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OT: Humour - Doublespeak



Title: Message
Hey! Some more demented humour from my fellow co-workers at KBW.
But be warned, SPEW ALERT!!!!!!!  
 
Bill Gopher

aActual Headlines collected by news people:

> 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

> 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

> 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

6. Farmer Bill Dies in House

> 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

> 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

> 9. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

> 10. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

> 11. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

> 12. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

> 13. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

> 14. Eye Drops off Shelf

> 15. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

> 16. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

> 17. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

> 18. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

> 19. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

> 20. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

> 21. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

> 22. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

> 23. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

> 24. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

> 25. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

> 26. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

> 27. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

> 28. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84

> 29. War Dims Hope for Peace

> 30. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

> 31. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

> 32. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

> 33. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

> 34. Deer Kill 17,000

> 35. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

> 36. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

> 37. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

> 38. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

> 39. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

> 40. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

> 41. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

> 42. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

> 43. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

> 44. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

> 45. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

> 46. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

> 47. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

> 48. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

> 49. Air Head Fired

> 50. Steals Clock, Faces Time

> 51. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

> 52. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

> 53. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

> 54. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

> 55. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

> 56. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

> 57. Include your Children When Baking Cookies

> 58. 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves

>

William LaBarbera
Keefe, Bruyette and Woods
IT Dept.
(212) 887-6711
www.kbw.com
wlabarbera@xxxxxxx   

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