FIC; Beside Myself (1/2)

[Jim_D_Means@xxxxxxxxxxx]

Hey guys!
I got a whole story in two parts for your perusal. It's an alternate version of the episode "The Replacement". It'll make sense when you read it.

Kirayoshi

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Disclaimers; 
Everybody sing along! All characters owned and manipulated for the pleasure of the fans by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Twentieth Century Fox. Some chunks of dialogue are taken directly from the episode "The Replacement".

Author's Note;
So I was in the AIM chatroom with Shyfox, and she had an idea for a fic that she was considering posting as a challenge, and she gave it to me, and it ended up being the story that follows this Willow-esque babbling. Much gratitude is lain at the feet of Shyfox for giving me this idea.

Rating; PG.

Spoilers; 'The Replacement'

Feedbacky goodness; send it to Jim_D_Means@xxxxxxxxxxx

Summary;
What if the Toth demon had hit Buffy as he intended, instead of Xander?

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Beside Myself
Written by Kirayoshi
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Go 'way from my window,
Leave at your own chosen speed.
I'm not the one you want, babe,
I'm not the one you need.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Never weak but always strong,
To protect you an' defend you
Whether you are right or wrong,
Someone to open each and every door,

But it ain't me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.
--Bob Dylan
"It Ain't Me, Babe"

Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander and Riley roamed through the junkyard, purpose and caution in their strides. Another night, another demon. Life in the Hellmouth.

In this case, the threat was from what Giles called a Toth demon. According to Giles, Toth was a more sophisticated demon than most. In other words, he could use weapons. So the Scooby Gang brought their own weapons. Buffy kept her hand on Mr. Pointy, while Giles never took his finger off the trigger of his crossbow. 

Buffy took a sidelong glance at her boyfriend, and wondered for the thousandth time if bringing him along on this patrol wasn't a mistake. Ever since she and the gang closed down the Initiative, he was always trying to prove himself, to push himself, to convince her that he belonged in her world. But, truth to tell, she wasn't certain if he did anymore. Or, to be more accurate, if she belonged in his. Maybe that was the real problem, Buffy thought. Ever since the Initiative was mothballed, Riley didn't really have a world, or anything to truly call his own. He hooked up with the Scooby Gang to be part of something again, rather than face the emptiness of his own life.

And Buffy didn't know if she wanted to be the only thing that filled Riley's void anymore.

Her musings, and the good-natured bantering of the gang, were interrupted by noises coming from behind a pile of junk. They turned to face the pile, Riley holding his crossbow at the ready. Buffy thought that he looked for all the world like Chewbacca with that weapon in his hand. A rather ridiculous Chewbacca at that.

Spike emerged, shabby and unkempt as ever, from the trash heap. He regarded the gang with his usual air of disgust, mingled with raw hatred reserved especially for Buffy.

"What are you doing here, Spike?" Riley shouted.

"Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap," Spike snapped back. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?" He held up a busted lamp in one hand and a manniquin's arm in the other.

"Very pretty," Willow commented snidely. Buffy had to suppress a chuckle at her friend's attitude. God, Willow is so beautiful, even if she doesn't know it, Buffy thought. Tara had better be taking damn good care of you, Wills, or else she and I are going to have words. 

"Spike, um ..." Giles stammered, hoping to get back on track, "we're looking for a demon, um... tall, robed, skin sort of hanging off. Deep voice? "

Spike pointed over his shoulder, asking, "You mean a great tall robe-y thing like that one?"

Five heads turned, saw the demon, and then the battle was joined. Spike tried to get on the demon's good side by pointing out which one was Buffy, but the demon had a more direct stradegy; attack anything that moved. Buffy tried to clear the others away from her and draw the demon's fire, counting on her skills as a slayer to defeat the demon.

Her plan didn't work as well as expected. The demon pointed strange stick-like weapon at her, and a fireball shot forth and hit her square in the chest. The impact drove directly into the trash heap right behind her, and as she collided with garbage, her world turned black. 

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She awoke slowly, aware at first only of the great pain she felt in her chest. She attempted to get up, and after a few clumsy, faltering efforts, she finally succeeded. "Hey, guys?" she murmured, hoping for a hand, but was greeted by silence. She tried to open her eyes, only to be forced to shut them again by the bright light that greeted her. She squinted, and looked upward, seeing the sun rising in front of her. 

