The Slayer And The Witch Chapter 8/? - Choices and Consequences

["Stefan Akerblom" <nagarek62@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Hi again.

Finally it's here, Chapter 8, enjoy. Special thanks to Casandra for all
her help on this one.

Stef.


The Slayer And The Witch - Stefan Akerblom - nagarek - nagarek@xxxxxxxxx
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Critique:	Yes please, but no flames (I'm flammable)
Warning:	Building to NC-17, f/f relations, possibly f/f/m
Characters:	Willow, Buffy, Xander, Anya, Giles, Angel, Dawn, Spike, Wes,
Cordy, Oz (?), nurse Becky Chapel, nurse Erin Lonsdale,
Main Pairing/s:	Willow & Buffy, maybe Giles/Becky/Erin - who wants to see
that? :o) (not sure yet about Anya/Xander ... maybe) time will
reveal all!
Disclaimer:	Joss Whedon owns all in the Buffy Universe, I have merely played
and embellished, not claimed any rights, apart from a couple of
nice nursies!
Brief: Buffy and Willow have both recently lost their partners, Willow is
hospitalised and Buffy is almost paralysed with guilt over it, both
Willow and Buffy realise how much they really mean to each other,
they embark on a voyage of discovery and figuring out a way to
break their new relationship to their friends while keeping the
minions of the hellmouth from taking over. Meanwhile solutions
present themselves which can have far reaching effects on Buffy
and Willow's future.

Many thanks go to:
Crys Loch (pagansoul@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx) for answering my email, and
a lot of inspiration and much encouragement (you said just the right
things to make me think while I channeled Willow),
Dan Spector (danspector@xxxxxxxxx) for some much needed help
with authenticity,
Casandra (jeepy91@xxxxxxx) for answering some silly and some very
awkward questions, you're very special
Thanks also to all the other great people on BuffyWantsWillow, you
make this worth so much to me,
and to Cairo (played at ear-splitting volume) for setting the mood.
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Chapter 8 - Choices and Consequences
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"Well for starters, she's not up to it physically, she's just come through
a pretty hairball car accident, I think even I'd be feeling a bit second
hand after what I saw happen to Willow. I agree with her, she shouldn't have
to be the one to do this. She told me you're completely able to do this
Tara." the blonde witch stood beside Willow and fretted, Buffy could see she
wanted to take Willow into her arms and comfort her, but couldn't bring
herself to quite open up, the hug she'd given Willow had been warm but
perfunctory, there had been no kiss. There were still major obstacles to
overcome between them.

"A ... and for another thing, I think it would be hypocritical of you to
expect me to do it, after you all decided I was using too much magic. Y ...
you can't just decide when it's the right time for me to do magic and when
it's not ... a ... and I just won't do it. I feel like I'm letting Angel
down, but I ... I'm trying ... I ... I'm trying to learn from my mistakes
..." Willow looked sadly up at Tara. Tara looked back to her with soft warm
blue eyes that Willow had once willingly wanted to drown in. Willow was
seeing Tara for the first time in over a month and a hard lump refused to go
down her throat, there were strong mixed emotions where her former lover was
concerned. Tara almost leaned forward involuntarily to touch or hug Willow,
but held back by sheer willpower. "Tara, you have more than enough power to
do the magic, I'll be there to help but I just won't do the actual ritual."
Tara nodded and swallowed.

"Well, it's more magic than I have ever done before in one sitting, it's
stuff Willow used to do almost as second nature, but sure ... I think I can
do it. Whether I will though is another thing, magic like this is nothing to
take lightly. That's why I got so mad at Willow, and me doing the same is
asking me to also become a hypocrite ..." she sighed and looked resignedly
at Willow. "... Buffy's right, this would probably cause permanent harm to
Willow if she tried it now, with her being so badly injured. If there's a
chance Angel can become human again, he deserves it, but whether I'm the one
who gives him that chance, that's a different issue. Can I make a decision
later, when we've heard Angel's side of things? "

"Certainly Tara, I would expect nothing less from you." Giles said
nervously. "Speaking of which, did he say when he'd be here?" Buffy sat on
the end of Willow's bed, having gone home, had a couple of hours sleep,
cleaned up and changed into a white loose fitting summer dress. Willow
reflected how nice Buffy looked with her hair tied back and up that way, and
how much like a girl she looked in the thin cotton dress instead of looking
like the Slayer.

