FIC: These Roads We Travel (17/?)

[Kimber <kacoe@xxxxxxx>]

Grab the tissues and buckle your seat belts.
You're in for the ride of your life.
You've been warned.

---------------------------------------------

TITLE: These Roads We Travel (17/?)
AUTHOR: Kimber (kacoe@xxxxxxx)
DISCLAIMER: All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant
Enemy. The song is called "Hold On" and is by Sarah McLachlan. No
copyright infringement intended.
SUMMARY: The long awaited next story in "The Road Series".
SPOILERS: Everything is fair game.
DISTRIBUTION: The usual suspects. Anyone else, e-mail me please.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This comes because I've had so many great responses to
the series and many people begging for another. Be careful what you wish
for.

{{Indicates flashbacks}}
<<Indicates song lyrics>>
-----------

I love her.

Well, I think I do. No, wait. What am I saying? Of course I do. From
the minute we met it just worked. It was right and good and real and. .
.refreshing. That's what she is, and what she does to me. Refreshes
me.

Remember when you were younger and your mom, or dad, would pull your
favorite blanket or sweater out of the dryer and give it back to you?
Remember putting it right up to your face and just inhaling until you
felt like your lungs would explode with that scent? It was refreshing.

I can't pinpoint when she started to mean to me what she does now. It
was gradual, a sort of learning process. Or, relearning if you look at
it from outside the box.

The realist part of me says that I've been graced with a wonderful gift
of sorts. Someone is now in my life that makes me feel the way I never
thought I would feel. . .and there can only be goodness there.

The fantastical part of me says that we've met again after a long time
apart. We've gone through a million small and big changes, lost
ourselves, lost each other, lost our lives at some point, but . . .our
souls? Never. Two individual souls finding each other in a sea of
others. Never happen. You know why? Because I don't have a soul. . I
have half of one. And she's got the other half and I just know with
every fiber of my being that she's the one. How crazy is that?

Not so crazy I tell you. Not at all. I know it like I know I'm gonna
take another breath, or blink; know it the way I know there's blood
pumping through my veins and that my heart is beating. It's just there
like it's always been there from before I was even born. Me, her. .
.two parts of a whole. It's just fact.

God, I gravitate to her like. . .like she's my magnetic north. I can't
explain it and I don't think I'd ever want to. To explain it would be
to have found the secret to it and some things are better off just
being. Ya know? To explain it, I think, would be to make it smaller.
Even maybe tarnish it a little. No, how it happened isn't important.
It's important that it happened at all.

I've lost a lot, and I've gained a lot too. As far as most lives go,
I've had a decent one so far but not too great. I know it's only just
beginning. I know what ever is going on now may be big now, but, when
it all works out and we can finally start our lives together it'll be
well worth the wait.

I know what you're thinking. How can someone my age be *so* sure? I'll
tell you. I know it in the sadness of her voice when we have to part
because there's sadness in mine too. I know it in the way she looks at
me, and even when she doesn't. I know it in the way she says my name
with such satisfaction. . .just because it's my name she says and for no
other reason at all. I feel it in every nerve ending I have, and some I
didn't even know existed, when I hear her smile. And most importantly,
I can feel it even when she may say nothing at all.

Sounds like a fairytale, doesn't it? I never really believed in
fairytales myself to tell you the truth. I thought it was some grand
bunch of stories adults made up to make kids get sleepy. No, this isn't
a fairytale. It isn't made up. I know it because I'm here. . .I feel
it and know it and I'm living it right now.

We've got some problems right now. Well, at least I think we do. We're
not communicating too well. She's got this stuff going on, and I'm not
a part of it. Yeah, I'm a little hurt, but what ever it is, I'm sure
she'll tell me in time. She may not even be able to put into words what
she's feeling right now and that's okay. That doesn't mean I still
don't worry. Ahh, what's a girl to do? Nothing I suppose.

That's the hardest part sometimes. The waiting and worrying. The more
I worry, the more insecure I get and there's just. . .badness there.
Well, that and being away from her. That's the killer. And it's not
just the distance in miles either. Sometimes it feels like there's a
distance in heartbeats; a missed beat or something. I don't know how to
explain it really. I'm pretty much grasping at straws here. Can you
tell?

So she's out now, on patrol, and I feel. . .really scared. Like, we're
on the brink of something; on the fence so to speak. I don't like it
only because it could go either way. What ever this weirdness is
between us, it could bring us together or totally tear us apart.

