FIC: A New Day 1/?

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Hey gang.  This is the first part of a new fic that seemed to come together cause I actually felt like writing the other night.  I have it just about done, but I figured I'd post the first part anyway.

And since there have been problems with my formatting before, I'm including the link to it at FF.Net (http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=682956)

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Author: Casandra
Email: rozwellrulz@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: Joss and ME own em, I don’t, doesn’t that suck? LOL
Rating: PG-13. I still can’t seem to write anything naughty. But there is mild language
Warning: If the idea of two consenting adult woman involved in aromantic relationship bothers you, well you better run.
Distribution: Well Realm Of the Shadow(http://www.mts.net/~shadow27/index.htm) is nice enough to host my other fics, so they’re more than welcome to it. Anybody is free to as well, just please drop me a line.
Feedback: Graciously appreciated
Pairing: Buffy/Willow, who else?
Spoilers: Big ones for ‘Normal Again’. Anything else is pretty much fair game with me, so be warned.
Summary: Buffy’s thoughts after the events of ‘Normal Again’ Buffy’s POV 
Author’s Note: Ok, well I guess I’m taking up Dan’s challenge here, at least a little bit. I have no idea how this one is gonna turn out cause honestly I’m pretty much winging it. I felt like writing and this is what happened LOL Be warned. I’ve also used Celine Dion’s new song, ‘A New Day Has Come’to sort set the mood in the fic. It’s not really a songfic though.Or maybe is, I’m not really sure. Pardon my rambling, it’safter midnight and I’ve had one too many Cherry Cokes. So if it sucks blame the Coke company LOL
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I’ve never been much for pop music, but apparently the only radio station that will 
come through on my little portable radio is just that, pop. But I’d rather have that than nothing at all. For some reason the idea of being out here alone in the quiet is disconcerting. I’m afraid if I sittoo long alone with nothing but my own thoughts to listen to I might just drive myself back into that sanitarium my mind conjured up. So I sit here on the back porch in one of the sturdy wooden chairs, contemplating just howmuch has happened in the last few days, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, looking forward to what might lie ahead. 

If I had known that it would take almost losing all my friends to snap me out of my self imposed depression, well I think I’d gladly be depressed for the rest of my life. As long as that may be this time. I honestly can’t believe I let it come to almost that. Sure I have an excuse, the demon poison was the real reason behind my attempted murder of all the people I love. But I could have very easily stopped it from going as faras it did. If I would have just drank the antidote when Willow gave it to me, none of it would have happened. But once again I let Spike get to me. Iwas lying when I said he isn’t a part of my life, he is, the very worst part. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made. 

And when he threatened to expose the worst thing I’ve done to the people that matter most to me, I reached my breaking point. I didn’t want to live in a world where I lost everything I loved because I madesome really bad decisions. So I gave into the delusion, and because I was once again weak when it came to Spike, I nearly lost them anyway.

I can remember sitting there, watching as one by one they all fell. It was almost like I was watching a movie play out in front of me. I was sitting in the corner of the sanitarium, I still remember how cold the wall feltagainst my cheek. But I can also remember that there was a nail pressing into my back as I sat under the stairs watching my best friends become demonlunchables. I honestly have no way to explain it. I saw and felt both, my mind in one place, my body in another. I saw Xander trying to protect Dawn,but getting tossed aside like he was nothing more than a sack of potatoes.And Dawn, poor Dawnie, she was screaming the whole time, and I just sat there doing nothing, watching. And then Willow came at the demon, baseball bat in hand, trying desperately to at least weaken it. I don’t know if she thought she could hold it off long enough for me to come to the rescue like I’ve done so many times before. Or if she was just trying toprotect everyone else by distr
acting the thing. All I know is that the second I saw her go down I knew that I had to do something. My mind and body worked together when I saw her hit the dirty basement floor, pure and utter terror gripped my entire being. And as I listened to my mother tell me to fight, that I could beat this, that their were people who loved me that would help me through it, I knew that I had found myself again. I knew that even if the gang found out about Spike and myself that they wouldn’t abandon me. I can’t remember the last time I wailed on a demon the way I did with wax boy. I finally felt the fire come back. And if Willow hadn’t been tossed to the ground I seriously wonder if I ever would have found it again. 

It’s amazing to me that I was the most in touch with my emotions, with who I really am, when I was turning into a nut job. But I can’t help but be a tad bit thankful to the demon. It made me realize who I am, and who I love, finally. I smile a little bit at that thought when I hear a new song come across the radio. 

A new day has come
A new day has come

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don’t shed a tear

Yikes, this song hit’s a bit close to home. This girl couldbe telling my life story for the last 7 months. 
Through the darkness and good times
I knew I’d make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Well I guess that fits too. It took me seeing her hurt to get myself together. The more I think about it, it’s always been her. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to wait if I would have been strong enough to admit it before.

Hush now! I see a light in the sky
Oh! It’s almost blinding me
I can’t believeI’ve been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it feel my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun

A new day has come

It definitely is a new day. And for the first time in months I’m looking forward to the possibilities that it holds.

Where it was dark now there’s light
Where there was pain now there’s joy
Where there was weakness I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

OK, so wrong gender, but still, this lady really is singing my tunehere.

Hush now! I see a light in the sky
Oh! It’s almost blinding me
I can’t believeI’ve been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it feel my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun

A new day has……