Sunrise? It was morning? She looked around her, noting that she was still in the dump. She wondered why Willow or Riley hadn't taken her back to her dorm. What was up with that?

She tried walking, which proved to be more difficult than she remembered, since her joints were protesting every movement. She ached in places that she didn't even know she had. And she felt weak. She wasn't used to feeling so weak, not since she first became the Slayer.

But she didn't feel like the Slayer then. She just felt like simple, ordinary Buffy Summers. God, what she would give to be ordinary. Just a normal person, maybe with a house with a picket fence, Riley in the front yard pushing a lawn mower -- after some thought, she eliminated Riley from that image. She still didn't know if they had a future together. 

First things first, she decided. She headed back to her dorm, walking at a leisurely pace. She felt more tired than anything else, more anxious. Like something was missing from her, some fundamental element of her life. She couldn't quite place her finger on it, but somehow she seemed different. She decided that she'd figure it out later. First, a nice hot shower, then sleep in a normal bed instead of a trash heap.

When she made it back to Stevenson Hall, she fished through her pockets for her dorm keys. But when she made it back to her dorm, she found that the door was open. She figured that Willow was there. She knocked gingerly, hoping that she hadn't interrupted anything between Willow and Tara. The door opened, and Buffy stood, shocked, at the person who greeted her.

Buffy had answered the door. At least, one who looked exactly like her. 

Before Buffy could react, her counterpart connected with a hard fist to the jaw. Buffy was sent reeling by the blow, amazed that she couldn't counter it effectively. Before she could collect herself, the counter-Buffy had taken off like a shot. 

Buffy shook her head, chastizing herself for being taken so easily. Had she been up to full power, she would have made short work out of her imposter. But this doppleganger had pasted her as effectively as Evander Holyfield would have taken out Xander. She felt weak, spent. She hadn't felt this terrible since--

Since Giles had forced her to undergo the rite of passage on her eighteenth birthday. When he pumped her full of muscle relaxant to ready her for a battle with a psychotic vampire named Kralik.

She started to think, fighting through the haze in her mind. She remembered battling that Toth demon, she remembered the monster lowering a weapon, firing a blast at her-- then blackness.

That must have been it. The Toth demon somehow had taken her appearance, and her abilities as a Slayer. The first thing that popped into her mind was Giles. She had to find him. He could figure it out, he always did.

She ran out of Stevenson Hall, forcing her aching legs to keep going. After about twenty minutes, she managed to make it to Giles' magic shop. But it was already too late; the demon who had usurped her place had already beaten her to the punch.

"I'm telling you, guys," she said to Giles, Xander and Riley as they gathered around her, "the demon looks exactly like me. I'm guessing that when he hit me with that stick, he managed to duplicate my appearance."

"Please, guys," Buffy moaned from behind the door. "Don't fall for her line. C'mon guys, that's not the real me. Please don't fall for it!"

"So what do we do?" Riley asked, clearly taken by the imposter. Buffy despaired as she heard him. IDIOT! Why am I still with that jerk?

"I'll tell you this much, Riley," the other Buffy declared, "whoever's stolen my face, he's got the Slayer to deal with."

Buffy left the magic shop as quietly as she could. It was clear that she couldn't count on her friends' help on this one. But then a thought struck her; not all of her friends were there. There was still one who the fake Buffy hadn't conned yet. And a mighty powerful one at that.

She immediately ran to Willow's dorm, praying that she would be there.

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"I'm telling you, Willow, it's me," a nervous Buffy said as she paced the floor in front of her best friend. "Look, when we first met, Cordelia made some crack about you finding the 'softer side of Sears'. When I asked for your help with my math homework you tried to warn me away from the school nerd." She thought some more, while Willow was developing a crick in her neck watching her friend pace back and forth. "When you announced that you were enrolling at UC Sunnydale, I tried to warn you off, and you said, 'Of the two of us, which one's the boss of me?'."

Willow stood up, and placed her hands on her friend's shoulders. "Easy, Buffy, it's okay."

"Wills? You know it's me?"

"Of course I do," Willow answered. "What's the matter? What happened?"

Buffy shook her head, and recalled what she remembered. "Well, I woke up in the dump today--"

"I wouldn't say 'dump', Buffy," Willow argued. "I mean, you're not the most fastidiuos neat freak I know, but--"

"No, Willow, I mean the dump. The city dump."

