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TO: All ConcernedParties FROM: The Director of Public Safety SUBJECT: It’s the List Gutter’s Birthday!
Yes boys, girls, guys, gals and Rodrigo… it is the List Gutter’s Birthday. Today the Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs is officially two-years old!! Ain’t it grand… we’ve been here for two whole years reigning mischiefand mayhem upon the unsuspecting list, not to mention the Riley and Oz-shippers that keep trying to invade and turn us all into mindless zombie cheese-lovers! Now to celebrate I have gathered the entire first month of Gutter Memos and Announcements – and boy was itan active month. So for your pleasure I am reposting those first Gutter Reports – complete with the initial rebuttals and comments made at the time. They are for the most part unedited aside from being run through a spell checker… Outlook is funny about that it won’t let me send a thing without making sure at least some of the words are spelled right. So read on if you are stout of heart and brave of nerve – or just have nothing better to do – whatever the case may be… and ask yourselves: “Where was I 16 of August 2000… and does Shadow know what I was doing and will she blackmail me into behaving so she won’t let the rest of the list know?”
Now with that said… have fun and remember… its our birthday, let the mischief and mayhem reign. :: Puts on party hat and holds upa keg of spiked Jungle Juice :: Yo, Samuel I found this hiding behind the water cooler!!!
Date: Wed Aug 16, 2000 1:40 pm Subject: Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs Announcement
From: The desk of the Director of Public Safety To: All List Members Subject: General Announcements
Greetings, I'll try to keepthis short and to the point and get all of you back to you daily fanfic-reading and mischief making as soon as possible. It has come to my attention that several disturbing and shocking rumours have been circulating on the list lately. In the interest of List Safety, it is my duty as Director of Public Safety to address such matters quickly and efficiently as possible.
Item 1: Reports have been coming in about a Riley-shaped fungus demon roaming the lower levels of the gutter. I assure everyone that the matter is being investigated and all necessary precautions are being takingat this time. There is no need for panic or a need to activate the List's Emergency Response Teams and Lynch Mob. Our Security Forces in the List Gutter are attending to the matter and are requesting that everyone watches where they step while moving about the lower levels and for the love of the God s- DON'T touch it! We don't know where this Riley-shaped fungus demon has been or what it has been drinking... there is no telling what diseases it may be carrying.
Item 2: While the Riley-shaped fungus demon is.... well Riley-shaped, there is no proof that it is in anyway related to the Walsh-shaped brain sucker that was killed by the List's Emergency Response Team and Lynch Mob last month. Or to the ex-commando boy of the same name for that matter granted there have been no reported sightings of the two together but as ofyet we have no proof of the two creatures being one and the same. Again we are advising caution andcalm thinking here, the matter is being looked into.
Item 3: On the subject of wet noodles - all handling and tortures by wet noodles will be conducted by the Committee's Chief of Security and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe, Quin, all other handling of wet noodles is strictly prohibited. Quin is a master noodle torturer and has been trained to weld the wet noodles of death, for public safety we ask that all requests for "noodle torture" be forwarded to him and he will get to your request as soon as humanly possible. It is very easy to put out an eye when mishandling the wet noodles of death and/or injuring innocent bystanders.
Item 4: Will the Undercover Gutter-dwelling Scooter Trash please cease and desist riding his scooter upand down the lower levels of the gutter yelling expletives at the Riley-shaped fungus demon? It has not been proven that the Riley-shaped fungus demon is able to comprehend the English language no matter how loud it is yelled. Also it has been requested that our Undercover Gutter-dwelling Scooter Trash please reframe from doing naughty things to a former-cheerleader and May Queen of Sunnydale High's class of '99, or in the very least pull over to the side of the gutter while doing the aforementioned naughty things. You nearly ran over the list representatives from the Buffy/Riley Lets All Get Along Organization last time.
Item 5: To the Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter, while it is commendable that you are determined to spread the social awareness of the evils of green eggs and ham, will you please reframe from joining the aforementioned Undercover Gutter-dwelling Scooter Trash in yelling, admittedly creative, expletives at the Riley-shaped fungus demon or the unfaithful hair bag known as Mutt-boy? First off, it is rather unfair of you to enter into a battle of wits with beings that have shown all the signs of being brain-dead. And second, that one suggestion about Mutt-boy's parentage and possible carnal relations with a lame duck is not physically possible... even if you do turn your head to the side and think about it for long periods of time.
Item 6: The Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs is open to all those wishing to join. Also will all members of the Committee please notify me of their job titles and duties on the Committee? I'm pretty sure we have a Director of Personal but I haven't the faintest idea on who it is at the moment.
Item 7: Committee meetings will be posted as soon as the staff gets itself sorted out and will be opento all those interested in sitting in on the meetings.
That is all, thank you for your time, we now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfic.
Shadow Director of Public Safety of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs and vampire teddy bear
"I do not brood, I reflect"
********
Date: Wed Aug 16, 2000 2:44 pm Subject: Re: Senior Executive Committee ofList Gutter Affairs Announcement
From: The Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter To: The Directorof Public Safety Subject: Response to General Announcements
In regards to Item 5: In the name of public safety I shall sojourn from the practice of shouting expletives at the Riley-shaped fungus demon and Mutt-boy. However this custom has been a major past time of mine, plus it has proven to be very enjoyable, and I am not sure what actions I might be forced to take.....maybe I could get some shears and wait for the unfaithful hair bag to fall asleep and.....(yeah, that's the ticket).
In regards to Item 6: How does Director of nonsensical mayhem sound, I'm pretty sure being the gutter roamer that I amI could stir things up, bring great amusement and fun to all.
Sam, shadowmage_draco unofficial roamer of the list gutter president of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham loyal member of the society to stake Riley
Palindrome of the week: Red rum, sir, is murder.
****** Date: Thu Aug 17, 2000 12:22 am Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs Announcement
Note to the Director of Public Safety:
While the algae found occasionally along the gutter is part of the plant domain, and therefore under my authority as head of the United Vegetable Empire, fungus is not taxonomically considered a plant. The Riley-shaped fungus demon is outside my jurisdiction. I will however instruct the algaeto keep an eye out for it.
Tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)
****** Date: Thu Aug 17, 2000 12:55 am Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs Announcement
To: The Directorof Public Safety From: The Undercover Gutter-Dwelling Scooter-Trash (and Unofficial Village Idiot)
First how can I possibly resist doing all those "naughty" (but extremely fun) things to that certain ex-cheerleader and former May Queen when she wears that leather outfit with the...well never mind. Anyway I'm forced to plead permanent insanity in this particular case. I'm sorry I missed those self-righteous all get along jerks, next time I'll aim better. Besides she likes the vibrations she gets from a '47 knucklehead. As far as Mr White Bread beef-stick boy goes since the last time he ran away crying I must assume he understands the English language as I use it, and Ithink Mutt-boy looks just fine with that poodle cut and yes you can do that but you have to turn upside down completely.
That is all fromthis end of the Gutter district, until next time.
Later Alex (Unofficial Village Idiot, and undercover gutter-dwelling scooter-trash)
Date: Thu Aug 17, 2000 7:35 pm Subject: List Gutter Affairs Memo
To: The Director of Public Safety cc: The Undercover Gutter-Dwelling Scooter-Trash (and Unofficial Village Idiot), The Wet Noodle Master of the Universe, Head of the United Vegetable Empire, and The Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter Re: Recent memos circulated
----------
There are several things that have come to my attention recently and I would like to address them.
First order of business: unfaithful mutt shearing: While it is in the name of all humanity and gutter safety that this event take place, I must warn you on the hazards of shaving and preening said unfaithful mutt. The mutt has displayed a tendency to drool, bark, howl and scratch at anyone who attempts to teach it good grooming techniques and manners. It is therefore advisable that the proper equipment be used in this situation. Such equipment can be signed out from the Office of Public Safety. You must fill out the appropriate forms and please people… .it is wearing hard on our budget when the muzzles and whips go missing (along with two pairs of fuzzy pink handcuffs). Do try to be careful with them and return them in working order. Oh hell, I guess I'd be happy if you just returned them. . .
Second order of business: Riley-shaped fungus demon activity: All orders are to cease contact and activity monitoring of said demon. This demon's activity is being tracked by our top notch undercover Algae Squad. Through an intricate biological mechanism, said demon's whereabouts are known on a 24/7-hour basis. While this has left us with some casualties (who knew the Riley-shaped fungus demon was smart enough to take a hot shower and send our Algae boys down the drain to an untimely demise?), I plan on working closely with the Head of the Vegetable Empire and form a plan of attack. The List's Emergency Response Teams and Lynch Mob will be called in when they are needed.
Third order of business: Target practice: It has been deemed necessary by the Department of Shoot Them Now And Ask Questions Later that all members of the Gutter Dwellers Society are to report for training immediately. It has come to our attention that the last attempted eradication of the Buffy/Riley Lets All Get Along Organization was unsuccessful. Practice makes perfect people. . . now lets all attack the commando shaped training dummies as if they were real! Oh wait, my mistake. .. they are real, they just look like cardboard cutouts. Well, commence attack training anyway!!
Forth order of business: Parentage: Our crack team of experts (or was that team of crack experts?) is currently looking in to that one suggestion about Mutt-boy's parentage and possible carnal relations with a lame duck. They have come tothe conclusion that if you stand on your head and sing the theme to Barney while holding a mirror up to the ceiling and having it reflect down upon aforementioned relations. . .that it is indeed entirely, totally, almost kind of sorta in a way possible. They are still hard at work in the labs as we speak.
Last order of business: Misc.: It has come to our attention that the Walsh-shaped brain sucker, in a feeble attempt to stay alive, cut off one of it's own slimy, malformed tentacles. All list members are to be on thelook out for this tentacle. If sighted, you must report the location to the Head of Public Safety immediately and for the love of the gutter don't touch it!! There have been reports of adverse effects when coming in contact with the tentacle of the Walsh-shaped brain sucker such as stiff joints, assigning impossible workloads, having no sense of humour and insisting that people call you 'Mommy'. If any of these symptoms overtake you or your comrades, please report to the medical lab immediately for disinfecting.
thank you and now back to your regularly scheduled fan fic.
~~Kimber
Official Noodle wetter and wholesale distributor, Gutter-Slut and Vice President and Treasurer of the Riley/Oz neutering society and garden club...Personnel Recruiter/Equipment Supervisor for all main gutter and sub gutter affairs.
Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 2:13 am Subject: Re: List Gutter Affairs Memo
First order of business: unfaithful mutt shearing: While it is in the name of all humanity and gutter safety that this event take place, I must warn you on the hazards of shaving and preening said unfaithful mutt. The mutt has displayed a tendency to drool, bark, howl and scratch at anyone who attempts to teach it good grooming techniques and manners. It is therefore advisable that the proper equipment be usedin this situation. Such equipment can be signed out from the Office of Public Safety. You must fill out the appropriate forms and please people. . .it's wearing hard on our budget when the muzzles and whips go missing (along with two pairs of fuzzy pink handcuffs). Do try to be careful with them and return them in working order. Oh hell, I guess I'd be happy if you just returned them. . .
(Maniacal laughter) I'll try to return most of the items that I have borrowed just as soon as mutt-boy is properly groomed….
Forth order of business: Parentage: Our crack team of experts (or was that team of crack experts?) is currently looking in to that one suggestion about Mutt-boy's parentage and possible carnal relations with a lame duck. They have come to the conclusion that if you stand on your head and sing the theme to Barney while holding a mirror up to the ceiling and having it reflect down upon aforementioned relations. . .that it is indeed entirely, totally, almost kind of sorta in a way possible. They are still hard at work in the labs as we speak.
I knew it was possible, and you all thought me mad..
Sam, shadowmage_draco Unofficial roamer of the list gutter President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham Director of nonsensical mayhem Loyal member of the society to stake Riley
Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal--Panama
Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 12:20 am Subject: Public Gutter Notice
There will be a brief memorial service in honour of the Algae Squad members who made the ultimate sacrifice in pursuit of the Riley-shaped fungus demon tomorrow. The service will be held in the south end of the Gutter, down by the drain. A clump of moss will be delivering the eulogy. A fertilizer fund has been set up for the families of the unfortunate Algae boys. All mulch contributions will be welcomed. No sheared Mutt hair please. It makes the little algae itch.
Tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)
Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 1:17 am Subject: List Gutter Locate Warning. ii Changed to **!!!**Emergency Warning***!!!*** ii
To: Director of Public Safety From: Security Chief Subject: Riley-shaped Fungus Demon
Mam’, after tracking down the current location of the Riley-shaped Fungus Demon as ordered, I have made a very alarming discovery. It seems as if the said demon isn't as primitive as we thought, and has in fact, shown quite some intelligence by avoiding several newly placed tracking devices, hidden cameras, and, which disturbs me the most, secret undercover algae agents.
I have located the Riley-shaped Fungus Demon in Tunnel A-14-B32 of Gutter Sector 74. To my knowledge, all that is there is an old storage room and some underground passageways, which all luckily end in the same cavern, about 12 feet high and 53 feet in width large.
Infrared as wellas shock wave echo and radar measurements have shown no further ways to leave this tunnel than the Tunnels A-14-B33 and B31 as well as A-15-B31 to B33 and A-13-B31 to B33.
It is herein my recommendation to evacuate the complete Gutter Sector 74 and to close all entrances to said sector. That way we would be able to concentrate our further seek and destroy missions to the 1 square mile area of Sector 74, starting in Tunnel A-14-B32, and could be sure that all possible measurements to ensure Public Safety have been done.
Regards
Quin
Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe
***!!!***Emergency Warning***!!!***
Mam, we've got aCode Red! I repeat, Code Red! The Mutt-Boy demon has been seen in Tunnel A-32-C44, and has captured Hostiles! I repeat. The Mutt-Boy demon has been tracked down to Tunnel A-32-C44 and has Hostiles!
I need GO for operation MOON immediately and clearance for Emergency Response Teams alpha12 and 13. Otherwise I can't guarantee for the security of the hostiles. Also, I need access to the Freezing Wet Noodle Prototype. It may still not be tested, but I don't see another way to avoid further complications, and may be our only chance to capture the Mutt Boy demon safely.
Quin
Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe
********
Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 1:51 am Subject: Re:[buffywantswillow] List Gutter Locate Warning. ii Changed to **!!!**Emergency Warning***!!!*** ii
To: Gutter Security Chief From: President Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society, "Union Representative" International Brotherhood of Guttershoreman RE: Security Emergency.
Don't ask how I came by this but regarding your memo:
To: Director of Public Safety From: Security Chief Subject: Riley-shaped Fungus Demon <snip>
>It seems as if the said demon isn't as primitive as we thought, and has in fact, shown quite some intelligence by avoiding several newly placed tracking devices, hidden cameras, and, which disturbs me the most, secret undercover algae agents.
The GCBS and IBGSM have certain "resources" which could be loaned to the Security Algae for the duration of this emergency if you were to promise not to ask where they came from and to forget we have them when the emergency passes. <snip>
I need GO for operation MOON immediately and clearance for Emergency Response Teams alpha 12 and 13. Otherwise I can't guarantee for the security of the hostiles. Also, I need access to the Freezing Wet Noodle Prototype.
Once again if you were to institute a don't ask don't tell policy with regards to our method the GCBS and IBGSM would be willing to lend you one or two of our legitimately come by FWN prototypes for the duration.
It may still notbe tested, I assure you it works quite well, just ask Jimmy Hoffa, I mean er, ah...
With regards to Mutt-Boy, a certain dark-haired slayer with a fondness for cheerleaders owes the GCBS a fairly substantial amount of money which we would gladly be willing to sacrifice in return for her emergency services. If you manage to locateher please pass the word along.
honoured "The Chin" fool President Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society. International Brotherhood of Guttershoreman.
ps. If you couldfind it in you hearts to give us control of all extortion and racketeering in the gutter it would avoid a great deal of illegal noodle injuries to certain parties in the future.
hf.
Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 2:49 am Subject: Re: GCBS and IBGSM
To: President Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society, "Union Representative" International Brotherhood of Guttershoreman From: Security Chief Re: Security Emergency.
<<<The GCBS and IBGSM have certain "resources" which could be loaned to the Security Algae for the duration of this emergency if you were to promise not to ask where they came from and to forget we have them when the emergency passes.>>>
We are in full control of the situation with the resources we have, and without further Ok from the Director of Foreign Affairs of the SECoLGA, or higher position, I'm not allowed to give out any information regarding this incident.
<<<Once again if you were to institute a don't ask don't tell policy with regards to our method the GCBS and IBGSM would be willing to lend you one or two ofour legitimately come by FWN prototypes for the duration.>>>
Legitimate FWNs,be it prototype or full operational series model, only exist within the SECoLGA, and simply the mentioning of this can be enough to obtain a search warrant to search for these and further consequences. Since I'm at the moment needed elsewhere, I am willing to forget this 'incident' and suggest that you get in contact with either the Director of Foreign Affairs or a higher position, to clear out any further inconsistency between our groups.
<<<I assure you it works quite well, just ask Jimmy Hoffa, I mean er, ah...>>>
Pardon? (this time)
<<<With regards to Mutt-Boy, a certain dark-haired slayer with a fondness for cheerleaders owes the GCBS a fairly substantial amount of money which we would gladly be willing to sacrifice in return for her emergency services. If you manage to locate her please pass the word along.>>>
Said Slayer is currently in a covert ops and her location as well as any further information is strictly limited to a small circle of high SECoLGA Directors to ensure her safety. Because of this, thevery contact to said Slayer is only allowed in the greatest emergencies, and for that I am not able to pass your request on until she has completed her mission and returns home. Due to the information block, I cannot tell you when that will happen.
<<<ps. If you could find it in you hearts to give us control of all extortion and racketeering in the gutter it would avoid a great deal of illegal noodle injuries to certain parties in the future.>>>
This is NOT possible. We are the only institution allowed to have this control. No further discussion. If you want to gain the control over these areas, contact a higher position in the SECoLGA and/or the responsible institution on side of the List Government.
Regards Quin
Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe
********
Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 3:12 am Subject: Re:[buffywantswillow] Re: GCBS and IBGSM
TO: Quindo Ma Security Chief. FROM: honoured fool, President-elect GCBS and IBGSM.
