Fic; The Rose (1/2)

[Jim_D_Means@xxxxxxxxxxx]

Here's hoping that this will hold you until I finish Avatars(hopefully this weekend). A little sappy, with some smut in the second half, which I'll post in a second.

Disclaimers;
Joss is da man! He owns all, save this particular story, and the song. I don't own the song either. Don't sue, it ain't worth it.

ALERT; major WAFFiness below, and if you hold out long enough, some smut.

Feedback; Like mochas, yes please. Jim_D_Means@xxxxxxxxxxx

Archive; Want, take, have. Just let me know first.

Spoilers; 
If you know the show, you're in. If not, what are you doing here anyway?

Tonight's episode features music by Bette Midler and Bell Book and Candle.

Summary;
Buffy thinks about her rose.


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The Rose
By Kirayoshi
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Some say love, it is a river,
That drowns the tender reed. 
Some say love, it is a razor,
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you, it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes a chance.
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give,
And it's the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

If the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
If you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that, with the sun's love,
In the spring becomes the Rose.
--Bette Midler
"The Rose"


>From across the school park, I see my Rose for the first time.

Cordy introduces me to her. Tries to warn me about the nerds and losers, using the redhead as a prime example. It's right about there when I decide I don't like Cordy.

Shortly after ditching Cordy, I go back to the redhead(Willow, that was the name Cordy gave me. A nice name). I ask her if she could help me with my math homework. She tries to warn me away from the school computer geek. I look at her, at her green eyes again. I can see the hurt, the pain of being left out. Like the rest of the world is holding a party, and her invitation got lost in the mail. 

I don't have an easy life, and I can't afford to let others like that stuck-up Cordy pick my friends for me. If that makes me a nerd or a social pariah, then lah-de-flippin'-da!

Later, I look at her eyes again, after she is forced to see a friend of hers, Jesse, lost to her forever. She and her other childhood friend, Xander, were terribly plunged into my world, a world I would have given anything to have prevented them from seeing. 

But instead of blanching and turning away, she stands by me. She and Xander start to call themselves the Slayerettes. They know now what lurks on the streets of Sunnydale at night, and rather than slink back into safe and comfortable denial, they choose to join me in my fight.

As she sits by my side, researching the latest demon or whatever I have to face, I look again at Willow Rosenberg.

I see the first true friend I ever had.

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I look across the racks at the costume shop and I see my Rose.

Willow looks like she wants to run away from this place. I practically have to strong-arm her into coming with me, hoping she'll decide it's worth the effort. Earlier that day, she, Xander and I were 'volunteered' by Mr. Snyder to escort some kids on their trick-or-treating tonight. I find myself fantasizing that Snyder's been Turned, and that it's perfectly okay to stake him. Nah, no vampire's that hard up for company!

Willow tries to blend in with the wood paneling, but I won't let her. I just caught Angel chatting up Queen C, so I decide to dress as a woman of Angel's time. Just to show him how well I can fill a dress. I try to convince Willow to crack that shell of hers a little, to let her hair down, to get wild.

I manage to convince her to try a biker-chick costume I find on the rack. "C'mon Wills," I try to convince her. "You're missing the whole point of Halloween."

"Free candy?" she asks hopefully.

"It's come as you aren't night," I explain to her. "A perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild without no repercussions."

"Uh...I don't get wild," she says meekly. "Wild on me equals spaz."

After much procrastination on her part, I finally get to see her in her costume. Man, is she sexy. Willow is so beautiful, even if she doesn't know it. Damn Cordy and her flock! They managed to brainwash Willow into believing she was a mousy computer geek, when, once she applies herself, she can be as drop-dead gorgeous as any one of them. Even my heart skips a beat when I see her in leather and spandex. And last I checked, I was straight!

I think I'm straight, anyway. Yeah, I'm sure of it.

But Willow just looks so ogle-worthy in that outfit---

But my efforts, alas, are all for naught. When Xander meets us at my place, commenting lasciviously on my outfit("Buffy, Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia. I am in awe. I completely renounce spandex," are his exact words), Willow comes downstairs, her biker costume covered entirely by a white sheet with two eye-holes and the word "BOO!" scrawled on the front.

Poor girl. I decide that my life's mission, outside of slaying vampires, is to convince her that she is truly beautiful, to undo the mental damage done by Cordy and her followers. I will remind her she is beautiful so often and so loudly that, in time, she will have no choice but to believe it herself.

As we head out to the school to escort the horde of trick-or-treaters, I look again at Willow Rosenberg.

I see a caterpillar weaving her cocoon, and ponder what the butterfly will look like.

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I look across the street, and I see my Rose. For the last time, I tell myself.

She's in a wheelchair, and I'm the one responsible for putting her there.

It all went horribly wrong on my seventeenth birthday. I finally gave in to the man I loved, my Angel, and we made love for the first time. Too late, I found that my loving him had cost him his soul, releasing the demon Angelus. His true nature as a vampire was laid bare for all the world to see and fear. And the first order of business was to torture me and the ones I loved.

Before his reign of terror ended last night at my hands, the damage was done. Jenny Calendar, teacher and friend, was dead. Kendra, fellow Slayer, was dead. Giles, Watcher and surrogate father, had been tortured. I had been expelled from both my school and my home. I had to strike an alliance with my enemy, Spike, to take down Angelus.

