FIC: STILL STRUGGLING (5/?) PG-13/R

[Red Willow <nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx>]

hey again, this one is kind of short... I'll be sending another soon enough.. hope you enjoy...

Title: Still Struggling
Author: Red Willow
Email: St8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: All characters and references to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and all them
other folks <G> I'm just using them to make my own little fun. However the story belongs to me
only. You may post or distribute only with permission from and credit to me.
So just ask <G> And if you don't like the idea of Willow and Buffy together then... why are you
reading this?
Rating: PG-R (as it might progress from one to the other)
Pairing: Willow/Buffy
Summary: Buffy struggles over her feelings for Willow and stumbles upon something interesting...
this continues the story...
This is part 5 in a ? part series (though 7 will probably be the last for good). Thoughts will be
expressed in < and > brackets... This covers some info from Seasons 2-4
Hope you enjoy. Feedback? I thrive on feedback.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Im waking up now. I can feel it. Waking up from a dream Ive dreamt so many times before. A
confession, an acceptance, and& <someone else in your bed?>&

My eyes flutter open and Im met with the wall staring coldly back at me. The wall. The wrong
side of the wall. <thats because this isnt your bed&> I must have this huge shit-eating grin on
my face as I realize that there is a very warm body snuggled against my back. I start to turn
over but the arm grips me tighter, pulling me to her. I continue to smile. Not a dream. Im
mentally doing back flips of glee, which if it werent for this delicious red head holding me so
tight, I could literally be doing right on down the hall. But, Id rather lay here basking in
this&
She stirs a bit and mumbles something I cant quite understand.
Will&? I ask quietly, attempting to turn over again. Im a little more successful this time and
manage a better position on my back. I turn my head and look at her. Shes got the cutest
expression on her face. Not quite smiling, and in no way frowning either. Just looking cute. I
reach my arm up, trailing a finger along her arm that is now draped across my bare stomach, and
gently stroke her cheek.
Will&? Hey Will& Im looking right at her, our faces not even a few inches apart. She stirs a
bit more, not wanting to be wakened during such a good dream I imagine. Shes so beautiful like
this. When she sleeps she is so at peace, free from worry. I know she worries a lot. Her little
head is so busy. From now on Ill be there for her whenever she needs me, just like I used to be.
I wont let her down again. I smile because this is how its supposed to be every morning. How
its always supposed to of been. The two of us in each others arms, sleeping peacefully&
&they took the carrots&
&mumbling stuff I dont understand&? I stroke her chin with my thumb, Hey sleepy head, what are
you dreaming about? She doesnt respond so I opt for a different tactic instead. I lean closer
to her, brushing her lips with my own, tickling her lips slightly before I kiss her firmly.
&mmm& morning& she sighs after I regretfully break off the kiss. She smiles broadly at me,
focusing with only half open eyes. <yup, knew that would do the trick>
Morning& dream much? I ask placing my hand on her cheek again, absently stroking the warm
softness there with my thumb.
She smiles up at me, snuggling closer, her legs wrapping around mine. Always. She pushes up on
her elbow then, eyeing me, This i-isnt a dream& right?
Nope, its real& real good Buffy Willowy goodness. I pull her closer to me, determined to not
let her leave my arms for a long time. Maybe even forever. Her skin is so soft and warm, I never
want to be without the comfort of these arms, this body, this beautiful, loving, redhead holding
me as strong as Im holding her. So much has changed in the last <how long has it been? what the
hell time is it?> day between us, yet it all feels so perfect. This is what Ive always wanted.
This is the person, the woman, Ive been wanting to share my life with. I realize that now, that
despite the love, the lust, the friendship, the feelings Ive squashed down for so long, that this
is it. This is what it all comes down to. Im in love with my best friend and I know that I always
will be. I want to be with her for the rest of our lives. I want to go out there and fight the
good fight and come home to her tender hands and wake up to her the next morning, every morning. I
dont want to go one day without seeing her, hearing her voice, feeling her&
<hand on your boob!>
Will& I grin at her, realizing shes got that cute cat-that-ate-the-canary look on her face.
w-what& oh&what are you& d-doing&?
What do you think, silly? she asks as she begins kissing my neck.
umm, uhh&ok, but& uh& oh& that feels&. so good&
I let her hands caress my bare skin, aware of the arousal building between us. I pull her face
up to mine, capturing those tasty lips in my mouth, just as she slides on top of me a bit. <She
is so hot&> We continue to kiss, as our hands explore each others bodies, slow now, taking our
time.
<OH what the fu-?> I break off the kiss and realize the phone is ringing shrilly in my ear. I
reach for it, but Willow grabs my hand.
Let the machine get it.
Okay, <duh Summers>
We continue kissing as the answering machine picks up, Willows voice asking for the caller to
leave a name and number.

Buffy. Hey its me, Riley. Just wanted to see if we were still on for today.
This time its Willows turn to break off the kiss. She glances at the answering machine as
Rileys voice penetrates the silence in the room, before glancing back at me. I just look up at
her, <look how beautiful her hair is in that light..> with this kind of worried/annoyed look on my
face.
You, uh, you said youd call around noon and uh& its going on 1 now. he continues, So, um, I
guess if you get this, give me a call back. I cant wait to see you&. bye.
Willow lays her head on my shoulder, apparently not as in the mood as she was before Riley so
rudely interrupted. Im not sure what to say. She is quiet, contemplative I think.
Will& I start, but not sure what she needs to hear. <reassure her. Youre not going to see
Riley again. You only want to be with her.>
Buffy& y-you have to tell him. I mean, that is, if you still, I mean, if you want to& I know
exactly where shes going with this.
I want you. Only you, Will. Ill tell Riley, you have not a thing in the world to worry about
where thats concerned. Just& I bring her lips to mine, not& light kisses right& now& We
start again, easing into each others embrace, caressing and kissing each other until we are the
only two people that exist. Everything melts away, becomes distant, except for the touch of our
bodies and the passion between us. Just us, until <that damn phone!> Again with the ringing.
Willow sighs deeply, slumping back down against me, frustrated as all hell.
The answering machine relays Willows message again as we try to ignore it and burrow deeper into
the bed, under the sheet. No such luck.
Hey Buffy. Its me again. Where are you? Its about 20 after 1. I, uh.. hope nothings wrong.
Do me a favor, when you get this message, stay put. Ill come over there&
I cant take it anymore. I reach back and grab the phone cord, yanking it out of the wall,
disconnecting Riley. <Just as you will soon be doing from your life&.>
Buffy! Willow yells out in shock, which is then quickly replaced by joy. thank the& she
starts, but I dont let her finish. There is only one thing left to finish right now and I have
no intention of stopping until we are both satisfied...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i know that was kind of cruel... the rest coming shortly, i promise.
RW




=====
"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound
anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that
as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like
beautiful music"
-Soren Kierkegaard

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