FF: Razor's Edge - 3/8 - W/Fitz - PG13

["Hunter Ash" <carrkjar@xxxxxxxxx>]

Razor's Edge
Part 3

Author: Frau Hunter Ash 
Copyright © 2002 by Hunter Ash. All Rights Reserved.
Email: carrkjar@xxxxxxxxx Feedback welcome!!
Homepage Addy: http://www.hunterash.com/ 

Disclaimers: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, 
Mutant Enemy, Kuzui, and God only knows who else. The storyline, 
however, is the sole property of the author. This story cannot be 
sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made 
for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright 
notices.

Otherside by the Red Hot Chili Peppers used without permission but no 
harm is intended. Hope the guys have a sense of humor.

F/F romance: the story assumes a loving and sexual relationship 
between people of the same gender and may even include 3 at the same 
time <G>. If this offends or is illegal for you, then please leave.  
Come back when you are older, have an open mind, moved, or changed 
your laws. 

Spoilers: up to season 5. Oz never returned.

Summary: Willow grows closer to Fitz as the Slayer recovers in the 
hospital from her injuries and fever. What will that mean if Fitz is 
going back to her realm? Willow questions her sexuality, her 
relationship with her new friend Tara and Fitz.

Rating: PG-13

Author's Note: Pairing: AU: Fitz/Willow, B/A. This Realm: ?


Willow looked up from her laptop as the sound of Fitz' breathing 
increased and the Slayer moaned in pain and a nightmare.

Tara was supposed to drop by and compare research notes on getting 
Fitz back to her own realm and Willow was worried about the fiery 
Slayer. Fitz didn't seem to be getting any better from the fever.

The red-head moved closer to the hospital bed as Fitz began clutching 
at the blanket with her hands.

"No, please, no!" Fitz whispered. "Will!"

Then the Slayer was speaking in Gaelic and Willow didn't have a clue 
as to what Fitz was saying but it was very emotional, judging from 
the expression on Fitz' face.

Willow gently shook the dark Slayer.

"Come on, Jess," she said softly. "You're having a nightmare, love."

Willow had discovered that loving words and touches from her could 
usually calm the nightmare and fever wracked Slayer like nothing else 
seemed to do.

Jess FitzHugh opened her eyes and Willow recognized the fevered shine 
in them 

"Will?" 

"I'm here, Jess, I'm here," Willow said softly. She hated herself for 
deceiving the Slayer. She knew that Jess thought Willow was her 
Willow but it seemed to comfort the Slayer.

Willow leaned over to brush a lock of dark shaggy hair from Fitz' 
face and the Slayer reached up and gently stroked Willow's cheek.  
The witch felt her breathing suddenly quicken as she looked deeply 
into Fitz' eyes and saw nothing but love and desire in them.  

Unaware she was doing it, Willow leaned into the touch with a sigh 
and felt Fitz' fingers roam through her hair, to the back of her 
neck, drawing Willow closer to her

The kiss was soft, gentle and at the same time electric. Fitz moaned 
and shifted slightly on the bed. Willow whimpered and felt her own 
hand moving over Fitz' ribs, moving closer to the Slayer's breast

Willow didn't know how long the kiss lasted but it felt like 
forever. The witch was panting from the emotional shock and leaned 
her head against Fitz' as her body shook.

"I love you, Will," Fitz said softly, closing her eyes.  

Willow pulled back slightly and gently placed Fitz' arm back onto the 
bed as the Slayer fell back into a restful sleep.

"Oh dear God, what's happening to me?" Willow whispered. "What am I 
gonna do?"

The hacker was no closer to answers when Tara walked in twenty 
minutes later to find Willow bent over her computer with an intense 
frown.

"Is she any better?" Tara asked as Willow looked up and broke into a 
smile.

"She's sleeping better and longer, which is a good sign," Willow 
answered as she stood to hug the other witch.  

Tara drew out of the embrace after a moment with a questioning look 
into Willow's green eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Willow sighed. "Can we go for a walk? I need some fresh air."

"Sure," Tara agreed immediately.  

Willow was once again quiet for a long time and Tara let her 
contemplate what she wanted to say as they walked in front of the 
hospital.

"What's up, Will?" Tara asked softly as the red-haired witch moved 
under the shade of a tree and leaned against the bark.

"I'm so confused, Tar," Willow said softly.  

