En Masse C&C

[Phoen Dusk <Dusk@xxxxxxxxx>]

Next batch of commentary on fics I've scrounged time to read. Some of this is
going back a few weeks, so please bear with the apparent lateness of the
feedback.

Tara Blew Out the Candle by Lin Bot
Okay, I can honestly say I liked the way this started: it looked to be a
romantic fic based on what happened after the end of WTWTA. Then, I kept
reading, and the repetetive use of one word destroyed it all: c***. I hate this
word. If you ever see it in one of my own fics, feel free to mailbomb me. Lin,
there are a multitude of ways to refer to female genitalia without sounding
so... crass. The piece, in my opinion, was hurt somewhat by this.

The Letter by A.M. Glass
Twenty years to deliver a letter to Buffy? Was this Willow or the Post Office?
A little heart-wrenching, but an enjoyable read nonetheless. One question,
though... who was at the door?

How It Should Have Been by Sylvie
Okay, first thing: get a Beta reader. I had a difficult time following the
story with all the typos and jumpy editing. Second: try and flesh out the
scenes a little more. I know television tends to jump from one scene to
another, but we have the advantage of a greater visual media to aid us. Third:
if an action occurs, explain it more. This goes back to point two a little.
For example:

spiette@xxxxxxxxx wrote:

> In the graveyard
> Buffy is fighting some vampires and has no problem with them.
> Suddenly she notices the demon who is leaving.
> `Hey, here I am. Aren't you supposed to kill me?.' Buffy
> yelled while
> she followed the demon.
> `No, not you.' The demon said before he disappeared. He left
> Buffy
> with a puzzled expression.

How does he disappear? Behind a mausoleum? Into the trees? Down a sewer
grate? One mark of a good fic writer (or, so I've been told) is to allow the
reader to envision the scene as it plays out. I am not trying to come down on
you here... just give you a little help like I was half a decade ago when I
started writing fic.

Delicate Cruelty (4 and 5) by Erin
You enjoy making me look bad, don't you? Just because you can crank out a
well-written piece of fic in a short amount of time doesn't give you the right
to rub all our noses in it! ;) Wonderful as always, Erin... and it was nice to
see Spike finally start to fit into the storyline (just how interconnected is
the vampire underground, anyway?).


Okay, I still have a few dozen fics to read, including Part 2 of Convergant Path
by Heather and Kimber (I've been trying to find time to read all 8 pieces at
once), and I have to work on my fics, too. Trying to keep my promise and have
Ch IV ready by Friday... three more pages to go, yet.

Phoen Dusk