Newbie writes a FIC!!

["DArk Hush" <darkhush@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Hello All. I'm a newbie here, and thought I would write up a stupid little 
fic for those who cared to see. This is meant to be funny, and as you will 
probably be able to tell, I am no bard. Regardless, to say a big hi all, I'm 
posting this. Please let me know what you think :)

No slash here, just a little laugh.

DArkHush

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?So?..?
?So?..?
Xander and Anya lay together, in silence, under the sheets of Xander?s 
makeshift bed. <This can?t be happening to me> Xander thought to himself 
<I?m the horniest guy in all of Sunnydale>
?So, what?s wrong with it??
?Nothing is wrong with him! He?s just? not in the mood.?
?Xander, even I know that a penis doesn?t have feelings. There?s obviously 
something wrong with it? him? you.?
?Hey! There is nothing wrong with me!?
?All right,? She paused, ?denial is the first step you know.?
?Hey, I don?t like this conversation, and as embarrassing as this already 
IS for me, you don?t need to make it worse.?
?Sorry,? Anya muttered, not sorry at all. <Why can?t humans ever seem to 
accept the truth? Especially men, they?re so damn arrogant.> ?Maybe I should 
just leave.?
?Yeah, that would probably be best.?
Anya got up and walked about halfway across the room before stopping and 
turning around. ?Xander! This is VERY unfair. I want to have sex and all you 
can do is lie there limp and flimsy!?

Outside the door Willow halted her knock in mid air, not wanting to intrude 
on anything, of course. But it couldn?t hurt if she accidentally overhead 
this discussion; so far, and she had only heard one sentence, it was 
extremely interesting.
?Oh, that?s just great!? Xander shouted back, ?If my parents heard that I 
am in deep trouble, and so are you!?
?Oh Jesus Xander, your parents KNOW that we are having sex. They may be dim 
but they?re not THAT dim. They?ve probably already had sex down here 
before.?
?Okay! EW!?
Willow was holding back giggles when Buffy caught up and saw her leaning 
against the door eavesdropping. Willow saw the slayer heading down the 
stairs and put a finger against her lips; Will motioned for Buffy to come 
nearer and listen.
?You are never again to even mention anything that involves my 
parents in any type of sexual activity? Understand??
?I wish I understood men? Anya muttered again. ?Your lack of an 
erection is really beginning to annoy me.?
?Well talking about my parents having sex is not helping!?
Buffy and Willow could hardly contain themselves, both with hands over their 
mouths and small snickers escaping from between their fingers.
?Why? They?re just your parents! And of course they?ve had sex 
before, where do you think you came from? MEN! Your gender is too 
complicated. I wish I was a lesbian.?
?Hey, leave my gender alone? lesbian??
?What about it??
?You wish you were a lesbian? Oh that?s great! I?ve driven my girl 
friend into lesbianism.
?Only so I wouldn?t have to deal with confusing partners like you. 
You have to admit that a relationship with a member of the same gender 
would be less complicated. True there?s no penis??
All this talk of lesbians? ?Umm?. Anya??
?What now??
?I?m? better? now.?
Both mouths outside the door dropped wide open and stayed that way 
for quite a while.
?Well we can?t now!?
?Why??
?Because your friends are listening outside the door, and you have 
that? thing with interlocking while other people are nearby.?
?WHAT??
Buffy and Willow both turned and bolted up the stairs to leave, but 
someone tipped, neither knew who, and Xander opened the door to a mass of 
limbs falling down the stairs to his feet. He gazed down in utter disbelief 
and shock at what had just happened. Willow and Buffy, both landing on their 
backs, gazed right back up at Xander. There was an akward moment of tension, 
but that was broken by Willow allowing a giggle to escape from her lips. 
Buffy couldn?t hold back either, and soon the two of them were laughing 
hysterically on the floor.
Xander, still in shock, looked down, then at Anya, then back down. 
He threw up his hands and surrendered to whatever came. He didn?t even want 
to think about what his friends had just overheard. This was quite possibly 
the worst day of his life, and he?d had some pretty bad days, some of which 
included the possibility of the end of the world. But no? this was high up 
there with the bad, not only had he not been able to? perform? but his 
friends were there the whole time listening to every word he said. This was 
not good. This was too much.
Xander promptly fell over unconscious.
?Xander!? Anya screamed and ran to his side, smacking his cheeks. ?Oh 
look what you did!?
?Whoopsy Daisy? Willow managed to squeeze out between laughs.

FIN~~

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