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Disclaimers; BtVS and its cast belong to Joss
Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Father O?Rourke is all mine, but I will admit to
being inspired by Andrew M. Greeley?s Bishop Blackie Ryan.
Spoilers; General sixth season so far, plus the
more prevalent rumors.
Archives; Want, take, have.
Feedback; Give me a jingle at Jim_D_Means@xxxxxxxxxxx
Author?s note; Yeah, I know, it?s a little angsty,
but it?s something I wanted to get off my chest, given recent developments on
the show. Sort of a possible resolution to the whole Evil-Willow
subplot. And if you need a visual reference for Father O?Rourke, I was
thinking of actor Colm Meaney (Chief O?Brien on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) as I
wrote him.
Summary; Buffy finds that, even in your darkest
hour, a light may still guide you out of the night?
Grace By Kirayoshi ?People living their lives for you on TV. They say they?re better than you, and you agree. He says, ?Hold my calls? from behind cold walls. The Boss says, ?Come here boy. There ain?t nothin? for free.? Another doctor?s bill, a lawyer?s bill, Another cute cheap thrill You know you love him if you put him in your will but... Who will save your soul when it comes to the flowers
now
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy Who will save your soul if you won?t save your own?? --Jewel ?Who Will Save Your Soul? ======== Funny, she thought. During her sophomore year, when
there was a prophecy saying that she was going to die, it scared her. She
was only sixteen, after all. She didn?t want to die.
Where was that prophecy when she needed it
now?
She was now twenty. In two months, twenty-one.
And all she wanted was to die.
She lay on a plot of ground where she had been buried six
months earlier. She chuckled mirthlessly when, later, she looked at her
old tombstone. ?She saved the world, a lot.? Had to be Willow?s
idea.
Just like her return was Willow?s idea. Willow had
found a resurrection spell. A spell that restored her decaying body and
reunited it with her soul, bringing her successfully back to life.
A spell that dragged her out of Heaven, and back into the
Hell that was Sunnydale, kicking and screaming all the way.
She was dead, the way she was supposed to be. She
had given up her life to save Dawn, why couldn?t they have left her for the
worms? What reason did they have to bring Buffy back, anyway? To
defend this miserable town? If anything, they should be saving the world
from Sunnydale! Just nuke the damn town off the map, Hellmouth and
all! Problem solved! No more Hellmouth, no more demons, no more
vampires, no more evil witches.
And now, thanks to her meddling, Willow had gone over to
the Dark Side. Her best friend was now an enemy. Anakin Rosenberg
was now Darth Willow. And she was out to get back at Buffy.
Willow. The one constant she had left in her hellish
existence. The one good thing left in her life. And it was no
more. Her friendship died the moment she was reborn.
For the price for Buffy?s rebirth was Willow?s soul.
Her goodness, her innocence, the thing that made her truly beautiful, truly
Willow.
Tara finally saw it, which was why she left her.
Xander and Anya saw it, which was why they broke off contact with her.
Giles saw it, before he returned to England. Willow made it clear to him;
Sunnydale was her territory now, and Giles wasn?t welcome.
Out of love and friendship, Willow gave up her own soul to
bring her back.
And Buffy Summers couldn?t forgive her for
that.
It didn?t matter to her anymore. She didn?t
feel anything anymore. She tried to feel. She tried to go back to
her ?life?, paying bills, taking a job, and looking after Dawn. She turned
away from her friends, the ones who brought her back, and started dependingmore
on Spike. Spike, once an enemy, later an ally?she couldn?t get herself to call
him a friend. Maybe that?s why she threw herself at him. Out of
desperation, she tried to convince herself that she loved Spike, and threw
herself into his bed. She pretended it was love, even fooled herself into
believing that it was love. But despite his own feelings for her, he knew
better. It wasn?t love, it wasn?t even sex. It was screwing, plain
and simple. And as soon as he got his rocks off, he tossed her out ofhis
bed, angrily telling her to steer clear of him. ?If I wanted to sleep with
crazy,? he shouted, ?I?d have gotten back together with Dru!?
The final straw. Being dumped by Spike. Just
like Riley before him. Like Angel. Like Parker, Scott, Pike.
Like her father.
Like Giles.
Like every man she ever tried to love.
She didn?t care anymore. She didn?t want his
love. Or anyone else?s. Or anything else at all. Exceptto
return to the cool of her grave. The warmth of her mother?s
embrace.
She wanted to die.
Xander and Anya would take better care of Dawn thanshe
could anyway. At least they had regular jobs. Hopefully they?d take
Dawn as far away from this Hell as they could get.
She grimaced at the realization that she would never see
Dawn again. She accepted it. It was better this way, better for
Dawn. Buffy was good for only one thing in the end. Slaying.
Give her a vampire and a demon, she was on top of the world. Throw her in
the real world, and she would fold like a paper airplane in a
cyclone.
Buffy was still dead, really. All that was left was
the Slayer. And the Slayer deserved to die.
So she lay on her old abandoned grave, waiting for some
anonymous vampire or demon to kill her. Someone could get a rep as the
demon that slew the Slayer. She would smile as the fiend drank her
blood.
She heard a ruckus in the distance. Good, she
thought. Her killer was near. Come and get it, demon boy! Nice
fresh Slayer here!
Then she heard someone running away. She could hear
the footfalls, could smell the sweat, the fear rising from their intended
victim. Damn! She couldn?t let this person die, no matter what else
she wanted. She rose from her laying position, jumped to her feet, and ran
toward the din of battle.
Two newbie vamps were chasing a portly middle-aged
gentleman in a black jacket. Buffy took a look at the man?s collar.
