly, carefully,
manoeuvred until they were lying on the sofa, rather than sprawled half on
it and half off. Buffy had to be completely exhausted, she mused, because
the blonde Slayer did not even wake as she was gently manipulated into a
more comfortable position.

Willow wrapped her arms around Buffy, holding her close, and closed her
eyes. She could feel the weight of her partner's head on her shoulder and
her warm breath on her neck, comforting and familiar. Although they were in
Buffy's house rather than the dorm she felt calm, almost contented. She
decided to put aside all their worries for tonight and allow the sleep she
was barely holding back to carry her away.

***

Unusually, Buffy woke suddenly. Instead of the slow journey out of the warm
haze of sleep she was suddenly awake and intensely aware of everything
around her.

A sound upstairs and, dimly, she heard the shower start so she slowly
relaxed. She had only been gone a couple of months but already the normal
house-sounds were unfamiliar, and she missed the quiet of their room in the
dorms.

That thought led her onto another, unpleasant, thought and she propped her
head up on Willow's shoulder. From that vantage point she could watch the
redheaded girl sleep. Willow's face was calm, beautiful, and there was a
slight smile on her face as though, even in sleep, she was aware that Buffy
was watching her. Buffy felt tears burning in her eyes and she blinked
rapidly to push them away. The decision had been made for her and there was
nothing she could do, no matter how much she hated the idea. The memory of
the casual ease with which Glory had thrown her around rose up and the
hatred she felt for the powerful creature was almost overwhelming.
Unconsciously she tightened her hold on Willow and the witch slowly woke up.

"Buff, breathing an issue," she said sleepily.

Immediately feeling guilty, Buffy relaxed and began to move away.

Green eyes opened and fixed reproachfully on her. "I said I couldn't
breathe, not go away."

Obediently Buffy snuggled closer and wrapped an arm around her partner's
waist. "Better?"

Willow nodded. "What were you thinking?"

"When?"

"When you tried to strangle me."

"Uh," Buffy said, feeling guilty. "Nothing?"

"Buff, you were trying to squeeze the life out of me. That's not nothing."

"I don't want to talk about it."

Willow frowned and shifted so that they were lying face to face. "You have
to talk about it if you plan to move out today."

"What . . . how . . ?"

"I know you," Willow told her. "I know that you have to look after Dawn and
you can't do that if you're living with me at the dorm. It's the only way."

"But I don't want to."

"I know. But if you abandoned Dawn you wouldn't be the Buffy I've fallen
love with."

Wonderingly, Buffy reached up and put her hand against Willow's cheek. "You'
re amazing, you know that?"

Willow smiled shyly. "N-no. I'm just me. You're the amazing one."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Now you're just being silly."

She shifted slightly and kissed Willow lightly. The redheaded girl happily
responded for a moment before pulling back.

"Buff, your mom? She'll be here-"

"About now," a voice said behind them, and both girls jumped guiltily.

Within moments they had untangled and were sitting, red-face, side-by-side.
Joyce looked at them severely and frowned.

"Have you girls been here all night?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah?" Buffy said slowly, trying to think up an excuse. "We were
talking and . . . I guess we fell asleep. Sorry, won't happen again. We'll
be going now."

"Buffy, you don't have to-"

"No, we do. We have some stuff to sort out."

"I don't want you to feel unwelcome in your own home, ever," Joyce said
sadly. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, but this will always be
your home when you need it."

Buffy swallowed, feeling the tears well up again and pushing them back
again. "Thanks mom. Actually, that's something I need to talk to you about.
Will, could you . . ?"

Willow nodded and squeezed her hand supportively before escaping into the
kitchen. Joyce looked at Buffy curiously and waited for her daughter to
start.

It took Buffy two attempts before she managed to clear her throat and speak.
"Mom, I need to . . . there's something happening. I can't tell you what it
is, but it's important. And it means that I have to move back here. Just for
a while, until all this stuff is sorted out, but . . . can I move back
here?"

"Has something happened with Willow?" Joyce asked, looking surprised.

"No, no!" Buffy said quickly. "Nothing like that. Things couldn't be better.
I hate having to leave her."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I can't tell you, yet. I'm not even sure of much myself. It's sort of . . .
Mom, there's something going on and I think you and Dawn might be in danger.
So I have to be here to make sure you're ok. Please don't ask me anything
else - I've told you everything I can - but I can't do my job if I don't
know that you two are safe."

Slowly, Joyce nodded. "Honey, you know there's always a place for you here.
And I can see how much this is hurting you. If it's that serious, why can't
you tell me? How can I carry on as normal if there's some unknown danger
looming over me?"

