From: jeepy91@xxxxxxx
To: buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, buffyloveswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,
buffyandwillowslash@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: ::BuffyLovesWillow:: FIC: The Truth Will Set You Free
Date: Sun, 21 Oct 2001 05:24:49 EDT
And this would be my second attempt at a Buffy/Willow fic: )
~~~~~
Author: Casandra
Email: rozwellrulz@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: ‘A vague disclaimer is nobody’s friend’. Ok so maybe I
borrowed a line from Willow there :: insert sheepish grin here::. You guys
know the drill, I own absolutely nothing here, it all belongs to Joss
Whedon,
Mutant Enemy, and whoever else that I can’t seem to remember at the
moment.
Rating: PG-13. What can I say, I’m a slash virgin. I can’t even begin
to
try and write smut. But give me time, you never know. ::evil laughter::
Pairing: Willow/Buffy, Buffy/Willow, Hacker/Slayer, I think you get the
point.
Summary: Picks up right where ‘Afterlife’ left off.
Spoilers: Well pretty much anything is fair game up through
‘Afterlife’.
Feedback: I love feedback, it makes me actually feel like I accomplished
something other than just wasting my time on a fic.
Distribution: Sure, take it, just please drop me a line and let me know
where
it’s going.
Author’s Note: Ok, well this is my first foray into the Buffy universe
fic
wise. I’ve written 2 Roswell fics and a couple of Popular slash fics,
but
never anywhere near Buffy. So please excuse me if I seem like a bit of a
novice. I just decided to take a chance and write about my favorite Buffy
couple, UC or otherwise. There was just so much subtext in the season 6
premiere, how could I not?
Warning: If a female/female romantic relationship bothers you, you’ll
definitely want to stay far away from this fic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts are in < >
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy gently closed the door to the back entrance of the Magic Box,
breathing
in the warm afternoon air as a soft breeze sweeped around her. Seeing her
friends again, just being with them, had felt wonderful, but the weight of
the past 24 hours was bearing down heavily on her. She saw Spike sitting
on
a crate in the alley smoking a cigerette. She stepped hesitantly toward
him,
for some strange reason feeling like she didn’t have to hide the truth
from
the wayward vampire. And for the same strange reason she knew he would
keep
quiet about what she was going to share with him.
~~~~~~
"They can never know the truth" Buffy tossed back over her shoulder to
Spike
as she walked away. There was no way that Buffy would ever let her
friends
find out where he soul had actually been. The look in their eyes alone was
enough to make her live with the burden of the truth. <Who am I kidding,
it
wasn’t their faces, its was hers. Only hers> When Buffy had looked into
Willow’s eyes, the trust, the hope, the love and the pain, she saw had
sealed
the deal for her. She would not hurt Willow with the truth, and nothing
could make her do otherwise.
Buffy thought back to before her……………. Her passing. A
involuntary shudder
coursed through her body at the mere thought of her death. But she
continued
letting her mind drift as she aimlessly roamed the streets of Sunnydale,
her
own private hell. She thought back to the moment when she knew she was in
love. It had hit her like a speeding truck, surprising her in every
possible
way. Yet with some part of her soul she knew it had been a long time in
coming. She smiled as a vision of her love danced through her head.
Gentle
porcelain features, emerald green eyes that you could get lost in and never
want to be found, and a mane of silky red hair. She continued to smile,
her
first real smile in months, the vision of her best friend continuing to
permeate her mind. <Best friend seems like a huge understatement. More
like
the all consuming love of my life, the light to my dark, the yin to my
yang.
My soul mate?> Buffy’s grin grew even wider at that thought, but it
quickly
faded as another image flashed into her mind. Tara. Or more precisely,
Willow and Tara together. That image had been the very same thing that had
caused Buffy to reevaluate her feeling for her best friend. She continued
to
let her thoughts drift back to that night last May, the night that had
changed everything for her.
She remembered when she got the call from Giles. He had told her to get to
the hospital right away, that Willow needed her. Immediately her thoughts
flew to one terrifying thing, Willow was hurt. As the surge of fear
started
to wash over her she managed to catch Giles’ parting words;
"It’s Tara"
The relief that she had felt with those two simple words was overpowering.
As she was leaving Spike’s crypt, after having dropped off Dawn, the
guilt
set in. Guilt mixed with a strange sense of confusion, and a almost
overwhelming jealousy. She had put the latter out of her mind as she
rushed
to the hospital, Willow needed her, that was the important thing. But as
she
drove through the small town, in the back of her mind she knew something
was
changing.
