REPOST: Early Morning Conversations (1/1) - correct version

[Shadow <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

Gods lets try this again... shall we? Okay this is the edited version
the one I should of sent earlier. Stupid pain meds. Now that half of
you think I've totally lost my mind... try this one on for size... if
its still wrong I'm blaming it all on Quin. He distracted me with
demands for smut, really he did. :P

Title: Early Morning Conversations (1/1)
Author: Shadowlander
Email: Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character commonly associated with
Buffy the Vampire Slayer; they are used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: So I decided to write a sequel to I Want My Axe Back. :)
Rating: PG

EARLY MORNING CONVERSATIONS (1/1)

"What exactly is a 'hellmouth'?" The question startled me at first,
mainly because I had just woken up and wasn't all that coherent to begin
with.

"The product of some insane Hollywood Producer with nothing better to do
then make our lives into some weird ass TV show?" I guessed, opening
the refrigerator in search of my morning Pepsi. I mean, really! Chosen
One or not, sometimes Buffy was just too bizarre for words. Imagine
asking me questions first thing in the morning when I clearly only have
one eye open. She knows I'm not truly awake and functioning until both
eyes are open.

"I mean besides that," Buffy said looking up from the newspaper with a
frown. "What the hell is it suppose to be?"

Closing both eyes and giving myself a mental shake, "A cleaver plot
device to get you to a small Southern Californian town without seeming
too far fetched?" I finally said, sending a quick prayer to whoever was
listening to save me from curious Slayers with the disposition of a
'morning person'. There was just something immensely wrong with a
'night prowler' being cheerful during the day light hours. Hell, there
was extremely wrong with sunlight period, too bright and cheerful for my
taste and it brings out the used cars salesmen. Give me a nice dark
shadow or even a clear full moon and I'm happy... but then again, I'm a
night prowler by blood, born to live among the shadows in the first
place.

"Shad-OW! Seriously... what is this hellmouth?" Buffy all but growled
at me. I had forgotten that she had begun to take such a morbid
interest in that TV show baring her name and likeness.

Opening my soda, I try to focus my thoughts not an easy task with only
two hours of sleep. "In the 'show'," I began trying not to cringe as I
said the word. Not that I hated the show, as mindless entertainment it
was tops, however personally I found it a bit embarrassing. After all
these were my friends and family being portrayed for the amusement of
the masses here. "It is suppose to be a gateway into hell, I believe
those clowns at the WB think 'hellmouth' sounds scarier then
'hellgate'." I said with a shrug, sometimes I really didn't understand
humans. "To us... I guess you would call it a weak point in the wards
between the various plans of existence. Kind of like a cosmic hiccup of
sorts that has been mended with a band-aid. Not a pleasant sight and
always on the verge of ripping open."

"Kind of like New Jersey?" Buffy said with a big evil looking grin.

Shaking my head again at her antics, "More like the West Bank during a
cease fire actually. You can feel the tension in the air." I
continued, "Unlike the TV show, we have dealt with real 'hellmouths'...
you remember Kuwait during the Gulf War... only we call them
battlefields. Throughout history every major battlefield of every war
has been a hellmouth... its not a physical place, its negative energy
that is focused directed at one thing... total destruction."

"The key to controlling the hellmouth is making sure that total
destruction doesn't happen," a new voice added as Rupert Giles made his
way into the kitchen, a mug of hot tea in his hands.

"Negative energy," Buffy said slowly, trying to wrap her mind around the
information.

"Don't worry about it... no battle in history has been destructive
enough to actually tear a hole in the wards, well except for one," I
said after a moment, "but its doubtful that is ever going to happen
again."

"What makes you so sure?" Buffy questioned with an arched eyebrow.

"The continent isn't there anymore." Giles replied with a straight face
looking his Slayer in the eye.

"ATLANTIS!!"

"Yeah... Atlantis, two warring sides lost their damn minds and give into
the madness, you could see the explosion from deep with the Amazon
jungle." I added knowing I really wasn't helping, but she did ask. "We
nearly lost everything... the Chosen One, half the Order died with her,
trying to evacuate the continent... I got blown into really little
pieces took me fifty years to reform." I said with another shake, the
old memories stirring up. 'Damn I still miss those guys.' I thought
sadly remembering my friends who gave their lives to save what little of
Atlantis they could.

"You got blown into little pieces?"

"Oh yeah... one of the downsides of being immortal... I lose body parts
and I just grow new ones," I said, with a rueful smile, "it's a real
pain when I have to grow a new head." I finished dryly, 'stupid French
Revolution.' "If you say it, I will break your arm," I warned seeing
the evil little glint in her eyes.

"You're no fun in the mornings," Buffy pouted, before sticking her
tongue out at me.

"I'm also not awake... give me a few hours and I'll do something about
that tongue," I said coyly.

A low growl interrupted our playful banter, "Get your own Slayer,"
Willow hissed, her eyes flashing briefly.

"But... Will-OW! Shadow does this really interesting thing with..."

"HEY!" I said outraged, I didn't get as old as I am by being stupid; I
was SO not getting in the middle of a sexually frustrated Brahan and her
mate. "I have you know I'm not that kind of immortal!"

"Really? What kind of immortal are you?" Buffy asked sweetly, that
annoying as hell grin on her face.

"The kind that is going to tell your mother on you," I replied with an
equally sweet grin.

"Tell me what?" Joyce asked, walking into the kitchen pausing to give
Giles a quick kiss on the cheek as she neared.

"Hi, mom," Willow said, smiling at her mother-in-law with a big goofy
grin, she just loved getting her mate in trouble... Buffy always did
blush beautifully when she was trying to get out of trouble with her
mother.

"Elizabeth Ann has been having naughty thoughts again... and they
weren't about Willow." I said, sticking my tongue out Buffy before
disappearing in a flash of light... gods I sometimes I love my life.

The End.


--
Shadow -
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper.
Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox {Fruit Bat} of the Woods Outback. The
Big Bad and Little Comma. Mistress of Mischief... Corrupter of the
Innocent. Torment of Quindolyn. Founding Member of the Get Willow and
Buffy Naked Society. GWBNS - a way of life. Dark Mistress of Weird...
be afraid, be very afraid.