A priest. ?Out of the way, Father!? she shouted, and the priest dove
behind a nearby tombstone. Buffy launched herself toward the nearest vamp,
left foot ahead, and connected with a bone-crunching kick. She landedon
the vamp, kicking it again for good measure, then twisted around to delivera
roundhouse kick to topple his partner. The two vamps crumpled under the
assault, but one of them managed to get in a swift slash with a hidden knife
before Buffy could stake him.
The priest watched guardedly from his perch as Buffy
dusted the second vamp. He blinked twice, amazed by this powerful young
girl. If she was the person he knew her to be?
He glanced up at the sky, and whispered, ?Our Father in
Heaven, You have brought me to this place for a purpose, and now You make that
purpose clear. Blessed be the Lord.? He made a quick sign of the
cross, and sensing the coast to be clear, rose from behind the stone, and
ventured gingerly toward the staggering Slayer. He saw the gash, a huge
rip in her sweater and shirt beneath on her left side, and the deep cut under
the shirt staining the cloth red. ?Miss,? he offered, ?do you need any
help? You don?t look so good.?
?Oh?? Buffy stammered weakly, ?you?shouldsee?the?the
other?guy?? Reeling from blood loss and pain, coupled with a desire to let the
wound claim her, Buffy fainted. As she collapsed, the priest caught her,
and with surprising strength, lifted her in his arms. ?No, my child, I
won?t let you die on me now.?
She stirred long enough to shake her head limply.
?N?no hos?pit?al??
?Don?t worry, child, I can handle this,? the priest
answered as Buffy lost consciousness. The priest carried Buffy to hiscar,
and placed her gently in the back seat, carefully fastening a seatbelt around
her. ?Let?s be getting you someplace safe, before you catch your death out
here.? He then got into the driver?s seat, and sped away.
If he had bothered to look behind him, he might have made
out a slender figure with a shock of red hair and almost feral sunken greeneyes
that glittered with malice. The red witch had found her wounded quarry,
and was closing in for the kill
========
She awoke to the smell of chicken soup. A steady
hand was holding her head up, and as she cleared the cobwebs from her head,the
scent of rosemary and onion was clearer. For a brief second, she was back
home, with Mom and Dawn, in a world where there were no vampires, no evil more
menacing than a school principal with a mad on.
?Here, child,? the soothing Irish brogue instructed
her. ?Eat up, you need your strength to heal.? Buffy felt something
metal at her lower lip, and realized that someone was trying to feed her the
soup. Operating on automatic pilot, Buffy opened her mouth, and tasted the
soup as it went past her palette. It tasted good, not too salty, and with
generous chunks of meat.
Not that she could really taste anything.
She tried to sit up, but a lancing pain flared through her
midsection. Gentle hands restrained her, as that Irish brogue pleadedwith
her; ?Don?t try to move, girl, or you?ll break the stitches.?
One word broke through the haze in her mind.
?Stitches?? she asked in a slurred voice.
?Aye, you took a deep cut in the belly when that one
gangbanger slashed you.? Buffy struggled to awaken further, to see the
person who was talking to her. She blinked repeatedly, but didn?t try to
sit up again, not after the initial pain of her wound protested with her.
She figured that her healing factor would kick in soon, and she could leavethis
bed. And go back to her original plans of suicide.
Her vision began to clear, and through a pain-induced
squint she managed to more clearly make out the man who was speaking to
her. A fat, cherubic face, framed by a nest of sandy blond curls, blue
eyes that sparkled with a merry wisdom. His priest?s collar shocked
Buffy?s mind back to a semblance of consciousness. The priest she rescued
from those vamps. ?Welcome back to the land of the living.?
Buffy winced and turned her head away. ?Living,? she
groaned. ?Save it for someone who cares, Father.?
The priest pursed his lips in thought. ?Nowthen,
hardly a fitting sentiment for someone who saved your life. Of course, I
can imagine the pain of that knife wound. Sadly I didn?t have any
anesthetic handy, but fortunately you were unconscious during most of the
sewing.? He extended a large hand, worn but still gentle. ?Father
Brian O?Rourke.?
?Buffy Summers,? his patient answered quietly, but she
didn?t return his handshake.
?Well then, Buffy,? Father O?Rourke said, ?A pleasure to
meet you. Try and sit up slowly, that?s a good girl.? Buffycomplied
with her host?s request, weakly lifting her body to a vaguely upright
position. The pain was still there, but she could focus her thoughts past
it. Those mental exercises Giles gave her were working.
She gave a relieved sigh to find that she was still
dressed, although her midriff was bared, her sweater lifted to display her
wound. Her hands brushed slowly against the wound, and she was surprised
at the tight, neat row of stitches she found sealing her cut. ?I was an
Army medic during Vietnam, before I took my vows. I?ve seen my share of
wounds. And my share of evil.?
?So you became?a?priest,? Buffy groaned through a fresh
volley of agony as her wound throbbed.
?I was called,? Father O?Rourke answered. He gave
Buffy a strange, knowing look, and added, ?So were you.
Slayer.?
Buffy wasn?t aware of the bowl of soup that was still
balanced on her knee, until the sudden shock of hearing the priest call her
Slayer knocked the bowl on the floor, splashing her legs. ?Oh, sorry about
that, Buffy,? Father O?Rourke puttered off for a second, returning quickly with
a large towel, and started to dab at the spilled soup.
Buffy shook her leg away from him angrily. ?What do
you know about me, Father?? she spat out the last word like it was poison.
Her attitude regarding the human race was already at an all-time low, now a
priest was lying to her!
