Fic: GhostSlayer (5/?)

[annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]

GhostSlayer, Part Five.
Comments/Flames/Etc. to: annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

--

Xander knocked self-consciously on the door to Cordelia's 
apartment. He checked himself in the glass of the door, and tried a 
smile or two. They seemed fake. Suddenly the door opened, and 
Cordelia stood before him in a figure-hugging red negligee.
"Are you the GateKeeper?" she asked.
"Nope." Xander frowned.
Cordelia shut the door on him.
"O...kay." Xander knocked the door again, and Cordelia opened it.
"Are you the GateKeeper?" she asked.
"Yep?" Xander tried. Cordelia loosed him in and took off her 
negligee.
Xander fainted.

*

As daylight faded, Dawn awoke to a strange soreness. "What did I 
*do*?" she wondered. She saw a pale vampire lying beside her with a 
huge smile plastered on its face, so she staked it. Instead of the 
usual dust motif, the vampire simply dissolved into a skeleton.
"Cool!" Dawn exclaimed. She noticed an acute absence of Spike, and 
the door to the crypt was wide open. "Come back!" she called. "I want 
my underwear back!"

*

Spike stumbled dazedly through the streets of Sunnydale with Dawn's 
underwear on his head. He came across a police officer on a horse.
"Are you the KeyMaster?" he asked.
The horse shook its head, fear sparkling in its beady eyes.
"Hey!" The police office cried out. "What's your beef?"
"Am I talking to you?" Spike asked. "Moron!" He continued to stumble 
away down the street. 
The police officer let him go. You see such weird shit on the 
darkened streets of Sunnydale. Best just to let things lie.

*

Anya answered the phone. "Uhuh? She just answered the door in her 
underwear, then removed all her clothes. And you did *nothing*? Why 
am I not believing you? Oh. She did? Well, okay." She hung up.
Buffy gave her a curious look. "What was all that about?"
Anya shrugged. "Xander called in to say Cordelia's wearing no 
clothes and claiming she's a Key."
Buffy blinked. "Dammit! How many of these things are those damn 
monks gonna keep shoving into my life? Call Willow. We'd better check 
her out."
Anya smiled. "I bet Xander's way ahead of you there."

*

Xander answered the door with a goofy smile.
"Hey guys!" he greeted. "What's the sitch?"
Buffy slowly lowered her crossbow. Willow kept her nuclear 
accelerator in a firm grip, just in case. Giles joined them.
"So, where is she?" he asked.
Xander grumbled. "She's in the bedroom," he said. "But trust me 
when I say, you really do not wanna go in there."
Buffy, Willow and Giles made a rapid dash for the bedroom. Xander 
stayed by the door.
"Told you," he said as Willow made an equally rapid dash for the 
toilet, her face green. "Spike turned up about 10 minutes ago. 
They've been at it since."
Buffy rounded on the X-man. "You could have given us a better 
warning!" she stormed.
"Yep!" Xander agreed. "And you could have so not greased my pole. My 
ass still hurts."
"Not as much as its gonna!" Buffy retorted and aimed a kick.
"Hey!" Xander hid behind Giles. "Giles, stop her!"
"Just calm down, the both of you." Giles peered into the bedroom 
again. A sudden white light flared into existence and Giles staggered 
backwards.
"What the hell?" he muttered.
"What was that?" Buffy peered into the bedroom. She saw lightning 
flicker around Spike and Cordy's prostrate bodies and they both 
turned into mutts.
Willow peered through the door. "That happens way too much around 
here," she muttered. She watched the two hellhounds begin to 
rut. "Out of the way," she commanded. "I know how to deal with this."
As the other scoobs cleared a path, she pulled out (seemingly from 
nowhere) a SuperSoaker 2000 and pumped it. Then she made free with 
the soaking.
"How'd you know what to do?" Buffy asked impressed as the two 
hellhounds slinked away from each other.
Willow gave her a Look. "It was just like this between Tara and Oz 
when Tara was on heat," she said. "The house smelled of damp carpet 
for *days*."
Buffy nodded sympathetically as Giles cleaned his glasses.
"I think we're in trouble," he said. Buffy stared as a spiky-haired 
woman in tight white leathers scritched Cordelia between the ears. 
The newcomer stared at the Slayer.
"Are you a God?" she asked.
"Nope," Buffy admitted. "But I've killed a few." She pulled out her 
nuclear accelerator. "Die, bitch!" she screamed and let rip with a 
poor special effect. The beam hit the demi-goddess square in her 
chest and she disappeared.
Buffy sniffed. "Well. Chalk up another Big Bad as toast."
"Um," Giles commented. "I believe your levity may be unduly 
warranted."
"That's English for: 'Don't speak too soon!'" Willow offered 
helpfully.
A discorporate voice boomed, "Choose the form of your destruction!"
Buffy blinked. "Come again?"
The discorporate voice boomed, with a hint of frustration, "Choose 
or perish!"
"Clear your minds!" Giles screamed, albeit a tad late.
"The choice has been made." The voice claimed.
"What?" Giles glared at the scoobs. "What were you all thinking? 
Come on, spit it out!"
Xander shrugged. "What do I always think about?" His eyes 
widened. "Oh no!" he whispered. "What a way to go!"
"It's my fault," Buffy quavered. "I tried to think of something 
harmless, something that couldn't possibly hurt us."
Willow looked at her in concern. "What were *you* thinking about, 
Buffy?"
"I mean, how could it possible be dangerous?" Buffy quavered.
"What?!" Giles demanded. A sudden *crump* noise echoed in the 
distance, and Giles ran to the window.
Willow masked her emotions behind her Resolve Face. "What did you 
do, Buffy? What were you thinking?"
"Oh my God!" Giles' mouth dropped open as he stared down the street.
"No, it can't be!" Buffy entered a semi-comatose state. "Puffy 
Xander!" she whispered.
*crump*

*

End Part 5.