List Gutter Affairs3

["Bill LaBarbera" <asagiri@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

To: Chief of Security of the Senior Executive Committee of List 
Gutter Affairs
and Wet Noodle Master of the Universe

CC: The Head of the United Vegetable Empire

BCC: Director of Public Safety of the Senior Executive Committee on 
List
Gutter Affairs and vampire teddy bear; Official Dungeon Keeper and Big
Bad. Official woods outback vampire fruit bat

Subject: Fic withdrawal for List Gutter members

It has come to my attention that certain members of the List Gutter 
and the United Vegetable Empire have gone into serious fic withdrawal 
due to the a lack of fic food by a certain bard. Several members of 
the UVE have been found shriveled and dried up. Research has revealed 
that this has been caused be a lack of fic food. Fortunately they
were 
found in time and fed alternative fics from Sam, HF and Pat. This has 
revived them, however they are still weak and several are crying out 
for something called "The Reality Shift Series and The Second Slayer 
series". We are looking into that to see what we can find out and
help 
the members of the UVE. We have found that one of the fic foods they 
are missing is called "Stormchaser", one of my lawyerial staff has 
pointed out that that series has been in limbo for sometime and was 
written by none other than?.<drumroll>??Shadow!!!

Yes our own Director of Public Safety has caused this. I have managed 
to keep the outraged members of my Lawyerial staff under control from 
attacking our Director and litigating him to death over this gross 
violation, but something must be done and soon. 

I suggest we break out the torches, pitchforks and angry mob. Chief,
I 
suggest you break the dreaded "Wet Noodle" emergency package, just in 
case we need it.

Tater, as head of the UVE please keep your more volatile members
under 
control in order that this problem is corrected with a minimum of 
violence. As Shadow's cave has been found with tomato stains on the 
entrance, obvious work of your killer tomatoes.

Sincerely,

Bill

Vice-President of Monetary Embezzlement and Lawyerial Affairs.