?I see things,? he said. ?I hear things, I read the
paper, I know something about what?s happening in this town. You don?t
think I?d believe those ruffians you turned to dust were just high on PCP, do
you?? He gave her an elfin wink, adding, ?Unlike the local constabulary,
I?m not monumentally stupid.? That brought a laugh out of her.
?There have been stories for centuries, stories of women who fight against
insurmountable evils, women who sacrifice all so that God?s green earth can turn
once more. Some of us in the clergy know about the Slayers. About
the Council, about the vampires, about the demons. We know they?re there,
some of us do at any rate. And we know enough to keep quiet.?
Buffy sat on the bed and said nothing. Father
O?Rourke continued; ?If what I?ve read about the Slayers is true, your body will
heal practically overnight. But you?ll still be weak until then. So
I brought you to my rectory, to rest up.?
?Great,? she muttered. ?Next time, saveit for
someone who wouldn?t be better off dead.?
As the words left her mouth, the priest?s _expression_
hardened slightly. A stern furrow ridged his brow. ?Surely you don?t
mean that, do you child??
Buffy shook her head to dispell his care and concern; she
didn?t want a stranger?s pity. She didn?t even want to continue
breathing. She just wanted out. ?Look, thanks for the help, Father,
but you?re wasting your time with me. Go save a soul that?s still
salvageable.?
She turned sharply toward the door, but before she could
take a single step, Father O?Rourke called out to her; ?And who are youto say
that your soul is not worth saving??
Buffy stopped in her tracks, and considered shouting
something back to the priest. Some kind of comeback, a witty retort, a
swear word, anything. Her mouth opened?
?and shut again, soundlessly. What could she
say? What could she possibly say to make the priest understand? She
knew in her heart that she had no salvation. She was saved before, but
dark magic robbed her of Heaven forever. How could she make him
understand? If any soul on Earth was damned, it was hers. She knew
for certain what every other person who ever lived could only speculate about,
that there was a Heaven. And she was no longer welcome there.
The tears finally flowed freely and would not stop.
The tears she had refused to shed when Willow denounced their friendship, when
Spike kicked her out of his bed, when Giles boarded that plane to England vowing
never to return. Her strength finally failed her, and she didn?t
care. She sank to her knees, unaware of anything but her sorrow, the pit
of misery that had become her dwelling place.
She was vaguely aware of the strong arms that held her,
the callused hands that soothed her shoulders, the gentle Irish brogue that
assured her that God was watching out for her.
Feebly she tried to break the priest?s hold on her, but his relentless gentleness and unstoppable caring finally reached her. Her heart, which had grown callused and brittle after breaking time and again, responded to Father O?Rourke?s limitless patience and kindness. She held on to the priest like a lifeline. She didn?t know how long they stood there, her desperate for comfort, him determined to comfort her. Eventually, she somehow managed to compose herself long enough to stop crying and to breathe normally. Self-pity, she decided, is not for wimps. Herchest
hurt from heaving, her eyes stung with the residue of her tears, her throatwas
harsh and raspy from crying, and her hair was matted with sweat. She
didn?t feel very good after her crying jag, but at least she was in some
semblance of control. ?Th?thank you,? Buffy stammered to the
priest.
Father O?Rourke delivered a cherubic smile; ?Noproblem,
child. Glad to be of service.?
?How can you be so understanding, anyway?? Buffy
asked. ?I mean, you know what?s out there, right? The vampires, the
demons, the evil that?s out there. How can you just go on here in your
church anyway??
O?Rourke just gave Buffy a knowing look. ?Because of
the evil that?s out there, Buffy. You and I, we?re both on the same
team. In our own way, we fight what?s out there. You with your great
strength, me with my faith. Both our weapons stem from the same source,
from God.?
Buffy huffed as she considered the Father?s words.
?You think that God calls my signals, Father? After all that I?vebeen
through, I?ve started to wonder if He ever existed.?
?With what?s out there?? the priest asked. ?I?d say
that the fact that you?ve survived your calling as a sign that He does look
after you. He certainly gave you the arsenal you?ve needed all thistime
to fight the evil.?
?You think so?? Buffy asked plainly. She no longer
spoke in a condescending tone, but out of genuine need to know. She needed
to believe what the priest was telling her.
? ?There are diversities of gifts, but the same
Spirit. And there are differences of administrations, but the same
Lord.? Corinthians 1, chapter twelve.? Buffy nodded, slowly
considering these words. O?Rourke continued. ? ?For to one is given
by the Spirit the word of wisdom, to another the word of knowledge by the same
Spirit. To another faith by the same Spirit, to another the gifts of healing by
the same Spirit. To another the working of miracles, to another prophecy,
to another discerning of spirits. To another divers kinds of tongues, to another
the interpretation of tongues. But all these work that one and the selfsame
Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will.? You were givena
terrible responsibility, Buffy. And God saw fit to provide you with the
strength you would need to carry on that fight.?
?You really believe that, don?t you??
?I have to,? O?Rourke answered. ?I?ve seen the Hell
outside my window, I have to believe in a Heaven.?
?Heaven,? Buffy grunted. ?Let me put your mind at
ease there, Father. I know there?s a Heaven, I just got kicked out of
it!?
That silenced the priest for a few seconds. Asmall
voice in Buffy?s head told her to be silent, but she didn?t listen. She
started talking and couldn?t stop. She told him about her mother?s death,
about Dawn, about Glory and the Key. She told him about that one terrible
night, when a demon named Doc shed Dawn?s blood, using it to open an
interdimensional rift that would have torn all of creation apart. Father
O?Rourke nodded at that point; ?The press tried to convince us that there was a
freak thunderstorm that night. I wasn?t convinced.? Buffy was amazed
that he could listen to her strange story without believing she was
insane. Maybe he did believe. In her, and in God.
