OT: My top five Peevs of Fanfiction

[Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx]

Greetings,
I thought this up a loooong time ago and it is not directed at anyone.
Most of these are very slight things that are labled as 'Clangers' by 
British Literary Proffesors. So labled as they're so disconcerting to 
a reader it's like sticking the readers head in a giant bell and 
hitting it with a hammer. Really messes up story flow.
I've been 'Fanfic-ing' about four years now, this is mostly for humor 
but if you get any....knowledge out of it so much the better.
Also, what with the reaction that Ep 100 is causing I thought 
something light hearted might be in order. 
I mean, it's like the Book of Revelations in here.
'And there will be wailing and a great gnashing of teeth'. Wish I 
could cause that kind of reaction..
Anyway..on to the 'Top Five'.

5. This one is not cannot be used as a joke really. One major rule of 
writing. 'Show, don't tell'. I have a hard time with this, anybody has 
a hard time with this. Trying to nail down an emotion and then find 
vocabulary to convey that emotion so that a reader will feel it is one 
of the most guarenteed ways of getting a headache. It's easy to right 
'So and so' was swept away by joy. But..how do you FEEL when you're 
swept away by joy? Do your feet tingle? Do your cheeks ache because 
the smile you're wearing threatens to split them wide open? Is your 
heart beating so fast it hurts and might explode but you can't find 
the energy to care? Or ..do you feel as if you're bobbing like a cork 
in a tidal wave about to go down for the last time? Being a reader I 
do not have the benifit of seeing the image you had in your mind that 
drove you to write that scene. It's your responsibility to paint that 
image. Not as hard as you'd think either. Like Bob Ross's 'Happy 
Little Trees' it's just about finding the right little stroke, at the 
right time.(What, you never saw Bob Ross? He could paint a tree that 
didn't look like anything and just tap, tap, tap with the paint brush 
and WACK! There's a tree.)

4. Again, does not lend itself well to humor but..should be mentioned.
It's the little details in things that make them stand out. In this 
case..Abbreviations. Fics that use dioliouge with no abbreviations 
really stick in my head..the wrong way 'round. Reading characters that 
always use 'It is' and 'we are' do not covey passion or humanity well.
Compare..
'It is a bad time for the somethingthing or other that is happening 
now and we are going to fix it.'

'It's..like..a bad time for the watchamacallit that's happening right 
now and..well..we're gonna fix it!'

To me one sounds like a machine, the other sounds likes a deadhead 
trying to be heroic.(Scary thought.)

It's all conveyed in word choice and detail. So..take the time to 
write about little hand gestures or rolling eyes, quirky eyebrow 
movements. It lends an incredible amount to a story. Again..compare..

'Blah blah blah'

'Geeber, geeber.'

'Whootcha walla walla washington?'

'Blah blah blah.' She emphasised her point with a glare.

'Geeber geeber.' And I rolled my eyes dismissing her idea.

'Whootcha walla walla washington?' Her confusions was evident because 
of tiny scrunching of her eyebrows.

3. Spelling errors crop up. My lord, I never did get around that word 
Bolognae is Forge-Broken. But I've noticed there are a few reacurring 
errors that are not super complicated words like 
'Disestablishementerrianism'. Either the spelling is off, or the 
choice of tenses is off. These are tiny, tiny mistakes that could 
be caught by simple editing. Yeah, I know my work has gobs of the 
things and I don't catch em either, and I'm not saying I'm above 
all this. I'm just saying..

'Hey, here's something I noticed. What do you think?'

The three biggies and I mean BIGGIES that have me going right up the 
wall are...

Lay. 'She lay down and tried to relax.' 
'He gently lay her body on the bed and waited for her to return 
to the land of the awake.'

Lay..it's LAY! Not Laid. Never, ever 'Laid'.
Laid could be used as follows..

'She laid him out with a wicked right cross.'
'I have gotta get laid.'

The other biggie and I have no idea why this happens so often..
Lose..to be denided victory. 
It's L O S E ..not L O O S E. I see that in at least one out of every 
five fanfics.

The final..and by far the worst.

Waiste. A part of the body, usually connecting the pelvis with the 
torso. 
When an author mispells this word it can reduce a touching, 
romantic moment to a scene from some alternative sexual nightmare.
More times than I care to admit I've read something similar too..

'He wrapped his arms around her waste..' 

Which just creates a mental picture that I cannot not rid myself of 
even if I scrub my brain with Clorox. 

Urgle..


2. Been written about before and will be written about again no doubt, 
probably by someone better than I..I'm talking about the ANC. (Annoyig 
New Character.) Thankfully this does not pop up often in Buffy-fics, 
many writers seem content to simply play with the cast as they are. 
Yay.
But boy..sometimes.. An ANC is a thinly vieled attempt at an SI..or 
self insertion..the author putting himself that universe. 
The best of these, and I mean the hands down, drop dead, BEST..are 
actually quite a joy to behold. 

I know of three that are like that.

All the others..ALL of them..are nightmares. 
The ANC is not always like an SI though. It could also be seen as 

'The Idea that Ate My Fanfic!' 

What usually happens is someone gets an idea but that idea is limited 
is some way or fasion by either canon, or canon characters 
limititations. 

Ie. A fanficer gets an idea for this really groovy spell that Willow 
could cast but it's way above her power level so they write in a 
teacher. In an effort to '3-d' the newly created teacher character..or 
'flesh out' so to speak, the faficer adds powers, knowldege, maybe a 
dark secret or two and before they know it the ANC, who was originally 
supposed to be JUST A TEACHER..is handing out answers like big macs, 
saving the day with a wonderfully timed discovery and getting ALL the 
women. 
Sometimes this happens by accident, all to often though someone writes 
something like that on purpose. Either way it's not something a 
fanficer should be crucified for. It IS, however, something that 
should be recognised as a 'generally bad idea.' If you see it 
coming..stop..relax..try and find another way to the core idea you 
originally had in the first place.

1. My number One Pet Peeve of fanfiction is....

'Alot' is not a word.



I did not write this to lambaste anyone specifically or generally. I 
did not write because I think I'm better than anyone or that I even 
THINK as much. I did not write this because I was seeing a trend and I 
thought it had to be dealt with.

I wrote this..to waste time.

But..if you get something out of it..even just to crack a smile or nod 
a bit in agreement..groovy.

I remain, as always,
Mad-Hamlet