Fic: GhostSlayer (1/?)

[annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]

GhostSlayer, Part One.
Comments/Flames/Etc. to: annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

--

Willow walked between the tall stacks of UC Sunnydale's occult 
reference section. As she ran her fingers idly down the spines, 
searching out the volumes she wanted, she failed to notice the books 
behind her inexplicably cross from one shelf to another as if moved 
by unseen hands. It wasn't until the index cards spewed forth from 
their drawers that she realised something seriously weird was going 
on. Frantically she ran down one aisle and then the next until she 
came face to face with...

*

"Concentrate," Giles asked, as Buffy stared deep into the 
crystal. "Clear your head and focus, try and see the image in your 
mind."
"Is it a star?" Buffy asked.
"It is a star!" Giles exclaimed. "Very good!" He gave her a bright 
smile. "All right..." he turned back to Xander. "Think hard." He drew 
another card from the top of the pack. "What is it?"
"Circle?" Xander guessed.
"Ooh, close!" Giles turned the card over so that Xander could see 
the square. "But very definitely wrong." He pressed the button on the 
small panel in front of him and gave Xander a painful electric shock.
"Yeow!" Xander cried. "Dammit!" Just as Xander was about to grumble 
(again) about being Giles' lab rat, the phone rang.
"Hello?" Giles answered. "What? Attacked? We'll be right there." He 
placed the phone back in its cradle. "Willow's been attacked in the 
university library!"

*

Xander entered the library to see Willow sitting in a comfy reading 
chair not looking too worse-for-wear, while Wesley seemed to be 
listening to a desk with a stethoscope.
"Borkis mah weh nop teh valdar!" Xander intoned. For added 
amusement, he picked up the leather-bound tome of 'Cute Demons, How 
To Capture By Means Of Ice-Cream' and dropped it on the desk with a 
resounding thud.
"Oh, you're here!" Wesley exclaimed as he flew out from under the 
desk.
"What's the situation?" Giles asked.
"Willow witnessed a free-floating full-torso vaporous apparition!" 
Wesley said, excitedly. "I took PKE valance readings... They were off 
the scale! Buried the needle!"
"So..." said Buffy. "What exactly are we dealing with?"

*

Xander sat down next to Willow while Buffy headed off into the 
stacks to see if she could spot anything eldrytch. He gave her his 
best-friend smile, and looked at the sheet of paper in front of him.
"Wesley gave me this list of questions to ask," he said.
Willow nodded. "Okay," she whispered.
"Have you, or any member of your family, been diagnosed as 
schizophrenic or mentally incompetent?"
Willow threw him an angry stare. "You know my father thinks he's 
Napoleon!"
"I'd call that a big yes." Xander ticked a box. "Are you habitually 
using drugs, alcohol or stimulants?"
"Um... Do mochas count? 'Cos they're like real high on caffeine..."
"Another yes." Xander ticked again. "Are you, Willow Rosenberg, 
menstruating right now?"

*

"What was that?" Wesley quavered. "It sounded like a scream."
Buffy shrugged. "Sounds like Xander's foot found its way into his 
mouth again."
"Are you sure? I could have sworn that was a girl's scream."
"Oh, I'm sure." A crash came from up ahead. "Come on, its on the 
move."
"Look!" Giles whispered as they tuned a corner. "Symmetrical book-
stacking!"
"Oh yes!" Wesley said. "No human being would stack books like this!"
"Actually," Buffy pointed out, "that's how we left the pile after we 
did research into Muntar demons last week."
"And the ectoplasmic slime?" Giles asked.
"Oh, that's new." Buffy crossed her fingers. "Let's keep moving."
"Its here!" Giles said, as they rounded yet another corner.
"A full torso apparition!" Wesley breathed.
Buffy gave the ghost the once-over. "So," she asked, "what do we 
do?"

