Fic: Buffy 1/2 (1/?)

[annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]

Buffy 1/2, by Anne-Lise and Fox. Part 1.
Comments/Flames/Etc. to: annelise@xxxxxxxxxxxxx

--

"So where are we anyway, Giles?" Buffy looked around at the strange 
training ground. Small pools of water covered the immediate 
landscape, each one having one or more bamboo poles rising from them 
to a height of five or six feet, swaying slightly in the light 
breeze. The only sign of civilisation was a small hut with oily black 
smoke pouring from the chimney.
"A secret and ancient training ground!" Giles exclaimed 
enthusiastically. "Only here, amidst the idyllic pools of Xian, can 
you find your true destiny." Giles looked up from the scrap of paper 
tucked into his guide book that he appeared to be using as a bookmark.
"Are you *sure* you translated that correctly?" Buffy scanned the 
odd landscape.
"What do you... of course! Have I ever been wrong before?" 
Buffy gave her Watcher an appraising stare, and he crossed his arms 
in a sulky huff. 
"Let's start with your training!"


*

Ranma stood ready, his muscles relaxed into his favourite combat 
stance, glowering up at his opponent.
"Silly Ryouga! That no is way to Jusenkyou! It this way! Not up 
tree!"
"Ranma, when I get hold of you, I'LL KILL YOU!"
"Yeah, yeah. Come down here and say that, pig boy!"
"Pig boy?! Gah!"

*

Buffy leapt gracefully from pole to pole, avoiding Giles' blows 
easily. Suddenly, Giles paused and gazed past her shoulder with a 
shocked expression. Buffy turned to look. *bomph!*
Buffy surfaced from the water spluttering. "No fair! You tricked 
me..." She broke off as she realised her voice sounded different. 
Deeper, with a lot more bass. "What the hell?" She peered down and 
confirmed her worst suspicions with a groping hand. Then she screamed.
Suddenly the water of the pool next to her frothed and a giant 
panda sprang out and growled menacingly at her. Buffy screamed again 
and passed out.


*

The Chinese Guide banged his head against the wooden wall of his 
hut a few times, then went out to try and explain to the foolish 
gaijins that this was no place for tourists. Too late, he noticed.
<<Aw, too bad!>> he exclaimed. <<Little girl fall in Spring of 
Drowned Warrior!>>
"minage bushiichuan?" Buffy whispered, semi-consciously. She sat 
up. "Speak English!" she bellowed, masculinely. The guide approached 
her with a strange look in his eyes and a kettle of boiling water, so 
she freaked. And ran.

*

Spike stared out from under the shadow of a large leaf at the 
Slayer's antics. He shook his head bemusedly as she and Giles hopped 
from pole to pole. Frowning, he patted his pockets looking for 
another smoke, but to no avail. 
"Bugger." He thought.
Looking back out, he couldn't see Buffy anymore. What he did see, 
to his amusement, was what seemed like a young man being chased by a 
short Chinese gentleman wielding a kettle, and a large panda.
"Bloody odd," was Spike's comment. Followed by "Bloody hell!" as the 
young man crashed into the undergrowth below, shaking him from his 
precarious perch.
"Aiee!" he cried, as he plummeted into sunlight. His skin started to 
smoulder painfully. He scrambled for the nearest patch of water and 
dived in.

*

"Sometimes," Ranma thought, "Life is good."
He sat cross-legged by the campfire as Shampoo ladled inhuman 
amounts of scrumptious Chinese food onto his plate. Shampoo gazed 
wide-eyed at him as Ranma attacked the meal with a frenzy of hunger. 
You could practically see the little hearts floating above her head. 
Whatever her other faults, Ranma mused oblivious to the subtext, she 
was a fantastic cook. He'd tried to explain this to Akane many times, 
but couldn't seem to find the right words before being malleted 
through the roof. Damn uncute tomboy.
Ryouga, tied to the tree by Shampoo so that he couldn't wander 
away, tucked into his meal with equal relish. Tears streamed from his 
eyes in a steady gush.
"Thank you Shampoo!" he cried. "Your kindnesses shall not be 
forgotten!"
Before he could remonstrate further, a stranger in tight leather 
trousers ran through their camp and trampled Ryouga's dinner.
Time froze.
"HOW DARE YOU!" Ryouga chased after the stranger with the uprooted 
tree still strapped to his back.
"Quick!" Ranma panicked, "after him! If he turns a corner, we'll 
never find him again!"
"This is bad thing?" Shampoo pondered as she ran after her beloved 
Ranma.

*

Sun streamed down on the small pool. To the careful observer, such 
as the small Chinese gentleman with the fishing net, you could see a 
breathing-straw moving around in ponderous circles within one of the 
pools, as if the occupant were fearful of exposing itself to 
sunlight. The small Chinese guide made a sudden sweep with his net 
and scooped what appeared to be an extremely damp bunny rabbit from 
the water's depths.
<<Aw, too bad! Someone fall in 'Spring of Drowned Rabbit'!>> He 
frowned. <<I better dry the poor thing off!>>
When he got back to his cabin, he noticed the smell coming from the 
rabbit. A smell rather like roasting meat. He looked in the net, and 
noticed what had been white fur was now crisp and blackened. A self-
cooking rabbit? How queer! The guide backed away as the rabbit 
started to move. Small beady eyes glared as if lit by an inner fire, 
as the damp, crispy rabbit launched itself at the guide's jugular.
"Aiee!"

*

End Part 1.