FF The night before Christmas...buffy style.

["Christeen Demons" <Shyfox30@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

The night before Christmas...Buffy Style

Disclaimer: Characters to the show Buffy: The Vampire Slayer belong to Joss 
Whedon and Co. The poem the night before Christmas has been altered to fit 
this somewhat skewed parody.

Timeline: One possible future in the lives of Buffy and Willow Rosenberg 
Summers. I?m not really sure if this would fit into my future timeline or 
not. It?s just one of the many possibilities...plus after writing 5X5 and 
trying to finish ?...dreaming? I felt the need for a
little...lunacy.:-)

This is also my Christmas gift to all of you. I hope you have fun with it, 
and enjoy.

Merry Christmas all.

Shyfox




?Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house. Not a creature 
was stirring, not even a louse.? Buffy grinned as she saw a red eyebrow 
raise inquisitively, taking a moment from studying the perfect features of 
their six month old daughter.

?That?s mouse, honey.? The red-head corrected, smiling gently at her 
partner and wife of almost a year.

?Hey, you tell the story your way, I?ll tell it mine, Okay?? Blue eyes met 
green with teasing intensity.

Willow nodded obligingly, returning her attention back to the small bundle 
that lay secure and warm in her arms. ?I can?t wait to hear this.? Willow 
thought, not able to prevent the smile that flitted over her lips.

?Okay. As I was saying....?

*****

Twas the night before christmas and all through the house.
Not a creature was stirring...not even a louse.

<Creak>

<snap>

<poof>

Well...maybe one louse.

All the stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nickolas soon would be there.

Willow was just finishing hanging up the Christmas stockings when Buffy 
walked through the door, stake in hand.

?Well, did you get him?? She asked her wife of one year, refering to the 
pesky newborn vampire that had been stalking around the house outside, 
attempting to make a name for himself by killing the Slayer and her family.

?Yep. Didn?t know what hit him.? Buffy replied, twirling the stake she 
held, idly.

?Moron.? Willow commented, shaking her head as she hung the tiny baby 
stocking they had picked out for their daughter...it would be her first 
christmas ever and they were very excited.

Buffy chuckled remembering the goofy, surprised look the vamp had on his 
face when, after sneaking up behind him, while he had been looking in the 
window, she had tapped him on the shoulder causing him to turn around.

?Merry Christmas.? She had said glibly, while stabbing him in the chest. 
Blinking while she watched him turn to dust.

"And happy to say you won't be seeing the new year." She finished, smiling 
at the pile of dust, before she turned and headed back into the house.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

Well, one child really, but that child was somewhat of a miracle, and as 
Buffy peeked in on her sleeping daughter...too young to be too excited to 
sleep. At six months, she really had no idea what christmas was, or what it 
was all about. She was too young to truly appreciate all the toys piled 
high under the tree, but to Buffy, having her in her life made
this christmas all the more special for her.

?Sweet dreams honey.? Buffy whispered while tucking the blanket around the 
peacefully sleeping form, then kissed the soft cheek gently before tiptoeing 
back out of the room.

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

Actually, Willow was wearing only a green silk teddy when Buffy walked into 
the room, giving her reason to stop and stare at the vision of beauty 
waiting patiently for her.

?Merry Christmas.? Willow purred suggestively, a big smile in place, as 
Buffy crept forward, a wild grin lighting her face.

?Merry Christmas to me.? Buffy said merrily, rubbing her hands together 
with glee before springing like a jungle cat on her very willing prey.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

?Can?t a Slayer make love to her wife at least once without being 
inturrupted?!? Buffy asked Willow crossly, while rising from her bed, 
alarmed and enraged by the calamity that seemed to be happening right 
outside her window.

Willow shrugged at her wife helplessly, dismayed herself by the timing of 
the incident, and watched in bemusement as Buffy stomped over to the window.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

Buffy hadn?t relieved much of her anger by the time she made it to the 
window, and nearly tore the curtains and blinds from the window in her haste 
to see what was making such an awful racket. Needless to say...she was 
feeling pretty pissed.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a drunken vampire with spikes in his hair.

Though no snow had fallen, this is Sunnydale after all, she could see him 
quite clearly through the shadows below.

?Damn it, Spike! I thought I told you never to come back here.? The enraged 
Slayer shouted down at the enebrieted fellow, who even though he was 
toasted, didn?t seem very mellow.