?Yeah,? Buffy said ruefully. ?Anyway, the only way
for the world to survive was for either Dawn or I to fall into that
vortex. And I wasn?t gonna let Dawn die. So I took the dive. I
threw myself into the pit.?
?You sacrificed yourself to save your sister,? O?Rourke
mused.
?Something like that,? Buffy shook her head. ?Of
course, considering how my life had gone down the toilet, it wasn?t that much of
a sacrifice.? The priest just shook his head in sympathy. Sheneeded
to say this, to let it out.
?I don?t really recall much of what happened next,? Buffy
whispered slowly. ?All I know was that I was with my mother. And I
was at peace. For the first time since I became the Slayer, I truly knew
peace. I was happy. I was with God, I don?t know how else to explain
it.?
?That?s what Heaven is, child,? the priest answered.
?The presence of God.?
Buffy lowered her head, unable to make eye contact with
the priest. ?And then I was kicked out of Heaven, and thrown back into
play here.? She hesitated slightly, not quite knowing how to explain this
to the priest. She decided to dive in. Yeah, she thought, she was
good at diving in, wasn?t she? ?My friend, Willow, well, she?s a
witch. Practicing Wiccan, actually. That?s right, a card-carrying
pagan. Anyway, she found this spell that could resurrect someone who had
died of supernatural causes. But it was a dark spell, a blood spell.
Black magic, I guess, or something like that. It changed her,
Father. Ever since I?I came back, I could see how she had changed.
When the rest of us realized what she gave to bring me back, it was too
late. It?s like?ooh!? She balled her hands into impotent fists,
angry at her own inability to explain the change she saw in her friend.
She shook her head, feeling a new wave of tears forming in her eyes. ?It
doesn?t matter now, anyway. It looks like Wills and I are both damned
together.? She lowered her head in her hands, and began to sob
quietly.
Father O?Rourke regarded Buffy with caution, considering
what council he could give her damaged soul. To shoulder such tragedy, to
know so little happiness, to have such a terrible cross to bear, no wonder she
was so miserable. And now to lose the one person whom, it would appear,
made that burden bearable. No, this was worse than simply not believing in
God, she was angry with God.
?So,? O?Rourke said quietly. ?You believe that God
has forgotten you. That God does not know or care about the fate or status
of your soul. Is that it??
?I don?t know, Father,? Buffy wailed. ?I just know
that I was supposed to be dead, and I?m not! And as long as I?m alive, and
stuck guarding Sunnydale, Dawn?s stuck with me! She doesn?t deserve that,
dammit! She doesn?t deserve to rot here!?
O?Rourke gave her a knowing smile. ?And you, Buffy
Summers? What do you deserve??
Buffy looked at the priest for a second, before turning
away suddenly, the tears flowing freely again. ?I don?t know!? she
sobbed. ?I just? just don?t know anymore! They brought meback to
life, but they couldn?t give me a life! All I want is to go back?go back
to? where it was peaceful?? Buffy couldn?t say anymore, as her sobsturned to
gentle hiccups.
All this time, Father O?Rourke looked silently atthe lost
girl before him. He had to summon a wellspring of patience to avoid
pointing out that suicide was a mortal sin. More than anything, he wanted
to ease this young one?s despair. But he didn?t know what words would
assure her, what signs would persuade her to turn her face back to the
light.
Finally, Buffy broke the oppressive silence. ?It is
kind of peaceful here, though,? she said in a timid voice. ?It?s been so
long since I felt safe, since I didn?t fear what might be around the next
corner. I dunno, I just want to be Buffy again, not the Slayer. I
just want a chance to get back what I lost.? She turned her face back to
the priest, a sardonic smile playing at her lips. ?Am I making any sense
at all??
Father O?Rourke laughed gently, and sat beside the
Slayer. ?More than you think, my child. You?re asking the same
question that everyone who ever lived as asked; what is the point of me?
Why am I here, what is my place in this world?? He shook his head, and
patted Buffy?s knee. ?Believe it or not, I don?t always know the answer to
that one myself. All I know is that, as long as there?s one soul left in
this town that can be saved, my work here will never be done.? He gave
Buffy another warm smile, which somehow helped to alleviate some of the burden
of her heart.
?Oh, trust me, Padre,? a once-familiar voice hacked
through the peace of the evening with a terrible purpose. ?Your work here
is done. In fact, your lives are done now, both of you!?
?WILLOW!? Buffy?s eyes were riveted to the figure that
suddenly stood before her; short red hair, glittering green eyes, black satin
dress with bared shoulders, and a sinister smile that chilled her to the
core. Any trace of her best friend was absent now; there was only the
darkness.
Buffy suddenly blurred before the priest, standing between
him and her former friend. ?Not tonight, Willow, I don?t have time to deal
with you.?
?You don?t have time, period, Slayer,? Willow
snarled. She spread her hands wide, spat out a string of some long-dead
language, and streamers of lightning flashed from her hands, connecting with
Buffy?s chest, and tossing her in the air like a rag doll. Buffy shouted
out to the priest; ?Get out of her, Father! She?s gone mad!?
The priest didn?t run away, however. He just glared
hard at the witch who dared to invade his rectory. He lowered his eyes,
and started to speak, his voice taking a darker tone. ?In nomine Patris,
et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti!? He thrust a crucifix into Willow?sface,
and the witch shuddered, lurching away as though she were Superman evading a
piece of Kryptonite. ?Begone from the body of the Lord?s servant,foul
demon! You are not welcome here!? Willow started to hiss and claw at
the priest, rapidly losing any semblance of humanity under a feral mask.
