> 1. Men are like Slinkies, not really good for > anything, but you still > can't help but smile when you see one tumble down > the stairs. > > 2. I read recipes the same way I read science > fiction. I get to the end > and think, "Well, that's not going to happen". > > 3. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, > lying in hospitals > dying of nothing. > > 4. The other night I ate at a really nice family > restaurant. Every table > had an argument going. > > 5. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder > in the car these days > no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to? > > 6. You know when you're sitting on a chair and you > lean back so you're > just on two legs then you lean too far and you > almost fall over but at > the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that > all the time. > > 7. According to a recent survey, men say that the > first thing they > notice about a woman are their eyes. And women say > that the first thing > they notice about men is that they're a bunch of > liars. > > 8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. > > 9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. > It pays no attention > to criticism. > > 10. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two > hundred dollars and a > substantial tax cut save you thirty cents? > > 11. I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping > and handling. > > 12. In the 60's people took acid to make the world > weird. Now the world > IS weird and people take Prozac to make it seem > normal. > > 13. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest > profession. I have come > to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to > the first. > > 14. There is a theory which states that if ever > anybody discovers > exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, > it will > instantly disappear and be replaced by something > even more bizarre and > inexplicable. There is another theory which states > that this has already > happened. > > 15. How is it that one careless match can start a > forest fire, but it > takes a whole box to start a campfire? > > 16. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a > month-and-a-half for an > appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd have come to > me sooner." > > 17. You read about all these terrorists -- most of > them came here > legally, but they hung around on these expired > visas, some for as long > as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; > you are two days late > with a video and those people are all over you. > Let's put Blockbuster in > charge of immigration. >