FIC: Sundowning- Together Again, For the Very First Time 1/2

[Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx]

Disclaimer: All this belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy
Inc.(Grrrr...raarrr.)


Drain Brameged Inc Proudly Presents
A Mad-Hamlet Production


Sundowning
Together Again, For the Very First Time

An Epilouge




"No, I'm not kidding Giles!" I said into the phone. "Just
bring the others."

I narrowed my eyes even though he couldn't see me. "Whaddya
mean what other? All of them! I'll explain when you get here, no it's
nothing bad. The..opposite of that really."

Buffy's head rested in my lap. She's was snoozing even though
the two of slept the entire day. Well..she did. I watched her. Watched
her breath, watched her lashes flutter, watched the way the wind moved
across the room to play with her hair spread out on the pillow. It
wasn't until she woke up, hours later, smiled and kissed me without a
word, it was only then that I could finally..really..believe.

Buffy was back. My Buffy was really, really back.

"What?" I said sounding outraged. "You think I'd be that
stupid? I'm hurt Giles. Really. To think I'd use necromatic magic to
try and ressurect Buffy, please. Shyeah right."

Buffy giggled into my lap and reached up with her hands to
move her fingers over my throat and jaw. It tickled.

"No no.." I tried to stifle a burst of laughter. "I'm still
here, yes, that's right. Call the others have them meet us..I mean
me..at Buffy's house. Right, about an hour. Okay..see you then. Bye.
Oh..and Giles? Give my love to Dawn."

***

It's dark. They've all gone home. Happy, surprised. Xander
stumbled out of here being dragged by Anya, wearing a big smile on his
face. Anya was saying something about him having two months to catch
up on.

Tara had just hugged us both, eyes brimming with tears. "The
Goddess's blessings." She said.

Buffy nodded. "You have no idea." She said.

Tara headed out the door.

"Tara!" I called after her. "Do..you...want to get together?
Practice some..big bad mojo or something?" I shrugged.

She put her hand to her mouth and choked off a small laugh.
"Yes Willow." She said, now she was crying, but in a good way. "I'd
like that. It'll be fun. G'night."

Giles wanted to stay but it was, surprisingly, Dawn who
insisted they leave. She'd tugged and tugged on his hand. I didn't
understand her at first. Her family was back. Her sister was alive and
here and she was still willing to be away from her so we...Buffy and
I..could be together.

"C'mon Giles." She said. "Let's get outta here. You can help
me pack my stuff."

"Are..are you sure that's wise Dawn?" Giles objected.
"Buffy..might be..that is..I'm sure it would..."

"Everything Buffy needs is right here." Dawn insisited. "All
romantic and yucky. Bleah. Sooner I get out of here the better. Let's
_go_!"

She looked at me and gave me a slow wink. I mouthed the words
'Thank You' and she gave me a small nod. And they were out the door.

Spike, who hadn't said much the entire evening just walked out
the door. Turning to Buffy he said. "I cannot say how good it is to
have you back Slayer." He paused. "Really."

Buffy yelled out the door after him. "Love you too big guy!"

"Sod off!"

Now..now it's dark and we're alone. Me and Buffy. Buffy and
me...er..I.

***

Xander and Anya was the first too arrive. The front door
opened slowly and his head peeked around the corner.

"Will?" He called.

"Living room!" I shouted back.

He stepped around the coner from the hallway cautiously, like
a timid ..mm..squirrel? Like something ready to bolt at any second.
The way I had treated them all since..well, I couldn't blame him for
being skittish.

"Willow." He said, he was trying to be 'Good ol' Xander, with
a everpresent smile and glib tone. It..was a good effort but, in all
honest I could only give it two and half stars. "Giles called, said
something was up? You wanted to see us?"

I leapt up off the sofa and practically tackled him. "Xander!"

He nearly did run but I had him pretty good by then. "How ya
doing Xander?" I smiled up at him, I could see the confusion warring
with a sense of relief. He was being careful. After so much hellmouthy
stuff I couldn't blame him.