"Is it because the other Willow was in love with Fitz?" Tara asked 
gently.

"Not totally," Willow frowned. "I was confused before she showed 
up. I was getting confused about&uh, I was wondering about my sexual 
feelings before that."

"About us?" Tara asked, her head down and face hidden by her hair.

"Yes," Willow admitted, holding her breath.

"What&what have you&any conclusions?"

"Uh, that I'm&I'm attracted to you and Fitz," Willow whispered.

The witch risked looking up and noticed Tara was looking down at her 
shoes but smiling slightly.  

"Me too," Tara whispered. "I mean, to you. Not Fitz, I don't know 
Fitz."

"Is my babbling contagious?" Willow teased, sitting down and sighing 
with relief when Tara sat next to her.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship," Tara said slowly.

"Me either and I don't know what I'm feeling," Willow agreed.

"What about Fitz?"

"She's still out of it because of the fever," Willow frowned. "Jess 
thinks I'm her Willow."

"She thinks her lover is with her," Tara joined Willow in 
frowning. "What happens when she comes out of it and knows that 
you're not her Will."

"Fitz probably won't remember any of it," Willow muttered. "And 
she'll have time to grieve for her Willow."

"You're letting yourself fall for her knowing that she's leaving," 
Tara scolded and still frowning. "Willow, I could fall in love with 
you and I think you're setting yourself up for some serious 
heartbreak."

"Yup, total agreement," Willow laughed bitterly. "And I'm being 
unfair to you."

"Willow, you can't stop how you're feeling about anyone or anything," 
Tara said slowly. "You know I've been spending a lot of time with 
Sarah, from the group." 

"Terrific," Willow said, somewhat sarcastically. "Fitz will go back 
to her realm and you'll be dating Sarah and I lose both of you."

"You won't lose me," Tara snapped back. "You can't ask me to hold 
back hoping to be second choice when Fitz goes back."

"You're right, of course," Willow nodded. "I'm sorry. I would do 
anything not to hurt anybody. I don't like being hurt either."

"Why can't Fitz stay here?" Tara asked the unspoken question that had 
been running through Willow's mind for days.

"I&I don't know," Willow admitted. "I'm not her Willow, we're not 
her friends and this isn't her world. She's out of place."

"How out of place will Amy be when we finally de-rat her?" Tara 
countered.  

Willow frowned. "Maybe things will be messed up karmic like."

"Aren't they already?" Tara countered.

"You trying to get rid of me?" Willow joked. "Setting me up with 
Fitz?"

"No, I want you to be happy," Tara said softly. "I don't think it's 
with me. What about you going to her realm?"

Willow frowned. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Her Willow is gone, there wouldn't be two of you," Tara pointed out, 
wrapping an arm around Willow's shoulders.

"Still, wouldn't that mess up karma stuff, like changing things by 
going back in time?"

"I don't know," Tara said softly, her breathing quickening as 
Willow's warmth spread to her and the wonderful scent of Willow's 
hair filled her senses. Tara mentally kicked herself, trying to fight 
the sudden sensations. 

Willow sensed the change in her friend and possible lover and shifted 
slightly until she was looking Tara in the eyes.

"Tara?"

"Goddess, you are so cute," Tara said softly, stroking Willow's 
cheek.  

Both moved forward slightly until their lips met. Tara thought 
Willow might pull back and was surprised when the red witch shifted 
and her hand went behind Tara's head, pulling her closer.

After a few moments the women broke apart and leaned against each 
other.

Tara sighed heavily and reached up to wipe tears away from Willow's 
cheeks.

At the gentle gesture, Willow broke down and collapsed into Tara's 
arms weeping. Tara closed her eyes against her own tears and held 
Willow closely, rocking the confused young woman.

Willow pulled back after a few minutes, sniffling.  

"I'm sorry, I'm think I'm just tired and wigged," Willow said softly.

"It's okay and understandable," Tara said softly. "Have you kissed 
Fitz?"

Willow blushed and glanced away from her fellow witch.

"She thought I was her Willow," the witch muttered.

"And?" Tara pressed, stroking Willow's hair.

"It&it was&it was surprising," Willow blushed an even deeper red.

"And?"

"Fireworks," Willow admitted.

"And us?" Tara continued pressing her friend.

"I&Tara&this&us&"

"Sparklers instead of fireworks?" Tara teased lightly.

"I, uh, you too?" Willow whispered.

