End of the Month State of the Gutter and Woods Outback Report for November 2001

["Shadow" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO: All Department Heads, The United Vegetable Empire; and all other
interested parties.
FROM: The Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT: End of the Month State of the Gutter and Woods Outback Report -
November 2001

Addled tired little bat steps up to the podium to begin the end of the month
briefing/finger pointing before returning to her office to go through the
500 new complaints awaiting her in her office about Gutter and Woods Outback
dwellers running amok in malls and water parks. To begin with... no the
koala can't be blamed for all of this, he's been on an 'adult' sponsored
forced holiday from his playmates and now has an iron clad alibi - not that
the same can be said for the rest of you.

Item 1:
Regarding the first annual running of the turkeys through down town
Sunnydale proper. It is the official response of this office that: "We know
NOTHING!! Nothing I tell you for the wild stampede of marauding turkeys that
mowed down the peaceful Riley shipper parade that was taking place on Main
Street. Nothing I tell you nothing!"

Item 2:
Regarding reports of the Koala's prized hover tank being haunted. Those
reports are false, the reason the tank has been sighted apparently moving on
its own and firing silly string cannons at the Mutt-boy shippers is simple.
Bill Gopher has been teaching little Matt Gopher how to drive, and being
well short - as well as extremely cute - he can't see over the steering
wheel. {Yes regardless of popular opinion the Koala's hover tank does have
a steering wheel - it surprised us too when we saw it actually sticking out
of the drive column and in working order.}

Item 3:
There have been sighting of the Demon Duck of New Orleans in the West Gutter
apparently looking for listdad mumbling something about a blood feud and a
case of mustard sauce. Now Rodrigo I know you have been absent from us
lately - off doing 'adult' type things and acting all mature and adult-like
on us. But starting feuds with Demon Ducks... without your favourite - and
some would argue your most troublesome - listkids there to watch your back
is just mean and thoughtless of you. You're still mad about us declaring
your dead and collecting the survivor benefits and maxing out all your
credit cards aren't you??? Well it wouldn't have happened if you had come
out to play with us more, or in the very least upped our allowances.

Item 4:
The calls have gone out: "Listmum where are you??" Curious and bored
little commas want to know.

Item 5:
For the last time, NO I will not condone the mass wet noodling of the evil
Joss one for fucking up the goddess that is the Hacker. First of all Quin
won't sign out any wet noodle launchers... something about certain gutter
dwellers not being able to resist temptation and firing them at his car.

Item 6:
The mighty were-badger has been sighted on top of city hall of Sunnydale
proper with the dark slayer and seer, all three have apparently been
attacked by giant clothes moths and left for dead up there. Will someone
please send them up a set of clothes preferably leather? Or in the very
least a tent and some warm blankets??

Item 7:
I don't need to remind any of you what this month is? Yes its that time of
year once again - the much awaited Christmas/New Years Eve Block Party!! As
always the designated drivers have been volunteered - the process as time
honoured as the Block Party itself, the first dozen residents of the Gutter
and Woods Outback that the Chosen Two could capture with a giant butterfly
net. This year lets keep the reindeer incidents under control - you guys
wouldn't get nearly as many lumps of coal if you would stop firing at
Santa's sleigh with the silly string launchers.

That is all, we now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfics - see you
all next year!! :Furry little beast steps down from podium and puts on
fighter pilot's cap to return to her one-bat war with the evil paper work
demons :: Long live Mischief and Mayhem!!


Shadow -
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy
Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma.
Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn.
Founding Member of the Get Willow and Buffy Naked Society. {GWBNS - Hey,
its a way of life!} Dark MIstress of Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin.
Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the Silver Claw
of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member of the Questionably Sane Biker
Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}

AIM screen name: ShadowDrake
Yahoo screen name: drakesshadow
MSN messenger: Tankesly@xxxxxxxxxxx {Shadow}
ICQ Number: 120681217