Fic: GhostSlayer (3/?)

[annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]

GhostSlayer, Part 3.
Comments/Flames/Etc. to: annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

--

"So, what's the sitch between you and Tara?" Buffy asked.
"Oh." Willow stared forlornly at her fingernails. "I think she's 
lost all interest in me. I said to her, its either me or the kibbles. 
But I guess she was seduced by those evil biscuits."
"Damn girl, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"
Willow chewed her lip and looked up into Buffy's earnest face. "Do 
you still have those tight red leather pants?" she asked. "I'm ready 
for a subtle change of image."

*

Cordelia turned on her TV set in time to catch Giles staring 
nervously into the camera.
"Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night?" The 
ex-librarian asked.
"Depends whether dad's been on the smack again," Cordelia muttered, 
loudly.
Buffy's face suddenly came into extreme close-up.
"Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?" The 
Slayer queried.
"All the time!" Cordelia nodded.
"Have you ever seen a spook, spectre, vampire, demon, werewolf, 
ghost, or an egg that turns into an icky alien facehugger?" Willow 
asked.
"Three for three!" Cordelia agreed.
"Then call GhostSlayers!" Giles' enthusiastically cried. "Our rude 
and inefficient yet fiscally motivated ex-demon is waiting to take 
your cash. Call now!"
"We're ready to believe you!" Buffy, Giles and Willow unconvincingly 
chanted in unison.
"And if necessary," Buffy added, "I'll kick your evil ass!"
Giles' frown faded to black as the advert ended. Three more ex-high-
school staff members came on next and screamed "Whassap!" at each 
other in a bid to sell a new brand of hearing aids. Cordelia turned 
the TV set off again.
The cute little demon in the corner of the room watched her 
carefully, licking its lips.
"Lunch!" it cried, and sprang at her.

*

Giles peered uncertainly over Anya's shoulder as she tapped keys. 
On the computer display, a poor 3D model of Cordelia's head showed 
her alpha-wave patterns. Buffy, Willow and Xander stood in one 
corner, heatedly discussing something and pointing at Cordelia, who 
sat hooked-up in a chair in the middle of the room.
"According to these readings," Giles stated, "there's absolutely 
nothing wrong with you."
"So I'm not going crazy?" Cordelia asked.
"Well, possibly not." Giles agreed, cleaning his glasses. "But it 
does beg the question why you're wearing a Viking helmet."
In the corner of the room, Xander collapsed into another fit of 
uncontrollable giggles, going 'Woot!' and spinning in circles, fists 
in the air and legs flailing. Buffy and Willow simply high-fived.
Cordelia took the helmet off. "This isn't a medical scanner?" she 
asked.

*

Spike opened the door to his crypt. His hairstyle seemed less like 
David Bowie and more like Ken Dodd. In the background, Dawn lay fast 
asleep on the sofa. Her hair had gone the way of Scary Spice.
"Are you the Keymaster?" Spike asked in a husky voice.
The ancient vampire, pallid and with bat-like features, blinked in 
surprise. He frowned, then shrugged out of his tight leather 
pants. "Close enough," he said. "Close enough."

*

"You actually live here now?" Cordelia asked as she stared in thinly-
disguised contempt around Xander's room.
"Yep. It sure beats living in my parent's basement."
"Definitely!" Cordelia agreed.
"Hey!" Xander shot to his feet as an idea hit. "Wanna try out my 
pole?"

*

Willow whispered into Buffy's ear softly. "Are you sure you want to 
try this?"
Buffy nodded. "I think so. Will it hurt?"
Willow shook her head. "Not if you relax." She smiled her pixie 
smile. "Feeling relaxed?"
"Nope!" Buffy grinned.
Willow giggled, and continued to slather green gunk over Buffy's...

*

End Part 3.