FF Psych Ward Blues (4/4)

["Christeen Demons" <Shyfox30@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Hey guys...Up for all kinds of critiques and criticisms on this one...let me 
know what you loved, hated, could have done without.:-) It's all fair 
game.:-) This is also the end of the Psych ward journey.
Hope I haven't kept you guys awake at night waiting for the next part.:-)

I also ran out of song bytes to throw at you guys during this one, so my 
good friend Mitzi let me borrow her poem.:-) Let me know what you think of 
it.:-)

Disclaimer: Characters of Buffy the vampire Slayer belong to Joss...not 
me...unfortunatly, or I would have shoved Riley out of an airlock a long 
time ago.:-) Heh.:-)


*****

"Melancholy"
they would say
peering down at
me
from their lofty perspectives
of freedom.
But
they could not know
that you were the vine
pinning me safely to the scorched earth."

Buffy listened as a girl in her therapy group recited the poem she had 
written. The short brunette that read the poem, sounded breathless, as she 
tried to recapture those infinite moments that she spoke of so eloquently. 
The poem reflected the girl?s loneliness to her, the depression she had sank 
into after her lover had left her, reminded Buffy of her own lost feelings 
that being stuck in this place, apart from Willow, caused in her.

Buffy?s struggle to reclaim herself had been threefold. The first thing she 
had to do was get herself off of the medication. Once she had taken the 
pills in the morning, she would request to take a shower...with the water 
running, no one heard her as she made herself vomit up the pills she had 
swallowed. Throwing up had never felt so good, she decided, as her long 
missing strength began to reassert itself in leaps and bounds.

She could feel the vitality starting to reassert itself, her stamina and 
super healing, taking care of the withdrawals she was sure that she would 
have without it. She tested her newly refound strength by picking up her 
bed, the steel frame creaked as she lifted it off the floor with both hands, 
straining with the effort...then she let it down, careful to not make a 
sound so she wouldn?t be disturbed. It wasn?t long before she was trying it 
one handed, her arm straining with the weight of the bed as she picked it 
up, but she grinned exhilarated as the strength returned to her.

The second thing she had to do was lull the workers into a state of 
complacency where she was concerned, and she wouldn?t be able to do that if 
she kept insisting on being called Buffy. She slowly pledged acceptance of 
her new life, or old life depending on how you looked at it, and started 
learning all she could about this person named Sarah.

They said she had recently broken up with her boyfriend, fought with her 
parents all the time and tried to end it all by jumping off of a bridge. 
Didn?t sound much like her, Buffy thought ruefully, but she supposed people 
could believe whatever they wanted to.

The third thing she had to do was learn the staff?s routine...when they came 
on shift, when they took their breaks, she was even amused to discover that 
their were a couple of nurses who even fell asleep during the middle of 
their night shift.

All of this took a matter of days to do, she knew her time was running 
out...Angel would be back to get her if she wasn?t out of here by tomorrow 
night...but she was pretty sure she was ready. It would have to be tonight.

*****
She watched unobserved as the Nurse on duty slowly fell asleep in the chair 
she was reclining in, in the Nurse?s station. She stealthily stepped from 
the shadows in which she had hid, and crept over to the Nurse?s station 
door, grabbed a hold of the handle, and hoping against all hope gave it a 
hard yank. To her deep surprise and satisfaction, she felt the lock break 
and the door opened with a clunk.

Also, to her great satisfaction, the Nurse slept through the noise. She 
shook her head at the dumb blonde bimbo sleeping in the chair, thinking that 
it was probably a good thing she was the one breaking in here instead of a 
real crazy person, she?d seen quite a few in here, and they could be mean. 
Her eyes flicked to the charts that were filed neatly on a bookcase. It 
didn?t take her long to find what she was looking for...she found the name 
they had given her easily amongst the other clients, and took the chart down 
off of the shelf. Opening it up, she quickly read through it, not quite 
knowing what she was looking for, but knowing that she?d know it when she 
found it.

Dispite being prepared for anything she might find, she was actually taken 
off guard when she actually did. It was just unconceivable. How could the 
man be that vengeful? That hateful? That idiotic? It was printed in clearly 
typed, black letters in reference to the referring agent. Ira Rosenberg.

"I should have known." Buffy growled, forgetting to be quiet. The noise 
finally woke the Nurse, who Buffy could hear stirring behind her, and she 
turned to look at her.

"Hey! Wh-How did you get in here?!" The Nurse sat up with a start, surprised 
to see a patient in here staring back at her.

