Re: new fic, need beta

["angel ruiz" <montevallo64@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Coolness! Please continue.

-Angel

>From: C A Moore

>Reply-To: buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

>To: BLW , BWW

>Subject: ::BuffyWantsWillow:: new fic, need beta

>Date: Tue, 3 Apr 2001 14:43:43 +1000 (EST)

>

>Hi this is the first time I've posted.

>The fic, still in progress is the first fiction I

>*ever* wrote (started back in october), I haven't had

>time to rewrite the first bit, so I'm afraid the style

>starts a little rough, but I like to think that it has

>got smoother. So far up to about 11,000 words, seem to

>have stalled (too many ideas actually), hoping

>feedback will help me decide how to focus it. I hope

>to post the fic in parts, but I feel a little

>uncertain about posting un-beta'ed, hence this appeal.

>I also feel a little self concious among all these

>well known established authors, so I guess I will use

>that survey that went

>around on friday and saturday to introduce myself :-)

>

>PARENTS NAMES : Adrian and Elisabeth

>BIRTHPLACE: Hobart, Tasmania, Australia

>WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? "Teaching Secondary

>School Mathematics" (honest) Basically I’m never

>reading fiction

>because once I pick up the book I read the lot.

>WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Papers, drinks, and the

>mouse is usually able to carve out a little corner.

>WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? I haven’t played any

>in years. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? New Scientist

>FAVORITE SMELLS? After rain

>FAVORITE SOUND? Silence

>WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? It was due *this* week?

>WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP

>IN THE MORNING? Where am I?, or my bladder depending

>on last night’s activities

>ROLLER COASTER--SCARY OR EXCITING? Beats me

>HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Depends

>how long it takes to find the phone

>DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST: Until I did a 180 skid one

>afternoon, but I getting back in the habit

>FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: I can’t run fast

>enough to catch fast food

>STORMS--COOL OR SCARY: Cool, except when you’re

>camping in tents

>WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR: 1979 Mazda 323

>IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO

>WOULDIT BE? Jesus (to find out what really happened),

>or Fermat to see if he really proved that theorem

>FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Don’t drink

>WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Aquarius

>DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? yes

>IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT

>BE? God, or failing that, a politician.

>IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? What’s in the

>glass?

>FAVORITE MOVIES: I can never remember what they’re

>called. Chicken Run (watched with younger siblings)

>was pretty good

>ARE YOU A LEFTY OR A RIGHTY: lefty

>DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE CORRECT KEYS?

>mostly

>WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Air, carpet, dust

>COFFEE OR ICE CREAM? Ice cream, caffeine does funny

>things...

>WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER: 1013

>FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Watching sport is too

>strenuous, I watch Tennis and netball occasionally

>

>

>The first part of the story is given below, could

>anybody who has time to beta (not too many please, I

>will post the whole lot eventually) contact me to tell

>me how you want it sent, I see three options:

>

>1 I can just sent you an attachment

>2 I can leave it in the BuffyWantsWillow files area

>3 I can make it available online via a friend's web

>site

>

>Some indication of perferred file format would help as

>well (I can do html, text, .RTF, .DOC)

>

>Finally here is the teaser:

>

>

>TITLE: History Visiting [working title] (1/?)

>AUTHOR: C A Moore (cab_moore@xxxxxxxxx)

>PAIRINGS: Eventually B/W, mild B/R, W/T, B/f in

>transit

>RATING: PG, I suppose, nothing very explicit

>DISCLAIMER: Buffy Universe is the property of

>Joss/Mutant Enemy/WB. Helen, Jo, Chris & Jane are mine

>SUMMARY: A visitor comes to Sunnydale and ruffles a

>few feathers. Fits "in the cracks" between "Doomed"

>and "A New Man".