"Yeah," Tara admitted. "I could really fall for you Willow Rosenberg 
and it would be wonderful. Kinda like best friends who are lovers."

"But?" Willow pressed.

Tara shrugged. "Do you want safe sparklers or risky fireworks?"

"Wow!" Willow muttered, her eyes widening in thought. "Can I get 
back to you on that?"

Tara laughed and squeezed Willow tightly as the mood lightened.

"You're falling for her, Will," Tara said softly. "You're heading 
for a lot of pain. You aren't her Willow."

"I know, she hasn't had time to grieve and here I am getting all goo-
goo eyed," Willow complained with a heavy sigh.  

Tara sat back against the tree, her arm around Willow and the red 
haired witch snuggled in her arms, taking comfort in the closeness 
and friendship.

* * *

"Will?"

Willow glanced up from her laptop with a smile for the confused blue 
eyes looking at her. She got up and held a cup with a straw to Fitz' 
lips.

"It wasn't a dream, was it then?" the Irish woman asked softly, 
taking in the slight physical differences in this Willow from hers.

"No, it wasn't," Willow said softly, pulling her chair closer. "I'm 
not your Will, you're in a strange world and we don't know how to get 
you back."

"Everything hurts," Fitz complained. "I feel like a wet kitten left 
in the rain."

"I don't doubt it," Willow smiled. "You've been pretty out of it for 
five days."

"What?" Fitz whispered in disbelief. "I don't remember much. 
Nightmares and such and Willow with me."

Fitz noticed this Willow glancing away.

"You were with me?" the dark Slayer asked softly.

"Yes, it seemed to help," Willow said softly as she replaced the cup 
on the nightstand and sat down.

"Thank you for that," Fitz said slowly. "I think I remember talking 
with Giles and the others before everything went fuzzy. You don't 
know how to get me back to my world?"

"No, Buffy and everyone is looking for the Book of Shadows or 
grimoires of the sorcerer but they haven't found anything. If we 
can't find the spell he used we could end up sending you to a 
different world and you wouldn't want that," Willow explained.

"Maybe my Willow would be alive in another realm," Fitz said 
thoughtfully.

"She still wouldn't be your Willow, just like I'm not," Willow 
countered, her voice sounding almost hurt, surprising Fitz.

"You're right," Fitz nodded after a moment. "I'm lost no matter what 
happens. Guess it doesn't matter what realm I end up in."

"Yes it does, we know of one realm where vampires control Sunnydale 
and humans live in fear," Willow told the Slayer.

"How would you know that one?" Fitz asked with a smile.

"We got my double from that realm," Willow explained. "Only that 
Willow had been turned and was like totally evil."

"Whoa, that had to be a different experience seeing yourself like 
that," Fitz commented and was puzzled when Willow began blushing a 
bright red and ducked her eyes away from Fitz'. "What?"

"She was&kinda like me but&me as a vampire was so&weird!" Willow 
stumbled. "She was so skanky and evil and&and&"

"And?" Fitz asked, amused by Willow's discomfort. The hacker was so 
damned cute! So much like her Willow but different in little ways.

"Like so sexual with anyone!" Willow blurted out. "She even wanted 
to snuggle with me!"

Fitz bit her lip to keep from laughing but couldn't hide her 
smile. "That had to be one of the weirdest experiences yet."

"Total freak-out!" Willow agreed, finally looking up and managing to 
grin at the situation.  

"What happens now then?" Fitz asked, getting serious again.

"I don't know, neither does Giles," Willow admitted, grateful that 
Fitz seemed to be able to look her in the eyes now. "I brought you 
something."

"Flowers? I'm not much a flower type person," Fitz teased. "Unless 
they're black."

"Are you sure you're not related to Faith?" Willow teased back.

"The evil Slayer, right?" Fitz asked as Willow nodded. "Well, my 
Giles always bitches that I dress more like a vampire than a Slayer."

"What does a Slayer dress like?" Willow grinned. "Faith preferred 
leather, tops that barely covered any skin and the tighter the 
better, Buffy can be trendy or total casual."

"I'm into black; jeans, t-shirts, jackets and such," Fitz said 
slowly. "What did you bring me?"

"I, uh, it's nothing much," Willow stammered, reaching into the 
backpack next to her chair. She slowly handed over a picture.  

Fitz felt her throat tightening as she looked at a picture of a young 
Willow, Buffy and Xander in front of the high school, arms around 
each other and smiling for the camera.