"Breaking and entering...at least that?s what I?ve heard." Buffy said, 
calmly, closing the file, then looked back up at the Nurse, who was looking 
back at her wide-eyed. Getting a spurt of adrenaline urged energy, the Nurse 
sprang from the seat, intending to call security.

"I wouldn?t do that if I were you." Buffy said, grabbing a hold on the 
little wire that connected the phone to the wall and giving it a tug, 
pulling the socket from the wall...plaster and all. "Whoops, guess I don?t 
know my own strength. Not surprising, considering you people tried to 
brainwash me."

The nurse sank back in her chair in stunned shock over the little display of 
strength. "Sarah...I don?t..."She started, nervously.

"DON?T call me that." Buffy almost shouted...forgetting her objective for 
the moment. "My name is Buffy Summers...you tried to take that away from 
me...you failed." Her eyes blazed with the anger she felt. Then she forced 
herself to calm down, taking deep breaths before she continued. "Now give me 
your keys."

"What?" Buffy shook her head at the Nurse?s obtuseness, wasn?t it obvious 
that she wanted to get the hell out of here?

"Your keys...give...them...to...me." She growled menacingly, towering over 
the badly shaking nurse.

"I...I can?t do that."

"Oh, I think you better. You haven?t seen me angry yet...I don?t think you 
want to." She held her hand out to the shaking nurse, gratified when she 
felt the cool metal of the keys sliding into her palm. She shoved the keys 
into the pocket of her jeans, then grabbed the phone cord and tied up the 
Nurse?s hands with it. "I?m sorry to have to do this, I really am, but I 
can?t have you alerting anyone just yet. See, I?d love to stay and chat...I 
really would." Buffy said, mockingly. "But there?s this wedding that I have 
to attend and my fiancée will kill me if I?m not there." Buffy explained, a 
small smile pulling at her lips. "Oh, and I?ll be taking this with me." She 
indicated the file, then smiling one more time at the astonished face of the 
nurse, Buffy slipped out of the Nurse?s station and used the keys to let her 
out of the Psych ward.

Getting out of a Psych ward isn?t as hard as one might think. Once you?ve 
got the keys it?s pretty much easy access. So it wasn?t long before Buffy 
found herself standing outside in the pouring rain, with bare feet, no money 
and no form of transportation. She looked at the sky with an amused grin on 
her face. "It doesn?t rain in California...but it pours." She said, laughing 
out loud, after a week and a half of confinement it felt good to be outside 
again.

*****
"You know, I will never get why you just left her there in the first place. 
Did she want to stay there, for some sick, twisted reason?" Angel went to 
answer Cordelia?s question, but was interrupted by a low vibrant voice.

"Not exactly. It?s not like it was fun day at the park." Buffy stumbled into 
Angel?s office, resembling a drowned cat.

"Hey...Buffy. We were just talking about you." Cordy?s mouth had a way of 
running away from her brain at times.

"Yeah...so I heard." Buffy muttered back, landing in one of Angel?s chairs 
with a wet splatting sound.

"Are you okay? You look..." Angel started, then winced as Cordelia cut him 
off.

"Like a drowned rat." She broke in, with her usual tact.

"I?m fine. I?ll be even better when I?m back in SunnyDale...although I could 
use a change of clothes and a ride. I?d go to the bus station...but..."

"No, that?s okay, I?ll drive you...Cordelia could you get Buffy something to 
wear?" Angel asked, his soulful eyes bearing into those of his secretaries.

Cordelia rose, smiling a little bit awkwardly at Buffy...then at Angel. 
"Sure...can?t have her walking around looking like that. I?ll see what I 
have downstairs." Angel sighed, as Cordelia departed, then smiled 
hesitantly. "Would you like anything to drink? Tea? Coffee?" he asked, as he 
handed the Slayer a towel.

"No, thanks...I?m kind of off of that stuff for a while. So...is Cordelia 
living with you now?" Buffy asked, she had noticed a bit of tension around 
them earlier.

Angel grimaced, his head turning in the direction Cordelia had disappeared 
in, before looking back at Buffy. "It?s kind of complicated. She?s been 
through a lot since Doyle died and..."

"Hey...you don?t have to explain anything to me. I?m the one you found 
locked up in a Psych ward, remember?" Buffy said, holding up her hands to 
ward off his explanation, not sure that she wanted to hear it. Their 
relationship was better left in the past.

"I remember. Did you find the answers you were looking for."

