After Weekend Block Party Report/Memory Refresher

["Shadow" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO: All Department Heads; United Vegetable Empire; and All Other
Interested and/or Confused Parties.
FROM: The Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT: After Weekend Block Party Report/Memory Refresher.

Good afternoon, it has come to my attention that several List members
are complaining that they could not find the Weekend Riley Bashing and
Block Party in the South Gutter and thus could not attend. However,
after checking the security tapes for the Tri-Gutter community I have
found that many of these complains are not true. All of you were there,
we have the proof on tape... if you are unable to recall the weekend I
will be happy to refresh your memories on or off list. Although I will
give a general recap of the last four days of the Block Party, reframing
from actually naming any names as much as possible to protect the
identities of our more "enthusiastic" party-goers.

Item 1:
Regarding the complaints of a giant sober blue stick-in-the-mud giving
directions to the Block Party and misdirecting several listmembers to
the Sunnydale proper Museum of Natural History for the weekend lecture
tour of "Rocks: Sediment or Animate!" - the hidden truth of our
hard-headed neighbours. After a lengthy investigation the giant sober
blue stick-in-the-mud has been identified as one Sam Eagle of the
Muppets. A spokesman for the Muppet community has stated that while Sam
is known for his legendary "restraint" and is the poster-bird of the
"Royal Order of Non-Fun", his overall sobriety at the time he was
directing traffic is a bit suspect. Apparently even Sam Eagle found the
lecture tour to be an utter bore. The exact meaning of the lecture tour
itself is still under investigation, but Security definitely feels that
it is hellmouthy in nature and are looking into the matter... after all
Ira and Shelia Rosenberg were both spotted at the lecture by our spies.

Item 2:
Regarding the chant "Little Foolie he's our man... if he can't do it no
one can" - while the chant was a part of the free concert and air raid
siren contest, I am advising our Gutter shore man to rethink whatever he
has planned... especially if it involves the chosen two and their little
redhead... both slayers are on the warpath at the moment. {See item 3
for details on that}

Item 3:
Regarding the young man, with the lamp shade on his head, that was
dancing with the little redhead from Sunnydale proper, no matter how
innocent the dance was, two very ticked off Slayers are after you now.
Especially after they saw "their" little redhead wearing the young man's
trademark "Wet Noodle Master of the Universe" t-shirt later the next
night, both Slayers are in a homicidal rage and are determined to induce
you to the joys of being a permanent member of the Vienna Boy's Choir.
For the moment it is advisable that you fly high to one of the emergency
shelters until the little redhead and her Wicca partner can properly
distract the over protective chosen two from their path of vengeance.
It shouldn't take more than three to four days... if we can get the
leather handcuffs and whips back from one of our bards who signed them
out of "research purposes".

Item 4:
Regarding our Roaming Band of Gutter Poets and their performance
pieces... it was interesting to say the least. Although Security is a
bit concerned about the female leather clad poet who was reenacting the
fabled "Amazon who stands with shaking spear"... was it really necessary
to stand on top of the small mountain that over looks the Gutter and
Woods Outback yelling, "Bring me the head of Joxer the Mighty... a
thousand dinars for the head of the Mighty-useless One"??

Item 5:
Regarding the mass draining of the small cantaloupe patch near the
demonic cabbage patch over the weekend... they are true. The forrest
creature responsible for the carnage has released this statement "Hey
I'm a vampire fruit bat and I have to eat... at least I didn't turn any
of them! Humans and their morals... next thing I know you guys are
going to be demanding that I cease taunting the United Vegetable
Empire's vampire tomatoes with bottles of ketchup. You humans just
don't understand the vampire fruit bat and vampire tomato code of
conduct!" End quote.

Item 6:
Regarding the were-badger riding his scooter through the South Gutter at
all hours with the scantly clad former-cheerleader - please return the
former May Queen to LA; she is due back at work soon.

Item 7:
Regarding the sighting of the Masked Road Runner who made several
appearances all weekend at the Block Party... the identity of the masked
Road Runner is under investigation and we will keep you posted as
invents warrant. The Masked Road Runner's request that her "lil comma"
quite goofing around and post an update to SOMETHING is being looked
into at the moment. The Little Comma in question has stated, "As soon
as I can figure out who the Masked Road Runner IS I will be more then
happy to update something.... and she can just stop giving my
Playstation dirty looks like that! That is just mean... eyeing a
person's Playstation like that - it helps me plot and work things out
when I can't find our beloved Listmum to bounce ideas off of." The
Little Comma went on to grumble rather rude things about the evil adult
world and trying to make her Listmum one of those "adult-type" people
that give her the creeps.

Item 8:
Regarding the new hot tub chastenings in the South Gutter... rumours of
the former-vengeance demon and her Xander doing very naughty things in
our new hot tubs are true. 22 videotapes cataloging the event were
found in one of the private rooms in the South Gutter hotel and returned
to the couple. Oh gods the images on those tapes! ::shudder::

Item 9:
Will the owner of the twelve sheep, two goats, and seven cows... please
get them off of the roof of the City Hall of Sunnydale proper? If not
removed soon they will be claimed by the Gutter Party Planning Committee
and used for our next Block Party commemorating the first time we all
saw Willow smile - it does tend to light up the whole room doesn't it?

Item 10:
The Chosen Two Naked Slaying demo was a complete success even with that
little kink in the end where the Slayers pounced on their little redhead
and did naughty things to her for hours and hours! Thankfully the event
was captured on video by two daring forest creatures that witnessed the
whole thing as they shared a bowl of popcorn and drink spiked jungle
juice, while they were discussing the merits of wet t-shirt contests.
What they were doing with that camcorder in the South Gutter at the time
is still a bit of a mystery.

Is any of this ringing any bells to anyone? I mean really? It was a
blast... even with the wild turkey stampeded that trampled the British
magic-shop owner while chasing after the escaped circus monkey of the
Woods Outback. The British magic-shop owner is fine although feeling a
bit stepped on - his words not mine. I understand he was feeling a lot
better later that night after his Slayer brought him the lead turkey...
the bird tasted great by the way, especially smothered with gravy and
apple pie... really it did. :) Teach that stupid bird to mess with our
favourite British magic-shop owner.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfic.

Shadow -
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper.
Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox {Fruit Bat} of the Woods Outback.
The Big Bad and Little Comma.