"You don't have anything to remind you of your Willow, that was taken 
about the time you said you met your gang," Willow explained, her 
voice soft as tears filled Fitz' eyes. "I thought it might help give 
you something."

"Thank you," Fitz whispered, wiping at her eyes. "I don't know how 
I'm going to live without her."

"Would you tell me about her?" Willow asked. "I know that I look and 
sound like her and that it hurts but it might help to talk about her 
and remember the good things you had."

Fitz frowned, pondering Willow's words for a moment, giving it fair 
consideration. "Aye, it might help."  

The conversation was interrupted by the nurse making her rounds. She 
smiled at the coherent patient and went to grab a doctor. The next 
hour was spent explaining the infection that had hit the dark Slayer, 
explaining about the damage to her leg and Fitz' future recovery 
probabilities.

Fitz had been right, the doctors didn't believe that she would walk 
on the leg again. Willow's eyes widened as Fitz' eyes narrowed and 
brightened. The witch had a feeling that she was seeing the Slayer's 
own 'resolve' or stubborn face.

Fitz managed to dodge most of the doctor's questions about her 
background and the numerous scars they had found.

Finally the doctors were satisfied with Fitz' recovery from the fever 
and their exam of her leg and other injuries. They then left the two 
young women alone with a nurse. The older woman went about her 
duties as Willow filled the awkward space with general chit chat 
about her school work, Xander's job in construction, and Giles' 
employment at the museum.

Fitz sighed as the nurse left and closed the door. "It doesn't 
bother you?" she asked Willow.

"What?" Willow asked, obviously puzzled.

"The bags and stuff," Fitz frowned.

"No, why should it?" Willow asked easily. "You can't walk to the 
bathroom so things happen differently under those sheets."

Fitz blushed profusely. "You heard the docs, if they let me out 
early, I'll be needing help."

"Well, I know you'll probably end up either at Buffy's place or 
Giles' apartment," Willow said thoughtfully. "My parents are never 
around and I've got school during the day. We couldn't leave you 
alone. Xander and Anya work during the day and his parents don't 
even notice if they're around."

"Where does Buffy live?"

"On campus with me, but Joyce wouldn't mind having you. She's been 
here several times to visit you while you were out of it," Willow 
explained.

"Ma is alive?" Fitz said, her voice filled with wonder.  

Willow lost her smile. "She's not in your world?" Fitz pained eyes 
answered her. "I wouldn't mention that bit to Buffy."

"Aye, I'm agreeing with that one," Fitz said softly. "I hope she 
likes me."

"She took Faith in," Willow said cheerfully. "Listen, Buffy and 
Xander are supposed to stop by later and I need to check in with my 
professors. Can I come back later?"

"You don't have to," Fitz said softly. "But I'd like it, I think."

"It's not hurting too much?" Willow asked honestly.

"I'll admit that it does," Fitz said slowly. "But I...I&"

Fitz' eyes filled with tears and she looked away quickly but didn't 
pull away when Willow reached out and held her hand.

"You can tell me," Willow said softly.  

"I'm scared," Fitz admitted, letting the tears flow. "I've never 
owned to that in my life but Giles. I'm scared and alone."

"You're also tired, sick, hurt and grieving," Willow pointed 
out. "But you're not alone. You won't ever be alone."

"Willow, you can't promise that," Fitz grumbled. "You're going to 
try and send me back to my own world."

Willow frowned as she gathered up her things and shut down her laptop.

"I'll be back later," Willow muttered and Fitz nodded, both frowning.

* * *

Buffy and Giles were obviously uncomfortable when they entered the 
hospital room but were trying to be cheerful.  

"Glad to see you're feeling better," Giles said calmly.

"Yeah, Willow says that you haven't a clue on getting me back," Fitz 
responded, getting right to the point.

"No luck so far," Buffy admitted. "What do the doctors say?"

"That I'll never put weight on me leg again," Fitz said calmly, a lot 
more calmer than Buffy figured she'd ever be facing that 
future. "They don't know me or my strength. They said the best hope 
would be to walk with a leg brace at the knee to the foot and a 
crutch or special cane."

"Doctors don't know about Slayer strength, that will help," Giles 
agreed, sitting down in the chair that Willow had been in.

There was an awkward silence as Buffy shifted on her feet 
uncomfortably.

