Re: End of the Year 2003 State of the Gutter and Woods Outback Report

[Tater <tater@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

TO:  Director of Public Safety: All Department Heads: and all other interested
parties.
FROM:  United Vegetable Empire.
SUBJECT:  End of the Year State of the Gutter and Woods Outback Report for
2003.


> Item 1:
> Public Safety Memo:  effective immediately it is no longer acceptable to
> mark EMERGENCY RELIGIOUS NUT EJECTOR cabinets with the words: Encase of
> Religious Nut& use BAT.  In the future all such cabinets will have to be
> marked with: Encase of Religious Nut& use BASEBALL BAT.  Regardless of how
> funny it is to toss a vampire fruit bat at a religious nut& it is not funny
> when said bat is sound asleep at the time and ends up getting knocked into a
> puddle of freezing water.  In the very least you clowns could have the
> decency to wake me up first  Im not that heavy a sleeper, I wake up very
> easy with the least amount of fuss actually.

Ahem.  A great many members of the United Vegetable Empire who just happen
to be of the nut persuasion are quite religious.  Most of our nut bretheren
attened the Unified Church of Denial which holds the sacred tenent that
season sux never happened.  We certainly hope that Gutter dwellers will not
confuse the UVE's religious nuts, who are really quite harmless, with the
more annoying human kind who tend to dissapprove of things like
Slayer/Hacker crazed weasel love fests.  Our nuts are right there in line to
buy the video like everyone else.  


> Item 2:
> Regarding the reported howling at all hours at the moon.  Need I remind
> everyone that we do have a large wolf pack in the Woods Outback& oh wait ::
> checks over report :: it&er& seems that the reports do centre around the Big
> Oak by the Path Leading to Town.  Since that IS my tree and since I have
> been known to hang out with wolves in the past, even got a touch of wolf in
> me myself& I have only one thing to say: Hoowwlllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!
> Its a wolf thing we were holding our yearly gathering of forest predators
> trying to figure out if the Koala should be reclassified as a predator due
> to his hover tank driving  or lack therefore  and his general mayhem
> raising.  The Gutter League of Predators has long prided themselves on
> keeping true to their ancient roots of maintaining the pre-history
> relationship between the Wild Ones and humans.  Basically by making sure
> certain silly humans are kept sufficiently scared of us and leave us the
> hell along& especially when it is our night at the South Gutter Hot Tubs.
> Nothing ruins a party like a clueless human stumbling in and spazzing out on
> us& and we wont go into the evil of calling out animal control!  We have
> GOT to get an ordinance against those guys too& we cant just keep leading
> them to the Demonic Cabbage Patch& the Cabbages may start getting sick on us
> or something.  Or worse& spitting them back out and turning on US!!

So that's where the demonic cabbages have been getting all those
noose-on-a-pole things.  We've been afraid to ask them.


> Item 7:
> Per the Shade-wearing Koalas request I will not be mentioning the Koala
> Kults Karaoke Rendition of YMCA at the Solstice/New Year Block Party.

So does this mean we can't distrubute the video?


tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)

Head: United Vegetable Empire


"It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
"I kinda love you."
Buffy & Willow, 'Choices'

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