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TITLE: Book Five: The Roads Series ? These Roads We Travel (1/?) AUTHORr: Kimber (kacoe@xxxxxxxxxxx) DISCLAIMER: All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Grrr, argh. DISTRIBUTION: SPOILERS: Everything is fair game. AUTHOR?S NOTES: The more feedback I get the more I?ll post?.nuff said. flashbacks are enclosed in { } Thoughts enclosed in < >
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She?s just. . .amazing. Every time I see her and catch a glimpse of that red hair and those fiery green eyes, it reminds me. . .of what I lost.
She?s sleeping now. And here I am again like most nights, watching over her. Keeping her safe and sound. The nightmares still won?t go away. She wakes in a cold sweat every night screaming my name, screaming her name. . and there?s nothing I can do about it. No way to ease the pain or even make it disappear.
I?m trapped in my own hell too, though having lived for so long, I can deal with it, push it down, swallow the words. The words that want to leap from my throat almost every minute of every hour of every day I?ve spent without her by my side.
She?s stirring again and I place the washcloth on her forehead and touch her cheek and stroke her crimson hair. Just as I?ve done every night for the past six months. Does it ever get any easier? Is there ever going to be a time when she?ll sleep through the night again? Feel safe again? Smile again?
I sigh and go to the window. Dawn is approaching. The sun is beginning to break through the inky darkness and I close my eyes, realizing that it?s today. *The* day is today. One day at a time. That?s what everyone keeps telling me, but that only makes me keep count of all the days leading up to this day. ..and all the hours in between.
I loved. . .correction *love* her.. With everything I am, everything I feel and know, and some things I still don?t understand. . I love her and livefor her. That?s the only thingthat keeps me going, even now.
She?s whimpering in her sleep again, and Irush to her side knowing full well what?s to come. She struggles harder, more violently, and all I can do is sit back and wait.
She sits bolt upright in the bed, clutching the blankets. ?Mom, no!!? She looks around and sees me and drops her head in embarrassment. ?Will it ever end?? She mumbles.
I reach out and touch her cheek with my hand. Slowly she raises her head and looks at me with that lopsided smile I know all too well. She kisses the palm of my hand and traces some of the old scars there on my arm. I smile because the look on her face is as if she?s committing each wound to memory and plotting vengeance for them. Her green eyes lock onmy own hazel ones and she scrunches her eyebrows in concentration.
?It?s today. You know. . .*the* day. Well, of course you know, how could you forget I mean not that you're forgetful or anything, don?t get me wrong but, you know, it could have slipped your mind or something not that you?d ever forget about-?
I cut her babble off with the tip of my finger. ?I know.?
She smiles sadly. ?It?ll never get easier, will it??
?It may with time.? I push some hair away from her face. ?And with each other.? I get up knowing that she?s notgoing to put up with the bonding session much longer. As I reach for the door she stops me. ?Hey, Buff??
?Yes, Laurel?? I turn and try to give her a brave smile.
?I know. . how much you love her still and, as much
as I miss her, I know you miss her more and it hurts you more and you cry
sometimes when you think I?m not watching.
And if you need me to, you know. . talk or whatever??
She gives me a perplexed look. ?So it doesn?t hurt you? With me being around? Cause I know how much I look likeher
and I would think that it bothered you and??
"He's up before noon?"
I chuckled. "Laurel. You know howhe gets. What he does is very important and?"
"I know, Buff. I'll be nice to him. Promise."
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"Where am I?" This thought rattled around Willow's head as she looked at the scene before her. She knew where she was, but not really. She was sitting outside of a small café, sipping a mocha and watching the crowd shuffle by. She was in Paris.
As pleasant as the surroundings were, she wasn't able to enjoy it at all. She missed Buffy, Laurel and Xander and wished they were with her. She smiled sadly to herself knowing how much Laurel would love to be in Paris. She was a typical teenager, and Willow could picture her going from boutique to boutique putting a serious strain on her credit card.
Buffy. Willow knew she would fall in love with this place the moment she saw it. The aesthetics of the surroundings, the architecture of the old buildings, the gardens and parks. She smiled to herself again picturing herself and Buffy laying in the grass having a picnic near the Eiffel Tower. Buffy would feed her strawberries dipped in fudge and neither of them would care about the stares they got from the passer-bys. Buffy would remark that they were just jealous to see two people so completely inlove with each other.
"Why so sad?"
"I miss my family." Willow remarked.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Have you been away from them long?"
She sighed. "I don't know."
"Seems to me that they're only as far away as you
make them. At least that's what
I've always thought."
"You wish they were here, physically. I understand that all too well."
Willow had been staring off in the distance,but brought herself back and looked around her immediate surroundings. There was no one there. "Um, where are you?"
"Oh, I'm here. You just don't want to see me yet." The voice, male, took on a knowing tone.