"He had an appointment to deal with in South L.A. somewhere, but right
after that he said he'd jump in the car. Wesley would drive him here. I ...
I didn't exactly tell him why we're asking him here, but he said he'd come
anyway. He should be here any minute now." Buffy looked at Willow, who
nodded and made a 'go on' gesture. Buffy swallowed and nodded back to her.
"And when he gets here, Willow and I have something to announce to everyone.
Xander and Anya should really have been here too for this, but it can't
wait." There were puzzled looks from all parties toward both Willow and
Buffy, but both girls remained silent and tried not to betray any emotions
about their announcement. In fact since the arrival of the others, Willow
and Buffy had maintained a discrete distance from each other, of their own
decision. This was going to be an all or nothing announcement. Buffy's
heightened Slayer senses picked up a vampire presence walking down the
hospital corridor and she tensed up and got ready, just in case, Moments
later the door to Willow's room swung open. Angel dressed in his usual dark
jacket, black button up shirt and suit pants stood framed in the doorway.

-----------------------------------

"Wes will be right here, he's just parking the car. Cordy says hello too
but couldn't come, she had another vision today and she took Gunn and Fred
with her to investigate." Angel said to Giles as they shook hands. "She
should be ringing in to report in an hour or so. It's ... good to see you
Giles."

"Gunn ... Fred? Er ... Likewise Angel, you look ... well ... like you
always look, which is hardly surprising considering ... uh ... have a good
trip?" The two men disengaged hands.

"Yeah, not bad apart from when we started, when it was a bit on the warm
side." he smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Got a little toasty!"

"Yees ... I imagine it would have." Angel turned towards Willow and walked
up to the bed.

"Hi ... how're you doing?" he leaned down and gave Willow a surprisingly
warm and gentle hug in spite of the stony coldness of his white vampire
skin.

"Hey Angel ... thanks for coming. Yeah I'm doing OK now ... was a bit blech
there for a while but I'll get better. Angel, this is Tara ... she's ..."

"Yeah, Buffy told me. Hi Tara, pleased to meet you." Angel reached out a
hand and gave his most charming and disarming smile. Tara almost blushed,
and grasped his hand in return.

"Hi Angel, pleased to meet you too. Must be true what they say, cold hands
warm heart." Tara smiled at Angel, not taken in by his suave manner, but
genuinely liking the dark brooding character she saw, a much different man
compared to the blonde vampire she knew all too well. Angel turned to Buffy
and locked eyes. He strode over and folded his arms around the Slayer, who
returned his hug enthusiastically, Angel lifted the girl off the floor, they
remained that way for some time ... until ...

"Uh ... Angel, drop ... please."

"Oh sorry ... just happy to see you. You sounded a bit upset when you rang,
any chance ..." Wesley strode in at that moment wearing a brown suede
baseball jacket, jeans and a pair of Nike sandshoes. Giles almost did a
doubletake at the confident casual swagger that Wes seemed to have acquired.
He also noticed that he'd put on some weight. No longer quite the gangly
Englishman, Wes looked quite muscular and broad shouldered, a consequence no
doubt of working in as dangerous a line of work as he did with Angel.

"Hello Rupert, good to see you, you're looking ... quite well." Wesley's
handshake was warm and firm, a far cry from how he'd been when he left
Sunnydale.

"Wesley, yes I'm well enough and so by the looks of it are you, the
California sun certainly seems to favour you. L.A. must suit you."

"Well being with Angel, Cordelia and I usually do a lot of the daylight
work, so I get to go out in the sun a bit more than he does. Besides,
California in general has always agreed with me, I find I prefer the climate
here a little more to Oxford weather." Giles was unable to quite hide his
surprise, he was impressed. Wes had certainly changed his manner somewhat,
still the immaculate Brit but with a bit of the California savvy about him.
"You should come out and visit sometime, all of you. We've got plenty of
accomodation and you'd be more than welcome." Angel was standing back,
almost deferring to Wes, Giles noted this posture with interest, his old
opinions about the once awkward and bumbling countryman shaken and needing
re-evaluation. Wes walked over to Willow and held out his hands, which
Willow grasped in both hers, he spoke in quiet kindly tones.