Who knows. Maybe right now just isn't our time and we're trying to
force it. . .make it be our time because we've discovered something so
precious and new and amazing in each other that we didn't want to let it
go. Or maybe it is our time and everything else in our lives is getting
in the way and we're letting it. There's really no way to tell unless
we just hang on and ride out the storm.

That's the plan really. Ride out the storm until the sun decides to
come out again. If I lose her. . god, even the thought gives me
chills. I mean, what if it actually happened? What if this is too hard
for her and she decides that walking away is the best for both of us?

Well, then I guess I'd have to accept it. What other choice would I
have? If letting this go will make her life even remotely easier then
I'd just let her walk away. That's how much I love her. I love her
enough to let her go. I know there's a lesson in there somewhere and
believe me, the irony of it isn't lost. The best thing that's ever
happened to me has the potential to hurt me in the worst way possible.
If that's not love then I don't know what is.

She'll be back soon. She'll be tired and worn out and there may be a
few scars there that weren't before. All I want, all I've ever wanted
since I was gifted with her in my life, is for her to be safe and happy
and just. . content. I don't think that's too much to ask for really.
Do you?

-------

Laurel closed the lid of the laptop and sighed. She looked over to the
bed where Lisa was still fast asleep. It wasn't even nine in the
morning yet; she wouldn't be up for at least two hours or so. She was
grateful for that because it gave her time to think. Think about what
she read, and the fact that she probably shouldn't have read it in the
first place.

She crept out of the bedroom and padded to the kitchen in search of
food. She stopped short when she saw Faith and Buffy sitting on the
couch talking quietly. "Hey."

Buffy turned around, surprised. "Laurel? What are you doing up so
early?"

"I usually get up around now. Well, out of bed anyway. Damn Slayer
senses have me up at the crack of dawn lately. What are you guys doing
here?"

"Laurel, we need to talk." Faith looked at her seriously.

"Yeah? About what?"

"Laurel. Not funny." Buffy motioned for her to sit between them on the
couch.

She walked over and sat in Giles' recliner.

"Laurel, I'm sorry we didn't tell you but we just didn't know how.
We've been so worried about how you would react that we didn't even
think about letting you react. Or letting you know. We're sorry."

"Know what? What exactly is going on between you and Faith?"

"You sure don't beat around the bush, do you?" Buffy smirked. "Faith
and I. . .It's not that complicated really, but it is."

"Riddle me this, riddle me that." Laurel remarked and rolled her eyes.
"Can't you just be straight with me?" She looked between them then at
Buffy. "Do you love her?"

"Yes." Buffy didn't even hesitate. "But not the way I love Willow. I
love Faith as the person who's gotten me through this past year and
helped me deal with Willow's death, helped me with you, helped me see
how pig headed I was being about Giles. I love Faith in a way that goes
past any kind of definition. She's been there for me, Laurel, and she's
been there for you. Ever since Faith and I met, we've needed each
other. We even needed to hate each other for a while." Buffy looked
over to Faith and took her hand.

"Are you in love?"

"No." Faith answered. "It's different, Laurel. So much more different
than anything we've ever had with anyone else. Much more different for
me because I really hurt your mom when we were younger. I hated her and
her friends and I tried to hurt them, even Willow. But no matter what I
did, Buffy still had that soft spot for me and didn't give up." Faith
smiled at her. "I need her in my life, always have. I guess it's a
Slayer thing." She shrugged. "The kissing, it's a comfort. . .a bonus
of sorts." Faith stood up and knelt in front of Laurel. "I miss your
mom too, kid. But Buff and I, we need each other. Not in the way your
mom and her did but it's still in an important way."

Laurel sat in silence and tried to process everything they said. Buffy
and Faith weren't in love. Buffy still loved Willow. They had a need
for each other's company that they tried to explain to her but, she knew
they fell short because it was so unique to them it was difficult to
explain. She knew the feeling.

"Laurel?" Buffy brought her out of her silent musings. She got up and
knelt down in front of her daughter and took both of her hands,
squeezing them gently. "I love you, so much. More than I ever thought
was possible because I thought that when Will and I were together, that
was the greatest love of all. But I was proven wrong when you came into
our lives." Buffy paused to gain some of her composure and try and get
the rattle out of her voice. "If this bothers you so much," She looked
to Faith, who nodded in agreement. "Then it ends now. Faith and I will
go back to being just friends and it'll never be brought up again."
Buffy leaned down and kissed Laurels hands, then got up and stood in
front of her. "We came here to tell you that. You don't have to talk
about it now. When you're ready you know where we are." She smiled,
then she and Faith walked out the door.

--------

"She's gonna get into big trouble, Xand. I just know it." Willow paced
in front of him again. "I mean, she's my daughter and Buffy's. . .how
could she not?"