"That's weird. Why wouldn't I want to see someone I'm talking to?"
"Well, you may not be ready, or you might need more time to adjust. One can never tell with this sort of thing. I miss my family too, and my friends. It's been such a long time since I've seen them."
"Why? I mean, can't you call them or something?"
He laughed.
"They're too far away. I
can't reach them." A slight sadness
touched his voice. "They've been
far away for a long time now."
"Fond memory?" He asked.
"Yes. My daughter, Laurel. She used to love to play tag in the park. AndBuffy and Xander would join in. Wemust have looked like a bunch of fools, playing tag with a ten year old, but we didn't care. She was so beautiful back then, beautiful and innocent."
"Ah, so you have a daughter. You must miss her."
"Trouble maker, were you?"
"No, not really. I was a big geek at that age. I didn't have many friends at all. Just one. . .no, two. Two very good friends that I grewup with. Then Buffy transferredto Sunnydale, that's where I'm from by the way, and she had an . . .interesting hobby. We got involved with it and, well, it was dangerous but ? it was for a good cause." Willow looked down at her hands. She fingered the gold band on herring finger and closed her eyes. "I wouldn't trade it for anything ever."
"Sounds like you and your two friends must have loved
her a lot to risk your lives with her, um, hobby."
"Oh, um. . oops?" She looked up and smiled at him
sheepishly. "Sorry, I got so
carried away with my story that I totally forgot. You probably think I'm some kind of nut
now. Talking about vampires. Sheesh."
"I'm sure he didn't blame you or your friends. He knew things were going on thatno one else could see. Everyone did, but the difference was that you and your friends paid attention to it and took care of it ? and without taking any credit."
Willow squinted at him. He was. . .fuzzy. That was the best way to describe it. Like someone took a hugelens and twisted it out of focus only on him. She could see the outline of his body but. . .she rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times. This made him laugh.
"You want to see me. Don't you?" He reached his hand out and placed it on her own. "Everything you want to see, everything you want to know is right in front of you. All you have to do is open your eyes a little wider."
She stared at him intently and focused on wanting to see him, being desperate to see him.
"I know you blame yourself, even now, but you shouldn't." His voice took on a sad tone. "Things just. . .happen, Willow. Things that nobody ever has control over, and that's just the way it is." He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "You need to know that. . .you're fighting on a daily basis, putting your life on the line, killing the baddies ? none of it was in vain." He took a deep breath and whispered. "I didn't die in vain."
She gasped and the tears that had been threatening to surface finally spilled over as he came into sharp focus in front of her. He stood the same time she did, and she fell into his arms sobbing openly. She clung to him, stroked his hair, kissed his cheek and finally managed to croak out between sobs, "Jesse."
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"Xander." Buffy breathed.
He stood in the doorway to her home and bobbed his head in acknowledgement the way that only Xander could. "Hey, Buffy. Where's my girl?"
"Getting dressed." She smiled and stepped aside to allow him access to the house, then hugged him as soon as she closed the door. "It's so great to see you, especially?" She stopped herself and hugged him even tighter.
"I know." He whispered into her hair.
"Uncle Xander, is that you?" Laurel called from upstairs.
He smiled. "The one and only!" He looked down at Buffy. "God, she sounds more and more like Willow every day."
Buffy nodded somewhat sadly and retreated tothe kitchen.
Just then, the redheaded teen bounded down the stairs and jumped into her uncle's arms. "Whoa, Laurel." He tried to regain his balance. "You're getting so big. Let me take a look at you." He held her at arms length for inspection.
"I think I grew two inches from last time you saw me, Xand-man." She smiled.
He narrowed his eyes at her playfully. "Xand-man, huh? Lemme guess. . .Faith's been by
recently."
Laurel shrugged and headed toward the kitchen. "I'm not worried about it, Uncle Xander. Everything's five by five." She smiled at him and disappeared through the kitchen door.
Xander shook his head in disapproval, but couldn't help chuckle a bit.
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Buffy, Laurel and Xander finished up breakfast and were washing the dishes together. It was almost the perfect family scene, except one important person was missing. Willow.
Buffy stepped back and watched Laurel and Xander finish up. She remembered a time not long ago when the four of them would do this every time Xander came over for dinner. It would usually end in a water fight, which usually sent Willow into 'resolve-face' mode in record time. They'd get scooted out of the kitchen while she cleaned up the mess,then she would bring them all ice pops and they'd sit on the front porch watching the night go by.
It was such a simpler time back then. Buffy frowned. <Back then?> In reality, it was only six shortmonths ago but now it felt like a lifetime. She was shaken from her thoughts by the sound of a loud motor right outside the house. She knew it could only mean one thing as she watched Laurel's eyes go wide with delight.
"Faith!" Laurel yelled from the window as she waved at the Dark Slayer. She smiled wider when Faith beckoned to her to come outside.
"Jacket." Buffy reminded her.