Sir, I was recently informed by my associates that my second cousin, know as "the chin" had been in contact with you alleging that our organization was in possession of certain highly illegal prototypes and was also interested in certain illegal and perhaps unethical areas of business. I assure you this is not the case. We are a harmless association of legitimate businessmen and dockworkers with absolutely nothing to hide. No sir, not us. Rest assured that "the chin" will no longer be bothering you as he now works at the Luca Brasi Fisheries in Newark New Jersey. Thank you for your time and perhaps we will see you in November at election time.
honoured "little foolie" fool jr. President-elect GCBS and IBGSM.
Date: Fri Aug 18, 2000 4:08 pm Subject: Committee Announcement
To: All List Members and Department Heads From: The Dir. Of Public Safety Subject: Weekly Department Update
Okay to address the resent activities of the Riley-shaped fungus demon and the unfaithful mutt. Several new and important facts have come to my attention in the last twenty-four hours. I will try to address each matter as fast as possible.
Item 1: To the Committee's Chief of Security - you have a go on your evacuation order for Gutter Sector 74; as the area is usually deserted except for the annual Gutter Founder's Day Block Party and Stake Making Contest, I really don't see a problem with moving the few residents that dwell there to a safer location.
As for the activation of ERT Alpha 12 and 13 - that is also a go, however the ERT's are not to openly engage the unfaithful mutt. Reports have crossed my desk that mutt-boy does indeed have fleas and we cannot risk the overall safety and well being of the ERT until the area has been properly dusted. I am told that the dusting should be complete at around 1600 hours Greenwich, England time. Once the Hazmat and Dusting Detail have completed their work both ERT units are directed to assault the mutt and liberate the hostiles. The Chief of Security is hereby directed to coordinate the assault with the Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter; he knows the area and still has the pink fuzzy handcuffs in his precession.
Item 2: It has come to my attention that mutt-boy has gotten a "haircut" in an attempt to throw off our security forces. As such he will be henceforth known as "poodle-boy".
Item 3: To the GCBS and the IBGSM - any questions you have about joining the Committee's "Supply and Logistic Department" please notify the Vice Presidentof Monetary Embezzlement and Lawyerial Affairs, he will be happy to help you. Also when you are visiting his office please do not feed, poke fun at, or make eye contact with the office pet lawyer. It is a specially trained attack lawyer and will sue at that drop ofa hat. However the boys and girls at the office of Monetary Embezzlement feed their pet lawyer with the occasional Amway salesman so it should not attack when you come to the office. However, to be on the safe side; please no lawyerjokes and whatever you do, don't say; "Do you know Jesus?" It puts the pet lawyer in a blind homicidal rage and will only stop chewing on your leg after repeated beatings with wet noodles.
Item 4: To the representative of the head of the United Vegetable Empire, be assured that the Algae who give their lives in the line of duty will not be forgotten and will specially honoured at next months Gutter Founder's Day Block Party and Stake Making Contest. Also the Gutter-dungeon Vampire Fruit Bat Society has vowed to temporarily stop their diabolical practice of vamping unsuspecting tomatoes near the local juice bar. The vampire fruit bats feel it would be down right tacky of them to continue to vamp tomatoes while the Vegetable Empire is in mourning. Apparently it is no fun spreading mischief and mayhem among the vegetable community without the algae boys chasing after them.
Item 5: Last item of importance, will the people responsible for the repeated crank phone calls to poodle-boy's band mates, please stop. It is not their fault that the lead guitarist is in desperate need of neutering. Isn't it bad enough that most of them now have flea because of poodle-boy?
That is all; we know return turn you to your regularly scheduled fanfic and mischief making.
Shadow -- Director of Public Safety of the Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs and vampire teddy bear; Official Dungeon Keeper and Big Bad.
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 2:30 am Subject: [buffywantswillow] Unofficial List Warrior Signal
To: Director Public Safety Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs Committee Chief of Security Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter For Information:All List members
1. Unofficial List Warrior returning from leave to lead ERT Alpha 12 and 13. 2. I have good working knowledge of Gutter as my mind spends a hell of a lot of time there. 3. I do not regard this a work. Getting biblical on Riley shaped Fungus Demon and PoodleBoy will give me a happy. Will video tape their painful death for enjoyment for all list members. 4. I'll provide popcorn for vid fest.
Tony McD sends.
Unofficial List Warrior and Official Combat Zeppo
End Transmission.
********
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 4:54 am Subject: Re: Unofficial List Warrior Signal
To: Unofficial list warrior CC: Director Public Safety Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs Committee Chief of Security
Subject: eradication of Riley shaped Fungus Demon and poodle boy (who next time I get a hold of some shears will be shaved bald)
Item 1: Welcome back, your just in time to get to work and help deal with these pesky creatures who have infested our wonderful gutter with there annoying presents and unnatural use of lame ducks.
Item 2: I am looking forward both the free popcorn (Pop corn good) and watching the riley shaped fungus demon and poodle boy suffer in extreme agony, maybe we could have a bon fire and roast marshmallows as we mock the members of the Buffy/Riley lets all get along committee. Good times will be had by all
Sam, shadowmage_draco Unofficial roamer of the list gutter President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham Director of nonsensical mayhem Loyal member of the society to stake Riley
Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal--Panama
****** Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 5:11 am Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Re: Unofficial List Warrior Signal
To: Unofficial Roamer of the List Gutter CC: Unofficial list warrior Director Public Safety Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs Committee Chief of Security
Item 2: I am looking forward both the free popcorn (Pop corn good) and watching the riley shaped fungus demon and poodle boy suffer in extreme agony, maybe we could have a bon fire and roast marshmallows as we mock the members of the Buffy/Riley lets all get along committee. Good times will be had by all
Query regarding the above item: Would it be acceptable to mock the marshmallows androast the members of the Buffy/Riley let's all get along committee instead?
tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)
******
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 6:36 am Subject: Re: Unofficial List Warrior Signal
To: Tater CC: Unofficial list warrior Director Public Safety Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs Committee Chief of Security
'Query regarding the above item: Would it be acceptable to mock the marshmallows and roast the members of the Buffy/Riley let's all get along committee instead?'