"Look," Buffy said finally. "You might be stuck here. We should face 
that and figure out what to do."

"Well, I was figuring that I'd get back on my feet," Fitz said 
slowly. "Beyond that, I'm not sure where to go."

"Why go anywhere?" Buffy asked.

Fitz felt her face turning red. "I don't belong with you guys."

"Who says?" Buffy asked, her voice turning stubborn. "You got along 
with the other Buffy."

"Aye, not minding your competitive streak," Fitz grinned.

"Hey!" Buffy huffed but grinned. "My mom wants to meet you and adopt 
you."

Giles sat back and watched the interaction between the two 
Slayers. "Adopt me?"

"How did the other Mom react to you?" Buffy countered.

Fitz blushed. "Yeah, I, uh, she adopted me. Does she know about you 
as a Slayer?"

"Yeah, she found out when I went up against Angeleus," Buffy said 
slowly. "Giles told me about your Angeleus and what he did."

"Yeah, right royal bastard he was," Fitz muttered. "Your Watcher 
told me about your Angel and that he's trying to redeem himself."

Buffy nodded and Fitz waited, wanting to see where Buffy would take 
the conversation next.

"This is so weird," Buffy finally complained.  

"Try it on my end," Fitz countered.

"Let's declare a game night, what games do you play?" Buffy decided.

"Name 'em," Fritz grinned. "Including poker."

"Cool, tomorrow is Saturday," Buffy said, planning. "I'll get the 
gang together and we'll put the Risk board or something across your 
bed."

"The docs say that I've got at least a month in this traction thing, 
another four months in a cast and then years of physical therapy," 
Fitz said thoughtfully. "This like sucks! I don't even have a single 
item to me name except my ripped up clothes."

"What would you like to do to pass the time when you're alone?" Giles 
asked.

"I haven't a clue!" Fitz complained. "I don't even know how to pay 
for any of this. In my world the Watchers would handle it. Here, I'm 
a stranger. Talk about your illegal alien!"

"Don't worry about the medical bills," Giles said softly. "I've been 
talking with the Watcher's Council and they are more than interested 
in interviewing you, extensively. They are willing to pay all the 
medical bills and get all the paperwork and identification you need 
if you would tell them everything you know about your realm and be 
willing to train Slayers in training."

"It's a thought if I get stuck here," Fitz said thoughtfully.  

"What would keep you busy?" Buffy asked. "Being in the hospital 
would drive me crazy."

"Aye," Fitz nodded. "Hell, I don't know. I'm not much one for 
sitting."

"How about we surprise you with puzzles, a Game Boy or something?" 
Buffy suggested.

"You all are doing more than enough," Fitz said slowly.

"Nah, you're family," Buffy grinned. "A distant cousin we're getting 
to know or something."

The two Slayers began chatting. This conversation was different than 
the previous one with Giles, this one was more friendly and casual. 
Giles soon excused himself.

Two hours later, Fitz growled and shoved the tray table aside, 
leaving ninety percent of the hospital dinner uneaten.  

Buffy laughed and switched the channels on the TV again, finally 
settling on a Harrison Ford movie.  

Both Slayers grinned when Willow opened the door with a heavy 
backpack slung over one shoulder and a large pizza box in the other.

"Will scores!" Buffy proclaimed.  

"I had to bribe the nurses with a box of chocolate to get the pizza 
in," Willow grinned.  

"Wow, you came prepared!" Fitz smiled and felt her heart lurch. It 
was something her Willow would have done.  

Buffy and Willow pretended not to notice Fitz' sudden silence and 
pained look and set about dividing the pizza.  

Fitz managed a small smile as Buffy handed her a slice of a wonderful 
smelling combination pizza.  

"What's in the pack, Will?" Buffy asked.

"I brought some books, a Game Boy, a word search puzzle book, my old 
CD player and some CDs," Willow answered, rummaging through the pack.

"We were talking about how to keep Fitz from going stir crazy," Buffy 
said. "Figures Will would beat us to it."

"Yeah," Fitz said softly, watching Willow's green eyes but then 
looking away.

* * *

The next three weeks crawled by for the dark Slayer but almost always 
by her side was Willow. Fitz had demanded to know what Willow was 
doing about school and argued with the witch for half an hour when 
Willow informed the Slayer that she was studying most of the night 
and taking make-up classes. The witch had informed her professors 
that her step-sister had been in a major accident and Willow was 
sitting with her at the hospital.