Buffy?s face turned momentarily hard at the question, and he could see 
something playing beneath the blue of her eyes, but she blinked it off 
moments later and her answer was rather short. "Yeah. I did."

Angel felt compelled to ask her more, but Cordelia returned with dry clothes 
and the moment was lost, for now anyway.

"Here...I know they?re not the quality you were expecting...but.."

"They?re fine. I guess I?ll go change, and then we can get on the road."

Buffy disappeared into the bathroom, and Cordelia gave Angel a long look.

"What?"

"So...has she said anything?"

"No. Whatever it is, it?s very personal. If she wanted my help, she would 
ask for it."

"But.."

"Leave it alone, Cordelia!"

"Fine." She pouted, a look Angel usually found quite charming. "But the next 
time I get a headache because of her, I?m billing her for it."

*****
The ride back to SunnyDale was very quiet, neither knowing what to say to 
the other one. A lot of time had passed since he had left her to go to L.A. 
and a lot of things had changed in their lives. She had Willow now, and a 
new baby on the way, she couldn?t imagine her life being any more full of 
happiness, and she fought with herself over whether she should tell Angel or 
not. On the one hand, she knew he?d be happy for her, and it looked like he 
was starting to be happy in L.A. On the other hand, she knew it was pretty 
big news, and she didn?t know how he would react. Then on the other hand, if 
he found out from someone else he might be disappointed that she hadn?t told 
him herself.

Buffy fought with the decision until they reached the outskirts of 
SunnyDale, then said in a really quiet voice. "Angel...I?m getting married."

The startled vampire almost swerved off the road at a very high speed. He 
applied the brake, then pulled the car over, feeling the need to be in a 
stopped car while they had this conversation. Buffy waited until the car had 
pulled to a stop, then looked over at him, wondering what his reaction was 
going to be.

"Married?" Buffy nodded her head, wondering why she suddenly felt 
tongue-tied. "Who?s the lucky guy?" Angel finally asked, trying to make it 
light for Buffy?s sake.

"It?s Will." She said, grinning awkwardly.

"The guy?s name is Will...well, congratulations." That went well, Angel 
decided, proud of his ability to remain calm during the conversation.

Buffy shook her head at him slowly, and Angel wondered what he had said 
wrong. "No...Angel...it?s Willow."

"Oh." Angel said knowingly, a wry grin starting to pull on his bottom lip.

"Oh? That?s all you can say? Oh!" Buffy looked at him wide-eyed, unable to 
believe he was taking it so well.

"Well...it?s not like it?s a big surprise. I?ve known how you felt about 
her, long before you did."

"Oh." Buffy blushed, a red crimson overtaking her face, she was glad the 
dark hid her face from view. "Was I that obvious?" She asked, playing with a 
piece of lint on Cordelia?s sweater.

"Just to me." Angel answered somberly. "Are you sure you don?t want any help 
with whatever it is that you?re planning?"

"What makes you think I?m planning something?" She asked him, sending him 
her best innocent look.

"Because I know you." He answered simply.

"Thanks for the offer Angel...but I?ve really got to handle this one myself. 
I do appreciate everything you?ve done for me though." She reached for the 
handle to the door, intending to get out.

"Don?t you want me to drop you someplace a little closer to home?"

"Nope. I?ve got it from here." The Slayer said, as she got out of the car. 
She didn?t want Angel to know where she was going. "Tell Cordelia I?ll send 
her clothes back to her." He could see the darkness that was rising up in 
her, even as she glibly spoke about the clothes. He had seen her like this 
only once before, when he had been Angelus and they had faced each other in 
battle. He felt a small wedge of pity in the deepest pit of his soul for 
whoever had pissed her off this much.


*****
Ira entered his office, shutting the door behind him to keep Sheila from 
disturbing his peace. He gave the low lit room only a cursory glance before 
sitting down at his desk, and flipping on the lamp that sat on his desk. It 
was almost time for his regularly scheduled call to the facility that was 
holding the damned nuisance his daughter had the nerve to be dating. Every 
evening he would kiss his wife and tell her he was going to get some work 
done in his office, then he would make the escape to his retreat, and at 
seven pm sharp on the dot, he would make the call. So far, the progress had 
been hopeful and Ira knew that it wouldn?t be long before the person 
formally known as Buffy Summers ceased to exist and his daughter would come 
running home, begging for forgiveness. Then things would be as they had been 
intended.

Of course, his wife knew nothing of his plans. He didn?t want to worry her 
pretty little head over it, besides she might not have agreed with his 
strict measures...women seldom knew the price a man had to pay to keep his 
family together. Having his daughter back home with them would be enough of 
a reward.