*

Buffy collapsed laughing on the grass outside the campus 
gates. "That was your whole plan?" she wheezed. "Get her?" She broke 
into a fresh peal of laughter.
Xander grinned. "Can you believe the Watcher's Council fired this 
guy?" he asked.
"Oh yeah!" Willow smirked.
"Now come on," Giles pouted. "It seemed like a reasonable plan at 
the time."
"I liked the bit where the ghost grabbed Wesley and smothered him 
with ectoplasm," Willow ventured. "Although, having to resuscitate 
him with mouth-to-mouth did kinda kill the moment a little." She spat 
on the floor again, trying to get rid of the taste of ectoplasmic goo.
"Oh yeah!" Xander looked over to where Wesley lay in his faint on 
the floor. "Has the weasel woken up yet?"
"Nope." Buffy stretched to loosen her diaphragm. Too much 
laughing... her sides hurt.
"Anyway," Giles said. "I wouldn't say the experience was totally 
wasted. I think, with the readings Wesley made before he passed out 
like a baby, we have an excellent chance of catching a ghost and 
holding it indefinitely."
Willow glanced at the notes Giles had made. "If the ionisation 
readings remain consistent for all ectoplasmic materials," she 
pondered, "well... we could really kick some ass!"
Buffy looked up like a dog that had heard the chain rattle. "Oh?"
Willow blushed. "Well, in a spiritual sense, of course."
"Are you serious about being able to catch a ghost?" Xander asked.
Giles nodded. "Yes, I think so."
"Then let's do it!" Xander seemed suddenly enthusiastic.
"Do what?" Giles asked.
"For whatever reasons... Call it fate, call it luck, or karma... I 
believe everything happens for a reason. I believe you were destined 
to get canned from the Watcher's Council!"
Giles looked gobsmacked. "To what purpose?" he asked.
Xander's grin seemed impossibly wide. "To go into business for 
ourselves!"
The scoobs looked at each other, nodding.
"Um... Where are we going to get the money?" Giles pondered.
"I don't know..." Xander replied. "I don't know."

*

"Cheer up, Giles!" Buffy said with a smile. "Everyone has three 
mortgages nowadays."
"But at 19%?" Giles stammered.
Xander cut in. "Look, we're on the threshold of establishing *the* 
indespensible defence science of the next decade. Professional 
paranormal investigations and eliminations. The franchise rights 
alone will make us rich beyond our wildest dreams!"
"Are you sure?" Anya asked. "Only I have some really wild dreams. 
There was this one..."
"And why's she here?" Buffy asked. "Since when is she a part of all 
this?"
"Hey!" Xander frowned. "She's perfect for our secretarial needs."
"Which in Xander's case means making coffee and having a cute ass to 
watch," Anya piped in.
"Damn right!" Xander agreed.
Willow bit her lip.
"Whatever!" Buffy rolled her eyes and kept walking.

*

"Wow!" Buffy called out from the floor above. "Does this pole still 
work?" She slid down the pole to the floor below. "I love this place! 
When can we move in?"
Giles stared, speechless. "You do realise this used to be a strip 
club?" he asked.
"Nope?" Buffy shrugged. "But I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Who 
found it?"
Xander sidled away. Slowly.
"Whee!" Willow slid down the pole to join them. "This place is 
great!" she said, breathlessly. "We should stay here, tonight! Try it 
out!"
"Pyjama party!" Buffy agreed excitedly.
Giles ruefully shook his head. He felt a migraine coming on.

*

As Tara started packing her shopping away, she heard a noise coming 
from the fridge. She ignored it, at first, because she was used to 
the appliances making strange noises in her apartment. Especially 
with all the free-flowing magic that sometimes made things move 
around a little of their own accord. However when the eggs started 
jumping out of their boxes and cooking on the kitchen counter, she 
realised things were moving beyond the normal background weirdness. 
This was bordering on poltergeist territory. Suddenly, the fridge 
door opened and she saw a pair of hellhounds prancing in front of a 
balefire-lit Incan pyramid. She looked at the more muscular of the 
two dogs.
"Mom?" she queried. "Is that you?"
Fire lanced forth from the hellhound's mouth. "Zuul!" it cried.
"Guess not." She closed the fridge door and continued unpacking her 
groceries.

*

End Part 1.