Gutter Memo: New Gutter and Woods Outback Safety Ordnance

TO: All Department Heads; United Vegetable Empire; and all other interested parties.

FROM: Director of Public Safety – yes, I’m still alive!

SUBJECT: New Gutter and Woods Outback Safety Ordnance.

Affective immediately there will be NO MERCY shown to the jokers that think it is cute to see semi-well behaved purring little fruit-napping menaces having to “socialize” with the evil adults on any kind of bases. All violators will be grabbed; giving wedges and tossed to the demonic cabbages without trial or being allowed to receive the traditional last minute South Gutter Hot Tub peeking rights. I mean it… for the last three months every time I turned around there was one of those evil adult-type beings wanting to bug the hell out of me. I mean really… these adults actually expect me to go outside during the DAY and wear something called ‘shorts’ and ‘sandals’… this is a plot I tell you… A PLOT!! And its not like I can just kill them when they show… most of them are related to me… although, I am demanding a recount and actual DNA proof on one of my cousins. Ladies and Gentlemen… I am related to a dipstick… I kid you not… this guy is a few bricks shy of a load and thinks he’s cool. It would almost be fun to watch if I wasn’t related to him and have to be seen in public with the jerk!!

If the offender should be one of the veggies, said veggie will be tossed in the Koala’s new mini-nuclear powered veg-o-matic that has he has been banned from even dusting in four NATO countries as well as California… something about it scaring everyone. Or has the thought of the Terminator being elected Governor really just blown their minds and they won’t notice the large humanoid Koala racing his hover tank up and down the Santa Monica freeway while blaring Linkin Park. If so… this could be just the excuse we have been looking for to invade Hollywood and set up a ‘Outpost of the King of Denial’ that way we can stop all the crap that all the studios have had the nerve to put out over the last few years.

Someone WILL PAY for forcing Gigli on the world and we WILL have our vengeance on the Joss one for the evil last seasons of BtVS.

That is all… we now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfics… I must now go and see if I can find the bottom of my desk. Its just filled with all the reports, complains, and threats of lawsuits from various places around the world due to certain activities of certain un-named Gutter and Woods Outback Dwellers. I see how it is… The evil adults capture me and you guys run amok not thinking of swinging by and rescuing me. I see… but its okay – I know you guys were busy, if some of these reports are accurate… and I’m not all that known for holding a grudge. Well… actually I am but that is only with the Mutt-boy, Riley and Xander-shippers. Did you guys know that there are people out there that think Xander Harris of Sunnydale Proper should be out having sex… and some of them even belief it should be with the golden chosen one or the nice little redheaded hacker that likes to give me fruit and tummy rubs?? However that is a matter best left for the Gutter Reports… and oh Sam?? Yes you do have to return the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders… even if they did follow you home you can’t kept them… the Laker Girls you ‘adopted’ may get jealous or something. Hmmm… :: pauses for a moment before a devilish little grin forms :: cat fight at the Dark Jedi Temple… proceeds will go to the Home of Wayward Forrest Creatures and the Keep Willow Cute and Cuddly Fund! } : - D

ShadowDrake -

Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma. Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn. Founding Member of GWBNS - Hey, its a way of life! Dark MIstress of Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin. Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the Silver Claw of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member of the Questionably Sane Biker Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}

"I do not brood... I reflect." - Unnamed Vampire Teddy Bear 03/2002

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