?Buffy!? O?Rourke shouted. ?Just behind you, left
shelf, I keep a stash of holy water. Fetch a bottle, quickly!? Buffy
looked behind her, and located the holy water stash. She grabbed a bottle
and handed it to O?Rourke. ?By the One True God, by his only Son,and by
the Holy Ghost, you will not win this night, or any other!? He uncorked
the holy water, and splashed the contents on Willow. She screamed as
though touched by corrosive acid, and then reeled and fell, unconscious, tothe
floor.
Buffy gawked at the display, disbelieving what she had
seen. ?Uh,? she stammered, ?what just happened here??
?She couldn?t tolerate the touch of holy water in her
state, Buffy,? the priest explained. Seeing Buffy?s confused state, he
added, ?Oh, come on! You?re the Slayer, you must have seen a demonic
possession before!?
?Well, something like that,? Buffy admitted. ?A
friend of ours, Amy, was victimized by her mother, who switched minds with
Amy. And I was once possessed by a ghost.?
?Well, this is far more sinister, child,? he answered, as
he started to roam around the living room, picking up various objects as he
traveled. ?When you told me that she changed after she cast the
resurrection spell, something clicked in my head; she must have made an unholy
bargain to bring you back. Some sort of blood sacrifice,
perhaps.?
Buffy blanched at the priest?s words. ?OhGod!? she
squealed, then caught a disapproving glance from O?Rourke. ?Sorry,
Father. But right after I was brought back, I learned that she sacrificed
a baby deer for its blood, as part of the spell!?
?God protect us,? the priest muttered, making asign of
the cross over his heart, ?that must have been it. She lost her innocence
that moment, by taking a life for a life. That?s when the demon wasable
to enter her, to corrupt her gifts. But we still have a chance to save
her, if we act fast.? He gave the Slayer a penetrating stare. ?Do
you trust me, Buffy??
Buffy looked at him as he asked the question. It was
a simple question, whether she was willing to trust a man whom she had justmet
to protect her friend. She looked at Willow?s still form on the floor, and
made her choice quickly. ?Uh, yeah,? she said. ?I guess Itrust
you.?
?Then, Buffy,? the priest said solemnly, ?by the Living
God, and by the love you bear Willow, you must do exactly as I say. What
we do from this point on, we must do to save your friend?s soul. You
in??
?I?m in,? Buffy answered without thinking. She
didn?t need to think about this one; if it would save Willow, she would gladly
throw herself on a landmine.
It was as simple as that; she loved her. Of all the
chaos and insanity of her life, this was the one thing she knew for
certain.
?Lift her off the floor, carefully,? he said, ?and bring
her to kitchen table.? He brushed off a few papers and other objects off
the table, not caring about where they landed. Buffy quickly carried
Willow in her arms, and placed her on the table. Willow was slowly
starting to move, and the scowl on her face spoke volumes of her
mood.
Father O?Rourke quickly donned a purple stole that he had
grabbed from his closet. ?Dominum vobiscum. May the Lord be with
you.?
?Dominum Vobiscum,? Buffy repeated.
O?Rourke opened a small box he had grabbed from anearby
shelf, and withdrew a communion wafer, muttering silent prayers over it.
?On the night he gave himself up for death,? he whispered, as he broke the wafer
into three similar sized pieces, ?a death He freely accepted, He broke bread and
gave you thanks. He broke the bread, gave it to His disciples and said,
?Take this, all of you, and eat it. This is my body, which will be given
up for you?.? He put one piece in his mouth, and handed Buffy theother
two. ?Eat one piece of the Eucharist, Buffy, then place the other one
under Willow?s tongue.?
?Okay,? Buffy said slowly, as she ate the wafer.
?But I think I should tell you, before she became a pagan, she was
Jewish.?
?I don?t care if she was a Scientologist,? O?Rourke spat
back irritably, ?put the wafer under her tongue.? Buffy complied silently,
placing the wafer fragment in her friend?s mouth. The wiccan?s body
convulsed as the host touched her lips.
O?Rourke looked on approvingly. So far it seemed to
be working. He withdrew a decanter and poured its contents into a glass
goblet. He whispered in prayer again; ?When supper was ended, He took the
cup. Again He gave you thanks, and said to His disciples, ?Take this, all
of you, and drink from it. This is the cup of my blood, the blood of the
new and everlasting covenant. It will be shed for all, so that sins may be
forgiven. Do this in memory of me?.? He took a sip from thegoblet,
then passed the wine to Buffy, who took a sip. ?Can you hold her mouth
open for me?? Buffy handed O?Rourke the goblet and lifted Willow?s head.
She managed to keep her steady despite her thrashing, and lifted her jaw.
O?Rourke carefully poured a few drops of wine into Willow?s mouth. Willow tried
to cough up the sanctified wine, and Buffy shuddered as her best friend
suffered.
?Buffy, for this exorcism to work,? the priest instructed
her, ?I must recite prayers over her, entreating God?s intervention on Willow?s
behalf. The demon will resist, bodily. You must restrain her, but be
gentle, or else your battle with the demon will destroy Willow?s body. Do
you understand me??
?I understand what?s at stake here,? Buffy answered.
?I?ll do what I have to.? She took Willow?s wrists in firm but gentle
hands, despite the demon snarling at her.