The Slayer watched him from the shadows for a while, wondering how somebody 
so smug could ever produce somebody as wonderful as Willow. She could feel 
her rage building again, and willed him to look up and see her so she could 
confront him.

As if reading her mind, Ira picked his head up slowly from the paperwork he 
had been going over and stared at a spot in the furthest corner of the room 
that he had previously left ignored. The blowing of the curtain by a strong 
breeze coming through the open window caught his attention. Especially since 
he knew that he had shut that window before he had gone down to supper about 
an hour ago, and hadn?t opened it on his return.

The light from the street lamp outside, cast a reflection on a pair of 
shining, lethal blue eyes, and Ira froze, feeling caught within the power 
that emanated from the blue orbs.

Buffy stepped from the shadows that had mostly hid her, and smiled in 
predatory fashion at the look of fear that flashed over Ira Rosenberg?s pale 
face. "Hiya, Ira. Did you miss me?"

"What are you doing here?" He asked, giving away his nervousness by the 
white knuckled grip he had on the pen he still held in one hand. "This is 
breaking and entering, you know."

"I seem to be doing that a lot lately." She grinned, mirthlessly at him. 
"But what you should really be asking me is...What am I doing here instead 
of that hellhole you had me shipped off to?"

Ira paled considerably at the question, and Buffy took a great deal of 
satisfaction out of his obvious discomfort. "How did you...?"

"Find out?" Buffy suplied, helpfully. "You know...they really shouldn?t 
leave incriminating evidence in a patient?s medical chart for everybody to 
see. It was quite careless of them, don?t you think?"

Ira stared at her nervously, then reached out to grab the phone, but Buffy 
was alot quicker than he was, and she picked it up before he could even 
blink. "I wouldn?t do that if I were you. Of course, I wouldn?t have done 
half of the things you?ve done." She looked at him, disgust emanating from 
her pores. "We haven?t finished our conversation yet, Ira. Not by a long 
shot."

"What do you want?"

"What do I want?" Buffy asked him back, mockingly. "Personally...the last 
week and a half of my life back would be nice, but I suppose that?s really 
out of your hands. But what I really want, is for you and your wife to find 
some way to unconditionally and irrevocably love and support your daughter 
in whatever she decides to do with her life. Like any ?normal? parent would 
do." She growled at him, making him flinch back in his chair. "But, until 
you can, I want you to stay out of our lives. And I really don?t want to see 
you on our wedding day. I rescind my earlier invitation. It would just be 
too much right now. I might actually be forced to kill you if you show up." 
Buffy told him quite frankly.

"And if I just decide to have you committed again, or worse?" Buffy let the 
question hang in the air between them like a poisoned dart zeroing in on her 
head, before she snatched it up and threw it back at him.

"I escaped this time, and I?ll escape the next time. I?ll tell your daughter 
all about this conversation and I guarantee you?ll lose her...permanently." 
The once proud man broke as she spoke and she saw it in his eyes. Some 
miniscule part of her felt sorry for the man, and wondered if she?d go to 
such great lengths to ?protect? her own daughter.

"Why wait? If you told her all of the things I?ve done to you, she would 
never forgive me. I?ve already done enough to cost me my daughter."

Buffy wanted to hate the man, she really did, but all she really felt was 
tired. Exhausted to the bone. She didn?t have the energy it took to hate. 
She sighed as she looked at him, and shook her head at his own stupidity. 
"Because no matter what you and Sheila did at that dinner, she still loves 
you both very much. And I really don?t want to be the one to take that away 
from her."

They stared at each other mutely for a long moment, then Buffy sighed again, 
and walked toward the window. When she was sitting on its edge she looked 
back at him, measuring her next words carefully. "Anyways, what happens next 
is for you to decide. For Willow?s sake, I hope you choose wisely." She 
finished, then dropped out the window, landing lightly on the manicured lawn 
outside.

By the time Ira reached the window, Buffy had already disappeared into the 
night. He stared pensively out at the dark night for a long while...then 
went back to the phone to call off the dogs. Buffy Summers had won.

*****
She didn?t feel much like a winner as she tiptoed into a quiet house.

She could see a light on in the living room, and she quietly crept inside, 
spotting her mother laying on the couch watching television.

"Hey, mom." She said, quietly, trying not to startle her. Joyce was off the 
couch like a rocket, and before Buffy knew it, she was being smothered in 
her mother?s embrace.

