MST; Warrior, Slayer, Hacker, MSTer, the Exciting Conclusion!

Giles was in the library as Willow had expected. Despite Buffy's earlier attempts to suggest that Jenny Calendar found him attractive, he was still alone reading.

(Mike: I guess she couldn't fool him!)

Despite his initial shock at Willow's condition, Giles was able to collect himself. He grabbed a few dusty books, and placed them on the table for himself and Willow to study. "This is crazy," Willow lamented. "I don't even know what I'm looking for. Plus I can't turn the pages."

"Well, alright, l-let's, let's, let's review." Giles set some more papers on the desk and dove into the problem solving phase of the situation.

(Tom: There was the shooter in the book depository, but someone heard a shot from the grassy knoll...)

"Um, so everybody became, uh, whatever they were masquerading as."

"Right," answered Willow. "Xander was a soldier and Buffy was Xena."

Giles glanced again at Willow's revealing costume. "A-and, uh, your, your costume?"

(Tom: Or lack thereof?)

Willow answered simply, "I'm a ghost!"

"Yes. Um..." Giles stammered again, "W, uh, uh, uh, the ghost of what, exactly?"

(Mike: I am the ghost of heavy-metal groupies past!)

Willow blushed crimson and covered her midriff with her arms. "Well, this is nothing. You should see what Cordelia was wearing. A-a, a unitard with cat things, like ears and stuff."

(Crow: And then she ambushed Tim Burton to get a job in the next Batman movie!)

Giles stopped suddenly. "Good heavens. Uh, sh-sh-she became an actual feline?"

"No!" Willow answered quickly. "She was the same old Cordelia.

(Tom: Unfortunately!)

Just in a cat costume."

"She didn't change," asked Giles.

"No," Willow thought, as a realization hit her. "Hold on... Partytown.

(Crow (singing): I'm going to Party-Town, they like to party down!)

She told us she got her outfit from Partytown."

(Mike: Uh, actually she didn't, we're just assuming she did to move the plot along!)

"A-a-and everyone who changed," Giles asked, "they, they, they, they acquired their costumes where?"

(Crow: Spit it out, Porky Pig!

Mike: You think she's attracted to stuttering?

Tom: That would explain Tara in Season Four.)

"We all got ours at a new place," Willow exclaimed. "Ethan's."

(Crow: For the seafood lover in you!)

The name of the costumer's made Giles blood run cold.

(Tom: Not that he was much more than room temperature before!)

He had prayed never to hear that name again, but he knew who this was. "Willow," he asked, "do you have the address?"

(Mike: And does he have a sister?)

========

"Do you hear that, my friends?" Spike announced to a group of transformed monsters, who growled with anticipation. "Somewhere out there is the tenderest meat you've ever tasted. And all we got to do is find her first!"

(Crow: Some monsters, taking their marching orders from the dog in the Tom and Jerry cartoons!)

The monsters began their hunt, the promise of Spike ringing in their heads.

(Mike: Say what you will, he's a populist!)

========

'Xena' broke free from the soldier who had tried to take command of the situation. She couldn't simply stand by and let others fight her battles. And she knew that the demons that had overtaken this strange village were at the heart of her beloved Gabrielle's death. Before she could find the monsters who were attacking her, a man in a pirate's costume emerged from the darkness. "Pretty, pret-UNGH!"

(Mike: D'oh, right in the doubloons!)

Larry was never quite the same, even after he recovered from having the warrior's knee impacting with his groin.

(Tom: Yeah, that's what he thinks with!

Mike: You must be the worst pirate I've ever heard of.

Crow: Yes, but you have heard of me!)

========

"Hello! Anyone home?" Giles called out as he entered the costume shop. Willow stood behind the Watcher, and noticed the curtain to the back room partially open. They slowly pushed the curtain aside, quietly entering the dark room. The first thing that Giles noticed was a hideous statue of a man with two faces, its eyes glowing green.

(Mike: Will someone please turn down the Kryptonite?)

"Janus," Giles identified the statue. "Roman mythical god."

(Mike: Last known whereabouts 28^th and Grand.)

"What does this mean?" asked Willow.

(Tom: Very likely that Two-Face is casing the joint right now!)

"Primarily the division of self. Male and female, light and dark."

"Chunky and creamy," a sinister voice chuckled. "Oh, no, sorry, that's peanut butter."

(Crow: Or Bill Clinton.)

Giles stood between Willow and the strange figure who entered the room. "Willow, get out of here, now." Before Willow could protest, Giles hissed at her, "Now!" Willow never thought that Giles could contain such venom.

(Mike: Did Giles dress up as a cobra or something?)
Clearly this stranger had something to do with Giles. She had no choice but to obey him and leave.

Just before the two men were out of earshot, Willow heard a brief exchange; "Hello, Ethan," Giles greeted the man coldly.

(Crow: Hey, he opens his mouth and a little light goes on!)

"Hello, Ripper," the stranger said in an evil tone of voice.

(Tom: Geez, is that sexual tension or is it me?

Mike: They're not gay, Tom, they're just very British.)

Willow decided that the only way to bring order to the chaos that this Ethan figure had wrought was to find Buffy, to convince her to help. But how to reach her, if she was still under the delusion that she was Xena?

(Crow: Well, we could try getting her out of her costume.

Mike: And this would help?
Crow: Uh, at this point, I'm willing to try anything.

Tom: And besides, any excuse to get Buffy naked, right?)

Well, she smirked, if there's one person that 'Xena' will listen to, it's Gabrielle.

(Mike: Or her broker!)

========

'Xena' found herself attacked from all sides by all manner of monsters and demons. Surely the gates of Hades were sundered open, and this town was paying the penalty.

(Tom: Just a little heavy on the High Drama, huh?)

No matter, 'Xena' declared silently. If it avenged Gabrielle's death, so be it! She would fight the hordes of Tartarus with her last breath if need be!

(Mike: Although a sword might work better.)

The three others, the ones called Angel, Xander and Cordelia, were following her. The one called Cordelia irritated her greatly; she reminded her too much of Aphrodite, always preening and drawing attention to herself. But the other one, the one in the drab green coverings. He was different.

(Crow: For one thing, he tends to weathervane in high winds.)

At first, he made Xena think of Joxer, but later proved to be a most proficient soldier. And he didn't seem to be a soldier of Rome, which improved his stock in her eyes. But Angel, that one still puzzled her. He looked as sinister as the demons they were facing, but the others seemed to trust him.

(Tom: Although there's the matter of his Ozzy-shuffle.)

"Hey, sister," Xander shouted to her. "You okay?"

"Fine, soldier," 'Xena' said ruefully. "We need to set up a perimeter, to guard against these demons. Then we must plan a counter attack. To destroy them before they take more innocent lives."

"Uh yeah," Xander murmured, reluctantly accepting that this strange woman in leather was in command.

(Mike: And hot, hot, HOT!)

She was good, he gave her that.

(Crow: That's not all he wanted to give her, but…)