In regards to the above-mentioned question, Yes I believe it would be perfectly acceptable todo this, we could even taunt them as they roasted.
Sam, shadowmage_draco Unofficial roamer of the list gutter President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham Director of nonsensical mayhem Loyal member of the society to stake Riley
Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal--Panama
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 1:10 pm Subject: First coordination plan to free the hostiles
Encryption AX-C334-699403547 Data File Delta-32
To: Director of Public Safety CC: Unofficial List fighter Chief Algae Undercover Agent Lieutenants of ERTs 12 and 13 All further involved in Operation MOON Subject: First Layout of the Modificationsfor Operation MOON
Mam, following is the modifications we had to make to Operation MOON, to ensure the safety of the Hostiles, and to include the circumstances we have in Tunnel A-32-C44. For details, take a look into the Gutter plan of Sector 74.
To ensure that Poodle-Boy gets neutralized in time before he can harm our hostiles, we have to use Beta Modification 3 and attack from the three main entrances. ERT 12 and 13 will enter the tunnel at exactly 1500 GMT (Gutter Main Time), shortly afterthe algae agents and I have disabled the main flea producer with the FWN. Since Algae are immune to the fleas, and I will be wearing the static anti flea suit, this should work out without problems. Once this is done, Mr. McD will leadERT 12 through Gutter Tunnel B-32-C44 and A-31-C44 and enter the Minefield (the decided name for the operation field) through the southwest gate. ERT 13 will work the same through the southeast gate.
After this is done, the ERTs are to concentrate on disabling the hair traps, which have been detected in tunnel grids 2, 15, 32, 46 and 77. This is a PRIORITY target. Should one of these traps be activated, by any source, then the mission is to be IMMEDIATELY aborted! These traps are extremely dangerous, and have to be taken care of before we can continue into the main area, and free the hostiles.
The ERTs will, after disabling the hair traps, fall back and wait until I have lured Poodle-Boy into Tunnel A-33-C44 by taunting him. Since I have not the needed experience to taunt Poodle-Boy, the undercover gutter-dwelling scooter-trash is going to take care of this case, and will follow in close to ERT 13 to meet me in the Minefield.
After this has been accomplished, the ERTs have GO to free the hostiles, so that we can continue our daily taunting and bashing of the Buffy/Riley let's all get along committee.
In the meantime,I will use the FWN prototype and freeze Poodle-Boy. With some luck I'll even be able to paralyse him, which should allow us to capture Poodle-Boy. But in case that paralysing the subject is unsuccessful, it is time for immediate retreat. We can still capture Poodle-Boy at a later time, and as long as Sector 74 stays closed, we should be able to track him down easily later.
If these modifications are ok with you ma'am, then all we need is your ok, and operation MOON will start tomorrow at 1400 GMT.
Regards
Quin
Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe
********
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 4:11 pm Subject: Re: First coordination plan to free the hostiles
Encryption AX-C334-699403547 Data File Delta-32
To: Director of Public Safety CC: Unofficial List fighter Chief Algae Undercover Agent Lieutenants of ERTs 12 and 13 All further involved in Operation MOON Subject: First Layout of the Modifications for Operation MOON
In the meantime,I will use the FWN prototype and freeze Poodle-Boy. With some luck I'll even be able to paralyse him, which should allow us to capture Poodle-Boy. But in case that paralysing the subject is unsuccessful, it is time for immediate retreat. We can still capture Poodle-Boy at a later time, and as long as Sector 74 stays closed, we should be able to track him down easily later.
In the event of a successful capture of poodle-boy we at the Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem wish to question him about a standing rumour circulating around the gutter about said poodle-boy involving a lame duck, Barney the dinosaur, 30 litters of Jell-O and the two pairs of missing pink fluffy handcuffs.
Also I wish to inform everyone that the directorate has gathered all the necessary supplies need for the bon fire and are currently practicing taunting marshmallows.
Sam, shadowmage_draco Unofficial roamer of the list gutter President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham Director of nonsensical mayhem Loyal member of the society to stake Riley
Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal--Panama
****** Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 4:18 pm Subject: Re:[buffywantswillow] Re: First coordination plan to free the hostiles
Also I wish to inform everyone that the directorate has gathered all the necessary supplies need for the bon fire and are currently practicing taunting marshmallows.
With regards to taunting marshmallows the GCBS suggests pelting them with rice krispies and Cadbury’s cocoa. And perhaps checking out the book, "1001 ways to Mock a Marshmallow."
Sam, shadowmage_draco Unofficial roamer of the list gutter President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham Director of nonsensical mayhem Loyal member of the society to stake Riley
Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal--Panama
****** Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 4:37 pm Subject: Re:[buffywantswillow] Re: First coordination plan to free the hostiles
The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem has considered GCBS most excellent suggestion and has sent runners out to purchase rice krispies and Cadbury’s cocoa. We are also contacting the local gutter library at this time as to check out "1001 ways to Mock a Marshmallow."
See everyone at the bon fire, and please remember to bring the appropriate taunting accessories
Sam, shadowmage_draco Unofficial roamer of the list gutter President of the society to eradicate green eggs and ham Director of nonsensical mayhem Loyal member of the society to stake Riley
Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal--Panama
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 3:43 pm Subject: Security Chief get these damnable \"Let\'s All get along\" groupies out of my bar!
To: Quindo Ma Chief of Security, list Gutter affairs. CC: Executive Director for Public Safety Unofficial List Warrior Leader, United Vegetable Empire Associated members of the Gutter Community
The Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society and its sister organizations the International Brotherhood of Guttershoremen and the Gutter Association of "Legitimate" Businessmen request that appropriate measures be taken to protect our social clubs from the hazard of the Buffy/riley let's all get along society, or whatever they choose to call themselves. We understand the pressures you are facing in your attempts to recapture the fungus demon and poodle boy so wewould suggest that at the very least release us from our commitment to refrain from acts of searing violence long enough to deal with the situation ourselves.
We promise to put away our extensive collection of garrotte and blackjacks as soon as they're gone. Or at least after the bonfire.
Thank you for your time.
honoured "little foolie" fool jr. President-elect GCBS and IBGSM. Legitimate Businessman.