?You owe me, Slayer! You cost me my Dru!? Spike shouted up at her, 
slurring a word or two. ?So, now I?m here to take that which means the most 
to you.?

?Been there, done that.? Buffy grumbled under her breath, not even wanting 
to count the number of times Willow had been put into jeopardy because of 
her. ?Oh yeah? You and what army?!? She shouted down at the vamp, hearing 
her wife groan behind her while she slapped her own head.

With a turn of his head, and a flick of his Bic.
I knew in a moment I?d be in the thick of it.
More rapid than eagles his minions they came,
As he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, DUMMY! now, DUFUS! now, PIGHEAD and VOMET!
On, CUSSBRAIN! on STUPID! on, BLUNDER and BLITZENED!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

Demons of every size, shape and color appeared through the night intent on 
tearing Buffy?s house down to the ground. Buffy ran to her closet, threw 
open her box, grabbing a fistful of weapons until she was well stocked. 
Then ran back to the window to see what was happening.

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the minions they flew,
Gnashing and growling, and snarling too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The Scratching and Clawing of each of their hoofs.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney some of them came with a bound.

It was all Buffy could do to fight the first wave of them off. She was 
stabbing and punching like a woman possessed, intent only to protect what 
she held dear. A wife and a child that lay quite near, who depended on her 
to keep them safe. She had just finished thinking that when she saw a 
fireplace poker go flying past her, connecting rather hard
with a demon?s spiked head.

Willow looked rather stunning in her satin green number, bashing demon?s 
heads in with her firey hot poker. But the demon?s kept coming, leaving no 
time for Buffy to stare, as the two of them kept fighting until they were 
gasping for air. Then out in the night, a new voice was heard. A rather 
hearty hale laughter that shook the whole world. Then the chimney was 
bulging, till Buffy thought it?d explode, then the
voice echoed from it, with a loud ?HO, HO, HO!?

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

Buffy couldn?t believe her eyes when she saw him, and she had to blink 
twice, nearly getting decked in the face as she took him in. ?Santa Claus 
is real?!? She couldn?t help but blurt out, but could spare no time for 
gaping while the demons were about. So, while she was intent on her own 
game of war craft, she missed seeing Santa begin his own spree.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And opened his bag; then turned with a jerk,

Like a Giant vacuum, the bag began to suck...pulling in all of the slimy 
demons until the bag had gobbled them all up.

Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

Buffy couldn?t believe what she?d seen, feeling the happenings belonged in a 
dream. But no amount of blinking could take back what she saw, or erase the 
noise from outside the window and below.

?You?ve been a very bad boy, Spike. So, all you get from me is coal.? Then 
hearing a scream of rage, she?d never heard before, Buffy looked out the 
window at the demon below.

He was covered in coal, piled high up to his neck, and he looked rather 
silly looking up at St. Nick. Then, the jolly great elf...

sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"

******

?Well?? Buffy asked, looking up at her wife, almost choking with laughter 
as she took in the sight. Red eyebrows were bunched very high on her head, 
green eyes were round as saucers as they took Buffy in. Though Willow would 
be very sure to be diplomatic, Buffy knew her wife found her tale very 
strange.

?What do you think of it?? Buffy persisted, as Willow tried to avoid 
answering the question by drinking the rest of her mulled apple cider.

Finally, Willow sighed as she put down her mug. ?That?s the strangest 
version of ?The night before Christmas I?ve ever heard.? She replied, being 
honest. ?And I?m very glad she?s too young to understand it.? Willow 
grinned faintly, looking down at the tiny infant that rested in her arms.

Buffy looked a little disgruntled until Willow burst out laughing, laughing 
so hard she was shaking with tremors . Sleepy blue eyes looked up at her 
mother wondering what had happened to cause her to wake her up from her nap.

The laughter was contagious though, and soon both parents found themselves 
laughing hysterically on the living room floor. Joyce and Giles peaked 
their heads in to see what was going on, finding the couple leaning against 
each other helplessly, baby held protectively between them, and although the 
infant looked a trifle bit alarmed, didn?t seem
like it was in immenent danger, so...shaking their heads and chuckling 
silently, they headed back into the kitchen to enjoy their own little 
celebration.




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