When she arrived at the hospital she immediately to Tara’s room, the need
to
be with Willow almost overpowering. She quietly slipped in, her eyes
immediately coming to rest on the beautiful redhead. The look Willow’s
eyes
carried was enough to break Buffy’s heart. So Buffy did the only thing
she
could, she grasped the distraught Wiccan in a tight embrace. She released
her reluctantly and then grabbed Tara in a quick hug, the girl not seeming
to
notice the petite Slayer wrapped around her. Buffy again looked at Willow,
her heart seeming to break into a million pieces for the second time that
night. She gently cupped her cheek and grasped her hand, trying to be as
supportive as she could be for her heart broken best friend.
It was later on that night that her blinders had been completely stripped
away. After she had talked Willow out of exacting revenge on Glory she
went
back to Spike’s crypt to retrieve her little sister. She listened to
Spike
go on and on about how he thought Willow wouldn’t listen to her and go
after
Glory anyway, that was when the anvil had dropped. The sheer panic she
felt
at the thought that Willow might go up against Glory alone was enough to
scare Buffy senseless. She had bolted out of Spike’s lair and headed
straight for Glory’s penthouse, praying to any God that would listen that
Willow was alright. Ash she stormed into the apartment a mind gripping
fear
passed over her. Glory had Willow pinned to the wall in a choke hold,
about
to plunge a dagger into her chest. In lightening fast quickness that Buffy
was unaware she possessed she grabbed Glory’s arm just as she was about
to
pierce forward.
In the moments following her brief battle with the hell god, as Willow
clung
to her, she knew. No more confusion, no more questioning, just truth. She
loved Willow. She was hopelessly, head over feet in love with her best
friend. And her best friend was in love with someone else.
The more Buffy thought back she realized that loving Willow was not
something new to her. Sure, the realization had just come, like someone
turned on a light switch and she could finally see what had always been
there. The longer she looked inside herself the more the truth of her
feelings seemed so glaringly obvious. Buffy had thought back to all the
seemingly platonic moments in their five year relationship. No, knowing
the
truth, she couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen in before. The way Willow
and
her had instantly connected that first day at Sunnydale High. How Willow
was
so willing to be her friend, despite knowing the dark truth behind being
the
Slayer. The way Angelus had known to go after Willow after he had turned.
He knew how much it would destroy if anything should happen to her
redheaded
companion. The deep and despairing pain and fear she felt when Willow was
in
a coma. Why she had felt a strange sense of jealousy when she had found
out
about Willow and Xander’s fling in the factory’s basement. The deep
sense
of failure as she and Willow were almost burned at the stake by their
parents. Buffy looked at everything in a new light. But one thing, one
moment kept sticking out in her mind, and she knew it was the moment she
had
fallen in love with her best friend. It had been a life or death
situation,
which was nothing new for the Scoobs, but something had made it so much
worse
for Buffy this time. The mayor had Willow. Faith and her demon boss were
going to kill her redheaded Wiccan if Buffy didn’t turn over the Box Of
Gavrok She knew it could all be over, that the world would be saved, if
she
just destroyed the box as Wesley insisted. But there was no questions, no
doubt that she would trade for Willow. Not an ounce of hesitation, she
would
trade the world for Willow. Because Willow was her world. The Ascension,
stopping the mayor, would mean nothing if Willow were gone. Even after the
trade had been made Buffy still had felt nervous. When Willow had told her
she was staying in Sunnydale ‘to fight the good fight’ Buffy was
ecstatic,
even though she half heartedly tried to convince her to go. At the time
the
‘I kind of love you’ had seemed purely platonic, but now Buffy knew
better.
She continued on her trip down memory, comforted by the images of her wily
redhead.
Unbeknownst to Buffy, Willow hadn’t completely believed her story. There
had
been something in her eyes that told Willow there was something Buffy was
holding back. Willow had spent enough time just taking Buffy in, her
movements, her mannerisms, to know when something was off. Ever since the
first time they had met she had been captivated by the gorgeous blonde,
attracted to her. So when her evil doppelganger had made her sexual
preferences obvious Willow hadn’t been all that surprised. Sure she had
acted like she was, just so no one, especially Buffy, would make the
connection. Of course Angel opening up his undead trout mouth hadn’t
helped
any. The feelings she was having for her best friend, the lustful dreams,
the wanton glances she cast her way, hiding it had been the safest possible
situation for all of them. Loving your best friend, who just happened to
be
the same sex as you, was hard enough. But loving your best friend who was
in
love with someone else was heart wrenching. Willow hadn’t any doubt that
Buffy would never return her feelings and while she knew their friendship
was
strong enough to survive the truth, it would forever be different. So
liking
things enough as they were, and to afraid to lose the connection she and
Buffy shared, she kept quiet. Buffy had Angel and she had Oz, it was the
way
things had to be.