"Wait a minute," Willow argued. "Riley and I took you home last night after we fought that Toth demon."

"No, no," Buffy argued, "you guys took the Toth demon, it--" she tried to figure out what had happened, and her speech had become halting and staggered. "That weapon it fired at me, it must have allowed him to assume my shape. And he's managed to con the others into thinking he's me." She hung her head in frustration. "And I think that he's got my strength. Since I woke up today, I've felt weaker, like when Giles hit me with that muscle relaxant. God, Willow, I don't even feel like the Slayer right now." Willow immediately scooped her friend up in her arms, and stroked her long blond hair.

"Shh, shh, don't worry about it, Buffy," Willow murmured in gentle tones. "We'll find this demon, we'll take him down like we always do, then we'll get my Slayer back."

"Thanks, Willow," Buffy purred. She was enjoying this contact far too much, considering that both of them were spoken for. "I knew that if anyone could help me out, it would be my Willow. I know you and Tara can whip up some of your special mojo and help me."

"Actually," Willow said, backing away from the embrace, and sitting back down, "I'll be whipping up the mojo solo today. Tara's out of town visiting friends."

"Oh," Buffy said simply. She looked at Willow's face, and could see the worry lines that marred her otherwise perfect, elfin features. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Uh, no," Willow said, attempting to compose herself. "It's nothing, really, besides you've got your own problems."

"Willow," Buffy sat down beside her and took Willow's hand in her own. "You're my best friend. Whatever I'm going through, you're just as important to me. I don't need to be the Slayer to be your friend. C'mon Willow, spill."

Willow hung her head, unable to resist the onslaught of her best friend's concern. "It's me and Tara, Buffy. Something's wrong, but I don't know what really."

Buffy sat silently as Willow composed her thoughts. The redhead turned to Buffy and began to explain herself; "I'm bisexual, okay, I've accepted that."

"Pleased to meet you, Bisexual, I'm Buffy." Willow swatted Buffy's shoulder, saying, "Stop it, Buffy, I'm serious."

"Serious, I thought you said you were bisexual!" Willow glared at Buffy, but Buffy could see the laughter fighting to escape Willow's resolve face. Finally, Willow did let loose a smile, and continued to bare her soul to Buffy.

"It's been on my conscience since I met my vampire double a couple of years ago. I remember how you tried to convince me that just because my evil twin was kinda gay, that didn't mean that I was. But then I heard Angel say 'Actually--', then you stared him down. You didn't think I caught that, did you?"

"I just figured that you were upset enough," Buffy confessed. "I didn't want you to worry about anything that you didn't need to."

"Yeah, I understand that. It's just that since then, it's been bugging me, y'know? And last year, when Tara and I became friends, well, I guess she filled a void, I mean, Oz was gone, you were too involved with the Initiative, and Tara and I had so much in common." A wicked grin crossed Willow's face. "And it doesn't hurt that she's got the sexiest pout." Buffy chuckled at the thought.

"But lately, it seems like I don't know her at all. She's been hiding something from me, and I can't get her to confide in me. And I don't know if I care enough to try anymore. It's like I woke up one morning and the person I was with was a stranger, and it took me so long to figure it out."

"Willow," Buffy asked. "Do you love her?"

Willow shook her head, thinking long and hard. "Do I? She's been supportive, we work well together in the magic department, we have fun together, and she's been good to me. Do I? Yeah, I love her." She then faced Buffy, a serious expression on her face, and said, "But I don't think I'm in love with her. Does that make any sense?"

"More than you think, Wills," Buffy confided in her. Hearing Willow confide her doubts regarding Tara helped Buffy's thoughts regarding Riley form a crystal clarity. It was the same with her. She cared deeply about Riley. She might even love him. But she wasn't in love with him.

Another stray thought crossed Buffy's mind. "Mom, Dawn!" She jumped off the bed, and shouted, "Toth's gonna try and get to my family! I gotta stop him, her, whatever!"

"You want me to go with you?" Willow offered.

"No, you go to the magic shop, try and find a spell to stop the demon or something. I'll try to stay out of trouble. But I gotta save Mom and Dawn." 

As she headed out of the door, she heard Willow say, "Watch your back, Buffy."

Buffy turned to the red haired witch, and said, "I kinda love you."

As Buffy closed the door behind her, Willow whispered, "I kinda love you too."

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TBC




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