FF: The Only One

[Crazzy_Nut@xxxxxxxxxxxx]

THE ONLY ONE
BY: CRAZZY NUT

Disclaimers: I do not own anything on or associated with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All glory and honor is given to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and various others I have not mentioned.

'One' belongs to U2 and comes off their album 'Achtune Baby.'

Rated: G anything higher would?ve ruined it.

Timeline: After Riley?s departure and before another man can come and ruin Buffy?s life.

Story: In the past Willow and Buffy have come very close to being more than just best friends, each knows how the other feels. Now, after Riley?s departure Buffy wants to be Willow?s real girlfriend. The song is intended to be what Willow is feeling about Buffy, but the story is dealing more with Buffy. You?ll see. I think that I am more confused than the story actually is.

Feedback: Is greatly welcomed. Tell me what you think and maybe with some pointers I can clear my mind a bit and finish some work I have pending.

Author Note: It hasn't been beta read, sorry. I just tried to fit it in during my homework break.


>>Indicates thoughts<<

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The Only One
By: Crazzy Nut


Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you
Now you got someone to blame

It was mid afternoon as Buffy paced in her bedroom. It was far too early for patrol and too late for anything else. She wanted to be at Giles' but at the same time she wanted to be far away. She wanted to be with her friends but she didn't want to see 'her'. If it were up to Buffy she'd never have to see 'her' again.

"Damn it Tara," she cursed, more to hear herself, "this is all your fault. I don?t know what you did to Will,
but I should be with her right now, not you."

You say
One love
One life
When it?s one need
In the night
It?s one love
We get to share it
It leaves you baby
If you don?t care for it

"Oh Will, if only I would?ve paid more attention to you, to us," she began. "You gave me your love and I
couldn?t value it. I took you and our love for granted. I had you, I had you so close and I didn?t care. I loved you, but not like you loved me. I lost you because I let you go. If only..." she managed before breaking down into non-stop tears.

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

"I...I should?ve wanted more for us. I should?ve given more but I was an idiot. Using Angel as my scapegoat was wrong. I know that he loved me too, but not how you loved me. You gave me real love. You were there after Angel and you?ve been there since. I can still taste you on my lips. I don?t know why I fell for Parker. I am so ashamed to say this, but when he and I didn?t work out I blamed you. He thought that we were together, because of that he didn?t want me. In that moment I lost faith in everything. But that was still no reason to bring you down with me. I?m sorry Will," she said looking at the picture of her and Willow.

Well it?s too late
Tonight
To drag the past out
Into the light
We?re one
But we?re not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
One

"Ha, listen to me," she said sitting up in her bed. "I?m talking to myself instead of telling Will. I am letting the past rule my life. Something I promised myself that I would never do. I?m the Slayer, I can?t afford to stay in the past. Oh Will, I do you love you. I love you so much. You are my other half, I know you are. Together we two make a perfect whole. But at times, even though we fit perfectly, it seems that we belong to completely different puzzles. I...I miss you," she said hugging the picture. 

"I miss all the time we would spend together." She paused as tears again threatened to come. Then the idea came, "I can make this right. I will make this right," she said placing the picture back on her shelf. With that said Buffy grabbed her things and headed out of her room. With a determined look she headed out of her house with one destination in mind. She had to make things right, she just had to.

"I?m coming Will. I?m sorry I didn?t do this sooner."

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Buffy was walking into the Magic Box not long after. As predicted everyone was there. Anya was at the register with a customer. As soon as the customer was gone Xander was holding and whispering in Anya?s ear. They loved each other, it was obvious even when they weren?t being naughty. Giles was busy in the back shelves helping another customer. And Willow and Tara sat at the center table looking through some spell books. Well, they were actually focused on each other. The books lay opened and unused on the table.

>>Oh Will, I remember when you would look at me like that. I wish I could still be yours. If you?d give me the chance I would give everything up for you. I?d...<<

"Hey Buffy, you alright?" asked the soft voice that interrupted Buffy?s musings.

