|
Hey gang, things are going swimmingly at The Chosen's Round Robin, so here's part two of "Where Do We Go From Here?" Disclaimers; Joss gave us the lemons; I'm just making the lemonade. And don't worry, I'm using sugar. Spoilers; through the series finale, "Chosen". Keep in mind that I'm basing this on spoiler reports, not the actual episodes, so I may be wrong on some points. Rating; PG-13. Warning; there are some ugly descriptions of an ugly act at the beginning of this story. Sad to say, sometimes humanity trumps the Hellmouth for sheer evil. Author's Note; This is my pilot for a virtual Buffy-spinoff. Someone's gotta be first, right? Better me than some B/S-er! Pairing; None yet, but knowing me, Buffy and Willow are gonna start noticing each other at some point... Feedback; Please do. Flames will be subject to brief scorn, then deleted without ceremony. Summary; Buffy Summers, for the first time in her life, is free of her calling as the Slayer. But there is still evil in the world. Was 'Chosen' the end, or a new beginning? Created by Kirayoshi Where Do We Go From Here? Part Two Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arrive. Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these sunken eyes and learn to see, All your life You were only waiting for this moment to be free. Blackbird fly- Blackbird fly- Into the light of a dark black night! -John Lennon and Paul McCartney "Blackbird" Buffy couldn't help the broad grin that refused to fade from her lips as she watched Willow slowly nibbling at her pizza. She found herself stealing glances at Willow's red tresses or her green eyes when she thought the redhead wasn't looking. After all that had happened between them, especially during the last two years of their friendship, Buffy wholeheartedly believed that she would never see Willow again. The fact that Willow had sought her out at the Bronze had amazed and thrilled Buffy, leaving her heart a little lighter. Since leaving the Bronze and returning to Buffy's apartment, she, Willow and Dawn had successfully demolished two whole pies(one sausage and pepperoni, one "Garden of Eatin'" vegetarian), washing their feast down with a whole two-liter bottle of cola. Dawn had left for her bedroom hours ago as Buffy and Willow chatted about everything and nothing, well into the wee small hours. It was now three a.m. and the two women had no desire to let the evening end. "Goddess," Willow glanced for the hundredth time at the picture window that dominated the west wall of Buffy's living room. "You lucked out with this apartment." "Yeah, I like it," Buffy nodded. "The rent's a little steep, but for the space, it's worth it. It's that window that sold it to me," Buffy admitted, taking another admiring look at the shores of Puget sound and the clear waters sparkling in the moonlight. The boats were moored in the harbors for the night, although a few late-night revelers were still up and about on small privately owned boats in their docks. "I just moved into a nice brownstone apartment myself," Willow grinned. "Over on Magnolia Street." Buffy gawked at Willow's sudden statement. "Magnolia? You mean the one in Seattle?" "That's the one," Willow announced. "Oh, did I mention that I moved in just two days ago?" "And you didn't tell me sooner why?" Buffy demanded. "It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment-do-it-now-before-I-lose-my-nerve thing," Willow babbled merrily. "I just got my stuff moved in yesterday, I only unpacked my phone two hours before I saw you at the New Bronze." "Okay," Buffy demurred, "as long as you had a good reason. Uh, at the expense of my vanity, I'm assuming that I wasn't the only reason you decided to move up here?" "No, I'm afraid not," Willow admitted. "Though I'm fond, don't get me wrong. It's just that this area has some of the strongest white magic in the country. There are these points near the Queen Charlotte Islands, just off of British Columbia, and up and down Seattle and the Sound area, that are focuses of good magic. Kinda like Anti-Hellmouths. I'm thinking of chartering a boat to go out to the Charlottes when the weather warms up next summer. I just need to be around benevolent magic right now, Buffy. It's part of my cleansing process." Willow then flashed Buffy her famous Willow-smile. "Of course, having you in the same city, that's a big-time bonus." "Sounds good, and I'm glad to know you're not giving up the magic," Buffy answered. "Gods, I missed you," Buffy sighed deeply, her eyes resting on the sweet smile of her best friend. "I missed you too, Buffy," Willow admitted. Her hand absently trailed along the sofa cushion, brushing gently against Buffy's hand. Buffy instinctively sought out her friend's hand, and prolonged the warm gentle pressure, drawing strength