O?Rourke handed Buffy a small leather-bound copy of the
Bible, saying, ?Turn to Psalm 23.? Buffy quickly opened the book with her
free hand and found the right page. ?Merciful God,? O?Rourke intoned,
?this woman has sought only to do Your will, but by an act of love she has
fallen into the snare of the enemy. We ask your blessing, and that You, in
Your divine mercy aid us in retrieving her soul from the Evil One.? Buffy
crossed her fingers, silently praying herself that this exorcism would prove
successful.
A low growl issued from Willow?s throat, making Buffy more
afraid for her friend. O?Rourke nodded to Buffy, and started to recite;
?The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.? Buffy began to read aloud
with O?Rourke; ?He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me
beside the still waters.?
The growl became a howling, as Willow bellowed with
rage. The priest knew that the demon was straining to maintain control of
Willow?s body, something the priest wouldn?t let it keep. ?He restoreth my
soul,? he continued to recite. ?He leadeth me down paths of righteousness
for His name?s sake.?
?He leads you to your ruin, priest!? an unearthly voice
boomed through the rectory. ?And you won?t rob me of my prize, Slayer,?
the demon shouted through Willow?s mouth. ?Your whore of a witch is
mine!?
O?Rourke ignored the demon and continued to recite; ?Yea,
though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:
for thou art with me; thy rod and
thy staff they comfort me.? ?His rod and staff are powerless, hypocrite!? the demon in
Willow?s body chortled. ?She?s mine! Now and forever, she?s
mine!?
?Okay, foot off the reverb pedal!? Buffy shouted
back. ?Who the hell are you??
?Who am I, little warrior?? the possessed witchlaughed in
a voice that patently didn?t belong to Willow. ?You know me, Buffy, we?ve
danced this dance so many times before. I?m the Master and the Annointed
One. I am Angelus, Mayor Wilkins and Adam. I am Balthazar, Beozar,
Moloch, the Jhe, Dracula, Glory! All of your enemies, all of your
nightmares, all are me! I am the First Evil!?
?Fine,? Buffy glowered. ?So you?re another demon
with adequacy issues. Fine, I?ve beaten them all before, I?ll beat you as
well.?
?Have you beaten me?? the First Evil grinned. ?No
matter how many of my foot soldiers you send to Hell, I?m always there, always
planning! You will eventually lose to me. Resign yourself to that
failure, little Slayer.?
?Thou preparest a table before me in the presenceof mine
enemies,? O?Rourke continued, raising his voice. ?Thou anointest my head
with oil; my cup runneth over.?
?You?re not getting Willow, mister!? Buffy threatened,
grabbing her shoulders with both hands. ?Not on my watch!?
?It?s too late for her, Buffy,? the demon shouted. ?She
was mine the moment the knife entered the deer?s heart! The blood of that
fawn baptized her to my service!?
?Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all ofthe days
of my life,? O?Rourke finished the psalm, ?and I will dwell in the house of the
Lord forever.?
?Your pitiful prayers are nothing to me!? the demon
screamed, as Willow thrashed about in Buffy?s grasp. ?I will havethe
wiccan as my rightful prize! I will rend the Hellmouth from East to
West. I?ll take your friends as my slaves, your sister as my
concubine! I will blight all you hold dear! I stole Heaven fromyou,
Slayer, and now I will destroy you!?
?It?s not working, Father,? Buffy cried as Willow bucked
under her hands. ?The demon?s getting stronger, I don?t think Ican hold
her any longer!?
?Talk to her, Buffy,? O?Rourke answered
patiently.
?I was!?
?No,? he answered simply. ?Talk to her.? Buffy
glanced between O?Rourke and her possessed friend. ?Talk to her. To
Willow.? Buffy listened to the priest?s words, and suddenly a light dawned
in her eyes.
?Hey, Willow,? she said softly, but didn?t release her
hold on Willow?s frame. ?It?s been a while, huh??
?I am not Willow, fool,? the unearthly voice
answered. ?I am the First Evil.?
?So, Willow,? Buffy?s brow was wrinkled with worry, but
she continued to talk soothingly to her friend. ?I was talking to Tara the
other day. She?s got a new girlfriend, but she misses you, y?know.
We all do. I miss my friend, Willow.?
?Willow is no more, Slayer!? the demon growled,but her
struggles grew less and less with each word.
?Look, Willow,? Buffy plowed ahead. ?I?m gonna just
ignore Reverb-boy and talk to you, all right? Listen to me, Willow, the
gang?s just not the same without you. We need you back, Willow. The
real you, the computer hacker, the witch, the friend. You?ve been the real
heart of the gang for so long, Willow, I don?t know if we can survive without
you.?
?I AM NOT WILLOW!?
?Yes you are!? Buffy shouted. ?You?restronger than
that demon, you?re stronger than anyone I know! Fight it, Willow!
You can beat this thing!?
Father O?Rourke continued to repeat the psalm as he
watched Buffy and her interaction with her friend. She was a smart girl;
he could see that. Must have taken some psychology courses. He
marked how she forcefully said and repeated Willow?s name, to remind her of who
she is. His hope was bolstered that, by the grace of God, they may succeed
in saving Willow.
?Look, Willow,? Buffy didn?t even try to hidethe emotion
in her voice. ?I know I haven?t been coping very well with life
lately. I said things, I did things, things I?m sorry about, thingsI
regret. Hanging onto Spike when I should have seen what was happeningto
you. But I want you to know, I never meant to do anything to hurt
you.? The demon within Willow?s body still ranted at Buffy, but the voice
grew softer, the thrashing grew weaker. ?You?re my family, Willow.