********
Date: Sat Aug 19, 2000 11:11 pm Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \"Let\'s All get along\" groupies out of my bar!
To: honoured "little foolie" fool jr. Subject: Social Club Security
I fully understand your point here, but you also have to see the point of the B/R Laga Group. They're friends and family members have been captured by Poodle-Boy, and since they're both not intelligent enough or rich enough to afford their own TV sets (and believe me, would they be intelligent enough, they'd simply throw their money together and buy a TV for all together), they come to your clubs for this.
Since I am totally occupied with the incidents in Gutter Sector 74 and Poodle-Boy, I can only give you my advice. I suggest youhire a few Bumpers for your clubs, and simply throw them out. As far as we understand the social life of the B/R Laga Group, they are honest enough to stay outside if you say that it's forbidden (this is another indicator for their low intelligence).
I can assure youthat we will be able to take care of them as soon as Operation MOON is accomplished, which should be around 6 pm tomorrow. (And don't forget about the bon fire, where we will be able to rid us from a few of those morons. After all, the whole reason behind Operation MOON is to prevent Poodle-Boy from harming OUR hostiles.)
Regards Quin
Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe
******
Date: Sun Aug 20, 2000 6:32 am Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \"Let\'s All get along\" groupies out of my bar!
To: honoured "little foolie" fool jr. Subject: Social Club Security
I would just like to bring it to the attention of the GCBS that there are a number of unemployed poison ivy plants that would make excellent Bumpers for your establishments. They normally find it difficult to get work due to their unfortunate tendency to cause a painful, itchy rash in all those they come in contact with. However, I do not foresee this to be a problem in the job of removing members of the Buffy/Riley let's all get along society.
tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)
****** Date: Sun Aug 20, 2000 11:35 pm Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \\
The GCBS would gladly take you up on your generous offer unfortunately we have no idea what a "bumper" is. If it is the same thing as a "bouncer" or "doorman" in North American parlance than woo hoo. Unfortunately again we would be forced to return the poison ivy as we are very wary of anything we can't lay our hands on. If you have a more "touch-friendly" plant who would like the job we would happily offer them temporary employment under the supervision of Kirayoshi the GCBS's honourary ass-kicker and "let's all get along" remover.
honoured "little foolie" fool jr. President-elect GCBS and IBGSM. Legitimate Businessman.
****** Date: Mon Aug 21, 2000 12:30 am Subject: re: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \\
To; Honoured Fool, GCBS. From; Kirayoshi, Re; recent appointment to GCBS and IBGSM
As honorary member of the Gutter-Canadian Benevolent Society(Washington Division), I appreciate the honour you have bestowed upon me. However, my attention has been somewhat divided lately, as I have received reports of a Dan-shaped fungus (closely related to the Riley-shaped fungi reported earlier), recently sited in the vicinity of San Francisco. I have beenin contact with a faction of Leo-Loyalists, and we hope to have the Dan-fungus demon situation contained shortly. However, I am willing to donate my Holocaust Cloak* to your noble cause. Good hunting, men!
Sincerely, Kirayoshi Honorary member of GCBS and IBGSM, Senior Secretary, GILES(Greater Initiative Lovers Elimination Society)
* Oh, come on now, I had to put in a "Princess Bride" reference in there somewhere! It's become my trademark!
****** Date: Mon Aug 21, 2000 12:53 am Subject: Re: [buffywantswillow] Security Chief get these damnable \\
To: President-elect GCBS and IBGSM From: Head of the United Vegetable Empire
Yes, it would indeed be the same thing as a bouncer or doorman. As for the poison ivy, they can be safely handled with the proper use of a pair of good gardening gloves. If however there would still be a problem with the ivy, we do have some broccoli that like to play with sharp objects available. I would advise you to keep the broccoli away from the root beer if you do choose to employ them. They get a bit too enthusiastic about the sharp objects after a few root beers. Also, the broccoli will be preparing the members of the Buffy/Riley let's all get along society for roasting at the bonfire. They will need time off to perform this duty.
tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)
Date: Sun Aug 20, 2000 4:16 pm Subject: A challenge from The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem
From: The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem To: All list members
The directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem being the twisted organization that it is has noticed a lot of song-fic challenges along with a lot of song-fic recently. We immediately said to ourselves, Selves why is there no parodies.
After holding an imaginary meeting in which vast quantities of Twinkies and chocolate soda where consumed we decide to issue the following challenge.
The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem challenges of the dwellers of the gutter to write a parody of a popular song, anyone will do, and give it a Buffy/Willow theme or not you be the judge.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled gutter dwelling and mischief making.
Sam, shadowmage_draco Unofficial roamer of the list gutter President of thesociety to eradicate green eggs and ham Director of nonsensical mayhem Loyal member of the society to stake Riley
Palindrome of the week: A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal--Panama
Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 12:43 pm Subject: Report on Operation MOON
To: Director of Public Safety CC: Just about everybody! We've got something to Party! Subject: Success message of Operation MOON
Mam, I can gladly report that Operation MOON was a total success. We have not only managed to free a group of about 13 B/R Laga group members, we also found some of our vampires that we've been missing the past few weeks. It seems as if Poodle-Boy has taken them down while they were sleeping, and threw them into small containers to torture them with darkness. Unfortunately, he didn't seem to notice that they were vampires, and so did it wrong from the start, so we should be able to continue to taunt and torture them ourselves without having to patch them back up.
I can say that the ERTs have done excellent work, and that with the capture of Poodle-Boy, we can now concentrate on the Riley-shaped Fungus demon.
And now that this is accomplished, I suggest that we get on to the bon fire and party. After all, we've earned it.
Quin
Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe
Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 1:40 pm Subject: Bon Fire
To: All directors of the Senior Executive Committee on Gutter Affairs CC: All gutter dwellers and list members From: The Director of Nonessential Mayhem Subject: An invitation from the Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem AKA Party time
1. The Directorate of Nonsensical Mayhem congratulates the Chief Security Officerand ETR on the successful capture of poodle boy. Now comes the fun stuff, break out your taunting accessories and bon fire paraphernalia it's time to celebrate. There will be taunting of marshmallows, roasting of B/R get along members, general mischief and mayhem, plusdoor prizes. So come and join thefun.