and comfort from the simple act of touch. "So," Buffy continued, returning her attention to the task of catching up with her friend, "how's Kennedy? She's taking good care of you, right?" Willow paused briefly, her eyes glancing away from Buffy for a moment. "Oh, she's fine," she said quietly, and Buffy sensed a faint melancholy in the wiccan's voice. "At least I hear she is." Her head lowered slightly, and Buffy started to glance around for a box of tissue, sensing that Willow would need one soon. Willow glanced back at Buffy, and smiled slightly, assuring her. "Don't worry, it wasn't a big break up or anything like that. Shortly after we left LA, we decided to be just friends. She's in Cleveland with a batch of new Slayers, cleaning up a nest of vamps there, and we agreed that we weren't meant to be lifemates." "Oh, Willow," Buffy's hand automatically sought out Willow's left cheek. She cupped Willow's face gently, sighing with relief as Willow leaned into the waiting hand. "I'm so sorry about that. I was really rooting for you two." "It's okay, Buffy, really," Willow promised. "She and I weren't really long-term. Not that I'm not grateful for her being in my life when she was. Kennedy let me open up, let me feel again after Tara died. She let me know that it was okay for me to love again. She's just not the one I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. That's cool." Buffy regarded Willow with a measuring eye. "Okay," she said slowly, "if you're sure you're okay then you're okay." "Thanks for caring, anyway," Willow smiled. "Uh, on a similar topic, I have a question to ask you." "Lay it on me," Buffy answered. Willow took a swig of cola, then regarded Buffy with a level gaze. "At the end," Willow started, "when Spike did the big dust-off, were you in love with him?" Buffy frowned, not wanting to consider that question yet again. She quickly glanced at Willow and said, "No." Willow raised an eyebrow, saying, "Please, think about it before answering. I won't think any less of you if you were." "It's not that," Buffy interrupted. "I've been thinking plenty about it after we left Sunnydale. I went to him when you guys brought me back because I was angry. I-God I don't want to say this…" Buffy lowered her head, shame coloring her cheeks. "I hated you. You, Xander, all of you, for dragging me back into the battle. For so long I blamed you guys for taking me out of Heaven and forcing me to live again. I didn't even feel alive half the time, I felt like a walking corpse. So I guess I felt more comfortable around Spike. I knew he and I would never have a long-term thing, and that's what I thought I needed. I thought I could do a Faith with him. You know, 'want, take, have'." "So you made love to him," Willow asked, without accusation, "but you didn't love him?" "I didn't love him," Buffy nodded soberly. "And I wouldn't call what we did 'making love'. Screwing, boinking, or the ever-popular 'F' word, maybe." "Gotcha," Willow answered. "The 'F' word, not the 'L' word." "Exactly," Buffy admitted, as though finally putting to words a truth she had known in her heart forever. "I never trusted him, and I never would. Not completely. Even when he got his soul. Too much had happened between us. Not to mention just before he left to get his soul, he tried to rape me. At the end, I guess I could trust him to watch my back, but I couldn't trust him with my heart. And if I couldn't trust him, I had no business loving him." Buffy shook her head again as she felt old sorrows and shames fade from her being. "So the answer's no, Willow. I didn't love him. I just used him. Does that make me a bad person?" Willow shook her head emphatically. "No, Buffy, never believe that. It doesn't make you bad, it just makes you human." "Thanks for lying, Willow," Buffy huffed sullenly. "But considering how long it took me to figure it out myself, how I let Spike become more important to me than you guys… I blew it." Willow stopped herself from automatically saying "No you didn't," and just looked at her friend. She knew that her friend had to bare her soul on her own. "I thought I was doing the right thing, Willow. I stopped being a friend and became a general. And a pretty crappy general at the end. I mean, how many generals get kicked out of their own homes by their troops?" "Have I mentioned that I'm sorry about that?" Willow asked sheepishly. "No," Buffy answered, "don't apologize. You were right. I screwed up. In every way it is possible for someone to screw up, I screwed up. I have no business leading people into battle, I realize that now. In the end, Spike was the real hero, not me." "Stop right there," Willow barked suddenly, catching Buffy by surprise with her assertiveness. "You did what no one else could do against the First. You