FF: I Saw Her

[Jack Xavier Warriner <connor_macbeth@xxxxxxxxx>]

I Saw Her
By: MacBeth
Disclaimer: Remarkably clean. Joss' creations are his,
Author's Note: Graile has been dragging and I've had
to spend HOURS reading all the FB I've gotten. This
has been rattling around. Anyone have a Gysahl Green?
Greg is hungry.

* * *

I saw her that day. Sitting in the courtyard of the
highschool, alone, discouraged, unloved. I didn't
understand the pull then, but I do now. I think even
then, six years ago, that she was incredibly special
and would someday mean more to me than life itself. I
sat beside her and started a conversation. That was
the day I fell in love.

I saw her that day. At the Bronze, I touched her
arm and it chilled me. I knew that feeling and it
froze my soul. Dead flesh, I touched Willow and felt
dead flesh. My Willow was dead. No. Undead, and my
pain and fear fell away into oblivion. Time seemed to
blink away and I found myself sitting in the Library
with my Watcher and my friend. Time passed in a haze
and there she was. My Willow. I thought she was the
Demon at first, but deep down, I knew. This was my
Willow, alive, whole. My heart resumed beating.

I saw her that day. From the catwalk as I dove into
the Planar schism. The last thought I had was that I
could see My Willow. She was down at the base of the
makeshift tower, holding Tara and looking up at me. I
lied to my sister, I didn't do this for her. I jumped
for My Willow.

I saw her that day. Sitting in a sunlit field with
her Blonde love who was not me. I saw them holding
hands, cast amorous glances, and steal kisses when
they were alone. Each moment I saw and forced myself
to see. I was in her life. I had a chance, a choice. I
made my choice. She's alive, happy, and loved.
Someday, I may tell her that everytime I saw her, I
fell a little more in love with her.

I didn't see her today. Seeing her with someone
else hurts me. I've been hurt, drowned, even died a
time or two. But seeing that hurt's too much. I can't
watch her anymore. I'm not that strong. I've gotten
used to standing back, behind her. Shielding her from
the darkness and from me. But I can't do it anymore.
Yet I can't leave, The Hellmouth or My Willow.

I saw her today. She walked alone down the street
towards the Magic Box. She's strong, Much stronger
than I ever dreamt. I love her so much. I want to tell
her. I have to tell her. But I won't. I want to run,
find a new place and hide from everything. but I
won't. I'll stay here in Sunnydale, protect the
Hellmouth, and My Willow.

I saw her today. But she never saw me.

* * *

MacBeth
The Kamikazi Scotsman
The Kilted Moogle


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