FF: Angel of Mercy

["The Fool" <honouredfool@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Angel of Mercy

Disclaimer: Joss owns everything. Including my soul. Except the lyrics. Those belong to Sarah McLachlan.

Feedback: Do I have to beg?

Authour's Notes: I was shooting for some hardcore angst here (You should see the winamp list for this.) It's a distraction from the quagmire that is my series right now. 

Buffy was listening to her walkman as she wandered across town in the middle of another sunny afternoon. *Just another beautiful afternoon in the most evil place on earth.* The song she was listening to wasn't really helping her mood any either.

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

*Too bad I'll never get a second chance. Willow was gay all along, I could've told her, she wouldn't have run. All those years wasted. All I had to do was say it. "Hey Wills, I love you, I always have and I always will.*

For a break that would make it okay

There's always one reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

Buffy kept walking, all day she walked, meandering around the city until dark fell. *At least I can do this for a few hours.* Mr. Pointy claimed another victim as a group of newborns made the mistake of attacking the Slayer. Buffy finished her patrol and headed for home. Not the dorm home, home, home. * Mom's gone, I'll be able to just chill out by myself for awhile. * The Slayer let herself in and looked around the abandoned house. There it was. * A little booze to take the edge off, maybe lighten the mood a little. * 
I need some distraction

Oh beautiful release

Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty

And weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

* Or a lot to completely dull the edge. No lightening on the horizon though, just more pain and more dark. I hate this place. * A very drunk slayer stumbled out the front door of her house and down the street. She saw the attack watched it happen, but she couldn't do anything about it, it was too far and she was too drunk. Then she saw the victim's face. And spoke for the first time all day. "Wiiiiilllllllssss!" the screamed shattered the relative tranquility of the night time city. It was a horrible, painful sound, like a billion finger nails on a million chalkboards. The kind of scream that was heard, in memories, for years and years later. The Slayer turned and ran. Ran until she couldn't tale another step, ran until her legs ached and her feet bled. And then she collapsed. * Willow, Oh god! I killed her! * 
In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here



>From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

There wasn't anything to pull Buffy from her reverie. She just sat and listened. Over and over again to the same song. Begging for change in the streets so she could buy new batteries, never, ever stopping the song. And drinking. * I killed Willow. I loved her and she died. I swore I'd protect her. She died. At least she was safe now. * Occasionally the strange blonde girl would spend the entire night thrashing and screaming the same word over and aver again. The others knew to avoid her when this happened. Her strength was the stuff of legend. "Wiiiiilllllooooooow"

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there


The mean streets of Los Angeles were a pretty crappy place to end up. * This is what I deserve. I let her die. * Weeks passed, than months, and finally years. Always though the song kept playing.

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There's vultures and thieves at your back

She had killed two men who tried to steal her discman one night. * So this is what it feels like. No wonder Faith went crazy. They must have got her out when I left. Replaced me. They should've killed me. * It wouldn't have mattered though. She was long dead.

And the storm keeps on twisting

You keep on building the lie

That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

She failed that's all there was to it. * I failed when it counted most of all. I failed her. I killed her. Useless. That's all I am, useless. *

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

"Willow!" the scream split the night.


In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

>From this dark cold hotel room

"Giles, I found her. She's supposed to be staying in this flophouse in Inglewood. I know, I'll bring her back."

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

* I killed her. * The same thought, over and over for 5 years. Killing her soul just as slowly as the booze killed her body. * I failed her. I loved her. *

"Buffy? Hey Buff, let's go get up."

"Willow? Is that you? I've been waiting for you."

"I know baby, come on now, it's time. We're going to be together now. Like it was supposed to be."

"Oh Willow, I'm sorry. I failed you. I killed you.

"Shush. That's foolishness. They killed me. There was nothing you could do. Even if you had been there."

"I love you Wills."

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there

"Giles? I found her. I was too late. Yeah, she was?she was dead. The doctors said her body just gave up on her. Yeah, I'll bring it back myself. You'll tell Willow?"

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here


FIN




The Fool

Unofficial List Hermit and Skittles Addict.

"Want beer. Like beer. Beer good."

--Buffy in "Beer Bad"

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