did what you had to do, we all did. And in the end, you succeeded. The Hellmouth is sealed, we're alive, and you've finally earned a normal life." "Tell that to Xander," Buffy growled. "Thanks to my blundering against Caleb he lost his eye." Buffy fought back a bitter tear as she recalled the last time she saw Xander in Los Angeles, his one eye staring balefully at her. "He didn't say anything to me the last time we spoke, he acted like we were cool. But I could see it in his good eye, the way he looked at me…I think it's safe to say that the only way I'll ever see him again is if he doesn't see me first." Willow leaned forward, placing her hand gently on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy leaned into her friend's waiting embrace, and when she felt her tears start to overflow she let them come. Willow hugged her friend tightly, silently offering what comfort she could provide. A minute passed, five minutes, ten…Buffy finally managed to control her tears and stop gasping for desperate breaths, and inhaled and exhaled deeply. "Thanks, Willow," she said, wiping the last of her tears from her red-rimmed eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. "God, I've never been able to unload like that before. I didn't realize how much I needed that." "It's what I'm here for," Willow smiled warmly. "Look, I couldn't tell you how I'd have handled things if I were the Slayer, or if I alone could save the world. In the end, that was your job, and none of us knew how powerful Caleb or the First were. I don't think Xander blames you, not really. He may need some time alone, but he doesn't hate you. He never could hate you." Buffy chuckled hoarsely. "Here's hoping. He certainly deserved better than he got. I think the problem with me was that I'd grown up with that whole 'one person in all the world' line from Giles, and Merrick before him, to the point where I started to believe it. Hmph, thank God that's not an issue. Faith's the head Slayer now, and with Vi and Kennedy and all the other Slayers out there, she'll have plenty of backup. Maybe it's for the best that we're out of the fight now. We finally have those normal lives we always wanted." "Well, as normal as possible, under the circumstances," Willow amended. "You don't really think we can just pick up where we left off, do you? We've seen too much to ever go completely normal. We've taken the red pill; we know how deep the rabbit hole goes. All we can do is live our lives the way we were meant to, and trust whatever Higher Power is out there to guide us on the way." Buffy smiled, acknowledging the wisdom in Willow's council. "When did you get so philosophical?" "Has to do with the meditation trances Giles taught me in England," Willow answered. "Helped me put a lot of things in perspective." "Well," Buffy admitted, "as long as the Higher Power doesn't send me any more lovelorn vampires, I'll be cool. Once I get my head back on straight and consider dating again, I have a new policy. Any future potential lovers must have a working pulse and respiration. And even if he does somehow come back that way-don't give me that look, Wilow, weirder things have happened,-Spike is definitely out!" "Good for you," Willow grinned hugely. "Like you said, Spike wasn't a long-term thing with you. Me, I think he was kinda like a bunker buddy for you." "Bunker buddy?" Buffy crooked an eyebrow. "Yeah, a wartime romance. He was like someone you were comfortable with when the shooting started," Willow explained, "but once the battle was over you'd part ways. I guess that was what Kennedy and I were, bunker buddies. I mean, Tara was my Once in a Lifetime love, while Kennedy was more a Life During Wartime thing." Buffy glanced crookedly at Willow, a merry smile playing at her lips. "You realize, of course, that you just reduced your love life to the Talking Heads song catalog, don't you?" Willow shrugged her shoulders innocently. "What? My folks used to like that band." Leaning forward with a mischievous gleam in her eyes, she added, "At least neither one of us ever dated a Psycho Killer." Buffy chuckled at Willow's comment, feeling the need to counter her wry joke with one of her own. "Oh, I dunno, we've both had our share of Slippery People!" Willow giggled uncontrollably, rocking merrily on the sofa. "Oh, yeah. Remember Parker the Poophead? Talk about your Road to Nowhere!" That line won a genuine laugh from Buffy. The former Slayer replied, "Of course it was shortly after that when you decided that a Girlfriend is Better," before breaking into a gale of laughter. Willow just turned her nose coquettishly at Buffy. "And She Was." Buffy burst into another volley of joyous laughter. "Hey, as long as The Lady Don't Mind…" she managed to get out before both she and Willow