"Wills?" He asked. "I..that is...are you..okay? Finally?"
Relief seemed to have won the war.

"Well, she's hugging you isn't she? She's smiling at you too
Xander. It's just a guess but that looks like 'All Right' Willow
actions to me."

Xander glanced over my shoulder. "You might have a point there
BuffyyeeeeaaaAAAAHHH!!!"

Now he did jump out of my hug and nearly clear across the
room. Buffy was sitting in the far corner of the sofa, her legs
crossed and an amused smile on her face.

"Was it something I said?" She asked, looking innocent as a
new born babe.

Xander was bent over, one hand pressed to his heart, taking
deep breaths.

Anya came in behind him and looked at the scene.

"Buffy." She said. "Hey, you're alive!" Anya shot across the
room, yanked Buffy from her chair, an impressive feat considering lack
of Slayer strength, and pulled Buffy into a fierce hug.

Xander just stood in mute witness to this ...presentation of
very surprising affection between the two. I probably looked a lot
like him. Eyes wide, jaw gaping.

"I'm so happy to see you!" Anya burbled squeezing Buffy so
hard her eyes bulged. Buffy gave a little half laugh and ..reluctantly
put her arms around Anya shooting me a look that cried 'Help!'. I
started to smile.

"Uh..thanks..Anya.. It's um..good to see you too." Buffy said
still glancing at me.

Anya let Buffy go so suddenly she fell back into her chair and
spun to face us. "That is how you do it right Xander? That's how I was
supposed to act? I did what you said and just let the feelings tell me
what to do, didn't really ask why, just.did what you said. That's
right isn't it?"

"Yeeeeaaahh.." Xander nodded slowly. "But..next time..maybe a
little less zeal okay?"

"Oh." Anya glanced at the floor. "Well the..zeal..was ..um..
well I just wanted to make sure." She pulled down the collar of her
sweater to reveal a small crucifix dangling from a golden chain. "I..I
pressed it up against her. She didn't burn. She's..uh..clean. She's
human."

"That's not all you pressed up against me." Buffy grumped
crossing her arms.


The words slipped out unbidden, embarssing, , but not
regretted. "I'll make it better later." I said.

Xander shot me a look, I think he was still stunned.
"Innduendo..whoa." He said. "I..I gotta sit down. No wait, first I
have to hug Buffy, then I have to sit down."

Buffy stood up and walked over to him. "I'll save you the
trip." She said and moved to give him a hug but Xander's hands on her
shoulders stopped her.

"I just want to be clear," He said. "I'm not wearing a cross
okay? Okay. Hug now."

They did. And kept on doing it for a few moments until
Xander's legs suddenly gave and he collapsed onto the sofa. "Uh oop."
He said still looking slightly buzzed. "Seems the Hug part overlapped
the 'having to sit down' part of my schedule." He paused. "Sorry."

Buffy knelt down next to wear he was sitting. "I missed you
Xander."

"Yeah.." He said quietly. "Me too. That is..I missed you, not
me. I'm always here so it's hard to miss me. Unless you're not me and
as I'm always here I won't ever miss me. Unless I'm dead but, as
you're sitting right here Buffy, I don't think that's quite the
permanent thing it once...my God!" He swung his head around to look up
at me. "She's really back! Isn't she!"

"Yes." I smiled down at him. "She's back..really honestly and
lucsiously. Did I say that uh..whoops?"

"Yoohoo..guys! Topic of conversation right over here." Buffy
said waving her arms. "Third person speech not required but thank you
for playing."

"I..I don't understand." Anya finally said. "Buffy's back and
we're all surprised? This..doesn't happen often?"

"Not fully back Anya no." Buffy says. "If someone backs..er
comes back..usually it includes a wicked set of dentures and a
not-so-sunny disposition. Or shambling about mubling for brains."

"Aaahh.." Xander said. "Well..actually that's not quite how
zombies behave."

"Oh?" Buffy asked eyebrows raised. "And this is known
because?"

"Eehhh.." Xander hedged. "Something I read. Anyway..Giles and
the rest are coming?"