"Will! Huh? Yeah, I?m fine," answered a somewhat surprised Buffy.

>>Good ol? Will, always looking after me. I better do this now that I have her attention<< Buffy thought to herself as she continued. "Actually, I kind of need to talk to you Will. Do you think we could...?" Buffy trailed off as she indicated to the back gym.

"Sure," Willow answered happily as she followed Buffy.

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it?s all I got
We?re one
But we?re not the same
We hurt each other
Then we do it again

"Ok Buffy, what?s up?" asked Willow as Buffy closed the door behind them.

"I don?t know how to say this," began Buffy.

"Just say it then," encouraged Willow, "You?re my best friend Buffy, you can tell me anything."

"Will, I...I..."

"Just tell me Buffy."

"I still love you."

The room was silent as both girls looked at each other. Pain filled Buffy?s face as did fear.

Willow wore a totally different look, "No. Buffy please don?t start this again. We?ve been through all this before."

"But I love you Will," Buffy almost cried. "I love you with my heart and soul."

"Buffy just stop this," Willow almost shouted, "Stop this right now. I?ve already told you and I?ll tell you again, no."

"Why not Will? We deserve a second chance. Why won?t you give us another chance?" Buffy pleaded.

This only seemed to upset Willow more, "Another chance? You want me to give ?us? another chance? Buffy, what about all the chances you let pass by? I?ve told you before Buffy, there is no ?us?. There never was an ?us? and right now there can?t be either."

"This is all Tara?s fault," Buffy answered, also getting upset, "she took you from me."

"No Buffy!" Willow said stopping the blonde?s rant. "Tara never did anything. I was never yours. You never wanted me. You never paid attention. You never cared about ?us?, as you put it, until I told you I was
with her. She loves me, everything with her is special. I won?t give that up. I tried and tried to give you my love. Not only did you not love me in return, you never accept my love, not really," Willow said pausing so all her words could sink in. "You gave me nothing Buffy," she began again, "You gave me nothing at all. That is why we can?t be together. There is nothing between us."

You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can?t keep holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

"Will please," Buffy began before her voice cracked. "Please Will, we are so perfect together. Here," she said indicating her heart, "deep in here I am hurting without you. I messed up and I am sorry. You?re my soulmate Will, deep inside I know you are. Why can?t you feel it too? We share a divine love. Perfection Will, that?s us."

"Divine love?" Willow couldn?t believe what she was hearing. "Buffy, listen to what you?re saying. All you?ve ever done is talk, talk, talk. When Angel came into the picture YOU! hurt me because it was you who let him in. When Angelus came I hated YOU! because there was only one way he could come into being. He hurt me and I hated YOU! because you let him. But I gave him his soul back because that?s what YOU wanted!? Willow burst out almost crying. Then in almost a whisper she began again, "When Angel came back and then left to L.A. who was there for you? Me! That?s who was there for you. I have always been there for you but you?ve never cared."

Buffy took her friends silence as the opportunity to apologize, "I?m so sorry Will."

"I know you are Buffy, but that won?t change anything. Not now."

"Why not Will? We came so close, so many times. Don?t you remember? I can still taste you on my lips, I can feel your body pressed to mine, I can smell everything that is you. I love you. You can?t deny that, we could?ve..."

Willow didn?t let her finish, "Taste? As in the odd kiss we had here and there. Half the time you were delusional or almost dead. Most of the time I let you because I couldn?t pull away, I was scared of getting hurt. If it wasn?t this you?d call me by some guy?s name. You call that special?" Willow questioned.

"I...I didn?t know," Buffy answered truthfully.

"No you didn?t," Willow answered regretting what she had just told her friend.

Buffy was unsure if she should continue but she did anyway, "We have now Will. You say one word and we can start like new. Please Will."