Later, after Tara had come into her life, she finally felt comfortable
telling Buffy the truth. Or at least part of the truth. Telling her best
friend she was involved with another woman was just as much being truthful
as
it was a way for Willow to feel Buffy out. If she freaked about her being
bisexual she was sure to flip if Willow ever shared her true feelings for
her
petite Slayer. When she first told her she thought her roommate was
spooked
, but the more Buffy was around her and Tara together she seemed more and
more accepting. Willow could have sworn she had seen small sparks of
jealousy in Buffy’s soulful eyes, but she convinced herself it was just
wishful thinking.
Slowly, as she became more and more involved with Tara her thoughts of
Buffy
were less and less overwhelming. She would always love her, but she knew
their relationship would never progress further than where it was. And for
the first time that had been ok, because she had Tara. Tara wasn’t
Buffy,
she never could be, but Willow loved her, event though she knew she’d
never
love anyone the way she loved her Slayer.
When the portal had closed after the fight with Glory, Willow knew that
Buffy
was gone. She could feel the emptiness in her soul, like a piece of her
had
died with Buffy. In the moments even before she saw Buffy’s body she had
been filled with an overwhelming sadness, a deep unrelenting pain had
coursed
through her body and pierced straight into her heart. As she had stumbled
up
to her best friend’s limp body the pain and despair had multiplied itself
in
uncountable measures. She could see in Tara’s eyes that she knew the
truth,
that she would always be second best to Buffy in Willow’s heart. But
Tara
had stood by her in the resulting aftermath of Buffy’s death, and for
that
Willow would be eternally grateful. Tara had been amazing, standing by her
without question. Through the many, many nights Willow sobbed herself to
sleep, tightly gripping a picture of her and Buffy. And through her
unrelenting search to find a way to bring her best friend back, Tara had
been
there.
Now, after everything was said and done with and Buffy was back, Willow
still
felt something nagging at her. She had never felt as relieved or as happy
as when Buffy had held her in her strong arms, for the first time since her
passing. Yet she still knew something was not right. Willow decided to
find
out what was up with her friend, she always did hate to let things fester.
She made up a quick excuse and then rushed out of the magic shop in search
of
her friend.
Buffy was still lost in her memories when Willow jogged up next to her.
"Buffy, wait up!"
Buffy spun around and came face to face with her love. A small smile
played
at her lips, but soon disappeared when she noticed the serious look Willow
cast her way. "What’s up Will?"
"Buffy, I know you’re keeping something from me. What aren’t you
telling
us?" Willow wore her infamous resolve face, telling Buffy she was
determined
to know the truth, the whole truth. Buffy was not about to tell her what
the
real problem was, so she decided to dodge.
"Nothing’s wrong Willow, I’m not keeping any secrets" <Sure you’re
not Buff,
if that’s not a lie> She hoped Willow was buying it, but one glance at
her
glare told her otherwise.
"Buff, do you really think you can fool me? I’m your best friend, I know
you
better than anyone, at least I used to.….." Willow trailed off, letting
her
unasked question hang like a thick cloud over them. Buffy hated the look
on
her friend’s face, it reminded her of the shy hacker Willow once was,
who
had thought that no one cared about her or liked her.
"Willow, please just let it go. I’m back no, that’s all that matters"
"Buffy, for someone who was just pulled out of hell you certainly don’t
seem
happy. I know something’s wrong, don’t lie to me!" Buffy couldn’t
meet
Willow’s penetrating gaze. She looked up, her eyes pleading with Willow.
"Please, for everyone’s sake, just let it go!"
"Buffy, you’ve always been able to tell me anything. What could possibly
be
that bad that……….." Willow slowly trailed off, realization clouding
her
emerald eyes. It was like someone had hit her over the head with a
sledgehammer. Her ears were ringing, her eyes were blurry, her knees felt
weak and she felt like her heart was clawing its way out of her chest. She
backed away from Buffy as the truth, the horrible, awful truth washed over
her in drowning waves.
Buffy watched as Willow stumbled back away from her and she saw that her
hacker had figured out the truth. Buffy moved to try and comfort the
distraught girl, but Willow backed away from her touch. Buffy took one
look
in her eyes and was paralyzed by the amount of she saw radiating from them.
Willow caught Buffy’s gaze, daring her to try and lie her way out of it.
"You weren’t in hell were you?"
"Will, I…."
"I didn’t pull you out of some hell dimension, did I!?" Buffy cast her
eyes
downward, knowing that admitting it herself was going to destroy her
friend.
"No" she whispered, barely audible. But Willow had heard her and she knew
now why Buffy wasn’t happy being home.