"Yes, any second now." I replied.

Xander rubbed his hands together gleefully. "I have me," He
said mischiviously. "An idea!"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "We're in trouble." She mumbled.

Scoobs..back together again.

***

The lights are off.

The lights are off when I walk into her..our..bedroom. I
finish towling off my hair and give it a quick shake. There is no
breeze coming in from the open window, and the light shining through
is from the neighbors backyard party. The loud thumping music and the
occasional yelled 'wahoo' doesn't exactly add to the romantic setting
either. But she's here. Sitting on the bed, Buffy, dressed in a simple
bathrobe, like me, sitting on the bed. Her hands clasped together in
her lap, thumbs idly rubbing over each other.

She looks lonely. That's why I'm here.

"Willow?" She looks up at me. "I missed you."

"I showered as fast as I could." I say.

"I know. Me too. Sit by me would you?" She pats a spot on the
bed beside her. She...looks afraid. Anxious...

I sit by her and try to take her hands in mine but she pulls
them away. I'm momentarily hurt until she slides one arm around my
waist and rests her head on my shoulder. It's nice but not what I was
expecting. Usually I'm the one resting.

"Buffy?" I ask. "Is everything..are you okay?"

She's silent for a few moments, then I hear her sniff a few
times.

"I..." She stops. I hear her take a few deep breaths,
somethings wrong, something's very wrong... "I'm a terrible person."
She whispers horsely. That's the last thing she gets out before she
quietly starts to sob into my shoulder, pushing her face into the
material of my bathrobe.

I do the only thing I can, put my arms around her and slowly
beging to rock back and forth as she continues to wail.

***

We barely had time to put Xander's plan into action before
Giles, Dawn, Tara and Spike show up at the front door.

"We're a tad late." Giles said. "We had to wait for...uh..the
sun to set."

"I'm so sorry I have such a powerful aversion to bursting into
flame." Spike snarled. "Just color me touchy."

"Yes..quite." Giles replied wearily.

"Hi Willow." Dawn said. She was standing next to Spike who
seemed to hover about her protectivly.

"Dawn." I said in my best monotone voice though in truth I was
fit to burst. "Good to see you all, c'mon in." And I moved out of the
doorway to let them enter. Tara gave me a pained smile as she walked
past which I forced myself to ignore, even though I really wanted to
throw myself at her feet and beg for forgivness..okay..maybe not that
extreme but I felt, and still feel, that I really owed her an apology.

Giles, Tara and Dawn entered the living room where Xander was
sitting on the sofa with Anya curled up next to him. Spike hung back
in the hallway, just staring at me. I met his gaze without blinking
and we remained like that. After a second or two he very delibretly
took in a lungful of air and held it. I saw his eyes narrow...then
they nearly bulged out of his sockets.

He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off with a
tiny shake of my head.

"You gotta be kidden'" Spike whispered.

"Shhhhh." I softly replied. "Have a seat Spike and, please,
don't say anything."

With a nod and a mumbled "You owe me Red." he sat down in the
last available seat. Of course he put his feet up on the table.

"That chair is a recliner y'know Spike." Xander said, pointing
a finger at him.

"Maybe." Spike nodded. "But this is more comfy." And crossed
his legs, leaving scuff marks on the table.

"You live to be a pain in the ass don't you?" Dawn asked.

"It is a driving passion of mine bit, yes." He smiled at her
cheekily. He waves his hand in a lazy circle. "Course it's part of the
charm."

Dawn just snorts and shakes her head. She was, when the chips
were down, stronger than I was. She accepted Buffy's death and moved
on with her life, allowing herself to be happy, to mourn surely, but
she let it go. She was better than I was, she was truly Buffy's
sister. Now..now I was going to give her her reward.

Spike and Giles are sitting in soft, comfy chairs across from
the sofa where Dawn, sitting between Xander and Tara were. Anya have
moved to sit on the floor in front of Xander, leaning her head against
the front of his legs. Xander ran his fingers through her hair from
time to time and she always responded to that with a smile.