"Hello Willow, we came as soon as we knew you were hurt, I am glad to see
you're on your way to recovery. Angel said something dreadful had happened
but I had no idea quite what. If there is anything we can do to help,
anything at all, you know you have only to ask." Willow looked up to Wes
almost in amazement, he wasn't at all the man she'd known before.

"Hey there Wes ... thanks for coming, uh ... yeah well it's ... a bit ...
you know ... painful ... and all ... but I'll be all right, a couple of days
in here and ... poof ... I should be fine. " Wes smiled at her and took a
step back, then turned to Buffy. He looked at her with a steady gaze, and
held out his hand. Much to her surprise, Buffy took it and felt a warm manly
handshake she didn't quite remember belonging to Wes.

"Hello Buffy, it's good to see you ... alive ... again, and well. How goes
the good fight?" Buffy looked up into his face and smiled.

"Fine Wes, the fight goes on, the hell mouth never closes, it's a twenty
four seven service, but that's life in these here hokey parts, nothing much
ever changes. Good to see you here, I'm glad you came. Giles is right,
you're looking well, the L.A. lifestyle seems to have changed you a little."
Wes smiled kindly at her.

"Well being on this side of the fight now rather than just a Watcher, I
think I finally understand at least a fraction of what you must have gone
through sometimes, and ... for what it's worth, I'm sorry for having caused
you so much anguish back when I was here. If there's anything we can do to
help, then just say the word, we're at your disposal." Buffy looked at Wes
with an amused twist on her lips, not quite sure how to take him now, he
seemed so confident and self assured, she simply nodded.

"Thanks Wes, I appreciate that. and thanks for the help too, we might need
it before long, after you hear what Giles has to say."

"Right." Wes said quietly. He perfunctorily nodded and smiled at Tara in
greeting, then stepped back and lurked at the rear of the room, which by now
was becoming a little bit crowded. He absently picked up a small empty
crystal vase off a shelf on the back wall, his fingers idly wandering it's
brilliant cut surface, eyes looking on it but not really seeing.

"Right. I suggest we begin this before hospital management decide we're
becoming a nuisance and throws us out." Giles said.

-----------------------------------

"So you're saying this ... talisman, this amulet is what's holding my soul
here, not their curse?" Angel stroked his chin pensively. Giles paced before
him, wording his statements carefully.

"No, the amulet is what is holding the curse. They could have slain you
even back then but in order to atone for your sins, they made this emblem to
keep you bound to this world for all eternity to suffer for your crimes.
Your soul is held to the amulet by a fragile thread which could easily be
broken, as it once was. All it takes is for you to experience true happiness
even for a fraction of a second. However, by performing the Sachrem
Umertvlenyi, the Ritual of Death, and destroying the amulet, your body
breaks the link and becomes the complete vessel for your soul with no
strings attached ... as it were, as a human being actually is the soul's
vessel. And the rest of the incantations will exorcise the demon within,
sending it back to the hell dimension it originally came from and freeing up
your body. The end result will be that you will become mortal again but your
strength in all likelihood will not be diminished, it's a part of you now.
At the end of the ritual, your heart will begin beating and pumping the
blood through your body like a normal human, to all intents and purposes,
you will be a mortal human with the preternatural strength of a vampire.

"Whoa ... that's a lot to take in at once. Where's the catch, there's got
to be consequences, there always is with powerful magic." Angel had sat down
on the only chair in the room, all eyes upon him.

"The consequence of course is that you will grow old and die like any
normal man. You will have been absolved of your crimes. And I have it from
the High Priestess of the Kalaari, the gypsies, that your helping them over
the last several years as well as your actions over the last hundred or so,
has proven to them you have atoned for your sins. They say that you finally
have a soul worth saving. In their eyes you have paid your debt. They say
you have their blessings if you can become human and have your soul restored
with our help. I also have a feeling that the modern day gypsies think the
curse was ill conceived, all it takes for the demon to take control again is
for you to experience true happiness, and in this day of vices and crime,
that is altogether too easily an experience attainable wrongfully. All it
would take is for you to be captured and administered some psychotropic
substance, you could be forced into experiencing a sensation of illusory but
otherwise complete ecstasy, and the terms of the curse were never specific
enough in those days to deal with modern concepts like recreational drugs.
It would be easiest and safest for the world really to have the curse lifted
and the danger removed." All eyes remained on Angel in silence, he sat and
pondered this information, not saying anything, only looking at the floor as
the thoughts mulled over in his head. Finally...