"Buffy...where have you been?" Joyce asked, as she smoothed her hair back 
away from her face.

"It?s kind of a long story. Can I tell you in the morning? I want to check 
on Will." Buffy said, too tired to get into any kind of a discussion 
tonight.

"Sure honey, I kind of made her go to bed...she was looking really wiped 
out." Joyce?s expression showed just how worried she had been for the 
depressed red head. The call from Angel really hadn?t helped lift her 
spirits any either. She knew Buffy would have a lot of explaining to do 
before Willow would be ready to forgive her for disappearing the way she 
had.

"Is she okay?" Buffy asked, worried.

"I think she will be now that you?re back. You had us all worried for a 
while." Buffy could hear the slight recrimination in her mother?s voice and 
winced inwardly.

She nodded her head, looking over towards the stairs, wanting nothing more 
than to be up them and in her bedroom, holding her red-headed lover. "I 
know. But I?m home now. I?ll try not to do that again, for a while." She 
smiled a little, knowing that her crazy life wouldn?t get less crazy just 
because she got married and had a child. She just hoped that she would have 
what it took to keep everybody together through whatever happened next time.

"Go get some rest, Buffy. I expect to hear all about it in the morning." 
Joyce said, giving her daughter a stern look, before directing her towards 
the stairs.

"Yes, mom." Buffy answered, and trudged up the stairs.

*****
It wasn?t until she reached the top of the stairs and entered her room, that 
she realized she had still been battling with herself over what was real and 
what wasn?t. The sight before her eyes was enough to make her realize just 
how confused she had still been. She felt tears start to well up in her eyes 
and a burning tightness filled her throat. "You?re real." She heard herself 
whisper, as she let her eyes travel over the too pale form. Willow had dark 
bags under her eyes, and a frown covered her face even as she slept.

Buffy crept closer to the bed, careful not to make a sound, as if she was 
afraid that if she was too loud, Willow would disappear before her eyes and 
she would wake up back in the Psych Unit.

Hovering over her sleeping lover, Buffy laid a trembling hand on Willow?s 
cheek, a shock going through her as she felt the infinite softness and a sob 
catching in her throat as she felt how real Willow really was. Her composure 
broke then, like a dam with too many holes in it, and she buried her head in 
the curve of the red head?s neck, hot tears streaming down her face. "I knew 
you were real." She whispered in a soft litany, almost unable to believe it 
was true.

Willow woke at the sound, hearing the soft murmuring in her ear, even as her 
body responded, instinctively wrapping itself around the shaking form of her 
lover. "Buffy?" The word trembled on her lips, tears flooding her eyes as 
she felt her lover sobbing on top of her. "Oh, God. Buffy."

The sobs increased at the sound of her lover?s voice and soon she was 
weeping uncontrollably, unable to stop the pent up emotions that streamed 
from her in an overwhelming gush. Willow held onto her tightly, whispering 
words of love and reassurance into the Slayer?s ear. Buffy let each and 
every one of them fill the void she had been living in, crying out the pain 
she had felt without her.

After a while, the crying became less severe and the Slayer calmed into her 
lover?s embrace. Willow kept up her assurances, her hands wandering 
aimlessly all over the Slayer?s back and head as she felt the storm abating. 
"Do you want to talk about it?" Willow asked, gently, desperate to know what 
had happened to her lover in the time she had been gone.

"Soon." Buffy promised, her head still resting on Willow?s chest. "Right 
now, all I want to do is hold you." ?And prove to myself that you are very 
real.? She amended, silently.

"Okay." Willow conceded, kissing her lover?s head and moving the sweaty hair 
off of her forehead. "I?m here for you, Buffy."

It took a great deal of cuddling, and one very long, slow and gentle love 
making session before all of Buffy?s fears could be swept back into one very 
small corner of her psyche, and when the sun came up and she was still 
holding the one she loved in her arms, staring as she slept peacefully, the 
sun reflecting off of that beautiful face, that last bit of fear in that one 
tiny corner disappeared without a trace.

She knew she would have a lot of explaining to do to her friend?s and 
family, and she intended to tell them most of what she had been through, 
leaving out only Ira?s part in the whole thing, she didn?t want to start her 
married life off in a lie, after all, but she knew they would be there for 
her when the story was over, and really what more could she ask for?


The end(finally) Does anybody sense a wedding in the air? Dum Dum de Dum.:-) 
The wedding you have all been waiting for so patiently is next, guys.:-) And 
you are all invited.:-) Bring your own champagne though, ?kay?:-)
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