"I don't know. You just have to trust that I know what I'm doing and I won't
let anything happen to either of you. So long as I'm here, and the Gang is
helping out, you're perfectly safe."

She could not tell if Joyce believed her, but there was nothing more she
could do. How could she tell her that Dawn was not real?

"Buffy, honey, you're welcome to move back whenever you need to," Joyce
said, smiling at her cautiously. "And Willow is welcome to visit whenever
she wants. Within reason."

"Thanks, mom." Buffy knew that Joyce was still uncomfortable with her
relationship, but at least she was making an effort to accept it. "I'll be
back later with my stuff."

"So soon?"

"Yeah, I'm afraid so."

Willow popped her head around the corner. "All done now?"

"All done," Buffy confirmed, standing and moving towards her.

"Buffy," Joyce called, "are you sure this is all necessary?"

Buffy smiled sadly and nodded. "Yeah, 'fraid it is."

Taking Willow's hand, the blonde Slayer escaped from the house.

***

The journey back to the dorm was a silent one as both girls struggled with
the idea that they had to be parted again. It had been so good to be
together. Buffy had just been getting used to having someone around
full-time that she loved, and not having to say painful goodnights, and now
this was happening. It did not seem fair. There were so many things she had
wanted to do and say, and now she could not.

Deep down she knew that this was not the end; it couldn't be. But it felt
like it. Even though she would probably be seeing Willow every day it would
not be the same as waking up with the redheaded witch across the room from
her. Or, even better, asleep in her arms.

She closed the door to the dorm behind her and turned to Willow, who was
sitting on her bed with a lost expression.

"Will, what will I do without you?" she asked sadly.

"You'll be fine," Willow answered, carefully not looking at her.

"No, I won't be," Buffy said fiercely. "How can I be fine knowing that you'
re here alone? Will, I love you so much . . . I can't stand not being near
you. I hate that I have to do this because some stupid monks make my sister
into their Key. I'm gonna miss you so much."

"How can you miss me? I'll be right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Buffy crossed the room and sat next to Willow, running her hand through the
witch's red hair. "It won't be the same anymore. You'll be here, I'll be
there . . ."

"And never the twain shall meet?" Willow turned to face Buffy, still
avoiding her eyes. "Come on, Buff, it won't be like that. You've coped
before; you can do it again."

"I didn't know what I was missing before. Now I do, and I don't think I can
stand it."

"Buff . . ."

"Will, I know this is probably going to make this worse but . . ."

Buffy trailing off and leaned forwards to kiss her soulmate passionately.
She coaxed gently, with growing determination, and was rewarded with a soft
moan and Willow responding urgently.

"Buffy," Willow muttered, pulling back, "I want this. But if this is going
to make things worse-"

"Hush," Buffy instructed, putting her finger on the girl's lips and kissing
her nose. "I don't know what it will do; this is new territory for me. I
only know that I'll never forgive myself if I don't. At least I'll have
something remember when I'm back home and mom's glaring at you. I love you,
Willow Rosenberg, and nothing is ever going to change that.

She knew the exact moment that Willow made up her mind; it was written in
her eyes as she leaned forwards and they met in another kiss.

***

Willow smiled lazily as she watched Buffy button up her shirt. "Hey, Buff,
you know something?"

"I know lots of things. Was this something specific?" the Slayer asked with
a grin.

"Yeah. This was along the lines of 'I love you and think you're amazing'.
Nothing much but . . ."

Willow knew she was grinning goofily as Buffy sat down next to her on the
bed and put a hand on her cheek.

"That's everything," the blonde girl corrected seriously. "That's more
important that anything else we could ever do or be. You loving me is what's
going to keep me sane."

Unexpectedly, Willow felt her throat close and she had to swallow twice and
blink rapidly to stop the tears. "I love you to. I don't think I've ever
felt this close to anyone before - and I don't think I could feel this way
about anyone else."

They kissed, lazily this time rather than passionately, held each other
tightly.

"I'm going to miss this," Buffy commented.

"Yeah, so am I. But just 'cause you're living at home again, does that mean
you can't come over here sometimes?" Willow asked, looking into her lover's
blue eyes. "This is still your place as well as mine."

Buffy's smile was bittersweet. "My heart will always be here. Well, not
here-here, but with you. Trust me, you won't be able to keep me away."

"Good."

There was a knock at the door and Buffy slowly pulled away and stood up.
Willow sighed and rolled off the bed, running a hand through her hair to
settle it neatly.

"I guess we have to get started," she said sadly, eyeing the empty suitcases
stacked in the corner.

"I guess we do."

Continued in 5b
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