You?re everything to me. I need you in my life. You?re my heart,
Willow. You?re my moral compass, my conscience. I may be the Chosen
One, but you?re the real hero here. I need you, Willow. You hear
me?? She leaned in closer, and kissed her gently on the nose. ?I
love you, Willow,? she whispered.
The priest considered how Buffy meant those words, but
decided it didn?t matter. As Buffy spoke the words, a tremor shook
Willow?s frame, and a gutteral growl of despair ripped her throat. The
priest took a step back, just in time, as what appeared to be a geyser of arcane
energy burst from Willow?s body, and shot out to the ceiling. Buffywas
nearly knocked back, but she refused to let go of Willow. She felt the
energy running past her, through her. She felt the evil that emanatedfrom
it, the anger, the rage. And she felt something else; a sense of despair,
of defeat. She wasn?t quite sure how she knew, but she knew that she had
banished the demon that claimed to be the First Evil.
As suddenly as it started, the energy cascade ceased,
leaving behind a strange, calming quiet. Father O?Rourke joined Buffy over
Willow?s body, neither one daring to speak. Willow lay still on thetable,
still and unmoving. Buffy waited silently for some sign of life. Ten
seconds, twenty, thirty, a minute, two minutes. The time passed
inexorably, and Buffy stood over her, praying for Willow to awake, free of the
demon.
A pair of eyes fluttered open, and a faint, almost
inaudible voice asked, ?B-Buffy??
Buffy nearly gave herself whiplash turning back to her
friend. ?Willow?? she asked nervously, both praying and fearing the
answer. ?You?re alive??
?Ar?ren?t I u?usually?? she said weakly. Her voice
was frail, a faint whisper, but it was her voice, not the demon who had
possessed her. Buffy began to weep openly, and taking Willow?s handin her
own. She found herself whispering a wholehearted ?Thank God?, a sentiment
that Father O?Rourke silently echoed in his heart.
========
?Eat up, child,? Father O?Rourke offered a bowl of chicken
soup to Willow, who ate slowly but gratefully. ?A good bowl of Jewish
penicillin.? Willow smiled weakly, her body spent by the ordeal she had
suffered. Buffy, for her part, was so grateful to have her friend back
that she didn?t want to be further than two inches from her. Willowwanted
to tell Buffy that she wasn?t a china doll that would break on her, but after
all that they both went through recently, she decided to allow the Slayer her
closeness, which she found she enjoyed.
?Hey, Wills,? Buffy asked tentatively. ?You
okay??
?Yeah, I guess,? Willow answered, a strange sadness in her
voice. ?Considering that I remember everything that demon made me do since
it possessed me. Tara, she must hate me now. And Xander, will he
ever speak to me again??
?We?ll meet them at the Magic Box tomorrow,? Buffy assured
her friend. ?Once they learn the truth, they?ll understand.?
?Oh Goddess, I hope so,? Willow shook her head in disgust
at what the demon had done in her body. She glanced at the priest, and,
mollified, added, ?Sorry, sir. I should have said ?God?, not
?Goddess?.?
?Not a problem, Willow,? Father O?Rourke answered.
?Sometimes I think of the Lord in the female pronoun. I doubt She would
object.? Willow smiled a little wider at the thought. ?God is beyond
any attempts of mortal man to classify Her.?
?Thanks,? Willow nodded. ?And thanks, for the
exorcism and everything.?
?It was a privilege, my child,? the priest answered as he
watched the two women sitting together.
?You?ve been plenty generous, still,? Willow
admitted. ?I mean I am a practicing pagan, a goddess worshiper.? She
turned away briefly, then added, ?Oh, and I?m gay.?
Father O?Rourke laughed heartily at Willow?s admission,
causing the redhead to blush to the point where her cheeks matched her hair, and
bury her head in Buffy?s shoulder. ?I should introduce you to my sister,
Sinead. She and her girlfriend fly in from Dublin to visit me every other
Christmas. I try to convert her to Christianity and save her heathen soul, she
tries to educate me about the evils inherent in a ?patriarchal monotheism?, then
we all have a good laugh, and watch ?Miracle on 34th Street?.? His guests
laughed happily at the thought, and the priest was again struck by the
connection between them.
?Willow,? Buffy started hesitantly. She didn?t want
to provoke Willow, or make her sadder, but she needed to ask. ?There?s
something I don?t quite get about all this. You don?t need to answer if it
makes you uncomfortable, but??
Willow stopped Buffy?s babble with a gentle hand on
Buffy?s lips. ?It?s okay, Buffy. I think it would help for me to
talk about it.?
?Well,? Buffy hedged, then started to ask her
question. ?Do you have any idea when the First Evil possessed you? I
mean, the exact point??
?Some idea, yeah,? Willow answered. ?The second
after I killed the deer for its blood. That?s when it entered me.
>>From that moment, I was?? She struggled with the words, fitting and measuring
them to fully explain what had happened to her. ?It was like I was a
passenger in my own body, Buffy. I saw, I heard, but the demon was in
charge. And I doubt that the demon that possessed me was really the ?First
Evil?. He was powerful, but not that powerful.?
?I guess,? Buffy said. ?But if that?strue, then the
demon was in your body when you?I mean IT? performed the resurrection
spell.? Willow gave Buffy a cautious look; she knew what Buffy was about
to ask, but Buffy had to speak the question. ?I guess I?m wondering why
the demon wanted me back in the first place. I mean, I was dead, why did
he want me alive again??
After a moment?s quiet, Father O?Rourke spoke up; ?You
said it yourself, Buffy. You were in Heaven, then thrust back onto the
playing field. What would be a greater triumph for the Dark, than to steal
the soul of the Light?s greatest warrior from her final rest??