Xander smirked. "Will, I'm sure she'll be fine. And besides, there's
really not a lot you can do right now."

She stopped and thought for a moment. Her expression suddenly turned
serious. "Xander, she's planning on trying to bring me back. She has
it all worked out and has been researching it for months. She went
through my drawers and papers and even liberated a few of Giles' books
*I* wasn't even allowed to look at until I got back from England." She
paused and took a deep breath, knowing that getting upset now wouldn't
help matters any. "She could do it, Xander." Willow whispered.
"That's the scariest part. She has the ability and knowledge and. .
.she's a natural."

"Will, if she can bring you back then why isn't she telling us? I
thought she'd at least tell Faith or Lisa or. . ."

"Giles? Oh yeah, and he was so helpful when I wanted to do dangerous
spells." She smirked. "There's nothing we can do about it, Xand.
She'll be okay. Angel and Cordy are helping her, though I worry about
her little crush on him."

"On Angel???" Xander's jaw dropped. "What *is* it with that guy? Let
me tell you, Will, if he lays one clammy appendage on her I'll. . ."

"You'll do nothing, Xand." She said seriously. "He knows how to handle
her, trust me I've seen it. He loves Cordy. I know." She smiled, a
little sadly perhaps. "Xander, you have to promise me. If Laurel can
pull this off, you have to tell Giles and Buffy everything."

"Everything? I have to tell Buffy?" He gulped. Keeping secrets from
Buffy was hard. But telling Buffy you've been keeping secrets, well,
that required armor and something to defend yourself with. . .and quite
possibly a Slayer-proof cage.

"Yes, Everything I told you about Jesse all the way up till now.
Everything. It may just be the only way for them to help me. I don't
exactly know what condition I'll be returning in. . .if at all."

-------------

Laurel made her way to the center of Breakers Woods. Everything she
needed for the spell was packed tightly in her backpack. Thank goodness
her mom didn't cancel the running credit they had at the magic shop or
she'd never be able to pull this off.

She'd been out most of the morning and day preparing for this. She felt
a small twinge of guilt over not being around when Lisa woke up, but she
knew she'd understand how important this was.

Lisa. The computer, the things she wrote in it. Somehow, Laurel knew
everything she'd written was true because that's how she felt herself.
She just wasn't able to put it into words. Being articulate wasn't one
of her stronger points but what Lisa had written, that just summed
everything up for her. Sure they'd only kissed a handful of times so
far, but that wasn't really important. What was important was their
ability to communicate with each other and rely on the bond that had
been formed between them. The bond that was quite possibly there from
before either of them was born. That should have been a scary thought
but it wasn't really. It was oddly comforting to her, and she could
imagine it was to Lisa also.

Laurel's last thoughts before she set to her task were of Lisa. <Hold
on, Li, we'll make it. . I'll make it. I promise.>

------

"She never leaves without telling us where she's going. Don't you think
that's weird?"

"Lisa, I told you Buffy and Faith were here this morning to talk to
her. She may just need some time to digest everything. I wouldn't
worry." Giles smiled up at her.

"Papa," Lisa sat next to him and took a deep breath. "I think there's
something you need to know. . ."

---------
<<Hold on
Hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell>>

Willow was shelving the books in Xander's library when she felt it. Her
stomach lurched and she lost her balance. "Xander!" She yelled out.

"Will! What is it?" He reached for her but he knew it was no use. He
couldn't touch her. Helpless wasn't even close to how he was feeling
right now.

She closed her eyes as another wave of dizziness hit her hard.
"Laurel." She managed to whisper. A few moments ticked by then she
looked up at him. "Get Buffy and Faith. . .Breakers Woods. . .go!"

-------
<< Hold on
Hold on to yourself
you know that only time will tell>>

Laurel sat cross legged in the middle of a pentagram circle. She'd been
there nearly an hour mixing herbs and different ingredients together.
She'd been in such a deep concentration, she didn't realize it was
becoming colder out. . .bitterly cold. The ingredients were mixed and
placed accordingly, the charms she bought dangled from the bare tree
branches. . the incense was lit and a warm, comforting smell filled the
air.

Laurel took one last look around and began to walk around the pentagram
counter clockwise. She remembered the words had been indelibly marked
in her brain for weeks now, the words she hoped with all her heart and
soul would bring her mother back to her. . .to all of them.

"Let the body join with the soul. Let her once again be whole."

"Let the body join with the soul. Let her once again be whole."

"Let the body join with the soul. Let her once again be whole."

"Let the body join with the soul. Let her once again be whole."