Willow had put on her 'resolve' face and refused to give up her daily 
visits to the dark Slayer.

In turn, Fitz and Willow had talked almost non-stop until they each 
knew more about each other than Fitz had known about her own Willow.  

Tara, Buffy and Joyce were frequent visitors. Fitz didn't say 
anything but it hurt that Xander seemed to be keeping his distance 
from the new Slayer. Fitz knew that this Xander wasn't her best 
friend but she had hoped to get to know the man her Xander might have 
become.

The initial confusion and anger soon melted into an uneasy acceptance 
of the friendship the Scooby Gang was offering, especially Willow.

Willow frowned when she entered the room and heard Fitz moaning. The 
witch quickly realized the Slayer had fallen asleep and was now 
caught up in a nightmare. Willow quickly moved around the bed and 
began shaking the Irish woman gently.

"Will, please!" Fitz muttered. "No!"

Fitz sat up in the bed abruptly, blinking in confusion as Willow held 
her shoulders. The Slayer was covered in sweat and was breathing 
heavily.

"Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph," Fitz whispered, lying back on the white 
sheets as Willow rushed to the bathroom to wet a washcloth in cool 
water.

"Bad one this time?" Willow asked gently as she placed the wet cloth 
on Fitz' forehead.

"Aye, I keep remembering more details of that last night," Fitz 
whispered, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. "She was so 
beautiful. I saw her eyes as she died and there was so much there, 
fear, regret, love."

"That's a first, Jess," Willow said softly.

"What?" Fitz asked, her face puzzled.

"You usually slip and start to say 'you', meaning me when you speak 
about your Willow," Willow pointed out.

"I think I caught that," Fitz said thoughtfully and frowned as she 
pondered what Willow had said and then nodded. "I've spent a lot of 
nights crying, yelling and pounding my pillow into a tiny ball. I 
miss her so badly."

Fitz hesitated and looked up into Willow's green eyes.  

"I think I've accepted that you're not my Will," she said 
softly. "You look like her and sound like her but there are 
differences."

Willow frowned, which puzzled Fitz.  

"What is it, lass?" the dark Slayer questioned.

"I don't know," Willow said slowly, sitting down in the chair. "I 
know that's a good thing, everyone was so afraid you'd try to make me 
your Willow and wouldn't be able to separate the realities."

"But?" Fitz asked, still puzzled.

"I know it doesn't make sense but it makes me feel left out again," 
Willow grumbled.  

"Run that by me once more," Fitz said slowly.

"I know, it doesn't make sense," Willow muttered.

"You said that already," Fitz complained.

"Oz left to go find a cure for the werewolf part of him and because 
we had both messed up in the relationship. He didn't even ask me to 
go with him," Willow said with a frustrated expression. "Not that I 
could have, with school and future and stuff but he didn't even ask!  
Then Tara tells me she could fall for me but doesn't think she's the 
right person for me and is dating someone from the Wicca group.  
Buffy was so wrapped up with Riley that she barely noticed Oz had 
left and then you show up proclaiming undying love only it's not for 
me but someone who looks like me."

"Wow! A full blown babble," Fitz smirked. Willow glared for a moment 
and then smiled.

"Told you it didn't make sense," she complained.

"Who does Tara think you should be with?" Fitz asked and Willow 
quickly glanced away. "Are you upset because I'm not in love with 
you?"

Willow began blushing a bright red.

"Well, the comment about Tara answers one question I've had," Fitz 
admitted.

"What's that?"

"That you might not be totally straight," Fitz said slowly.

"Yeah, I guess I can admit that now," Willow said softly. "I'm not 
sure what I am."

"Giles says Slayers are just downright sexual, I happen to prefer 
females for me first choice in sexual and life partners," Fitz said 
calmly and hesitated a moment. "Who does Tara think you should be 
with?"

"Nothing, forget it," Willow mumbled.  

"Willow, look at me, please," Fitz begged softly. "Giles and Buffy 
haven't found that damned spell book and I might be stuck here. I 
have a choice of staying here and trying to build a life or going to 
England and working with the Watchers there. What do you want?"

Willow frowned and looked away.

"What does it matter what I'd want?" she demanded. "I'm not your 
Willow."

"No, you're not my wife," Fitz said gently. "You've become my friend 
though, even more of a friend than my Willow was."