They all sat like that for a bit, looking at me, silent as I
stood in the entranceway, arms crossed, leaning against the frame.

"Xander." I said. "Ready?"

He nodded.

Giles sat up. "If I might ask..." He began.

"All the answers y'need are right here G-Man. Dawnie." Xander
said handing them each a folded piece of paper. Giles frowned slightly
as he opened his up and began to read. Dawn looked a little more
excited.

The silence streched impossibly long. "Uh..I'm afraid I don't
quite understand." Giles finally said. "Is says. 'WS with exp seeking
W. For G&W, with occasional S&R'. Is this some sort of code?"

"Yeah." Dawn said. "And what's with SWS seeks YS to SHW, GIA,
and PM?"

"Easy." Said a voice from the kitchen. Buffy strolled into the
room with a tray of glasses and several bottles of coke. "Giles's note
says 'White Slayer with expierence seeking Watcher for Guidance and
Wisdom with occasional scoldings and reciminations.' Your's Dawnie,
says 'Slayer Without Sister, seeks Younger Sibling to Share House
With, Get Into Arguments and Property Mismanagement.' You can keep Mr.
Gordo though." She put the tray on the table and shoved Spike's feet
out of the way. They landed on the floor with a thud.

"Anyone want a coke?" Buffy asked holding up one of the
bottles in one hand and two glasses in the other.

***


Her sobbing stopped a while ago. The only thing to break the
silence is still the loud base of the neighbors sound system. Every
once in a while she sniffles. My bathrobe is soaked clean through with
tears but I don't mind. My arms are tired of holding most of her
weight as I sill rock back and forth, making comforting sounds.
Carrasing her face with my fingers. I don't mind that either.

After a while I work up the courage to speak, to actually say
something.

"Why," I swallow. My throat has gone dry. "Why do you think
you're a terrible person?"

Buffy doesn't say anything for a long while. I'm content to
continue rocking her, being there. It's for her of course, but it's
for me too. To feel her in my arms, know that warm feeling is coming
from the one person who I can let this close. It's her body heat, it's
her hair cascading over my hand, it's all her. Here, now and that's
good enough, for the moment.

"I didn't die for you." She croaks.

"What?" I ask a little puzzled. "I..I don't understand Buffy."

"I didn't die for you." She says again. "I didn't jump into
the vortex to stop it because it was the right thing to do, or because
it would save everything, prevent the end of all things. That didn't
matter. I died for me Willow."

She takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I was tired, I hurt and
it just didn't seem to stop. I was greedy, and self centered, I left
you. I broke my promise and, at the time, I didn't care. I died for me
Willow. I don't deserve your love."

She quietly begins weeping again.

I don't even think. I don't have too.

I slowly push her from my embrace and she moves away, not even
fighting back, she doesn't protest in the slightest. She probably
believes it to be her punishment, that I'm going to leave her. Buffy
is so many incredibly, wonderful things, but sometimes she can be
stangeringly dumb.

She's sitting, hunched over, head hung low, maybe so she can't
see me leave, she expects me to stalk out the room angrily. She's in
for a surprise.

I reach over and take her face in my hands, tilting it up,
forcing her to look at me, to look me right in the eyes. One of my
hands cups her chin, with the other I caress her cheeks.

"Buffy Summers," I whisper, my face mere inches from her own.
"You are guilty of the crime of being a human being, despite also
being The Slayer. As you have been judged, so shall you be condemned.
This is your punishment."

I move foward, easing myself through the little space that
seperates us.

She has just enough time to whisper a feeble protest.

We havn't kissed since early this morning, by the pond. Those
were anchors, reaffirmations that what was happening was..happening.
This one is... healing. Wherever, whenever, I was in that ...in..at?
'Somewhere Else' the ..collection of misery that I had was dispatched.
Smacked aside like an errant, if somewhat ugly, tennis ball. I was
better after that. Even when I first believed the whole thing to be a
dream, I was still better. When I had Buffy back for real, I was even
more...better.

Now, now I'm best. We have achieved bestedness!