Willow didn?t even have to think before she answered, "No we don?t. After Angel, I almost left Oz so I could be with you Buffy. That?s how much I loved you. But then there was Parker. I don?t know what was worse, the first wounds or the re-opening of them. It hurt like hell Buffy. But the second time I could only be mad at myself. I let you hurt me. Right after Parker I was right there again. I was going to leave Oz, I would?ve. I should?ve learned but I didn?t. Finally, when Riley came along I was just being stupid. So tell me now Buffy, why should I be with you? Three screwed chances that I actually know about, who knows how many I don?t know about. And I ask ?WHY?? when all you?ve ever done is hurt me?"

"Will, I..." Buffy tried to explain.

"You call our love divine," interrupted Willow, "but you throw it away every time I hand you my heart. I?m not going to be here to cushion your fall now that Riley is gone. You?ve broken my heart too many times Buffy. No more." Her words were clear, strong, and unemotional.

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should

"I?ve hurt you so much Will."

"Yes you have Buffy. Now I need to move on, you need to move on too."

"Those can?t be the only choices, there has to be something more."

"Buffy, you know that this is the only way. We need to do this. We need to do what needs to be done, even if it?s not what we want."

One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers

Buffy was in tears but she wanted to make Willow happy, "Are you saying that I need to make peace with Tara?" she finally asked.

Willow?s eyes were getting red, but if she was crying inside Buffy would never know it, "No, I?m saying that we need move on. We should be helping each other instead of keeping each other down."

"It?s funny," Buffy said trying to force a smile for Willow.

"What is?"

"I already knew that this would be your answer."

"Buffy," Willow began before being interrupted.

"No Will, it?s ok. I never had anything against Tara, I was just being jealous. I shouldn?t have made such a big deal about this."

"Buffy, I...we can always be friends. Never doubt that you?ll be my friend, but we can?t be anything more."

One life
But we?re not the same
We got to carry each other
Carry each other
One

"I...I know. You?re right, you?re right Will. I only hurt you again and again. And the more I try not to... the more it seems I do."

"I know you try Buffy."

"We are perfect pieces to the same Grand Puzzle, aren?t we? But we?re not an interlocking pair."

"No, no we?re not Buffy," Willow said shaking her head.

"I?m sorry I tried to force it Will."

"That?s in the past now Buffy. Just help me, because, you?re the only one who can. You need to let me go. I need to find my pair and so do you. Like you said, we belong to the same puzzle, but not as one."

A silence filled the room as Buffy looked into Willow?s eyes. She was looking for love, fire, any little spark or sign that she might have even a small chance with Willow. Unfortunately nothing could be found.

"I...I...it?ll be hard," Buffy finally managed, "but I have no choice but to let you go, don?t I?"

"It?s the only way."

"Then I?ll...try. I?ll try for you Will."

"Thank you Buffy," Willow said hugging her friend.

Buffy clung on, as for dear life, as Willow begun to release her embrace. She was in uncontrollable tears again, by the time Willow managed to break the hold. "I will be strong Will, for you."

"I...I better go," said Willow as she headed out the door before Buffy could say anything else.

Once in the main store again, Willow headed for the center table. Smiling at her girlfriend she took the seat next to her. She looked deep into her eyes. Overcome with the love she found there she leaned over and kissed her.

"So what?s up with Buffy?" Xander asked from his, now, near by position.

"Buffy?" Willow questioned not really paying attention. "Oh Buffy, yeah. It was nothing Xander. She was just having some trouble with her math. She couldn?t figure out a few problems. Hard puzzles, but we figured it out."

"Uh, ok," Xander answered. If he was worried about either friend it didn?t show.

And with that asked and answered everyone went back to what they had been doing. Except, now Giles was at the register as Xander and Anya flirted between the stacks in the back. Willow and Tara were once again lost in themselves as the books sat untouched on the table. And in the back the Slayer remained alone. With red eyes and uncontrollable tears she was mangling one of the punching bags. There was nothing else Buffy could do. So she kept on, crying for the one love that could never be.

The End

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Well, that?s the story. I hoped you liked it. I know it?s a bit anst, but it was just reflecting my mood. And now I better get going. Laters.


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