"I like you, Jess, and I'd want you to stay because I'd miss you if 
you went to England," Willow admitted.

"Shouldn't you be concentrating on your schoolwork and future instead 
of taking care of a crippled stranger?" Fitz suddenly snapped.  

Willow was stunned and looked as if she had been hit physically 
across the face. "Where did that come from?" she whispered.

Fitz sighed. "I don't know," she admitted. "I've fought against 
having any feelings for you and everything is all jumbled up inside. 
I just don't want you being my friend because you feel sorry for me."

"I don't feel sorry for you," Willow said slowly. "I've seen those 
weights you do the arm lifts with, I know you're a Slayer and will 
walk again. Okay, maybe you'll need a brace and cane but you'll 
still be stronger than anyone except maybe Buffy! And stubborn? I 
thought the stereotype of the Irish being stubborn was just that, a 
stereotype, but you fit it real well!"

Fitz' eyebrows rose in question and amusement.

"Fought against feelings? How the heck does that work? Please teach 
me that one!" Willow snapped, jumping to her feet. "I would love to 
have control over my feelings! Maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad when I 
look at you!"

"Willow, wait!" Fitz yelled as Willow dashed out the hospital door.  
The Slayer swore at the cast and pulleys holding her captive to the 
bed and threw her water cup across the room.  

Joyce found a very irritable Slayer taking her frustration out on the 
Game Boy games when she visited Fitz in the hospital that evening.

"Hi, Mum," Fitz muttered, setting the game player aside.

Joyce looked at the Slayer closely. "Hospital crazies?"

"Something like that," Fitz shrugged.  

"The doctors say that the traction can come off tomorrow. They'll 
put you in a smaller cast, one that doesn't go across the hips and 
you can come home," Joyce announced.

"Thanks, I know I can never repay you," Fitz began but Joyce brushed 
it off.

"No big deal, it'll be kinda nice," Joyce said. "Buffy and Willow 
are going to move back in off campus and help take care of you. Giles 
is planning on driving you crazy with questions from the Watcher 
Council."

"I'm not used to so much attention," Fitz muttered.

"Well, Spike is absolutely livid that he's not the only rebel in 
black anymore in Sunnydale," Joyce teased and Fitz managed a 
smile. "What's wrong, Jessica?"

"I pissed Willow off," Fitz admitted. "We both figured out that I'm 
not thinking of her as my Will, that I've gotten to the point where 
they're different people in me head. I thought that was a good thing 
but it seemed to upset her."

Joyce frowned and sat down the bag of cookies and cartoon of milk she 
had brought. The mother was delighted to discover that this Slayer 
was just like any other young adult in the Scooby gang, complete with 
a weakness for Oreos and milk.

"Buffy says that Willow has been spending almost all her time here 
with you. Could it be that she's fallen for you?" Joyce ventured.

"I wouldn't be that lucky," Fitz muttered. "She's so much like my 
Willow, she's just trying to help me because I'm hurting."

"Why did your Willow fall in love with you? Was she feeling sorry for 
you?" Joyce asked, trying to keep the smirk out of her voice.

"Damn," Fitz muttered, a stunned expression on her face.

* * *

Fitz thought Willow would be back the next day, especially since she 
was getting out of the hospital, but the red-head didn't drop by the 
hospital. She wasn't at the Summers' home when Buffy and Joyce 
managed to wheel the injured Slayer into the converted den downstairs 
either.

Buffy told the other Slayer that Willow had decided to stay in the 
dorm until the semester ended in a month before moving into the 
Summers' home or back with her parents for the summer.

Fitz had cried herself to sleep that night and wasn't sure who she 
was grieving for, her Willow or the new Willow that had a hold on her 
emotions.  

The next two weeks were miserable for the dark Slayer. The physical 
therapy was a nightmare as she learned to walk again with the aid of 
the crutches. Having been stuck in bed for over a month had weakened 
Fitz to a point of extreme embarrassment and working to rebuild her 
muscles was taking longer than the Slayer was comfortable with.

The only thing that seemed to distract her was Giles' never ending 
questions from the Watcher Council. The Council finally relented and 
allowed Giles to purchase a laptop computer for the injured Slayer 
and paid for the monthly Internet connection so they could talk 
directly with Fitz and she could type in her reports and answers.

The Council and Giles were surprised but pleased to find that Fitz 
was highly intelligent and quick to pick up the basics of the 
computer.  

