FIC: Militat Omnis Amans (Every Lover is a Warrior) Part 9b/?

["KPB/LCMB" <kevin.beckett@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Militat Omnis Amans (Every Lover is a Warrior) Part 9b/?
K. Beckett (c) 2000, with the exception of musical lyrics which are (c) the
individual artists / labels.

Disclaimers:
Buffy, Willow and all of the other characters and places from the show
belong to Joss Whedon, WB and Mutant Enemy etal. Everyone and everything
else is mine. None of my characters are meant to resemble anyone living,
dead or un-dead, if you see yourself you are looking way too hard.
This story contains descriptions of sexual acts between consenting adult
women, and was written in a jurisdiction where it was legal to do so. If
this offends you, don't read.

Rating: R
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<You ok love,> asked Willow, shivering in her warm woollen nightshirt, after
Buffy had downed the two glasses of water.
<Fine,> replied the slayer quietly, and in answer to her lover's unvoiced
concern, <honest love, I'll be ok.>

Buffy once again looked around the room that she and Willow shared with
Aiofe and Bridie, as if to finally banish the thoughts of the dream, and to
think over what it all might mean. Befitting Willow's status as the leader
of the group, and the fact that it housed four people, it was the largest
bedroom in the inn, fully five meters by four and it occupied one corner of
the second floor. Embers glowed weakly from the fireplace on one wall and
it along with the lantern on the bedside table and a ceiling lantern
completed the sources of the room's illumination. Several dressers, tables
and chairs completed the furnishings.

<I want to know why I'm having this dream,> she continued after her
reflection, <and why its happing more often.> After another pause she
continued, <maybe it is time to talk to Amana about this,> realizing that
there might be some things that it was better to talk to an impartial person
about.

Willow sighed inwardly with relief, using all of her considerable mental
abilities to hide that relief from her lover. For the last three months,
ever since the dreams began to be a regular fixture of their nights, she,
and the other young women who shared her bed and their love, had been
trying, without success, to get Buffy to talk to the older mage about the
dream and what it might foretell. Now it looked like her soul-mate might
actually try to get some help.

<You sure about this,> she asked tentatively.
<Positive,> replied the slayer with some confidence, reaching over to the
nightstand to get another nightshirt to replace the one that she had
drenched in sweat, <I'll go see her after breakfast.> Buffy proceeded to
quickly remove her sodden shift and replaced it with the new one.

<You sure you are ok,> Willow continued gently, as she softly caressed the
other woman, <what can I do to help?>
<Just hold me,> replied Buffy, <and let me fall asleep in your arms.>
<You only have to ask,> replied the arch-mage, as she carefully enveloped
her lover and gently stroked her arms and belly, until she fell back to a
dreamless sleep.

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At breakfast the next morning, four young women sat and discussed their
plans for the day. They had not changed, outwardly, with the obvious
exception of Buffy and Willow's pregnancies, in the months since their
flight from the demon forces that were chasing them. However, inwardly, all
had undergone profound transformations. Gone was any sign of nervousness
and self-doubt. The women had become assured in themselves, their abilities
and, most importantly, their love for each other. Their status as
quasi-refugees, and the lack of any other support, had required them to
develop a reliance on each other that would normally have taken years to
accomplish. However, undercutting this reliance and self-confidence was a
growing stress level, due in no small part to the same forces that had
contributed to that self-confidence; a situation which had the potential for
disaster.

"So," commented Aiofe, "you are actually going to look for some answers?"
"About time," injected her long time companion, "I mean we've been after you
for weeks now."
"I know Bridie," replied Buffy, "it just took me a while to realize it."
"Stubborn slayer syndrome," quipped Willow.
"Enough already," replied an exasperated Buffy, "I said I'm going to talk to
Amana, end of discussion. Now, what have the rest of you got planned for
the day?"

"Well," replied Aiofe, "Bridie and I will continue to work with the senior
mages in converting one of the old gaming rooms into another workroom. This
one for Bridie and me."
"Sounds good," replied Willow, "I'm planning on spending my day searching
the surrounding area for herbs and other components we need."
"As far as I know," added Bridie, "Daithi and the other guardsmen are going
to continue searching the surrounding area for signs of that demon force
looking for us."
"Sounds like a productive day all around," said Buffy. "After I finish my
little talk with Amana, I'll continue working on the siding of the main
building with some of the townspeople. How about we all meet back here for
lunch?"
"No problemo," replied the other women.

Buffy remained sitting at the breakfast table as the other three women stood
up to attend to their daily plans. Just as she was leaving Willow turned to
her lover and asked, <do you want me to stay?>
<It's ok love,> replied Buffy, <I'll be alright.>
<Don't get any splinters in any sensitive spots.>
<If I do, I'll just have to get you to take care of me,> said Buffy, <now
scat, and get to your collecting.>
<Yes boss,> answered Willow as she gave her lover a mock salute. <Love
you.>
<Ditto.>

Just as Willow was buttoning up her coat in preparation to leave, Amana
entered the old common room of the inn, which the group had converted into
their dining room. It was a large room with a high ceiling and several
fireplaces, which provided both heat and illumination. After wishing Willow
a good day, and good luck, she saw that Buffy was sitting alone, and came
over and asked, "Good Morning Buffy, how are you today?"

"Oh," replied the pensive slayer, who uncharacteristically had not even
noticed her entering the room, "Good morning Amana; not so good I'm afraid."
"How's that," replied the older woman. She had been aware for some time
that something was bothering Buffy, but had not been willing to pry, hoping
that in time the younger woman would come to confide in her. "Are you
having problems with your pregnancy," she asked as an opening to the
conversation.