"Would I be like any normal human, would there be any drawbacks, could I be
in the sunlight or could I ..."

"All the problems of humanity would again be yours, you would feel pain,
emotions, you could father a child ... a biological one, not sire one as you
have done in the past. In short, you would be a completely normal human
being, just a lot stronger. Bullets and bleeding would kill you."

"And the gypsies won't decide at some time to pull the rug out from under
me?"

"As far as I know, the curse cannot be performed on a living human, it has
to be someone who is already a lost cause, one without a soul, the details
were extremely explicit and very specific."

"I ... I can't make a quick decision about this ... I have to consider the
consequences of my actions, I have had it shown to me by ... by someone,
that what I do out in L.A. matters, what if I do this and it somehow stops
that from working, stops me from helping people, stops me from caring enough
to do what must be done?"

"Angel, you couldn't stop caring, it's not in your nature." Buffy said
softly. "It may be the nature of the demon inside you but yours is a good
soul. Regardless of whether you're a vampire or a human now, you couldn't
stop caring for the lonely souls out there, lost in the dark. This will just
give you the chance to become what you have always wanted, to become the
thing Darla took away from you all those years ago. You have atoned for all
your sins, including any you committed when you were still alive. I know
your heart is good, and your soul worth salvation."

"Buffy this can't be about us, this has ..." Buffy interrupted him.

"I know it can't be about us, and it's not ... believe me. I have given us
a lot of thought over the time we've been apart. I've made some choices,
some were ok, some were ... horribly wrong, but some I don't exactly regret,
but they weren't always good either. And when I came to L.A. to see you, we
couldn't seem to see eye to eye on anything. I have resolved not to open old
wounds and I try to live my life without us, without what we were, without
what we had. That's why saying this is still a little tough but it has to be
said. Angel, I don't want you back." Angel looked as if he'd been slapped in
the face. "I don't say it to hurt you, but to make you understand I'm over
us. I have moved on. I tried to substitute you for so long, I tried to
rekindle what you and I had, but I never succeeded, that's why every time I
tried going out with another boy it was always doomed to fail." She looked
deeply into Angel's eyes, she saw questions there, and concern. "I still
love you, more than I can bear sometimes, and often it hurts so much that I
couldn't have you, couldn't have a life together with you. But as I said,
time has made me move on. I know from your actions and the things you say
that you love me too, and that you too sometimes have things you can't
resolve, and nothing is going to change that, we will remain in love - as
Spike said to us both - until we either die or kill each other. But I also
know from what's happened the last several times we've met that you have
moved on, you have found you can live without me, as I have found finally I
can exist without you and not try to make everyone I like into a ... an
Angel clone."

"Uh ... OK Buffy, then ... then why do you need me ..." Angel blinked and
faltered. Buffy shook her head.

"This has nothing to do with my needs, this is entirely about your needs
and desires. To prove my point I am going to say something to you all that I
hope you're all going to be able to handle ... all about what my needs are
... now." She looked at Willow who wrinkled her brow and wrung her hands,
Buffy saw that the red-head's breathing had quickened and she was beginning
to hyper ventilate. She walked around to the other side of the bed, on
Willow's right side, opposite Tara, and took up Willow's right hand in her
left. "Ready?" she asked Willow in a whisper, who just nodded, panting and
grimacing. Buffy took a deep steadying breath. "OK, here goes nothing ...
Willow and I ... we're ... that is to say ... we, oh hell ... Willow and I
are in love!"

There was the sound of breaking glass from somewhere in the room, and Wes
quickly standing upright, a guilty look on his face.

"Good Lord!" came from both Giles and Wes in British Stereo.

Tara's hands clapped to her mouth. She looked down at Willow, sadness and
horror filling her eyes, and pushing her way between bodies, silently left
the room.

to be continued in:

Chapter 9 - The evil that we do

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