>SPOILERS: In this part I don’t remember spoiling past

>Doomed

>AUTHOR’S NOTES Beta version. It’s B/W but don’t hold

>your breath it will take a while (blasted story keeps

>expanding). Mary Sue alert (I don’t need to tell you

>who)

>

>

>In the alley the air shimmered for a moment as if, for

>a moment reality struggled against the inevitable,

>reluctant to accept the change. The air cleared and

>there was now a tall, slim man standing in the

>previously empty space. The "man" looked about him

>getting his bearings; this place was familiar, but at

>the same time felt so different. As he moved to the

>mouth of the alley a group of young people, men and

>women moved past the alley, talking and laughing as

>they made their way into some sort of club. A small

>smile crossed his lips as he left to alley to follow

>them.

>

>****

>

>Buffy walked towards the Bronze, her brow creased in

>thought. Patrol had been uneventful, with just a few

>newly risen vamps, easily staked. Before patrol Willow

>had warned her that there might be something new in

>town. She had said that earlier, when she had been

>performing a simple spell she had sensed something,

>something that had frightened her. She was unable to

>exactly describe it; she said it "felt" like an

>interdimensional portal being opened and closed; like

>a demon summoning, but this had been different, more

>powerful yet more controlled. It had really scared

>her, and Giles, too, seemed concerned when they told

>him, and he had advised her to be very careful on

>patrol.

>

>As she entered the Bronze, Willow ambushed her,

>"Anything?"

>

>"A few newbie vamps, nothing unusual"

>

>"Riley?"

>

>"I haven't seen him yet, but I'll ask if the

>Initiative has seen anything when I see him tonight"

>

>"I won't wait up" Willow smiled.

>

>"Mmm", Buffy paused, "Walk you home?"

>

>"Thanks"

>As they left the Bronze there was the sound of a

>scuffle and some distinctly vampiric growling from an

>alley. Rushing to the alley mouth they saw a man

>easily pinning a struggling woman against a wall;

>looking at them Buffy’s "Slayer Sense" was screaming

>vampire. Signalling willow to stay put Buffy stalked

>up behind the man staking him in the back and thew him

>down in to a pile of litter. Turning to help the

>victim she was shocked to see that she was a vampire;

>before she could react the demon leaped on to her,

>stopping her from using the stake; they grappled for a

>moment but Buffy clearly had the advantage.

>

>Suddenly the demon's hand reached inside her clothing

>and reappeared with a knife. Buffy braced herself for

>the blow but it never came, as someone hit the

>vampire's elbow, causing is to miss. Buffy easily

>moved back and staked the surprised vampire, who

>exploded into dust, then looked up at her ally, a

>red-haired woman of about her own age. The woman

>offered her a hand up, she accepted.

>

>As they moved into the better lighting at the mouth of

>the alley, the woman spoke

>"What was that?"

>

>"Vampire" Buffy replied shortly. The woman's fast

>reaction to the knife was worrying her, as was the

>fact that she hadn't noticed the woman when she first

>entered the alley, although she supposed that she

>could have missed her in the shadows, as her attention

>had been focused on the obvious 'victim'.

>

>"They were very fast and strong," the woman said, and

>continued with a smile "what about you?"

>

>Willow joined the pair at the alley mouth "Are you

>alright Buffy?" In the shadows of the alley it had

>been difficult to make out exactly what was happening.

>She had been as surprised as Buffy when the victim had

>turned on Buffy, and on seeing the other figure

>approach the fighting pair had been about to yell a

>warning when the fight came to its abrupt conclusion.

>

>"Fine" Buffy replied looking at the stranger in the

>streetlight. She was tallish, perhaps five six; but

>perfectly proportioned, so that without a reference

>you wouldn’t notice. Her hair was a paler shade than

>Willow’s, and she was wearing a clingy green dress

>that left little of her shape to the imagination. On

>an impulse she reached out to the girl's neck to check

>her pulse, 'stupid the get caught twice in one night'.

>She had a pulse, and her neck was soft and warm. Her

>thoughts drifted again to the dress, and it's

>contents, it was a very nice shape, she thought, as

>her hand caressed the smiling woman's neck. A voice

>intruded on her thoughts

>

>"Buffy?" Riley asked, approaching the group.