Laurel stopped in her tracks, ran to the living room, grabbed the beaten up old leather jacket Faith gave her and ran outside.
Buffy enjoyed the silence for a few moments and leaned back against Xander. They watched as Faith showed Laurel the ins and outs of the motorcycle, and Laurel stood there listening intently. Buffy noticed that she began to ask Faith questions, and as soon as Faith started to answer, Laurel pulled a small pad and pen out of her jacket.
"Looks like Faith is in trouble now." Xander commented.
"Yup." Buffy smiled. "After all, Laurel is the daughter of the one and only research queen. Willow taught her well." A tear trailed down Buffy's cheek.
"I know that tone, Buff. You taught her lots of things too." Xander tightened his grip on her waist a little in reassurance.
Buffy was about to comment when she heard Laurel say to Faith, "That's wicked cool! Can I try?"
"Uh oh." Buffy and Xander said in unison as they went outside to stop any of the ideas the redhead may have just come up with.
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Rupert Giles woke in the morning feeling allof his sixty plus years. He yawned and padded his way to the bathroom to begin his morning ritual. Showered, shaved and dressed, he grabbed his trusty walking cane from beside the bed and headed downstairs.
In the forefront of his mind, he knew what today was and knew what was to come. He'd spend the day alone in quiet refection, perhaps go through an old photo album or two, check on impending prophesies, then there would be a knock on the door. He would get up to answer it, only to have the joy of his life be impatient as always and burst through it with a resounding 'Papa' before falling into his arms and showering him with kisses. Laurel. His precious 'granddaughter', with the smell of youth surrounding her and life behind those soulful green eyes would make him feel ten years younger or more any time he saw her.
The visits had grown shorter and shorter now. It wasn't that Laurel was too oldfor him or not interested in her Papa anymore. No. It was far worse. Buffy had grown too old for him, too old and uninterested and bitter and hateful and. . .Giles shook his head. <What's the use?> She'd never forgive him, never behis Slayer again or the daughter he never had.
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"What happened Willow?" Willow and Jesse were walking along a cobble stoned street reminiscing about high school and all the good times they had together growing up. Jesse tried to broach the subject of Buffy a few times, but Willow skirted the issue. He thought it was best to leave it alone but now it was time for the hard stuff. "Will?"
"Jesse, I really don't?"
"?Wanna talk about it, I know. But?" He shrugged. "you know how your tummy gets allacidy when you keep bad stuff inside. Come on, Will, I'm here for a reason. You have to know that."
She sighed.
"I know. It's just. ..a
touchy subject for me right now.
Buffy, well, it's kinda hard to explain."
"Willow?"
"Sorry, too much information I guess." She blushed.
"No, it's not that, it's just, well, why areyou here? Have you asked yourself that yet? I mean, do you even know where here is?"
Willow stopped in her tracks and looked around. It was as if she was noticing forthe
first time that things were very different. She tried as hard as she could to
remember how she got there but couldn't.
Then she tried to remember the last time she saw Buffy and Laurel. She couldn't do that either. A look of panic crossed her face. "Jesse?" She looked at him quizzically. "How did you get here?" She began to back away from him almost
fearfully. "You're. . .you're
dead. I saw it. . .I saw Xander
stake you in the. . .oh God, that was sophomore year of high
school."
"Take it easy?
Take it easy? I'm dead. .
.am I dead?. . .oh God, I'm not dead, am I? Cause I have a nineteen year old
daughter that needs me and Buffy, Buffy doesn't know how to cook! And she doesn't know when Laurel's
doctor's appointments are and. . .and I think there's a load of laundry in the
washer. . .the last time Buffy did laundry everything turned out pink! And Giles
still isn't fully recovered from the fall he took last year, he needs me
and?"
"Breathe? Dead people don't breath, Jesse they. . .well, they don't do anything. . .cause they're dead!" She ran her hands through her hair in frustration. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm calm. . .somewhat." she opened her eyes and looked at him. "You can tell me the truth, I can handle it, really. Am I dead?"
Jesse looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "Well. . ." He
hedged.
. . .To Be Continued. . .
~~Kimber
List Gutter Lust Goddess, Masked Road Runner (meep, meep!!), Keeper of the crazy lil comma, Slayer of the Mad Dragon's Heart, Elmer to Pat's Wabbit, self proclaimed 'perfect drug' addict, and Official Tormenter of the Phantom Chimpunk and her band of crazy nuts. Proud supporter of the Mad Poet Society and the Troll under the Bridge. Proud Member of the BtVS Writers Guild: Because fic makes anything possible. Join ! ~Buffy Wants Willow - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BuffyWantsWillow ~Buffy Loves Willow - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BuffyLovesWillow ~Willow Slash Fic - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WillowSlashFic ~Popular Slash - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PopularSlash ~Exquisite Updates - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/exquisiteupdates |