Sam (shadowmage_draco) Director of Nonsensical Mayhem
Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 6:02 pm Subject: Listanity
Listanity the religion some head case made up that anyone can join and make rules for~
I would have thought that description, well except for the anyone can make rules for, would cover a lot of the religions currently doing the rounds not just Listanity.
I have a sudden urge to be a high priestess[1]. So can I write some rules/precepts/whatever.
Hmmmmm. Ok here goes.
1) Be excellent to each other. 2) Read Fanfic. 3) Watch Buffy. 4) Remember that friends may come and friends may go but try to bridge the gaps in distance and lifestyle to watch Buffy together and read each others fanfic, because the longer the rerun season the more you will need those people who still remember when last season was fresh.[2] 5) Repeat.
Stephen
[1] Yes I am male, do you have a problem with that?
[2] Slayers and slayerettes of the class of 2003 Wear Crosses... -- Stephen Booth, Data Integration Specialist & Spoiler Slut "I may be fat ugly and bald but... OK, fair point" - Me We Posses WillowPower member #1589 | ICQ : 59112343 Mobile : 07703 565 785 | WLBAAP member #17 PPOA Member #24 Cult of Amber Enlightened One #47 | Willow is my Avatar Proud member of BTVS Writers Guild : Fic makes *anything* possible
Date: Wed Aug 23, 2000 8:08 am Subject: Request for the use of the Hole Bot
To: Director of Public Safety Subject: Request for the use of the Hole Bot
Mam, since the Riley-shaped Fungus demon has been sighted in the daylight, and doesn't seem any longer contained within Gutter Sector 74, I request the use of the Hole Bot, to seek and close any loopholes from where the Riley-shaped Fungus demon could have escaped from.
Furthermore I request the approve of the immediate and painful death of the Riley-shaped Fungus demon, for it has annoyed me long enough now, and the recent attack against our loyal member, and the resulting danger in which his pet is, has shown that we canno longer tolerate any actions from this hideous beast.
For this case, I suggest we get out our medieval weaponry, and use the flails and axes that we have to hurt the Riley-shaped Fungus demon a lot before we finish it off with an injection or our newly developed anti-fungus bacteria. I've been told that the bacteria will first disable all movement of the target by severing all nerves to the muscles, but not those from the muscles, which will ensure that it still feels the full load of pain, and then slowly, from the tips of every nerve ending to the cell, will eat it up from the inside.
I suggest that everybody brings a pair of ear plugs to the scream concert the Riley-shaped Fungus demon will present in it's last few hours. I'm sure this should be a pleasant show, and I hope that we can get enough Gutter members together to enjoy the final decease of this annoying being.
Regards
Quin
Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe
********
Date: Wed Aug 23, 2000 3:19 pm Subject: RE: [buffyloveswillow] Request for the use of the Hole Bot
To: Chief of Security
You are hereby authorized to use the Hole Bot and the experimental electro-plasma blade and cheese grader to obtain the fungus sample needed to cure the attack lawyer Bo-Bo. However the E-P Blade is not authorized for any covert breaking and entering of the Initiative strong hold under the campus of UC-Sunnydale in hopes of recovering the misplaced Diablo2 CD allegedly stolen by meathead, the former commando boy known as Forrest Gates, the return of the CD will be handled by List’s highly trained Recovery and Return Squad.
As for the Riley-shaped Fungus Demon scream concert, the necessary earplugs and videotape equipment will be made available to all list members at the office of public relations and garden club. As for the use of medieval weapons and equipment in the traditional torture/interrogation session of the Riley-shaped fungus demon, I do not see a problem using such weapons as long as the rack is thoroughly hosed down and disinfected afterward.
Shadow --
Director of Public Safety of the Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs and vampire teddy bear; Official Dungeon Keeper and Big Bad.
Date: Wed Aug 30, 2000 10:30 pm Subject: State of the List Gutter
TO: The United Vegetable Empire, All Committee Department Heads, and other interested parties FROM: The Director of Public Safety Subject: State of the List Gutter - End of Month Report
Greetings all, Itrust that the list has recovered from the celebratory bonfire and all-week beach party to celebrate the destruction of the Riley-shaped fungus demon and neutering of Poodle-boy. According to the List Gutter's Medical Department there were only minor hangovers reported from our more overeager party-goes... although how those four lurkers got that Buick station wagon on top of Sunnydale's Chamber of Commerce is still under investigation. However Security has informed me that the paint used to redecorate the station wagon is indeed Navy gunmetal grey used on battleships, although the meaning behind the message scrawledon the driver side door of the vehicle is still unknown at this time. Exactly what "The Watcher Mobile" is and its importance to whatever warped mind painted the words on the vehicle door will remain a mystery for the time being. But rest assured we will find outthe meaning of those words and the people responsible for putting that Buick ontop of the Chamber of Commerce.
Now down to business -
Item 1: To the Leader ofthe UVE Regarding ownership of the Demonic Cabbage Patch that borders the Woods Out Back - Afteran intense review of the local history and known facts concerning said cabbage patch, the Committee's Review Board has come to the conclusion that the United Vegetable Empire is indeed the owner of the demonic cabbage patch. All of our data indicates that the patch in question was possessed long before it ever came to our attention, and in fact is ranked among the top 5 most possessed pieces of rural landscape in the world. As much as we would like to claim ownership, we cannot they are your demonic veggies.
As for the vampire tomatoes, the CRB has also ruled that they do indeed belong to the List Gutter now, after all it was our vampire fruit bats that turned the unfortunate tomatoes to begin with and we will take responsibility for them in the future.
Item 2: Regarding the Demonic Cabbage Patch Dolls/Woods Out Back border dispute - It hascome to my attention over the last several days that tension along the disputed border has risen; apparently both sides have been "testing" the resolve of the other with unwarranted trespassing and name-calling. One incident in particular has gotten rather out of hand and I am informing both parties responsible to cease and desist immediately.