And worst of all, at least for me, was this; Willow, hacker and best friend, was nearly killed in her efforts to restore his soul.

Somehow, she still managed to restore his soul with the Orb of Thessula, but it was too late. He had already summoned Acaltha, and the only way to stop the demon lord from destroying the world was to send Angel, my beloved Angel, to Hell.

So I told him to close his eyes, I told him I loved him, and I ran a sword through his mid-section with all my strength.

So the world is safe. My friends will live. Willow will continue to bless the world with her life and her sweet innocence.

And the only way I can think to keep that innocence alive is to leave her. Leave them. Leave Sunnydale.

The Greyhound to L.A. arrives. I show the driver my ticket, find my seat, sling my bag into the overhead compartment, and take one last look out the window.

As the bus pulls away, I look again at Willow Rosenberg.

I see someone who would have been better off if she hadn't known me.

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Across the library, I see my Rose.

And I am afraid.

I don't know how it happened. Earlier that day, she had been coerced by Snyde-man into 'tutoring' one of the school jocks(for tutoring, read; "doing his homework for him"), and my efforts to cheer her up didn't work. I called her 'reliable', which didn't sit well with her. My attempts to explain myself just got me in deeper, to say nothing about Xander's efforts. I finally had to tell him, "I beg you not to help me," but it was too late. She had left in a huff, and made it clear she didn't want me following her.

Later, Xander and I saw her at the Bronze. The first thing I noticed was how the leather corset she was wearing accentuated her curves in just the right way to make her look especially alluring. The second thing I noticed was that she was actually wearing a leather corset. I tried to forget the shortness in my breath as I considered how sexy she looked, and began to apologize to her for once again sticking my foot in my mouth earlier.

She just looked at me blankly and said, "Bored now."

Xander and I tried to stop her from leaving, but she turned her head to us. And Changed. Her features, her brow, her eyes--

Dear God, she was a vampire!

Somehow Xander and I get to the library. I just sit there, numb to the world. I can't feel anything. Arms, legs, anything.

Then Willow walks in. And I am afraid of my best friend.

Xander leaps to his feet, grabs a cross and shouts, "Get back, demon!" Willow just stands there, her expression saying, "Xander, I love you, but you're nuts!" Xander looks at the cross, shaking it like it was a remote control with a dead battery.

It dawns on me then. We were wrong, it wasn't Willow at the Bronze. Not our Willow anyway.

I approach her, gasping, "Willow, you're alive!"

"Aren't I usually?" she asks, still not comprehending.

I don't care. My terrible pain has left me, and I can't contain my joy. I hug her hard, never wanting to let her go. I am vaguely aware of Xander hugging the both of us, but for the most part, all I can feel is the most wonderful person in the world in my arms.

Finally, she says, "Uh, guys, oxygen becoming an issue," and we break off the hug. Just in time for Giles to hug her himself. 

We begin the process of sorting out what is happening. Soon, we return to the Bronze, to stop Willow's vampire twin from killing the hostages she and her crew have taken.

As we set out to save the world again, I look again at Willow Rosenberg.

I see my lifeline, and I pray that she never leaves me.

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Across the lawn, I see my Rose.

Willow is walking toward me, in a bright summer dress. She is a vision of happiness, and I wish I could be happy with her. She has been fielding offers from more than a few prestigious colleges, while I know I'm stuck here in Sunnydale. As long as the Hellmouth is active, I can't leave it alone. I'm the Slayer, I know what would happen if anything got out.

Willow sees my distress, and starts to talk to me. Her babbling is as sweet as I remember it. God, I'll miss it when she's gone.

"Must be tough," she starts. "Here I am, I can do anything I want. I can go to any college in the country, four or five in Europe if I want."

"Please tell me you're going somewhere with this," I beg her.

"No," she announces brightly, "I'm not going anywhere." She shows me a piece of paper. Her acceptance letter from U. C. Sunnydale. She happily announces that she'll be matriculating with the class of '03, then innocently asks, "Say, isn't that where you're going?"

I'm amazed. I'm thrilled. I'm happy. My best friend will be staying with me in Sunnydale, going to school with me -- then the realization sets in. She's condemning herself to a life of misery here in Demon Central. I insist that I won't let her throw her life away, but she just looks at me crossly; "Of the two people here, which one's the boss of me?"

I try to convince her to find a better school, a safer school. I tell her not to throw her life away because of me.

She corrects me gently, and without any condescension; "Actually, this isn't about you. Although I'm fond, don't get me wrong, of you. The other night, being captured and all. Facing off with Faith, things just kinda got clear. I mean, you've been fighting evil her for three years and I've helped some. And now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people. I mean, I think it's worth doing. I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight Buffy, and I want in."

After that declaration of her devotion to me, to the cause, there is only one thing left for me to say; "I kinda love you." As the words leave my lips, I realize that they're the truest words I've ever spoken.

She adds that Sunnydale would be the perfect place for her to learn to become 'a bad-ass wiccan'. I have to agree with her there.

As we head out for the Espresso Pump to satisfy our mutual need for more sugar than the human body can consume, I look again at Willow Rosenberg.

I see the butterfly emerge from the cocoon. And it's more beautiful than I ever imagined.

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