"I pulled you from the afterlife, you were in heaven, weren’t you? I
ripped
you away from eternal peace, didn’t I?" Willow didn’t need to hear
Buffy’s
answer, she already knew.
"I’m not sure it was heaven, but yeah, I was at peace" Buffy choked on
every
single word, knowing each one was killing another piece of Willow’s soul.
"Oh goddess! Oh goddess what have I done? What have I done?!" She dropped
to her knees and sobbed, shaking violently as each wave of despair washed
over her. Buffy leaned down and gently scooped Willow up in her arms,
rubbing her back and kissing her head, desperately trying to calm her
quaking
friend.
"Shhhhh, Willow, come on, it’s ok. Please stop crying"
"Oh god Buffy, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m
sorry…….." she
cried even harder, wrapping her arms tightly around Buffy’s neck and
burying
her face in the Slayer’s neck. "I just missed you so much Buffy. I
thought
you were trapped in hell. I couldn’t leave you there, suffering eternal
damnation. I love you too much, I’d sell my soul before I’d let that
happen"
"I know Willow, I know. I’m not mad at you. Pleas stop crying, I hate
to
see you cry" Buffy’s heart was breaking a little more with each sob that
escaped Willow’s lips. Buffy felt Willow move and now found herself
gazing
into watery, sparkling eyes. She reached up and wiped away a tear that was
running down her gorgeous redhead’s face. Willow leaned into her touch
and
placed her own hand atop Buffy’s.
"I love you Buffy"
:I know Wills, I love you too. I missed you"
"Buffy, I don’t think you know what I mean," Willow stopped to see if
Buffy
did indeed know what she meant. A confused expression was crossing her
elegant features, so Willow knew she’d have to elaborate. "Buffy, when
you
were….when you died, I felt like a part of me had died with you. I felt
like
just giving up, like walking out and just letting any random meanie make me
their next meal" Willow stopped when she saw the blinding panic course
it’s
way over Buffy’s face. "But I knew you wouldn’t want me to do that. I
knew
you would want me to go on without you. But the idea of never being able
to
hug you again, to walk down the street and hold your hand, it tore me
apart.
And worst of all was that I never got to tell you I love you and have you
really understand what I really meant" Willow started weeping again,
trying
desperately to summon the courage to tell Buffy the truth. Buffy reached
up
and wiped the offending tears away, urging her to continue.
"Wills, you can tell me anything, it won’t change anything"
"That’s the problem Buffy! I’m hopelessly in love with you. I have
been
for so long, and no matter what I say it won’t change anything, because
you
don’t feel the same way!"
Buffy was stunned, utterly and completely shocked. She had spent so much
time and effort hiding the feelings that she knew now had always been
reciprocated. Willow loved her, loved her unconditionally, and she had
wasted so much time trying to stop the inevitable. She made up her mind
right then and there. She had been allowed back to the realm of the living
for a reason, she was convinced that Willow was that reason. Today was
going
to be the start pf a new life, a life she and Willow would share together.
Buffy brought Willow’s face up to meet her own, gently cupping moist
cheeks
with delicate fingers. She brought their lips together in a slow, sensual
kiss. The connection she felt was instantaneous. A jolt of energy flowed
over her, coursing through every pore in her body. She pulled away
reluctantly, the need for oxygen becoming too big an issue to ignore any
longer. She looked into Willow’s confused eyes and smiled gently.
"And I thought you were the brains in this partnership? When I said I
loved
you I meant that I understand, because I feel the exact same way you do. I
love you Wills. My beautiful Willow" that earned her a watery smile from
her companion. "Any place that has you in it is heaven to me Will"
"Oh Buffy, oh goddess, I love you so much, please don’t ever leave me
again!"
Willow flung herself into the Slayer’s strong arms once again.
"Never" Buffy returned the embrace, holding on just as tightly. She
brought
Willow and herself into a standing position and took her hand. "One
problem,
what about Tara?" Buffy saw the guilty look cross Willow’s face before
she
could hide it.
"I don’t know Buffy. I don’t want to hurt Tara. But I want to be with
you
more than anything. I hate to break her heart, but I have to, I can’t
deny
my feelings for you, I need to be with you so much it hurts" Buffy took her
hand and guided her down the street, back towards the magic shop/
"Don’t worry Wills, we’ll find a way to tell her, we’ll do it
together"
Willow smiled up at Buffy, her green eyes shining with a brilliant glow
that
had been lost the day Buffy died.
"Together" she chorused, wrapping an arm around Buffy’s waist. She
sighed
contentedly as Buffy slung her own arm around her shoulders, pulling her
closer as they walked. She decided that the old saying was definitely
true.
The truth really does set you free.
The End- Dare I ask what you thought?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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