New List Gutter Fire Marshal and Head Pyromaniac

[howardhunt@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

23 Sept 2000
Good day. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sytok the 
new List Gutter Fire Marshal and Head Pyromaniac Woods Outback Fire 
Stomper and Flame Extinguisher and Firefly Lover Extraordinaire. 
(misspellers of the world........UNTIE!!!!)
I'll be keeping a watch on the goings on of the list and making 
sure that no one starts any fires or does any flaming of ANYTHING 
without my expressed written permission. (Typed out and in sextuplet 
[that's six copies for those of you who don't know] with one copy in 
my in basket, one in my out basket and the rest in my waste basket.)
Now on to my report:
1. From this time forward there will be NO burning of or 
incineration of ANY Wild Mountain Tribbles. They are on the 
endangered species list and must be preserved. (Why I don't know, 
but that is the directives handed down from on high.) If caught 
burning or incinerating ANY Tribbles the offender will be shot at 
dawn whether you are there or not. (So please show up and help us 
cut back on the paperwork.)
2. It has come to my attention that there are several f you out 
there that like to start campfires on the beaches at night. This is 
all well and good, but please be considerate of those that live at 
the beach. Kindly refrain from cutting up people's houses and using 
them for firewood. Due to this practice, the cost of homeowner's 
insurance is rising at an astronomical (as well as comical) rate. it 
is getting almost impossible to afford homeowner's insurance anymore 
and this office is getting a lot of flack from the residents and the 
uppity- ups (most who happen to live at the beach and some of whom 
have lost their houses to these shenanigans).
3. In regards to the Vegetable Empire. This office extends its 
deepest sympathies to the families of the Head Cabbage and Head 
Cauliflower who lost their lives in an unfortunate boiling when a 
water main ruptured and was brought to a boil as the water passed 
over the underground lava tanks that feed the health spa a few miles 
down the road. our hearts go out to all the families and loved ones.
That is my report for now. I will report again next month.  
thank you far your cooperation and your support.

Sytok-
 List Gutter Fire Marshal And Head Pyromaniac Woods Outback Fire 
Stomper and Flame Extinguisher and Firefly Lover Extraordinaire.