Giles and the Council found that Fitz' realm wasn't too different 
from their own. There were some major differences that had affected 
the Slayer; one being that Southern Ireland hadn't gained its 
independence from the United Kingdom yet and the IRA in her world was 
fighting a vicious terrorist war against England.

Another one, of course, was Angeleus and the outcome of his return.  

Minor differences were also noted: America had converted to the 
metric system in the early 70s; Yugoslavia hadn't broken apart and 
the Soviet Union had retained its power structure until 1999, causing 
planetary panic over Y2K.  

The Council was very pleased with Fitz' intelligence but not her 
sporadic education and training nor with her current mental state.

Nothing Buffy nor Joyce did seemed to help bring Fitz out of her 
depression either. The blonde Slayer was unusually attentive in 
helping Fitz during her recovery. When questioned about it, Buffy 
merely shrugged and pointed to the cast and crutches, saying that it 
could easily be her one day.

Fitz understood, it was something every Slayer faced. Buffy had even 
died once.  

What was really driving the dark Slayer crazy and quickly into a 
deeper depression was the fact that Willow hadn't been to visit since 
she had run out of the hospital that day. Fitz had tried to call but 
Willow had either let the answering machine pick up or had told the 
Slayer she was on her way out the door and hung up.

Buffy confided that she had talked with Willow but the witch had 
clamed up and refused to discuss Fitz with anyone.  

"Look, this is ridiculous!" Buffy snapped, causing Fitz to jump in 
her wheelchair. Anya looked over as she lay curled in Xander's arms 
on the sofa watching videos. "I've been talking to you for five 
minutes and you haven't heard a word anyone has said tonight."

Fitz shrugged. "You're right, I'm right miserable company tonight, I 
am," she admitted. "I'm going to head off to bed. Thanks for seeing 
me, Xander and Anya."

"Sure," Xander said softly as Buffy glared at Fitz as the dark Slayer 
wheeled herself out of the room.  

"I can't get Will out of the room at the dorm, neither can Tara, and 
Fitz is here being just as miserable!" Buffy complained.

"You want them together?" Xander demanded, his eyes hardening.

"What is your problem with that?" Buffy countered. "Oz isn't coming 
back, Willow and Tara are just very good friends, why shouldn't 
Willow be attracted to Fitz?"

"She doesn't belong here, Willow isn't meant to be with her!" Xander 
snapped.

"Keep your voice down!" Buffy growled. "Slayer senses, remember?"

Fitz turned the volume up on Willow's CD player to drown out the 
voices and the pain. The track on the CD didn't help the Slayer's 
mood either but she left it on anyway.

<Red Hot Chili Peppers, Otherside> 

How long how long will I slide
Separate my side I don't 
I don't believe it's bad
Slit my throat
It's all I ever

I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up and brought up the past 
Once you've gone you can never go back
I've got to take it on the otherside

Fitz began crying even harder as the lyrics sank in.

Centuries are what it meant to me 
A cemetery where I marry the sea
Stranger things could never change my mind
I've got to take it on the otherside
Take it on
Take it on

How long how long will I slide
Separate my side I don't 
I don't believe it's bad
Slitting my throat
It's all I ever

Pour my life into a paper cup
The ashtray's full and I'm spillin' my guts
She wants to know am I still a slut
I've got to take it on the other side

Scarlet starlet and she's in my bed
A candidate for a soul mate bled
Push the trigger and pull the thread 
I've got to take it on the otherside
Take it on the otherside 
Take it on
Take it on

"Saints," Fitz muttered. "I don't have anything left, do I? Ah, Will."

How long how long will I slide
Separate my side I don't 
I don't believe it's bad
Slitting my throat
It's all I ever

Turn me on take me for a hard ride
Burn me out leave me on the otherside
I yell and tell it that
It's not a friend
I tear it down I tear it down
And then it's born again

How long how long will I slide
Separate my side I don't 
I don't believe it's bad
Slitting my throat
It's all I ever

How long I don't believe it's bad
Slitting my throat 
It's all I ever

Buffy gently closed the door as the dark Slayer wept into her pillow 
and finished off the bottle of Irish whiskey she had been working on 
for two days. One good thing about Sunnydale, she thought to 
herself, they even delivered the alcohol to your doorstep.

Buffy leaned against the door, her face thoughtful and worried.  

* * *