Fic: If I don't tell you now

[buffycharmed@xxxxxxxx]

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Title: If I don't tell you now

Author: Aztet

Email: buffycharmed@xxxxxxxx

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. I am just borrowing 
them and will put them back after use.

Summary: How do you tell someone you're in love with her?

Notes: This is my first fic. Ever. So feedback would be great. I hope 
it's ok.

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I have been wrestling with the fact for a long time now. I had felt 
this way for so long but just never admitted it. I guess I didn't as 
it seemed foreign to me. It's not that I have not liked anybody or 
anything. It's just that it's different. Before I met her, I never 
thought I could feel this way about someone. And now, I can't stand 
not being able to tell her how I feel. What's that phrase? So near, 
yet so far. Yeah, that's it. She's right there, but yet I'm not doing 
anything to make her mine. Why not? Some may ask. Well, I'm afraid of 
losing what we have now. Our friendship. That's right, I'm in love 
with my best friend. What if I scared her after I confess? I don't 
know how I can go on without her. I'm already living at a Hellmouth, 
I don't need to "upgrade" to a personal Hell. That's how I would feel 
if I ever lost her. But I won't know how she feels till I've told 
her. I have to tell her. I have to tell her. Now the question is, how?

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Only ten minutes have passed since the last time I saw the clock. She 
should be here any minute. 

* Knock. Knock. *

I take a deep breath and open the door.

"Willow! You're here. Come on in."

I hold the door open as she steps in. I take another deep breath to 
calm my fast beating heart. I realized it always does that every time 
I see her. 

"Mom has gone to some gallery and won't be back tonight, so I thought 
we could have a girls' night."

"Great! We can watch tv and talk the whole night. I'm sure we'll have 
lots to talk about, like Anya, who is really irritating the hell out 
of me, you wouldn't believe what she said the other day but I 
shouldn't be talking about her cause she's Xander's girlfriend now 
and that wouldn't be nice and I'm babbling now so I should just stop 
and we should go and watch some tv."

I smile at her. She's so cute when she starts to babble. 

"Right, we have the whole night to talk. Let's watch some tv first. I 
heard there's this good show on now."

We got ourselves comfy on the sofa and I switched on the television. 
We must have watched tv for about an hour when I finally decided it 
was time.

"Hey Wills, the other day, I heard a song on the radio and I quite 
liked it. How about you listen to it while I get us some sodas?"

"Sure. So what's the title? Who sang the song?"

"I'll tell you later. Just listen to song. I'll tell you later."

I switched off the tv and went over to my stereo set. She is giving 
me a curious look as I smile at her. I press the `Play' button and 
walk to the kitchen as the beginning of the song starts.

**I've kept it inside for the longest time
And I can't keep keeping 
All this love that's inside my heart
Maybe it's safer not to say that I care
Maybe this road won't lead me anywhere, but...

If I don't tell you now
I may never get the chance again
To tell you that I need you
To tell you what I'm feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don't say the words
How will you hear what's inside my heart
How will you know that
If I don't tell you now**

I sit down on one of the kitchen stools. So this is finally it. I am 
telling her how I feel. What should I say? 

**I'd give anything to be in your dreams
And I can't stand standing by
With this dream that's inside my heart
Maybe I'm only gonna make a mistake
And there's a chance maybe my heart will break, but...

If I don't tell you now
(If I don't tell you now)
I may never get the chance again
(I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you
To tell you what I'm feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don't say the words
(If I don't say the words)
How will you hear what's inside my heart
How will you know that
If I don't tell you now**

I can hear the stereo faintly. The song's ending. It's time. I stand 
up, close my eyes for a while, collect my thoughts. I take a deep 
breath, letting it out slowly. I open my eyes and make my way to the 
living room.

**How will you know you're inside my soul
Oh it's driving me crazy
Cus you don't see
(You don't see)
You're that one for me
I'm so afraid to say the way that I feel, but...

If I don't tell you now
(If I don't tell you now)
I may never get the chance again
(I may never get the chance again)
To tell you that I need you
To tell you what I'm feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don't say the words
(If I don't say the words)
How will you hear what's inside my heart
How will you know that
If I don't tell you now**

The short walk to the living room seemed to be the longest distance I 
had ever walked. It seemed to stretch forever. She looked up at me 
when I reached her. Her face was blank. No emotion. Nothing. I have 
no idea what she is feeling now. I started to say the speech I had 
prepared just for this when suddenly everything was forgotten. I had 
rehearsed this so many times but at this critical moment, everything 
was gone. With my mind blank, I just blurted out whatever I was 
feeling.

"You're my best friend, Will. And that you will always be. But I 
believe that we can be more. I'm in love with you Willow Rosenburg. I 
have been in love with you since the first time I saw you. When I 
first saw you, I was immediately taken by you. And when I got to know 
you more, and we became best friends, the more I was in love with 
you. You were always there for me. But I was afraid. Afraid that if 
you didn't love me like I love you, our friendship would be gone. 
That's why I took so long to tell you this. But I can't hold it in 
anymore. I can't lose you. I am nothing without you. I love you."

By then, my tears were flowing as I waited for her response. I 
watched as she stood up. She looked at straight in the eye. I could 
see that she was also crying when she said,

"Do you know how many times I had dreamed of you telling me that? I 
wanted so much to tell you that I love you too. But I was scared too. 
I didn't know how you would accept it. You won't lose me cause I 
can't live without you too. I love you, Buffy. I always have."

She loves me. Willow just said she loves me. I can't believe it. Both 
of us are now standing in silence with big goofy grins plastered on 
our faces. I don't remember who made the first move but soon we were 
kissing. Willow and I kissing. Woah. We must have stood there 
grinning like idiots for a full minute, just holding each other. 
Content.

"I wonder how the gang would react to this."

"Let's not tell them yet. I want to enjoy this without them knowing 
first. Erm, Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's my soda?"


Aztet
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