I understand howthe United Vegetable Empire can feel threatened by the resent increase of arms among the residents of the Woods Out Back. However I would like to remind the President of the UVE that most of the residents of the Woods Our Back are herbivores, I cannot tell them what they can and cannot eat, nor can I tell them how to prepare their meals. This means I cannot order them to relinquish their veg-o-matics and/or juicers, it is fundamentally impossible and will only end up off setting the natural order. However, President Tater was quite correct in pointing out that a visitor to the Woods Out Back, who is on holiday I believe, one Sammy the Koloa from Downunder really has no need for a veg-o-matic and/or juicer.
While it is truethat the Koloa only feeds on one type of leaf found only in Australia, and the leaves in question are usually eaten as is, Sammy has assured me that his veg-o-matic is strictly for protection from the vampire tomatoes that have been known to roam the Woods Out Back. Granted no such vampire tomato attack has been reported in the last five years, I guess you cannot be too careful nowadays. As long as he does not misuse his veg-o-matic I cannot legally have it seized from him, he does have a legal permit to carry it.
Furthermore detours into the Woods Out Back by "rogue" members of the Demonic Cabbage Patch must be stopped. Granted the resent staking of Broody the Cabbage Patch Turnip Drainer by the Woods' Vampire Teddy Bear was most unfortunate if not just plain mean. The retaliatory attack on the Bunny Slayerby the Cabbage Patch's Buffster-Ann the Rabbit Slayer was uncalled for. And while foxes are not known for eating plants unless ill, I have been assured that a certain Bunny Slayer's companion and chief stake holder, the Little Red Fox, would be more then willing to make an exception. Please for the sake of peace along the disputed border, will all parties stay on their own side?
Item 3: The reported rumours regarding Amy Rat of the Woods Out Back - It has come to my attention that there are those who believe that the unfortunate accident that turned Miss Rat into a human last year may be false. Apparently there are a growing number of residents in the Woods Out Back who believe that Miss Rat is indeed being held prisoner on the campus of the local university in nearby Sunnydale. According to the rumours it is not in any of the science labs, but in one of the dorm rooms in Stevens Hall. If this is indeed the case, then who the hell do we have in the List Gutter's Hospital under close watch? And how did Miss Rat end up in Sunnydale proper, when itis off limits to most of the residents of the Woods Out Back?
Sunnydale is nota safe place for residents of the Woods Out Back; the humans there tend to attack unspeakable evil, such as used cars salesmen and trollkin vice-principals.
Item 4: The South Gutter- While the scenic South Gutter is most ideal for watching the heavenly bodies known as; Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, Anya and Faith, I would like to remind all members of the list who choose to holiday there, that video cameras, high-powered photographic equipment and creative use of the List Gutter's Security System is strictly forbidden. It tends to annoy the holidaying slayers and they in turn start getting rather destructive, especially if they have to stop their creative pastime of Willow-exploration to come and break really expensive high-tech equipment and/or body parts.
Item 5: In other news - The reports of the winged angel seen over the List Gutter's Hall of Fame and "Damn I wish I had written that" is being looked into. While there is no call for alarm the "vision" seems friendly enough, although she is a bit shy, she keeps disappearing whenever someone gets too close. However we have managed to get a pretty accurate description of what is being called the List's "archangel" - apparently she bears a striking resemblance to a very sexy young fox.
Also the call to elevate our beloved and much stressed out listmum to status of List Lust Goddess is starting to pick up momentum among the Gutter's "stranger" members. One particular member, known for sending out rather odd emails to all her closest partners-in-mischief-making and mayhem spreading, has been quoted as saying; "Why the hell not? She puts up with me bugging her at all hours with my harebrained plots to give our ever absent listdad grey hairs, she NEEDS to be a goddess."
That is all - End monthly State of List Gutter Report - we now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfic.
Shadow -- Director of Public Safety of the Senior Executive Committee on List Gutter Affairs and vampire teddy bear; Official Dungeon Keeper and Big Bad.
********
Date: Thu Aug 31, 2000 11:34 am Subject: Re: State of the List Gutter
While it is true that the Koloa only feeds on one type of leaf found only in Australia, and the leaves in question are usually eaten as is, Sammy has assured me that his veg-o-matic is strictly for protection from the vampire tomatoes that have been known to roam the Woods Out Back. Granted no such vampire tomato attack has been reported in the last five years, I guess you cannot be too careful nowadays. As long as he does not misuse his veg-o-matic I cannot legally have it seized from him, he does have a legal permit to carry it.
I would like to personality assure the UVE that as I stated earlier the veg-o-matic is for my personal protection and no ill intent is meant towards the UVE.
Sammy the Koloa.
P.S. Please ignored all reports of a Koloa wearing Oakley’s being spotted in the vicinity of UC Sunnydale.
****** Date: Fri Sep 1, 2000 6:55 am Subject: Re: State of the List Gutter
TO: The Director of Public Safety FROM: The Head of the United Vegetable Empire Subject: The state of the List Gutter
Item 1: We have been aware of the possession of the Demonic Cabbage Patch for some time. It is the result of an incident involving some excessively cute dolls. As you know, excessively cute dolls are one of the most evil forces in the universe, exceeded in their evilness only by purple dinosaurs. We are still looking for an exorcist who can handle the problem. The last four ran screaming in terror when confronted by the extreme cuteness.
Item 2: For the sake of peace, we will ask the denizens of the Demonic Cabbage Patch to refrain from any further incursions into the Woods Out Back. Be advised however that any lurking around the border with a veg-o-matic by a Koala, or any regular resident of the Woods Out Back may be seen by the demonic cabbages as a threat. We suggest that the citizens of the Woods keep their veg-o-matics in their homes. We understand that most of the citizens of the Woods are herbivores, and we are willing to accept this fact, however, we ask that they not flaunt it near the border. Due to their state of possession the demonic cabbages are not fully under our control and we cannot prevent all attacks on those whom the cabbages feel are threatening them.
tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)
Shadow -
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma. Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn. Founding Member of GWBNS - Hey, its a way of life! Dark MIstress of Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin. Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the Silver Claw of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member of the Questionably Sane Biker Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}
"I donot brood... I reflect." - Unnamed Vampire Teddy Bear 03/2002
AIM screenname: WolfFalke Yahoo screen name: drakesshadow MSN messenger: Tankesly@xxxxxxxxxxx {Shadow} ICQ Number: 120681217 Web Page: http://shadowlander.topcities.com/
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