She began to chant faster and faster as she sank deeper into a
meditative state. The winds picked up and blew her hair around and the
sun was close to setting. Thunder claps could be heard in the distance.

-----------

<<What is it in me that refuses to believe
this isn't easier than the real thing
My love
you know that you're my best friend
you know I'd do anything for you>>

"I'm sorry, Papa. I should have told you sooner."

Giles placed his free hand on hers. With his other hand, he steered the
beaten up old red convertible towards Buffy's home. "It's okay, Lisa.
You didn't know she was planning to do it so soon. I just pray she's
alright."

They both startled as a streak of lightening flew across the sky.

Giles stepped on the gas pedal harder and Lisa prayed to whatever gods
were listening at the moment to keep Laurel safe and have her hold on
till they got there.

------------

<< My love
let nothing come between us
My love for you is strong and true
Am I in heaven here or am I...
at the crossroads I am standing>>

"You think she'll come?" Faith was looking out on the woods from
Buffy's back deck. It was a beautiful night, although
uncharacteristically chilly, and all the stars were out. She could hear
the wind blowing through the trees.

Buffy came up behind her and wrapped her arms around the dark Slayer's
waist. "I don't know what my daughter is thinking these days, Faith."

"You think Laurel understood what we were trying to tell her? About us
I mean."

"I hope so." Buffy turned her around so they were face to face. "I
don't even think we understand it sometimes, but that's okay. At least
we were able to work through it to where you and I are okay. That's
what matters. My daughter is important to me, Faith, but so are you.
If the three of us aren't okay soon. . ."

Faith placed a kiss on Buffy's forehead. "I know, B. I know. We just
have to hold on." They both hugged a little tighter as a sudden wind
picked up from no where. "Where'd that come from?"

"I don't know." Buffy walked away from Faith's embrace and looked out
off of the deck. She opened her Slayer senses and didn't like what she
felt. "Come here, Faith."

Faith walked up next to her and took Buffy's hand in her own. Noting
the look of concentration on her face, she opened her senses also and a
chill went right through her. "I don't like this, B. Something big is
going down."

"As much as I'd like to say you're wrong," Giles said from behind
them. They turned around and he continued. "You're not."

Buffy and Faith looked at Lisa, who was clinging to Giles' arm with the
most terrified expression on her face.

<< Oh god if you're out there won't you hear me
I know that we've never talked before
oh god the one I love is leaving
won't you take them when they come to your door>>

---------

"What can I do!" Anya yelled over the sound of the wind blowing through
the trees. Scared wasn't the word for what the ex-vengeance demon was
feeling. Especially since she was standing in Xander's library where
there weren't any trees. . .or windows for that matter.

Willow shook her head. There was nothing Anya could do, or anyone else
for that matter. She knew what was happening. The cell explosion
process she went through was reversing itself. . .only much slower this
time. She was becoming whole again.

Willow laid on the floor curled up in the fetal position. Pain shot
through every limb, every fiber of her being. Her nerves screamed out
in sweet agony. . and all she could do was hold on.

--------

"Why are you doing this!? She's gonna die!"

"It's not my doing, Alexander. You must realize that there are things
that are even beyond *my* control." She smiled.

"I never should have agreed. I never. . ."

"You know the consequences." Her expression grew serious. "You must
let it be and allow the cards to fall where they may. It is fate."

He grabbed his head and fell to his knees, sobbing. "This never should
have happened."

She knelt beside him and stroked his hair, attempting to comfort him.
"You didn't do anything to help or hurt the situation any, you've merely
been an observer. She was meant to do this, you must understand.
Realizing how to become whole again was only the beginning. Yes you
helped, but inadvertently."

"She has a destiny, I know." He wiped the tears from his eyes and
became calm again. Her voice was always able to do that. "But why does
it have to be so damn hard?" He gave her an impish grin. "I love her.
She's my best friend. I worry."

"You'll understand in due time. I promise everyone will." She rose and
walked away, lost in thought for a few moments. "I just hope she's able
to forgive us." She looked up into the mirror that hung on the marble
wall in her chamber. In almost twenty years, she hadn't changed.
Hadn't aged or gotten gray hairs; not a wrinkle could be seen on her
face. Her hair was still a soft blonde and her eyes were as blue as the
day she was born, and they were the only part of her body that betrayed
her. There was a knowing there, an infinite knowing of everything and
so much more that she couldn't even hide from Willow all those years
ago.

------

Laurel knelt in front of the circle. She was rocking back and forth in
a trance. The wind whipped around her and screamed through the trees.
She didn't even notice.