>

>Buffy drew her hand back as if stung; gathering her

>confused thoughts, 'damn post slaying....'. She

>turned to Riley with a smile

>"Riley? I thought we were meeting at your place", she

>remembered the new girl, "Riley this is..." suddenly

>realising that she didn't know her name.

>

>"Jo", the girl supplied.

>

>Riley seemed distracted

>"Buffy, about tonight, I -" he paused as the presence

>of the extra person penetrated his consciousness.

>

>"Yes?"

>

>He drew Buffy away from the others and continued

>"Something has come up, I've been rostered on to

>tonight's shift, they’ve put me on double shifts, and

>when I’m not patrolling I’ll be babysitting, um,

>briefing some new brass form Washington, for the whole

>weekend. They’ve even got me sleeping on base. I won’t

>be able to see you until next week."

>

>"Oh"

>

>*****

>

>When Buffy and Riley left them Willow turned to Jo

>"Are you from around here?"

>

>"No, I just arrived; your friend, Buffy, what is she?"

>

>Willow ignored the question.

>"What do you do?", then realising that it came out a

>bit blunt she continued, "I mean, um, what brings you

>to Sunnydale?"

>

>The other woman smiled,

>"Sorry, I'm a bit pushy. I'm a scientist, I guess. As

>a hobby I study paranormal phenomena, and my research

>seemed to indicate that Sunnydale was the place to go;

>the laryngitis epidemic was too much to ignore. I must

>admit I didn't expect to observing so, err,

>intimately"

>

>There was a short silence, Jo looked over at Buffy and

>Riley talking

>"Soldiers and their secrets", she commented to Willow

>with a smile.

>

>Willow started,

>"How?"

>

>"His job a secret too huh" Jo said, looking even more

>amused, "I'm trained to observe, remember. Anyway,

>I've seen a lot of soldiers; after a while you can

>just tell".

>

>Buffy rejoined the group as Riley left to report

>"Riley has to, " looking at Jo, "mark some papers".

>She stopped, noticing that Jo and Willow were smiling

>at her explanation "What?"

>

>"She worked it out Buffy, she knows Riley is military.

>She says you can tell by looking at him." Willow

>explained.

>

>Buffy smiled too, seeing the joke

>"Ah".

>

>"So what were you two talking about when you weren't

>checking out my boyfriend?"

>

>Jo looked on, amused, as Willow filled Buffy in

>"… Maybe we should take her to see Giles?" she

>finished.

>

>"Isn't he performing tonight?" Buffy asked smiling

>again.

>

>"Tomorrow morning, then" Willow continued

>emphatically, sharing the joke.

>

>"What is he, a stripper, or something?" Jo asked

>

>"Worse" Buffy replied.

>

>"Folk music" Willow finished.

>

>"Tomorrow it is, then" Jo agreed.

>

>The three girls continued to talk, and Jo subtly

>started them walking in the direction that Willow and

>Buffy had been heading before the fight. Soon the trio

>was headed for the dorm room, Buffy and Willow having

>unconsciously taken the lead, still talking to the

>woman about their experiences. Not once, despite

>talking all night, telling the stranger all about

>their lives on the Hellmouth, and their roles as

>slayer and witch, did the two girls realise the

>strangeness of their easy intimacy with someone they

>had met only hours earlier.

>

>Trust is intuitive, body language is the language of

>intuition, and Jo was a fluent speaker; it had been

>easy to allay their suspicions, using the strength of

>their feeling for each other to ensure their

>acceptance by mimicking them, to get them to talk

>about their lives. She had not expected an opportunity

>like this so soon after her arrival. Tired, the girls

>fell asleep, awash with feelings of friendship and

>security. It was 4AM, plenty of time to sunrise; Jo

>quietly rose from her sitting position on the floor,

>and looked at the sleeping girls, smiling to herself.

>She had a job to do, and now was the time to do it.

>

>***************

>

>That's all for now folks, what do you think?

>

>CBMoore

>

>

>

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