It's a light kiss, a hint of lips meeting, then pulling away,
then moving together again, not carressing, now touching, now opening,
breath is being shared. My thumbs move over her cheeks, wiping away
fresh tears that I can touch, that are real. Maybe they're needed now,
but not for much longer. We have better things to do than cry. I say
we, because I think I'm crying too.

***

"Buffy?" Giles gaped. "I..uh..wha..."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him slightly. "What's the big?" She
asked. "So I offered you a coke, what is it with you British types
anyway? Tea, tea, tea, tea, tea...try something surgerishly bubbly
every once in a while."

"My God." Giles said still staring. "It...really is you?"

"BUFFY!!" Dawn screamed. She was wrapped around her sister in
a heartbeat. I could tell you how she was crying tears of joy, I could
tell you how she was laughing and sobbing, screaming, and crying,
giggling, hugging, holding and a score of other adjectives. Not one
would even come close though.

She was radiating joy, great heaping waves that shot around
the room and burrowed into the heart of everyone. Looking back on it,
I'm not so sure it was just her joy. She is The Key, who knows what
that kind of ecstacy could produce.

I noticed Spike out of the corner of my eye, he was resting
his head in one hand, staring at the scene. His features were set in a
permanent scowl and he appeared to be grumbling. The eyes gave him
away though. Were they bright and shiny? Dancing with hidden amusement
and maybe a little regretful longing?

Come on, this was Spike. Even his eyes were bored.

He glance in my direction. "Lookin' for something?" He
mumbled.

"Confirming a theory." I said back quietly.

"That being?"

"You really don't not care." I said.

"Course I care." He said shrugging his shoulder. "I care that
Summers is back and I care that, once I get this techno thingie in my
head out; it's Govement Issue recall, can't last that much longer,
that'll I'll have a chance to wack the bitch."

"Liar." I said.

He shrugged again. "Maybe. The Bit's happy though. Good enuff
for now. Eh?"

I turned in and drank in the scene. Giles still just sitting
is his seat, hands folded together as he too watched the goings on.
Occasionally he'd smile a little bit wider and shake his head. Dawn
was just ..an entire menagerie of expression and talk. The complete
ensamble of being human, and getting back something..irriplacelable. I
knew, and still know, the feeling. Xander and Anya also were
reaminging seatings. They were glancing at Dawn and Buffy, smiling at
them, then at each other.

"Yeah." I said nodding. "It's good enough for now."


Giles stood up. "Eh..excuse me." He fumbled. "I..must..er..go
to the kitchen to..find..something or other. Tea perhaps. I'll be
right back." He ducked out of the room.

"Giles?" Buffy asked, looking confused.

"Relax yourself Summers." Spike breathed. "He's just gone off
to be utterly british. S'not you."

"Oh." Buffy nodded. "Course."

"Buuufffyyyy," Dawn whined. "I was telling you how the gang
took me on patrol!!"

"They did what?" Buffy's sweeping glare took us all in.

Xander laughed that 'I must talk fast now, or I shall die'
laugh of his. "Oh..ah..well, it wasn't my idea and..er..by speaking up
I've made myself the center of attention havn't I? Uh..whoops?"

"Scuse me." I said. "I'll be right back." Discresction being
the better part of valor.

"You're not off the hook Wiccan!" Buffy shouted after me as
Dawn continued telling her about her very first staking. I'd have
liked to have heard the story too. I'd missed that night. I'd missed
lots of nights.

I entered the kitchen and found Giles leaning against the
counter. He had taken off his glasses and was staring off into space
at nothing. He had his arms crossed and just seemed to appear very
relaxed though his eyes were shiny. An unopened bottle of champagne
stood next to him patiently.

"Giles?" I hesitated, I didn't want to spoil..whatever it was.

"It is a wonderful feeling." He said slowly. "To have your
faith in the general goodness of things restored."

I didn't have words enough to agree.

"Ah, Willow." He finally actually noticed me. "I thought
something a bit more celebreatory than carbonated beverages might be
called for. Do you have any idea where the ice bucket is?"

***