Thunder cracked above her and lightening streamed across the sky. A
darkness descended upon the small clearing in Breakers Woods, and the
only light that could be seen was the one that shone from her eyes.

?Gods above, Gods that save, into the arms of the babe. Give her safe
passage back to me, hear me now, so mote it be.?

Laurel took a small bottle and threw it into the middle of the
pentagram. A blinding blue light erupted.

?Gods above, Gods that save, into the arms of the babe. Give her safe
passage back to me, hear me now, so mote it be.?

She took another bottle and did the same. This time a purple light
erupted and merged with the blue. They both hovered in the air.

?Gods above, Gods that save, into the arms of the babe. Give her safe
passage back to me, hear me now, so mote it be.?

---------

Willow?s entire body went rigid and she gasped for air. Anya rushed to
her side. She was solid, but not moving. Her eyes were fixated and she
was sweating. Suddenly a loud thunder clap sounded inside the room and
a blinding blue/purple light engulfed Willow. Anya fell backwards
startled.

When the light cleared, Willow was gone.

--------

?Giles. . .? Buffy looked over at him in shock.

He just kept on driving. ?I know.?

?But, Giles. . .?

?Buffy, I know. And believe me, it?s not normal.? He looked up as
snowflakes began to fall on them in the car.

Faith looked over to Lisa. ?You okay, kid?? Lisa nodded somewhat
stiffly and Faith put her arm around her. ?Don?t worry. She?ll be
okay.? She whispered. ?After you?re done yelling at her for being so
incredibly pigheaded and stupid, B and I will take you out for iced
cream and you can tell us all about your relationship.?

Lisa looked up at her in shock, but smiled a little. ?If the weather
keeps up, I think we?d prefer hot chocolate.?

Faith took her leather jacket off and put it around Lisa?s shoulders.
?Deal.? She looked up at Giles. ?You sure you know where you?re going,
G-man??

?Yes, Faith. Breaker?s Woods.?

?Where we lost Willow.? A shiver ran through Buffy?s body. ?God please
don?t let me lose my daughter too.? She whispered.

------

Laurel slowly came to consciousness. She opened one eye, then the other
and looked around at her surroundings. She was covered in snow and
freezing. Slowly she lifted herself off the ground and blinked once. .
.then twice. . then three times. There must have been three feet of
snow on the ground. <Wow. Did I do that?> She shook her head as if to
clear the cobwebs then decided that wasn?t such a good idea since it
felt like it was going to explode. . .she could feel the pounding in her
ears.

Slowly, with every ounce of strength she had, Laurel crawled to the
center of what she thought was the pentagram circle and collapsed.

Willow was no where in sight.

?It didn?t work.? She sobbed. ?I?m sorry mom. I?m so sorry.?

-------

Buffy and Faith raced ahead of Lisa and Giles to the clearing in
Breakers Woods.

?Laurel!!? Buffy screamed out. ?Answer me!?

Faith came up beside Buffy a few moments later. ?Nothing by the caves.?

?She?s not here either.? Buffy broke. ?God, Faith, if I lose her. . .?

Faith grabbed her by the shoulders. ?Listen to me, Buffy. You?re not
going to lose her, *we?re* not going to lose her. She has to be here
somewhere. We?re just not looking hard enough.? Faith walked away a
few paces and called out. ?Laurel! Where are you? Come on, kid. .
it?s not time for hide and. . .? She didn?t finish her sentence. Faith
fell head first into the snow. She turned over. ?What the. . . ??

Buffy rushed over to her and they both noticed the mound of something
Faith tripped over. They began digging and saw some red hair poking out
in stark contrast of the white snow all around them. ?Laurel!! God,
Laurel, no!!?

Lisa ran over towards Buffy and Faith and knelt down beside them. She
felt helpless. Looking around she noticed a green backpack. . .Laurel?s
backpack. She crawled over to it and found Laurel face up next to it
with snow all around her just five feet away from where Buffy and Faith
were. She pulled Laurel up gently and began rocking her. ?God, Laurel,
no. No! What have you done?? She stroked the Slayer?s face. ?Papa,
come quick!?

Buffy and Faith froze when they turned Laurel over and wiped the snow
off of her face. They didn?t notice Lisa close by. . .didn?t hear her
call out for Giles. Didn?t see her cradling Laurel in her arms.

?Oh my God.? Buffy whispered, taking the lifeless body into her arms
and holding on with all her heart and soul. ?Willow.?


--
~~Kimber

"Lisa's Personal-Pit Pet" *eg*
a.k.a. The Light Lobster
Tourist number 2
List Gutter Lust Goddess (yeah, I've finally given into my fate)