"No," replied Buffy, "nothing to do with the baby."
"Then what?"

"It's just that I've been having this recurring dream," began Buffy. With
that, she let loose all of the pent-up worries and frustrations she had been
feeling over the past few months. Not only about the dream, but also how
she was beginning to feel superfluous.

"But," replied Amana, who had started to eat her own breakfast during
Buffy's monologue, "you've been keeping up with your training, and your
magical studies. Haven't they been keeping you busy enough?"
"Yes I have," continued Buffy, "but after the excitement of our first month
here things have calmed down."
"Only here," said Amana softly, "outside of our little haven things are
grim."

Amana was not exaggerating. While the news that they were able to receive
deep in the mountains was limited, it was without exception all bad. The
demons had continued, and expanded, their offensive and more of the human
towns and cities had fallen to them. The Capital was still under siege, and
it was not expected to last much longer. Even in the mountains, they had
had demon troubles. There was at least one group still looking for Willow's
strike force and there had been a steady flood of refugees into the
mountains, looking for security and safety.

Amana was certain however, that Buffy was still not being completely candid
about her fears and feelings, and continued, "that's not everything that's
worrying you is it?"

"No," replied Buffy softly.
"Can you tell me," asked Amana.

Buffy starred into nothing for a moment then said softly, "I'm scared."
"We all get scared sometimes," replied the older mage, "its just part of
being human."

"You don't understand," said Buffy plaintively, "I'm the slayer. I'm not
supposed to have any fear, and to this point in my life as a slayer I
haven't been afraid of anything. Not demons, or vampires, or monsters, or
anything; well maybe my grades in English class, but that's it, nothing that
I've faced has scared me, pissed me off maybe, but not scared me."
"And what is frightening you now," asked Amana, having determined some of
the grounds for the fear, but knowing that the young woman would have to
articulate them for herself.
"Willow, me - the babies," began Buffy slowly, "and..."
"And," prompted Amana.
"And," continued the slayer, "and I nearly died, again."
"How does this scare you?"
"I've never had anyone who meant so much to me before," replied Buffy, "I
love her, and I want to make it possible for us to be together, forever. I'm
terrified that I'm going to leave her alone."

Amana thought this through for a moment. She knew that the two young
travellers were incredibly, and now due to the psychic link that they
shared, permanently bonded together. She also knew that as a result of
these bonds both Buffy and Willow would remain together forever, and that in
fact their bond would even survive their deaths in the material world. She
knew that subconsciously Buffy was aware of this, however, she had still not
made the conscious deduction. She decided that Buffy, having a hands-on
type of personality, would need to take concrete action to put substance to
the reality of the relationship that the two women shared.

"Buffy," she started, "do you really think that with the link, and bonds
that the two of you now share, that she would ever leave you, or you her?"
"Not really," replied the slayer, not that convincingly.
"But even though you know," continued Amana, "you still have doubts."
"Yeah," commented Buffy, "I guess that's it."
"Welcome to adulthood," said Amana with a smile on her face, "contrary to
what you may have thought while growing up, things do not get easier, they
get far more complicated."
"Thanks worlds," answered Buffy with more than a trace of sarcasm in her
voice.

"For you its even harder," continued Amana, "you have a very dangerous
calling, in which you regularly face creatures which would gladly destroy
you without a thought; you have skills and talents that you have only
recently become aware of, and are only beginning to learn to use
effectively; you are expecting a baby in twenty weeks or so, which is
causing your body, and its chemistry, to undergo massive changes; and, you
are involved in a war on a world far from your own, away from your normal
support group." Amana paused for a moment to take a sip of her cider and
then continued, "I think that your dream reflects these conflicts. You
subconsciously know the burdens upon you and it becomes reflected in this
dream." Amana, seeing that Buffy was sitting quietly, digesting her words,
and not looking like she was about to comment, continued, "You and Willow
love each other, and are meant for each other. That is obvious to everyone
you have met on this world, and most likely everyone on your home world."
Amana paused once again, trying to think of a careful way of approaching the
possible solution she was thinking of. After a minute or so, in which she
busied herself by finishing her cider, she continued, "have you thought
about making a more visible and symbolic gesture of the bond between you?"

"What do you mean," asked a slightly confused slayer.
"It's just that nothing is stopping you, on this world at least," replied
Amana, "from making your bond with each other a more public one."
"You mean like marry Willow or something?"

"Exactly," pleased that Buffy had deduced the solution that she had been
contemplating, "as I've told you before, in our society a person's sexual
orientation is their own business, and we long ago realized that it was
important for us to recognize that two women, or two men for that matter,
needed the same societal recognition of their love for each other that a
heterosexual couple would receive. I think that this would also help with
your internal conflicts. You would be, in your concrete eyes, as 'bonded'
to your lover as you are in your emotional eyes. This would allow your
subconscious fears to rest, particularly the fear that you will lose
Willow."

"Cool," replied the slayer with a slightly impish smile, "Willow will just
love a 'real' wedding. We were going to be hand-fasted back home, but it
wouldn't have had the same recognition and legitimacy as it will have here."
"Well," replied Amana, "you do have to ask. After all that is the
traditional approach, in both of our worlds, I assume."
"Oh," responded Buffy, "I know that, and have already asked her once. I'm
going to ask her again, and I would like your help in orchestrating the
appropriate ambiance tonight."
"I'd be delighted to help," answered Amana, once again pleased to see the
resilience of youth in action.