dissolved into a fit of helpless mirth. They collapsed into each others arms, giggling like schoolchildren. Finally, their breathing calmed and they were able to compose themselves in a relative quiet state, although they were unable to remove the broad grins from their faces, and unwilling to remove themselves from each other's arms. Buffy found herself recalling the old cliché about laughter being the best medicine. For once, she decided, the clichés were true. Here with her closest friend, she felt healed, whole for the first time in a very long time. "You know what I wish, Willow?" Buffy whispered into her friend's hair. Willow lifted her eyes to meet Buffy's. "That we had some peanut-butter cup ice cream?" Buffy chuckled again. "Actually, I have some in the freezer. No, what I really wish is that we got to meet each other the way we did, but without the Hellmouth. I wish we didn't have to deal with all that darkness…" Willow placed her hand gently on Buffy's, again calming her nerves with her sweet touch. "No, Buffy," Willow soothed with her gentle voice. "No regrets. Sure, we've made our share of mistakes. It's called being human. But I don't regret my decision to stay at your side and fight the good fight. You're my best friend and always will be. Yeah, darkness, that was huge in our lives. But that doesn't matter now. Because of you…" Willow rested her hand against Buffy's breast, feeling the beating heart beneath. "You were my light. You, Xander, Dawn, you were the light I followed, the light that brought me out of my darkness." She leaned into Buffy's chest, her head pressing against the breast she had touched. "Xander brought me back from the brink at the end, but you were the reason I fought to get my life back. Because in the end I didn't want the power I had leeched off of Giles and the others, I didn't want the end of the world, I didn't want any of that. All I wanted was my life back, to know I could still fight the good fight. And to be again worthy of the title 'Buffy Summers' Best Friend'." "You've earned that title in spades, Willow," Buffy sighed, her lips pressing lightly against the top of Willow's head. "Never believe otherwise." Buffy smiled as Willow curled into her warm embrace, amazed at how natural she felt with Willow's body pressing against hers. A quick glance at the clock shook Buffy out of her sweet reverie. "Omigosh," she stammered rapidly, jolting her body to an upright position, forcing Willow to steady herself to keep from being knocked off the couch. "Man, it's nearly four a.m.! We've been chatting all night!" "Well," Willow grinned broadly, "that's what happens when you, uh, Stay Up Late!" She stifled a giggle at her comment. "Now stop that," Buffy glared, although Willow could distinctly see the smile playing at her lips. "Look, I'd just as soon not send you out this late, and we have a spare guest room that I haven't gotten around to converting to a study yet..." "Buffy," Willow asked timidly, "are you sure I wouldn't be imposing?" "What imposing?" Buffy answered. "This is the best night I've had in a long time! I've got a hide-a-bed in there, some blankets, you'll be fine." "Okay, if you say so," Willow said happily. "Plus we can continue our Scooby Reunion 2003 when we wake up." "Great idea," Buffy said, as she stood up on slightly shaky legs and escorted Willow to the guest room. "Breakfast with best friends. Always a Buffy-pleaser." "Maybe we could go out tomorrow," Willow suggested as Buffy opened the guest room door. "You can show me the town." "I'd like that," Buffy nodded vigorously. "Anywhere in particular you want to go?" Willow flashed her famed mischievous grin as she stood inside the door frame, her hand leaning against the doorframe. "Take Me To The River?" "Go to bed, Willow," Buffy groaned slightly. "Just go to bed! You need some help opening the hide-a-bed?" "Not really," Willow stretched slightly, stifling a yawn. "I'll probably sack out in my street clothes." "Well, take care," Buffy nodded. She started to close the door, but the redhead stopped her. "G'night, Buffy," Willow leaned forward to kiss Buffy on the cheek. "See ya tomorrow," Buffy whispered sweetly. "I love you, Willow." "I love you too, Buffy," Willow closed the door slowly, her eyes locked with Buffy until the moment the door latched. Buffy stood silently in front of the guest room door for a full five minutes before she made her way to her own bedroom. "I love you, Willow," she repeated in a hushed whisper, knowing that Willow wouldn't hear her. "More than you know." "No growth without assistance, No action with reaction, No desire without restraint. Now let yourself go and find yourself again. There's a lesson for you." --Chow Yun Fat, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" |