?Yeah, that?s what I sensed from the demon?s mind.
Not that I could read it or anything, I just got sensations. Dark purpose,
cold rage. The demon didn?t want you just dead, Buffy. It wanted to
destroy you.?
?You mean,? Buffy mused aloud, ?it wanted to destroy my
soul, to drive me to a state of despair.?
?Despair is regarded by some as a mortal sin, Buffy,?
Father O?Rourke observed. ?By driving you to a state where all you wanted
was to end your own life, the demon hoped to make you fit for Hell instead of
Heaven.?
?And I surely gave it a hand, didn?t I?? Buffy shook her
head. ?I?ve been nothing but a self-pity party since I got back,
huh??
?It wasn?t your fault, Buffy,? Willow assuredher friend,
taking her in a warm and generous hug. ?We had no idea what had happened
to your soul. We feared the worst, I guess.?
?Well, that doesn?t matter now, hon,? Buffy gave Willow a
watery smile. ?What matters is that I?m alive now. And now that I
got you back, I think I?m ready to deal with it.? She hugged Willow again,
then glanced at a nearby clock. ?The time! It?s getting close to
sunrise. I gotta get back before Dawn finds that suicide letter I
left.? She got up quickly, and Willow joined her toward the door.
?Thanks for everything, Father O?Rourke,? Buffy said quickly. ?I?m sorry I
can?t stay.?
?Not a problem, Buffy,? O?Rourke answered. ?My door
is always open, to the pair of you.?
?You here on Sunday?? Buffy asked as she turnedto the
door.
?I guarantee it,? Father O?Rourke answered.
?I may see you then,? Buffy promised. O?Rourke
smiled and waved a farewell to the two friends. Just before she left,
Buffy turned around, and with a wistful _expression_ on her face, said, ?Itwas
nice up there. So beautiful.?
?That?s the point of Heaven, Buffy,? Father O?Rourke
said. He walked toward Buffy, and handed her the Bible she had read from
during the exorcism. ?I want you to have this, Buffy. A souvenir of
our little adventure, if you will. Turn to the very first page of
Genesis.? Buffy turned a couple of pages and found the text. ?In the
beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth.?
?In the beginning,? Father O?Rourke repeated.?Heaven?s
been around longer than anything in this world. It will still be there
when your time is done.? Buffy just smiled, finding a strange assurance in
his words. She thanked Father O?Rourke again and left with
Willow.
?Hey, Wills,? Buffy asked. ?You want tospend the
night at my place??
?Thanks, Buffy, I?d like that,? Willow said sadly, looking
at her feet.
?Hey, you sure you?re okay??
Willow glanced at Buffy and answered, ?Yeah, a little
okay. But I?m not gonna be a witch for a while. What happenedwith
the demon was because of my own pride, my hubris. I thought I could do
anything, that I could go against nature with my powers. Magic isn?t about
defying nature, but working with nature. I made a terrible mistake, and I
have to cleanse myself. I have to lay off the mojo until I know my magic
is no longer tainted.?
?When will you know that?? Buffy absently draped an arm
around Willow?s shoulder as she spoke to her. Just being with her again,
having her friend back, that made all the crap she went through since her return
worth it.
?I?m not sure,? Willow answered. ?I guess the
Goddess will send me a sign.? She glanced at Buffy again, and sagged her
shoulders with relief when she saw the understanding in her eyes. ?I guess
I need to heal.?
?We both do, Willow,? Buffy took Willow?s cheek in her
hand, and Willow melted into her palm. ?I?m just glad that we canheal
together.?
Nothing more was said between them as they made thelong
walk to Buffy?s house. Nothing more needed to be said. Through the
darkest time in both their lives, they had found a light to guide them out of
darkness.
They had found that light in each other, and no force on
Earth would part them again.
========
Liverpool, England.
The incessant ringing of a telephone interrupted his
enjoyment of a new translation of Beowulf. He placed the book on the table
next to him, and picked up the phone. ?Hello,? he greeted the
caller. ?May I ask who is calling??
?Hello, Rupert,? an Irish accented voice
announced.
Giles sighed with relief. ?Father O?Rourke.
Did you see her??
?Both of them, actually,? O?Rourke answered. ?You
were right about the redhead. Possession, a classic case if I ever saw
one. The exorcism went off without a hitch, and Buffy was instrumental in
its success.?
?Glad to hear that,? Giles nodded. She hadn?t tried
to contact the others in Sunnydale since he returned to England, for fear of
contacting the possessed wiccan. ?Will they be okay??
?That?s in God?s hands, my friend,? O?Rourke
answered. ?But they?re both strong, they?re loving, and they have each
other. I believe that they?re better equipped to survive.?
?I hope so,? Giles agreed. ?It?s justthat so much
has happened to them this last year. The last time I saw Buffy, she had so
much anger bottled up inside her.?
?Really?? Father O?Rourke?s voice took an amused
tone. ?I seem to recall a young chap named Ripper who had a great deal of
anger in him, and he turned out all right in the end.?
?Thanks to the guiding hand of a stubborn Irishman,? Giles
kidded the priest.
?And don?t you forget it, my son.? The two men
shared a much-needed laugh, and finished their call with a brief exchange of
news from Sunnydale.
For the first time in a long time, Giles enjoyed an
untroubled sleep. Buffy had her Willow, Sunnydale was safe, and all was
well in the world again.
?God take care of them,? he prayed silently as he drifted
off to sleep.
?Ah, but a man?s reach should exceed his grasp, Or what?s a heaven for?? ?Robert Browning |